Am I being a beyoootch?

[tiki]

Originally posted by CurlyIam

I'm sure you get the hint, tiki. Cool off!!

 

Yeah, I will. As soon as I quit being ridiculously attacked by someone that doesn't know me or anything about me.

 

I know I'm a good mother. I know I'm a good step-mother. I know I'm a good wife. And I cannot believe that someone can take something this minute and misconstrue the living f*ck out of it.

 

But I'm confident I'm a good 'all-of-the-above' and that's all that matters.

 

Peace, love and mama drama.

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by CurlyIam

She was married to a man that was divorced. Got all jealous about his ex since her mother just died before her marriage. Apparently the guy left her and his 2 kids for his ex exactly because she was trying to push her away.

 

Not my business again, but as I've grown to understand RP( I hope), it's her way of warning you as to not make the same mistake. That's why she said that awful thing in bold. She's projecting her own experience on to you own.

 

 

Actually it was not like this. I married a widowed guy with a little daughter. He spent all his time with her and I was jealous of that. I tried to replace her mother and my effort was never appreciated. Moreover when I got pregnant and couldn't take care of her anymore, he resented me. My ex was a complete ass. We got twins and he kept packing his bags and leaving. Finally he left when they were 2 years old. His daughter was 4. It's been more than 4 years since, but I learned my lesson.

Just like your child means your world to you, Tiki, this girl and the child you have together mean the world to your husband. And when she wants to call her mom and you're not letting her, his heart is breaking, unless he doesn't have any.

You wrote your post as "this girl wants to call her mom and I am not letting her, I am a bitch, aren't?" How do you expect me to know all the details without you sharing any? I use the facts you posted.

Whatever I say can't be a lie cuz lying is when you know something and deliberately hide it or twist it and not when you assume things. I might not be right, but I know I am right about one thing: step-parents are not very popular unless they are wonderful to their step-children.

And by forbidding her to call her mom, you're not being wonderful to her. Step-parents have the permission to take care, kiss, spend time, money, and effort on their step-kids, but have no right to be mean to the kids. It's a delicate lifestyle where you have to walk on glass. Say or do one wrong thing and you have an etiquette of being evil. Don't tell me that being a step-parent is as same as being a parent. Your kid will always forgive you no matter what you do cuz (s)he loves you unconditionally. But not your step-child. Not your husband.

I've learned one big rule about marriage: be a devil and act like an angel! Unfortunately we usually are angels (victims) that act like devils.

[Mr Spock]

All of you are selfish. Let the KID call her mother when she FEELS like it. Her Mother is obviously controlling, do you and your hubby need to be like that as well?? Let it be up to her, and leave the adult war games out of it. Maybe she'll gain a bit of independance and tell her mother I WANT TO CALL MY DAD one day.

[moimeme]

I feel bad...should I feel bad?

 

Absolutely yes. Neither you nor your husband should come between this girl and her mother. That's hateful and horrible. You clearly loathe her but it is unfair to foist that on these kids.

 

I've taken better care of the child than the mother OR the father

 

Well la di dah. She is stil the kid's MOTHER and your back-patting notwithstanding, she's allowed to love her mother more than she loves you.

 

And when you decide to divorce, you forfeit those rights. REMEMBER?!?!?!?

 

Um. This is about the CHILD's rights to contact her mother.

 

My first priority is to be a wife to him, not a mommy to her. I am not her mom. I didn't marry her. I married HIM. She came along with the package

 

She is a little kid and deserves as much love as she can get - even from you.

 

But her mother will not let her call him!!! That's a major factor. She'll be gone to FL for one week two and we won't hear a thing.

He can't stand her. And doesn't think she should talk to her mom the entire time we're there

 

And because these two are in a hateful, spiteful tug-of-war with their poor kid in the middle, you, rather than insisting both of them consider their child's feelings, cheer on the fireworks.

 

You and your husband are both contributing to hurting the kid and I don't care how awful you may think the mother is, you have no right to be as awful.

 

You were the same way about that stupid married name thing. Clearly you loathe that person and will do anything, including sacrificing the feelings of a little kid, to get back at her. Just ****ing lovely.

[CurlyIam]

I believe Tiki knows what's best. Normaly I'd stick to my original position, but I have no idea how to deal with people like her husband's ex.

 

Personally, I believe the whole "call" deal is stupid, but then I think I can understand that tiki wants to make a point. And maybe it will help the kid to break away from her mom's domination.

 

Oh, well, it's up to the parents to decide anyway!

[Horse]

Originally posted by tiki

 

 

But her mother will not let her call him!!! That's a major factor. She'll be gone to FL for one week two and we won't hear a thing.

 

 

Sorry if I sort of skimmed everything after this, but just because the girls mom is being a beotch doesn't mean you have to.

 

Take the high road.

 

If a few phone calls make your stepdaughter and her mom feel more secure, then I don't see what the problem is. If your husband feels that it is unfair that the girl is not allowed to call him then he should take that up with the exwife, not take it out on the child.

 

That said, I would definitly put limits on the number and duration of the calls, if only to help her become more independent.

[moimeme]

And maybe it will help the kid to break away from her mom's domination

 

The child is SIX YEARS OLD!!!!! Not exactly a time when she needs to break away from her mother's anything. Kids that small need their parents a LOT and suffer greatly from marriage breakdown.

 

I was step-parent to a couple of kids that age for a while and their dad, while he intensely disliked the mom, who was EXACTLY like the woman Tiki hates so much and actually worse, still NEVER denied his kids when they wanted to talk to her. Nor did I. You have to take yourself out of your own selfish headspace and think of the welfare of the children in cases like this. WHATEVER your own problems with this woman, the children deserve to maintain their relationship with her and will only hate both of these people for standing in the way. With good reason.

[soccorsilly]

Tiki--

 

This is LS remember--where people voice their opinions---not all will be like yours. That's the beauty of it.

 

Now for my OPINION. You recently remarried to her EXH. You (you and EXH) are taking her daughter to Disney (can she afford to do this on her own?) Now all of a sudden, she may be feeling insecure--her EXH has a new family, and in her eyes, maybe she thinks that this is a logical step in replacing her. Especially if she cannot afford to take the girl to Disney--ooh Daddy is so much nicer. Remember that is the mind of a six year old. So, Mamma Drama or not, in this instance I might be inclined to gve her a break. Is this the first time the daughter has been far away from home? You are on the West Coast--no? If so, it is a big trip.

 

Now as for the contact, if there is a time difference, you can blame it on that. I do agree that she should get a call or a text to say you are there safe and even talk to daughter to say have a good time, etc. But, once this kid hit's Disney--trust me--mommy will be the furthest thing from her mind. If she calls, let the call go to voicemail, listen to it later and decide if it needs to be returned or not. Explanation--she was so wrapped up in the adventure we forgot/did not have time/whatever.

 

You need to remember this is (and always will be) her kid, and she will always have that bond no matter how good or bad a mother she may be. I imagine she feels VERY threatened right now. EXH has gone and married a smokin hot babe (albeit with questionable taste--tyedye) been to Hawaii on a dream Honeymoon (what was hers?) has married into an instant family complete with a little "brother" and now the vacation of a "lifetime" is being given to HER daughter. I can see this very easily. I know that deep down, I did not want my ex to have her boyfriends to have copntact with my kids, and even now that she is married, I am still not too comfy about her hubby and the contact they have.

 

But, more impolrtant than that Tiki....Have fun, Wear those cargo shorts, avoid that greedy freaking mouse, let mom know you are there OK and have ablast!

[tiki]

Thanks soccor...you're too sweet.

 

We leave tonight. Everything is up to her father (as I've said numerous times). I'm sure he'll make the right decision. I don't think that she'll be wanting to call her mom often, I really don't. My issue was whether or not a call should be placed when we land, which will be late tonight. That'll be her Dad's choice.

 

She goes three days with no contact with her mom every other weekend when we have her, I'm sure she'll be just fine.

 

I think it's funny that not one of you have mentioned my son calling his father. He's only two years younger than her. He won't be calling his father, his father can live without him calling for a week. That's just the way he is. He's a good dad, but didn't even ask me to call when the plane landed...knowing it was his first flight. But I told him I'd call, just for respect.

 

Anyway, we're going to have a splendid time. And I don't care who calls who at this point, I just want to go. But I do know that this is our blended families vacation, and it will be utilized as such.

 

I do not appreciate the attacks that I've received, but hey, you guys are all open to have your own opinions. You can't help it if they make no sense to me. The most important thing is that her father takes care of her and I'm resting assured that he'll do just that.

 

Thanks for the few with kind words. It helped! The attacks and unnecessary speculations were immature and uncalled for. But your day could come when you're in a situation similar to mine.

[swirlingdaisy]

Why add to the drama? I think it's rotten to not inform your step-daughter's Mom to let her know you all (step-daughter) landed safely. How awful would you feel if your son was off somewhere and you had no idea if he landed safely? I'm sure you'd be out of your mind.

 

No matter what you think of the ex, she's still the mother of your stepdaughter and she always will be. And keep in mind, you just got married not too long ago. This is likely VERY difficult for your step-daughter....she now has a "step-Mom" which she didn't have before. She now has a new family. It's very difficult for step-kids to adjust. It's also not uncommon in a case such as yours, for the step-daughter to feel a great sense of being "disloyal" to her Mom. Remember, that's her MOTHER. Now she has another Mother-figure and the poor little girl is likely feeling torn in terms of loyalties. The more you all try to prevent her from talking to her Mom, the more she's going to want her Mom - it's natural human instinct. She has a bond with her Mother that is unlike any bond she'll ever have - even compared to the bond with her Dad. As a Mom, I'm sure you can understand this. Don't make her feel like she has to choose you all over her Mother....that will surely not do anything to help make this huge transition for her any smoother, it will just make things worse.

 

Children surely do not ask to have their homes broken (parents split up), or have to then go on to have 2 different families...being tossed back and forth between Mom and Dad's house..........having to eventually deal with Mom and Dad both "moving on and creating new lives." They, unfortunately, have no say in anything. They just have to go along with everyone else's decisions like little sheep. It's hard for them.

 

You obviously have a lot of animosity toward her Mother - whether with good reason or not. You need to shelve that animosity and do your best to show this little girl that you have no hard feelings about her Mother or you will NEVER develop any kind of relationship with her, or any trust between the two of you.........and she will only go on to always feel tremendous anxiety and guilt over feeling "disloyal" to her Mom. The same goes for your husband, too. He needs to be meticulously careful that his negative feelings toward his ex wife do not come out.

 

I experienced this all myself in 2 relationships where the guy had kids. In the one relationship (he and I were engaged), the girls were 7 and 13. Even though their Mom was a ratbag crackhead alcoholic who couldn't parent a pet rock, she was still their Mom and they were very loyal to her, because they'd grown up with amazing dysfunction in the family and they didn't know it wasn't supposed to be that way. The biggest breakthrough we ever had was when I decided to get to know their Mom. It was not easy, let me tell you. I didn't trust her as far as I could throw her. She was a backstabbing, manipulative wench on wheels - who was as phony as a $3 bill. I always sensed, too, that she was not fully over her ex ( my fiance).....and that when I came into the picture, it made him all the more attractive/her wanting him back. But I got to know her because I wanted her to know who I was.............me being the person who would be helping to raise her daughters.............I wanted her to know that I respected her children and I had their best interests at heart.....I wanted her to know my values and beliefs.....so she didn't have to worry who this woman was that was spending half the time with her children.

 

I would sometimes go to her house for coffee.....and the daughters were there (when it was their time to be w/ mom)......and I wanted the girls to see for themself that I had no animosity toward their Mom.............and that they didn't have to "choose" between us, and that they didn't have to feel disloyal to their mom when they were in my home and we were doing things together as a family. It made a world of difference. Now keep in mind, this was horribly difficult for me to do. Their Mom got a real kick out of telling me "secrets" about her ex (my fiance)....private things, things he and her did together (even sexually) when they were married...of course she'd just pretend to "let things slip" but I could see through her. She was a rotten person. She tried to cause such chaos for my fiance, when he told her he wanted to marry me.........she then threatened she was going to take her and her live-in boyfriend and the kids, and move far away. She was a troublemaker. She caused me and fiance a sh*tload of stress and tension (which actually lead partly to our demise)..........but the point is, once I showed the girls that I respected their Mom (hey, I pretended) and that they didn't have to feel disloyal, my relatoinship with the girls blossomed like you wouldn't believe..........and the walls came down, and we became very close.............so close that even after me and fiance broke up, the teenager was so upset, she wanted to come and live with me (of course she didn't). This was a far cry from the very tough, mouthy teenager I had first met, who wouldn't "let me in."

[moimeme]

I think it's funny that not one of you have mentioned my son calling his father. He's only two years younger than her.

 

Does he ask? The little guy that I was looking after didn't really want to talk to Dad much until he was 5.

 

He's a good dad, but didn't even ask me to call when the plane landed...knowing it was his first flight.

 

Guys always figure you'll be fine. They figure that your plane won't go down, that you won't be hit by a bus, that all will be well. Women, I suspect, are more likely to be worriers. So she'll be terrified that her little kiddle will be killed in a plane crash until she knows for sure she's safe. Hell, I worry about adult friends of mine!

 

But I told him I'd call, just for respect.

 

Then afford the same respect to the mom.

[swirlingdaisy]

Tiki,

 

I read through all of your posts here, and a lot of what you've written really blows my mind.

 

I've opened up my brand new home to this child. I've opened up my life to her. She lived in filth prior to. She still lives in filth at her mothers. She has been left alone, forgotten about, and pushed to the side. She's six. She is malnourished. Her mom has three kids from three different men. Her mom was coming home from clubs at 4 am until recently. She lives in a nasty home with doors that are never locked. Her mother has moved men in before.

 

Ooo, la te da, you're "brand new home." You say it like this poor little girl should be indebted to you for life all because her Mom's home is one of squalor and you were "big enough" to ALLOW her to reside in your "brand new home." This is an innocent little girl who's obviously had a tough life, and continues to (when at her Mom's home)...........not some puppy who might pee on your expensive new rugs. You make it sound like you should be nominated for sainthood all because you were willing to "take her in." She didn't ask to come into this world, nor did she ask to be part of a broken family, nor did she ask to have the Mom that she has, or live in those kinds of filthy conditions - the poor little thing has no say in anything, she's just expected to go along for the ride. You sound like she's some charity case and you're the big Hero who was big enough to welcome her into a decent clean home. Sorry, but I don't think you should be getting big brownie points for that.......as a mother yourself, you should not feel all high and mighty because you have opened your home to a poor little girl who obviously has a very difficult life. If anything, you should feel humbled and honored to have the opportunity to give this little girl what she deserves.

 

But her mother will not let her call him!!! That's a major factor. She'll be gone to FL for one week two and we won't hear a thing.

 

This is so immature. It's obviously a "tit for tat" thing. So because her Mother won't let her call her Dad while they're away on vacation, you and your husband want to stoop that low and retaliate by being as disrespectful. Sorry but that's shameful..and moreso because in your efforts to play tit for tat, it's this poor little girl who is stuck in the middle.........when she's obviously going through a difficult time by suddenly being a part of a blended family, through no say of her own. Again - an innocent child who didn't ask to have her parents split up......and now be trucked back and forth between her Mom's home and your "brand new home." You need to step outside of yourself and see how difficult it must be for her...........can you try and do that? (this goes for your husband, too).

 

We do have other things to do besides call mommy's and daddy's all week. It's our week together and we've paid enough for this trip. It's our trip. It'll be our trip. We won't be checking in with everyone else, it's our family vacation.

 

There's the selfishness coming out again, sorry. It's "our trip", it's "our trip", "it cost us a lot of money", "it's our trip". You are forgetting the fact that although this poor little girl will be with you, that she still has a Mom that she shares a very strong bond with and that will never change. It doesn't matter that her Mom isn't June Cleaver.......despite her faults and flaws and filthy home and loose ways, she's still the only Mommy this little girl has ever known. Are you stopping to realize, too, that it's likely scary for this little girl to be going away from her Mom....off on an airplane to a place she's never been to before..........with people she hasn't known all her life (you, your son).......being thrown into this totally new dynamic of her Daddy having a new wife..........having to share in the attention he gives as I'm sure he gives tons of attention to your son............this is all very new and stressful for her, I'm sure. Can't you see things from this little girl's perspective?

 

Yeah, um, it's our vacation. And when she's on the beach with her mom in Florida in July, I can guarantee she won't be begging to call daddy when she sees a dolphin. And even if she was begging to, I'm sure her mom won't be saying, "Okay, darling, here's the phone, call your Daddy".

 

Again, the obvious jealousy and desire to exact revenge, that whole "tit for tat" thing. Come on, you and your husband are supposed to be adults here. Set an example.

 

I really don't think she'll be even on her mind...we're going to be at DisneyWorld for six days. We've got passes to all the parks and the water parks + more. We're staying at the Disney resort even. We just want to go and enjoy our time together as a family.

 

Again, that tone of selfishness comes through. So what that you're spending all this money on this fancy vacation....it isn't all about you (and your husband). All the money in the world that could be spent on the most grandest of vacations isn't going to override the fact that this little girl is going through a tough time of adjusting to this new blended family situation and for the first time in her life, having to deal with a Step-Mom. You seem very resentful and I just hope your resentment toward her Mom isn't as obvious to her as it seems here.

 

And when you decide to divorce, you forfeit those rights. REMEMBER?!?!?!?

 

You wrote the above in response to someone stating that your stepdaughter should be able to talk to her Mom daily, even if it's for only 5-10 minutes a call. Whose rights are you referring to? This isn't about the rights of the ex wife/her Mom..........this is about the rights of the CHILD who wasn't a party to the divorce - she was merely a product of it and the ensuing chaos and having her world turned upside down. This isn't about the Mother wanting to speak with her child on a regular basis, this is about a scared little girl who's likely feeling pretty lost and confused and out of sorts - who at this time needs the security of knowing she can talk to her Mom. Cripes, she's only 6 yrs old...........can't you understand that?

 

My first priority is to be a wife to him, not a mommy to her. I am not her mom. I didn't marry her. I married HIM. She came along with the package. I have accepted that and have no issues with it. So do me a favor, and quit being presumptuous. It's tacky. You can go belittle someone else. I've already said I'm leaving it up to her father. I said that like two pages ago.

 

Now we're getting to the heart of the matter. Despite what a Saint you were for welcoming this poor little girl into your "brand new home" - giving her a reprieve from the filth and poor conditions at her Mom's house....it's obvious here, you don't have much regard for her. She's just something that came along with your husband as opposed to being a special little girl who didn't ASK or have any say about being dragged into this drama. It seems obvious to me by your words here that you don't have much love for this little girl - she's just a sidekick that was part of the package. How sad. I hope she doesn't sense you feel this way...but maybe she DOES and that's why she's clinging so much to her Mother...did you ever consider that???? Maybe she senses you wish she really wasn't part of the picture.

 

 

Yes, excuse me, blended family. WTFever.

You guys should try it on for size and see just how fun it is.

 

Nobody forced you to get involved with a man who had children, that was a choice you made of your own free will Just as nobody is saying that it's all sunshine and roses in a (particularly new) blended family situation. But it seems all you're doing is focusing on how difficult it is for YOU. It's not all about you, Tiki, what about this little girl? At least you were able to make the CHOICE to enter into this situation - she had no say, no choice at all. She's just expected to go back and forth now, between 2 homes (that's hard on kids because kids need security and consistency), to do whatever she's told and if she's scared or having a hard time adjusting to this new situation, that's just tough luck.........because you and your husband are going to call the shots without even stopping for a minute to put yourself into her little shoes and see how she might feel.

 

I think sometimes people forget that being a step-parent isn't fun. It's not an honor, either.

"Oh please let me step-parent your child, let me clothe and bathe her, let me waste MY money on your child...please oh please."

See? I think not. She came with my Husband and I've done an excellent job warmly inviting her into my home and life thus far.

 

Well it SHOULD be an HONOR - so that's where you're wrong........and that's what part of your problem is/where your hostile, selfish attitude is coming from. You went into your relationship, engagement and marriage clearly feeling that this little girl was a 'sidekick' you'd have to "endure".......instead of realizing what a blessing and privilege it is to have the opportunity to give this little the things you indicate she's lacking: a clean home, proper food, security, safety, stability, love.

 

My God, you see this all as "wasting your money" on her. How callous and cold to speak that way about a little child who didn't even ask to be brought into this world. With this kind of animosity, I have no doubts that she picks up on your feelings of contempt and is clinging to her Mom for that very reason. You don't even sound like you want her in your home or your life. You see her as a nuisance and an expense when really, if your heart was in the right place, you'd see her as a precious little girl who is a blessing from God - all children are blessings from God.

 

By the way, if you decided "two pages ago" to let your husband make the decision as to whether he'll call the ex wife to let her know you all arrived safely, then what was the purpose of this post to begin with?

 

I feel incredibly sorry for this little girl, it seems she doesn't even have a chance in hell to feel like part of your family, to feel like you give a sh*t about her. To you she's just a burden and another mouth to feed.

 

I also sense that you are very much threatened by her Mother - for whatever reason. It seems you are jealous of her Mom - and because she's the tangible product of your husband and her, that's a great reason for you to have such contempt for her. I think you need to do some soul-searching here, and some growing up.

[swirlingdaisy]

I also wonder if Tiki's husband has ANY idea who much disregard and contempt she has for his little girl....that she sees her as nothing but something she has to 'spend her money on', how she sees the daughter as merely a sidekick that came along with the package........who she's clearly not crazy about. I can't imagine, if her husband really knew how she felt (assuming he loves his daughter enough to even care?), that he would feel all that good about marrying someone who has no use for his child.

[moimeme]

Just an aside. People with AD/HD can behave extraordinarily self-centredly and selfishly. They tend to have empathy problems.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by moimeme

Just an aside. People with AD/HD can behave extraordinarily self-centredly and selfishly. They tend to have empathy problems.

So are u saying TIKI has AD/HD....OMG....break out the Ritalin.

[moimeme]

a) Tiki has speculated about this before

b) Ritalin doesn't help those behaviours; going to behaviour classes does. I doubt one can get an empathy transplant, however.

My AD/HD guy was mostly a good father, but his remarks about the kids often flabbergasted me. He'd behave as though they were adults - just the way Tiki seems to be. Expecting a little girl to think and act like an adult is nuts but he sometimes didn't get that and it sounds like Tiki doesn't either.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by moimeme

a) Tiki has speculated about this before

b) Ritalin doesn't help those behaviours; going to behaviour classes does. I doubt one can get an empathy transplant, however.

My AD/HD guy was mostly a good father, but his remarks about the kids often flabbergasted me. He'd behave as though they were adults - just the way Tiki seems to be. Expecting a little girl to think and act like an adult is nuts but he sometimes didn't get that and it sounds like Tiki doesn't either.

I want studies, research, white papers, quoted sources, etc...

[moimeme]

I've got hundreds of references. Would you like them all?

[johan]

No, God, no! I believe you, Moi. Please, not the links!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by johan

Please, not the links!

yeah, anything but the links!

[RecordProducer]

Now Tiki will show up and bite our heads off.

She can't take advice and forget what she considers irrelevant. She is too sensitive and concentrates on the sentences that "attack" her behavior.

I don't like giving advice to people who only accept "you're great and you're right" kinda advice and are deaf to whatever you might tell them from your own experience.

I will no longer post in this thread and I know Tiki won't miss my opinion.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

Now Tiki will show up and bite our heads off.

She can't take advice and forget what she considers irrelevant.

no, that is not true R.P., TIKI does take advice, you are being a bit too harsh on her.

[CurlyIam]

To RP: It is possible that in a similar situation, two different approaches to be good. Because it's not the same people that are involved. IT's not just the dynamic of the situation, but that of the relationship between the people involved too. Or should I say more.

 

The thing is she has a great, incredible relationship with her husband and she is making way to his daughter in their life.

 

TO moimemeI know NO little girl that died from not calling her mom for one week. When I was 6, my grandparents didn't have phones and I'd spend half the summer holliday there. I survived and I didn't turn into a lunatic either.

 

Tiki feels like having her say in this with his hubby's ex. So? She's in the position where she can do that. Her call. What's with all this drama and all these conclusions drown out of nowhere?

 

This incident and the way she chose to deal with it doesn't make her a horrible person, a bad mother, a terrible step mom. IT's her right, her decision. Better to deal with the type of persons like her husband's EX in a firm and cold way than to let this person try to walk all over you. If tiki feels like sending her a message, it's her instinct, maybe she's right to act this way.

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by alphamale

 

no, that is not true R.P., TIKI does take advice, you are being a bit too harsh on her.

 

I gotta agree with Alpha on this one.

 

Tiki, this woman is going to be part of your life for a very long time, whether you like it or not - So I'd rise above it all. Let her play whatever games and manipulation she is going to do - The more you react to it the more she will come after you.

 

Both you and your husband are a team - Together both of you can work with her to make things better. Be the better people and let the anger go. The mom is very protective of her and rightfully so. I don't have kids yet but I'm very attached to my nieces, 3 years old and 6 years old. I love them like my own and they adore me right back.

It's just not worth the fight - Unless she comes over, calls 24/7 and tries to control what goes on in your house. I haven't read through the whole thread here, maybe I should have, sorry if I've missed something.

 

One suggestion, and don't take this the wrong way, I just think of my niece though when I say this and my thoughts come from a good place, you know that ... - Start thinking of her as your daughter. She is part of the family now and even though this is your husband's child - She is yours now too. Maybe not blood, but she is your daughter.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

I gotta agree with Alpha on this one.

the parent(s) or primary caretaker of the child should be making the decisions for that child and what is good or bad for them. whether or not it is good or bad for the child is not a determination a 3rd party can make. unless some sort of major abuse or neglect is going on.

 

to not let a 6 yr old talk with her mom when she wants to is unwarranted under any circumstances. If she was 16 it may be different.