ravfour4 Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 Through my recent relationships and break ups, I've realized something ironic. When a guy is very giving and caring, unless a woman really really likes him, this is off-putting and she'd rather have him be a bit aloof. When a guy is aloof, a woman wishes he was giving and caring so she knew he cared, but then when he shows how much he cares, she may lose attraction. Why do we all want what we can't have? I was most attracted to my ex when she ignored me the day after telling me how obsessed she was with me. It made her super attractive to me. Then she wanted to hangout everyday for a little while and I was less attracted and pulled back a bit, which made her more attracted. As she got more attracted I invested more time, emotions, and energy into her which made me seem overbearing. It's an annoying teeter totter. If you stay aloof for too long they think you never cared. If you care too soon, they don't like it and leave.
Author ravfour4 Posted November 24, 2015 Author Posted November 24, 2015 26, are older women not like this?
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 26, are older women not like this? I can't speak for all women but I don't know any women over the age of 30 who behave like this. The last time I acted in this way I was in high school Yeah, this seems to be more about immaturity than anything else. 1
Ic1 Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 (edited) this seems to be more about immaturity than anything else. Exactly. Grow up a bit and learn to know what you truly want. When a guy is very giving and caring, unless a woman really really likes him, this is off-putting and she'd rather have him be a bit aloof. When a guy is aloof, a woman wishes he was giving and caring so she knew he cared, but then when he shows how much he cares, she may lose attraction. It's the "other side of the fence is greener" factor. You want what you don't/can't have. If someone makes it obvious they care, you can have them. Not attractive. But being 'aloof' is playing hard to get. Not something you have. It's not just women who have this ironic aspect. And it's not always even related to relationships. Why does anyone pay more to go inside the stinky store of Abercrombie and Fitch? Edited November 24, 2015 by Ic1
Myragal Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 Not since junior high. Well adjusted adults recognize that such behavior isn't productive. 1
Glitters Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 Thus behavior is part of game playing which doesn't end well. It doesn't come with age. Many older people who don't know what they want still do it and end up alone
Jimmyjackson Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 Personally I think any woman who says this is false is lying to an extent, I think what you're saying is true in the case that caring too much can lead to neediness...that's what I'm getting from what you said anyway? It's all about finding the balance, you can care but also be laid back and a bit of a challenge, don't constantly talk about emotions and stuff. I think this is the case always, not just for girls your age. Too much of anything is suffocating
DoesntGetIt Posted November 25, 2015 Posted November 25, 2015 Sadly it happens at older ages as well, just to a lesser extent. As I said in another thread, everyone wants attention, but they also want freedom and independence too. So when the other person is open about how much they care and is putting in the time and effort, they pull back to get their space/freedom. When the other person is taking their space/freedom, the first person now chases to get the attention that is missing. Fortunately, there are people who don't do this, and have no fear of opening themselves up to dating/relationships. However, you probably have to go through some of the others to find them. Also, if there is someone you are into who is doing this to some extent, time tends to lessen their fears, allowing them to want to become close and not play the push pull game. 1
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