gasbagy Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 Okay so long story short. Met fiance in Ireland LDR for a year. Visited her family and ireland 4 times up to a total of around 4 weeks. She visited America 2 times 6 weeks each time. Skype everynight for 5 hours. She's really close to her family and is proud of her country. She got really homesick while on her fiance visa. Day before she broke up with me she denied sex, and got mad at me the next morning for not kissing her good night showing affection etc. Said she is questioning our marriage because she loves me but is not "in love with me." But not to worry about it and to start treating her more like a lover and not a friend. Then that night she brings up a promise I made about moving to ireland in 5 years and I said no we're not going to do that since my job is here in america. (Offered to fly her and future kids to ireland 3 months every year for christma/summer etc). She cried and I said let me think things out. In the end I wanted us to play it by ear and see how america goes but she wanted me to promise that we would absolutely go to ireland in 5 years. I said no, so she called off wedding and gave back ring. The next day she came up with a compromise that wasn't really a compromise. She offered us to save up money and look for jobs in ireland during the 5 years we were in america. (I'm a petroleum engineer and there are no jobs there for my field) I declined and so she left. After she left I tried to get her back and came up with a plan for me to try to get work in ireland but then she said no, we're too different an I'm not the one and to move on. Since then. I've gotten 2 drunk calls from her one every consecutive week after we first broke up with her wanting to hear my voice. I wrote 2 love letters to which she had nothing to say since she didn't feel the same way. After asking her to reconcile she declined asking me I havent moved on?? I initiated no contact since October and would only answer her if she contacted me. Which every 1-2 weeks she would send me bread crumbs to check up on me. I freaked out tried to block her on skype and fb but pussed out and unblocked her and apologized for it. She's dating and f*cking other ppl, and sent me a link to a online game we used to play via skype by mistake meaning to send it to her new lover and recalled the message to me. Then I blocked her on skype for good after that. Havent heard her last bread crumb since nov 9th. Oh, back story. She made out with a random guy clubbing on our supposed wedding night and told me about it. That was real cool. She says she's happy and is running around chasing guys. So my question is. How f*cked am I? I am madly in love with my ex fiance. I want to talk to her, but I can't because of this no contact crap that everyone says I need to do. To "heal myself and move on." All of my other exes have come back to me after a long time when I gave up from begging them to come back. For my fiance' I'm trying a different route, this no contact deal. It's weird because I have a case of loss of attraction and different goals/incompatibility?? So I want to say I need to attract her first to get her in a place where she'd want to work things out. Can I snapchat her? or remind her of good times to get the ball rolling? When do I start up communication again? I haven't initiated anything really since early october and we're entering December pretty soon. There's a lot more to the back story but I thought I'd keep it short unless you guys need more information. I've been reading alot, and they say no contact move on. Unless she comes up and says "I want you back." But I know my girl, and she won't do that. Especially once she makes her mind up, unless something big happens in her life or she realizes america isn't that bad.
makemineamac Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 So this person who is sleeping around, sending the online game you used to play online to other guys, and who tells you she is having a great time, it's her you want back. Is that right? Really? I think you could have handled the whole homesick thing more thoughtfully initially, but this will more than likely always be an issue for her. Cut your losses and try and find a local that loves the place! Best to you.
WhatYouWantToHear Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 or she realizes america isn't that bad Wow, you still don't get it do you? Moving from Ireland is a dealbreaker for her. She's expressed that to you many times, and now has acted on it. And you think its still something you can talk her into. Until you are willing to move to Ireland (not just talk about it, not just give a vague plan, but actually move to Ireland) this thing has no chance and isn't even worth discussing with her. She's let you know what's important to her and you still haven't been able to listen.
DontBreakEven Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 You're screwed. But don't worry, so am I. My ex might as well be from Ireland, as she's from a town thousands of miles from me (albeit same country). She does not want to stay here in my town. She wanted to go back to her 'Ireland' ... so she did. It's what's most important to her, and no matter how much I am in love with her, that will never change. You're actually luckier than I am. I told mine that we could move in 2 years ... she wouldn't even give me that leeway. You got a 5 year compromise?? Lucky duck.
Gus Grimly Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 Scale from one to 10? Or was it ten from 1, er .. 01 excuse me. You're screwed, but you have options ... these are my options for you to endure. <3 Here they are: Move the f*ck on. Cry in your bedroomTell her that you cried in the moviesThere are women out there who don't use Tinder who are amazing.Cry, just cry .. then cry some more. These are your options. 1
marky00 Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 (edited) Don't surprised if the whole moving to Ireland thing wasn't a convenient excuse to get out of the relationship. When people break up with you they say all sorts of nasty things and shift blame on to you to mitigate their guilt etc. The Ireland thing was probably a sticking point that bothered her at times during the relationship but in no way was it the main reason she broke it off. My Ex said all sorts of nasty things like why didn't I marry her blah blah blah. Whilst ur Ex doesn't have another bf... there may some hope. I once flew over to her country unannounced a few years back when she wanted to break it off. I managed to convince her otherwise and we lasted another 2 years. If you were to do something crazy like that... you would at least verify either way if it is all about the Ireland thing or that she simply doesnt love you. In my case but I flew 2 days after she broke it off.... so that's why it may have been more effective. Your gut feeling will tell you if such a crazy manouvre would be effective or not. Edited November 24, 2015 by marky00 1
Author gasbagy Posted November 24, 2015 Author Posted November 24, 2015 I tried to. She said don't come. She won't see me until I moved on or till sometime next year at least... :/
Author gasbagy Posted November 24, 2015 Author Posted November 24, 2015 Scale from one to 10? Or was it ten from 1, er .. 01 excuse me. You're screwed, but you have options ... these are my options for you to endure. <3 Here they are: Move the f*ck on. Cry in your bedroomTell her that you cried in the moviesThere are women out there who don't use Tinder who are amazing.Cry, just cry .. then cry some more. These are your options. That's hilarious. Thanks for that. It actually made me feel better haha
marky00 Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 I tried to. She said don't come. She won't see me until I moved on or till sometime next year at least... :/ Well your not supposed to ask her... u just go. That's what I did. Of course if u ask, she is gonna say no, because nothing has changed. Call her from Ireland and say I'm here on a holiday. We can meet for lunch if u like..no pressure at all. Maybe too much water is under the bridge now but do u see my point. By asking her first your giving her all the power. If you go their on your own steam without asking, that's totally different. I'm not necessarily saying you should do this. But if you did, make sure you were totally respectful about it.... don't chase her around in Ireland lol. Just let her know your there and see how she responds. Its a long shot only but if u truly lover her and feel that there is some feelings under the surface.... well u only live once.
Author gasbagy Posted November 24, 2015 Author Posted November 24, 2015 So you agree. No contact won't work in this case. I need to take a more aggressive/active approach in contacting her and wooing her?
Author gasbagy Posted November 24, 2015 Author Posted November 24, 2015 Wow, you still don't get it do you? Moving from Ireland is a dealbreaker for her. She's expressed that to you many times, and now has acted on it. And you think its still something you can talk her into. Until you are willing to move to Ireland (not just talk about it, not just give a vague plan, but actually move to Ireland) this thing has no chance and isn't even worth discussing with her. She's let you know what's important to her and you still haven't been able to listen. So would you say she wasn't in it 100%with me. I wasn't her number one. Her family and country were put before me and our family/financial stability. And I agree with what your saying about me and Ireland. Does that mean I need to fix this, not her. So me doing no contact isn't helping this situation? I need to work on a plan and then reattract her? And I should be initiating conversation?
VeveCakes Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 Move to Ireland, it really is awesome there In all seriousness though, sometimes it just won't work. My ex didn't want to move to Canada...that was the end of that.
DontBreakEven Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 So would you say she wasn't in it 100%with me. I wasn't her number one. Her family and country were put before me and our family/financial stability. And I agree with what your saying about me and Ireland. Does that mean I need to fix this, not her. So me doing no contact isn't helping this situation? I need to work on a plan and then reattract her? And I should be initiating conversation? I would say that she isn't in 100% with you. Neither was mine. Think about it ... if you met the love of your life that you couldn't live without, would you leave and move away just like that? My gf put her family and her hometown before me and our financial stability. That is not what your life partner does. Now I just need to take my own advice ... I want to contact my ex as well, but for these very stated reasons, it's pointless.
Author gasbagy Posted November 26, 2015 Author Posted November 26, 2015 I found out yesterday my ex and her friend that had been checking up from me every week or so Blocked me from facebook. I had my ex blocked on skype already, so now I have no means of contacting her except email. Last my ex checked up on me was Nov 9th. Is no contact working? Or do you think she's just cutting me off and moving on.
Recommended Posts