Clubber100 Posted November 25, 2015 Posted November 25, 2015 Hi all, I am in a repetitive cycle of despair it feels like. I was in, what I would consider, a great relationship for over a year or so. This is a girl who I loved with all of my heart. The end of our relationship was messy. I overreacted in certain realms and she did a lot too. Ultimately when the chips fell, I found out that she was hanging out with a guy while we were together...gut punch. This guy had hooked up with her while we were on a very very short break, which also...gut punch. I have since heard that they are together, and it has really not been that long. I have nothing bad to say about the guy. He probably is a really nice person. What hurts so terrifically horribly, is that I feel truly worthless. Its one thing to lose what I consider the love of my life and my best friend. It is an entirely worse thing to not only figure out that she was cheating while together, but that it was worth pursuing for her. It has legitimately messed me up significantly. Without spilling details, I have had horrible events in my life that restrict my natural ability to trust someone and be outgoing. It has been some months now, and I cannot process any of this. It is horrible knowing that I am suffering and grieving because of my love, and she is sleeping with someone, and that she doesn't regret it. I guess I am asking for any guidance possible. Does it ever truly get better? What am I holding on to? Sorry to be all woe is me, I am just very defeated and everyday I feel I am getting up and fighting a fight that I can't win, if that makes any sense. I'm broken. 1
Amelie1980 Posted November 25, 2015 Posted November 25, 2015 Hi all, I am in a repetitive cycle of despair it feels like. I was in, what I would consider, a great relationship for over a year or so. This is a girl who I loved with all of my heart. The end of our relationship was messy. I overreacted in certain realms and she did a lot too. Ultimately when the chips fell, I found out that she was hanging out with a guy while we were together...gut punch. This guy had hooked up with her while we were on a very very short break, which also...gut punch. I have since heard that they are together, and it has really not been that long. I have nothing bad to say about the guy. He probably is a really nice person. What hurts so terrifically horribly, is that I feel truly worthless. Its one thing to lose what I consider the love of my life and my best friend. It is an entirely worse thing to not only figure out that she was cheating while together, but that it was worth pursuing for her. It has legitimately messed me up significantly. Without spilling details, I have had horrible events in my life that restrict my natural ability to trust someone and be outgoing. It has been some months now, and I cannot process any of this. It is horrible knowing that I am suffering and grieving because of my love, and she is sleeping with someone, and that she doesn't regret it. I guess I am asking for any guidance possible. Does it ever truly get better? What am I holding on to? Sorry to be all woe is me, I am just very defeated and everyday I feel I am getting up and fighting a fight that I can't win, if that makes any sense. I'm broken. My lovely boyfriend a few years ago married the one he cheated on me with. I had done nothing wrong. Dont know why he cheated.
makemineamac Posted November 25, 2015 Posted November 25, 2015 These types of events impact us greatly and sorry you're feeling the way you are. It will get better, but not yet. Are you taking to anyone about it? That usually helps, you can't just sit there in it, you know what I mean? Talking to someone, if possible, a professional, will help so much and give you much needed perspective. You'll also get lots of great advice here too. I know you said you're feeling worthless - don't. Would you do what she did to you to someone you loved and cared about? No? Then far better she showed who she really is only a year and a bit in. How would this terrible realization have felt 4 years in, or 5, or 10. I guarantee it would suck far more. You'll be ok, time to start turning this around and looking after yourself. You're not worthless and you know that. Now get up and show everyone that's the case. These types of things are not a gut-punch, they take our ego and throw it on the floor and dance around on it. It totally and completely sucks, but you can decide when you want to start getting better. Hopefully it will be now. You can do this. So do it.
Author Clubber100 Posted November 25, 2015 Author Posted November 25, 2015 First off, holy ****. I did not even think I'd get a reply, let alone a couple already. I am very thankful for the input. I am doing my best to work through it. I have taken up Mixed Martial Arts which requires my mind to be solely engaged with something else, which is a bit therapeutic. I actually had her pop up in my head for a second and got kicked in the rib as I wasn't focused and didn't evade, so there is some irony or something in there. Amelie, does that occupy much of your thinking time anymore? I imagine I might be heading down a similar path as yours. I prepare myself for worse case scenario, so when it happens, maybe it hurts a tiny bit less. She has said many times she did not mean to hurt me. I don't know how to believe that. I certainly am not perfect and could have improved on a lot, but it crushes me still after about 4 months how someone I loved completely would do this. I sometimes legitimately wonder if I can get passed the sad stage. It hits me frequently and is taking a toll on me. If I am being honest, I feel very worn down. I know every case is way different, but is it even normal after all these months to have breakdowns about it? Is it normal that I don't feel like dating anyone right now?
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