tiki Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 For those who know, my Husband's ex-wife is one piece of work. She's a doozie. BABY MAMA DRAMA. Anyway, we're leaving for Florida by plane tomorrow night. Me, my H, my son and my step-daughter (age 6). I don't want to call her mom to let her know we landed safely. I don't want her calling her mom the whole time we're there (for 6 days) as a matter of f*ckin' fact! Her mom has sooo pushed her luck with me. She's been a total bitch about everything and all she does is create unnecessary drama. And it's *OUR* family vacation. She wouldn't let her daughter go to my son's pre-school graduation, because she had been "clingy". Well, she's been "clingy" with her dad too...Hello?! All my step-daughter wants to do is call her mom. We let her have a phone in her room and we let her call most of the time, but we've had to cut it out recently because her father (my H) feels like she's not giving us a fair chance at squat. So he has told her, "No, you can see her when it's her time to be with you". I feel kinda bad. My H had recommended that when she does call, say "No, she can't talk, she's been really clingy". I don't want to answer any of her calls, I don't want the drama, we've paid too much for this trip and it's not her momma's. She goes to the beach in July and she won't let her call. Why should we call her? I'm calling my ex-husband. It's not a call issue...it's a drama issue. Their daughter is brainwashed by her mom. I feel bad...should I feel bad? I know I'm a bitch...but she's pushed me too far this time. Please tell me if you think I'm being irrational. And we can just tell her that this is out family vacation and she can talk to her mom when she gets home.
alphamale Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by tiki Please tell me if you think I'm being irrational. I can't even figure out WTF you're talkin' about
Author tiki Posted May 27, 2005 Author Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by tiki I don't want to call her mom to let her know we landed safely. I don't want her calling her mom the whole time we're there (for 6 days) as a matter of f*ckin' fact! That's what I'm sayin....in not so many words.
Teag Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 I would call her when you got there JUST to let her know you made it there safely, have your H call if you don't want to just don't let you SD call. You're not being too irrational but if it was my daughter I would worry until I knew she was safely there, but I'm a complete worry wart when it comes to driving or flying for long distances But you should use your best judgement and do what you & your husband think is best. Good Luck & have fun.
alphamale Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by tiki That's what I'm sayin....in not so many words. it is her mother for gods sake, let her make a few calls at least, maybe every other day. compromise baby!
Author tiki Posted May 27, 2005 Author Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by Dyllusional Angel I would call her when you got there JUST to let her know you made it there safely, have your H call if you don't want to just don't let you SD call. You're not being too irrational but if it was my daughter I would worry until I knew she was safely there, but I'm a complete worry wart when it comes to driving or flying for long distances But you should use your best judgement and do what you & your husband think is best. Good Luck & have fun. Thank you. Originally posted by alphamale it is her mother for gods sake, let her make a few calls at least, maybe every other day. compromise baby! But her mother will not let her call him!!! That's a major factor. She'll be gone to FL for one week two and we won't hear a thing.
Illusion24 Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Tiki... Wouldn't you want your son to call you at least once or twice??? Let your husband do it...and make the phone calls short and sweet But her mother will not let her call him!!! That's a major factor. She'll be gone to FL for one week two and we won't hear a thing. Then it should be up to your husband...I guess?!!
Author tiki Posted May 27, 2005 Author Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever Tiki... Wouldn't you want your son to call you at least once or twice??? Let your husband do it...and make the phone calls short and sweet Then it should be up to your husband...I guess?!! Yeah, he's the one saying he'll tell her..."Sorry, she's too clingy" and "Sorry, she's at the pool with Brandy"..... He can't stand her. And doesn't think she should talk to her mom the entire time we're there. He recommended that I 'accidentally' leave my phone at home. But I can't do that.
alphamale Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by tiki But her mother will not let her call him!!! That's a major factor. She'll be gone to FL for one week two and we won't hear a thing. so what? it is between those three what they do. don't get between the mom and her kid cause it will cause resentment. don't u just luv blended families? if the child wants to call mommie then let her calll mommie.
Pocky Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 I understand you wanting to prove a point, but it shouldn't be at the expense of the daughter. The relationship she has with her mother shouldn't be the wild card for you to throw down any time you want to prove a point regarding the mother's behavior. I agree that she's unfair and causes problems when she she shouldn't, but I think that there should be an alternate way of handling the situation - one that doesn't involve using the daughter as the weapon.
Author tiki Posted May 27, 2005 Author Posted May 27, 2005 Right, but what happens when even her Dad doesn't want her calling. It's not just me...it's him too. So just respect whatever he wants to do? I think that's a good idea and then he can't resent me later. Even if he doesn't want to make the call, have her call, whatever...it's his choice. Then he can live with it. He always wants my support though. If he doesn't want to call, I'd be allllll for it.
alphamale Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by tiki Right, but what happens when even her Dad doesn't want her calling. It's not just me...it's him too. this sounds more like a power-play between you and hubbies ex wife. drop that and do what is best for the kid. period. and let them handle it.
Treasa Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Don't punish the child just because neither "adult" side wants to be the bigger person. Who cares what her mother does? Act better than that. If the child wants to call her mom, for God's sake let her. Otherwise you're punishing the wrong person.
Author tiki Posted May 27, 2005 Author Posted May 27, 2005 I'm just going to let him make the decision. It's his kid, not mine. But I know he won't call. But that'll be his problem, not mine. He's old enough to make his own decisions. She's just really done me in, that's fo sho.
Treasa Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Ah, I long for the days when children, who don't have the emotional maturity to understand what's going on, were put first, and adults were expected to act as such and actually not be selfish. You see, that's the whole point of becoming an adult. You have capabilities that children don't have, and in return you should exercise them.
alphamale Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by tiki She's just really done me in, that's fo sho. maybe, but YOU are f***ing her ex husband
agnf666 Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 I think your husband should call when you get to Florida and let her know that things are fine. Then he should call her when they get back home. So, then you won't have to worry about that all week. She needs to stop being so clingy and let the her daughter live a little and not on her leash.
Author tiki Posted May 27, 2005 Author Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by Treasa Ah, I long for the days when children, who don't have the emotional maturity to understand what's going on, were put first, and adults were expected to act as such and actually not be selfish. You see, that's the whole point of becoming an adult. You have capabilities that children don't have, and in return you should exercise them. Right. I'm almost thirty. And I have a child of my own. You must have skimmed through. It's up to her dad. If it were up to her, she'd be on the phone constantly, running our bill up. His time with her is limited. Her mom has completely brain washed her. And he doesn't feed into it.
Treasa Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Being almost 30 and having a kid do not guarantee selflessness or maturity. I did not skim. And I stand very firmly by what I said. No defensiveness on the part of anyone else will change the fact that I believe that children, at least young ones, should come first. I also didn't say that the child should be talking to her mother all the time. As far as the brainwashing goes, my father tried to brainwash me into thinking that my mother didn't love me. Let's see: He = molested me, abused me, and otherwise ignored me She = gave up almost her entire life making sure I went to a good school, had everything I needed, knew I was loved, etc. I'm not saying that your wife isn't brainwashing the child, but we do only have your perspective here. I tend to take battles like this with a grain of salt. I'm curious as to why you seem threatened by his ex, when he obviously wants nothing to do with her.
alphamale Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by tiki Her mom has completely brain washed her. most moms do...that is how they keep control of their kids and i'm sure you've done it to your son also. my mom did it to me NSNs mom did it to her XNXs mom did it COCs mom did it Queen Elizabeth did it to Prince Charles...
Merin Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Well being that my situation is completely different because My Wee Peeps never stay with thier Dad.. I will say that IF for some reason He (My EX) decided he was going to be a Dad *gasp* and wanted to take my Little People on a family vacation, I would be so pissed off if he didn't allow My Kids to call me.. My EX calls My wee peeps usually once (sometimes 2x) a day.. and while it's aggravating at times (especially the times he calls at the jackass!) LOL I still put My Kids on the phone to talk to thier Dad, and I tolerate the freakin song he insists on singing with them on the phone (LOL) Wait for my oldest to say "Good job Dad" then say to him "Okay, see ya" and hang up... Your Step Daughter is only 6 years old and while I can understand that your husbands EXW might be being unreasonable or a jackass... bottomline IMO is if it makes his daughter feel secure to speak with her Mom then don't make it about what the EXW wants, make it about what makes his daughter feel okay... Hope you have a great time in Florida!
Treasa Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Queen Elizabeth did it to Prince Charles... God, if anyone's a mama's boy...
Jlmic1 Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 No, I dont think you're being a bitch. One phone call could wind up having everyone spending their vacation talking to, thinking about, talking about MOM. She will know full well that her daughter arrived safely. She can watch the news, if the plane were to crash, she would find out about it Other than that, she needs to have faith in the father of the child to know that she will be safe with you guys.
Author tiki Posted May 27, 2005 Author Posted May 27, 2005 Originally posted by Jlmic1 No, I dont think you're being a bitch. One phone call could wind up having everyone spending their vacation talking to, thinking about, talking about MOM. She will know full well that her daughter arrived safely. She can watch the news, if the plane were to crash, she would find out about it Other than that, she needs to have faith in the father of the child to know that she will be safe with you guys. See, this is the way I feel. I'm not saying that your wife isn't brainwashing the child Hmmm...maybe you did skim. My wife??!? I don't mind calling my ex-husband to let him know that our son arrived safely. That's my job. But there's no drama with my ex, so it makes it easier to call. She's a different story. I kinda feel like she's made her own bed. Anyway, my Husband can make his own decisions as to whether or not he wants to call his ex-wife to let her know that we are there and safe. I think it would be a good idea for him to call, rather than for their daughter to call. She'll probably start bawling and that's the last thing we need. Even my son doesn't need to see that. We do have other things to do besides call mommy's and daddy's all week. It's our week together and we've paid enough for this trip. It's our trip. It'll be our trip. We won't be checking in with everyone else, it's our family vacation.
CurlyIam Posted May 27, 2005 Posted May 27, 2005 IT depends a lot on the kids personality. I was such a momma's girl,you wouldn't believe it. We wouldn't talk on the phone all the time, but I actually was very VERY dependant on her. In almost every way. I remember my parents made me and my sister stay at my grandparents' house for like three weeks when I was older than 10. I took my sister buy the hand, took a train and ran away from my grandparents without even telling them. Little girls are awfully clingy. That's how they are and it's not necessarily their mother's fault. She will be very sadn tiki, she might even try if she doesn't speak to her mom. Maybe it's because she's brainwashed, but that's the way she is. And you're not gonna change it in one week. You risk to see her all cryin' and upset and paying a damn fortune for it too. Now... when I was a little girl, i couldn't care less about my dad. I mean it. It's true that he didn't get involved at all in our lives, but that's how I felt. Like the others post have said... don't take it out on your step daughter. She doesn't understand a thing. Wait till she gets older. She's just too little.
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