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Day 3 of NC, and it's killing me worse then when he broke up w/ me


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Posted

This the 3rd day of NC for me and it's killing me! It hurts a lot worse then when my ex broke up with me. He wants to be friends, so he has to be the one to contact me about hanging out. I just don't want to call him up, and it's f***ing hard. I mean I used to have reasons to call him and he would call me about random stuff too, but now I'm not going to call him just to randomly ask how he's doing. I figure if he really cares about me, he will be the one to call me up and ask me how I'm doing.

 

Everyone on here has said he most likely has feelings, he is just taking things slowly(so do you think that means he'll call?).

 

 

I mean how do I go about taking things slowly with him? I don't want him to forget I am here, but at the same time if he wants to be friends like he "says" he does, he will be calling me up right????

 

And this is giving him the time to realize he's missing me...

 

But in the mean time... going to the gym and tanning everyday have been my number one priorities...

 

 

He asked me to go on the boat w/ him and his family this summer, so I plan on getting very very very in shape, so he can be like (D@#N... wtf is wrong with me.. lol)

 

 

If you want to move slowly with someone, how do you do it?

Posted

You better be prepared for the fact that he isn't missing you and that he won't call.

 

You need to move on with your life and not pine for him. If he calls, it doesn't mean that he wants you back either. Its could just be a plesant "how ya doing?"

 

You broke up. You don't break up for the sake of seeing if you are going to miss each other. You break up because you want to end the relationship. Living on hope that you will get back together is a false hope, and will eat you alive if you let it.

 

Your life is your own, don't sit and wait for opportunities to pass you by.

 

Its hurts I know, but it will pass. Its doesn't seem like it, but it will.

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Posted

That's what I'm afraid of, but in order to truely understand my situation, I think you need to read my previous posts "ex sux..." don't remember what the full name is...

 

thanks

Posted

Of course its hard!!! Getting over any relationship is hard. But i really really really want you to understand how good NC is. It works better than an immigrant in America! He will go nuts wondering what your doing, where you are, who your with. And while your on NC you enjoying your life. Going out and meeting new people. Eventually you will meet someone new and forget about your ex. Thats the whole point of NC. I did it. A lot of people have done it. You have to occupy your time. Take him off your buddy list, email, phone book, cell phone! Everything!!! Anything that will help you not think of him. Time heals all wounds. I know this sounds cliché but it does. After a month you going to be like Mike who?

Posted
Originally posted by Angeleyez2583

I figure if he really cares about me, he will be the one to call me up and ask me how I'm doing.

 

The ball is in his court, so to speak. When he wants to call, he will call. Until that happens, do exactly what you said you'd do - go tanning, go to the gym, spend more time with friends, etc.

 

Of course it's not going to be easy to go without speaking to him. I know how you feel. I haven't spoken to my ex in two weeks, and we used to talk every day. Last night I got upset for a little bit, but once I got myself moving and arrived at the gym I felt a bit better.

 

Use this time to work on YOU. Time is going to drag, but you'll get through this just like the rest of us.

Posted
Originally posted by Fallen_Angel

Use this time to work on YOU. Time is going to drag, but you'll get through this just like the rest of us.

 

Well said. This is a perfect time to invest in making yourself happy.

 

NC isn't easy. Trust me, I know. But if you make attempts to contact him, he'll know you are weak (I am too but I'm working on it) and it will push him even farther away.

Posted

I know its hard hun :( Im now starting NC for now. And i dont know aoiut yours but my ex can sense theres something "up" already. ecause im not kisisng his ass with texts and calls :rolleyes: And actrually it feels kinds good :laugh: Hang in there.

 

Do you have MSN ? Or AIM?

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Posted

Jadey.. I sent u a PM with my AIM name.. hit me up if you have time!

Posted

i had to start over on NC. Believe me! If you contact you will feel worse. Although in my situation, he calls after I give up, I do not know your guy. But, mine liked it when i text him and chased. It meant I was still thinking of him. So theonly way for me to get over this is NC. I am on day 3-sux. They WILL wonder why the hell you are not calling. I promise. My goal is to get on with my life and if he does call and has something good tosay, I will see how I feel, but I hope so so so much that by the time he calls (usually a month) I will realize that this is not the type of person I want to be with. One who will not communicate. I am missing him so much, but yesterday I was fine? It is weird. Up and down. My biggest problem is connvincing myself he will call. I do not want to do NC with that in my head, but I cannot help but have hop since this is the 5th or 6th time I have done NC and he has called. IN the past, once I got to day 4 I was a mess, but for some reason, after aweek, it was like a game. I did not want to contact or I knew I would have to start all over.

Posted

Oookk i just got a text from mine saying "good to you so happy, great that youre moving on, didnt take you long did it. thanks" Wth man? (It was a sarcastic thank btw) Its only been afew days that i havent text him, and today i ignored him,hardley even looked at him. And he already pissed off lol :confused:

Posted

all he wants is you to say "no i haven't, ilove you" do not fall for this!

Posted

Yeah i know. Im ignoring his text :) Feels quite good to be in control really..

Posted

mine is ignoring me and I cannot wait for the day I get to do it to him -in the past I have caved and went back to him, but not this time. I think they freak when we do not reply. He always would text me stuff to make me mad ort want to deend myself and I would of course reply, but I learned my lesson. I think if two people really love each other, the games do not even happen. I love him, but not so sure about him anymore.

Posted

Since when does NC involve any communication whatsoever with the ex? If they call you you are supposed to not talk to them. You are supposed to erase them from your life. Funny thing.

 

When you first break up you think it's the end of the world. That you'll never find a love as good or comfortable again. Yet. If you get over them and find a new lover, you can and often do find a BETTER lover who is more compatible because you have different standards more finely honed (hopefully) by your previous experience. The problem is too many people keep picking at their scabs and getting infections of obsession.

 

My mother always told me that you should never "get back together" with someone. The problems that led to your relationship's demise will re-surface, eventually, unless something really big changes. Which is rare, although it can (occassionally) occur.

 

As long as they can inspire any kind of emotion in you, they still have a hold on you. Think about how you deserve something better, though. Getting over that initial hump is the hardest part.

 

Good luck.

Posted

will that "hump" ever go away. I do bel that the problems will re surface. I am not convinced that I will ever love again. He was it for me i think. If I continue NC and stick to it, is it only normal that my thoughts of him will fade and iwill not cry so much? as long as i stick with it?

Posted
Originally posted by blind_otter

Since when does NC involve any communication whatsoever with the ex? If they call you you are supposed to not talk to them. You are supposed to erase them from your life. Funny thing.

 

Not exactly. No contact doesn't mean never talking to your ex if you DO want to have them back, eventually. The reason for NC is get your bearings, help up, get some self-respectg back and show them you can move on without them.

 

If they reach out to you and you keep ignoring them, especially if you want them back, that isn't the right course of action. You want to be in control of your own destiny and not show them that you need them (because you don't! You should be independent!).

 

If you wish to get back with an Ex, read Universe's post about "Love is a station, not a destination" where he intelligently points out the right way to go about it: SLOWLY, and putting yourself in your Ex's shoes.

 

Face it, a lot of people implementing NC do it in hopes of getting their EX back but don't understand there is a CORRECT way to go about reconciling a broken relationship. The only way to do that is to basically start over and that takes time. If neither of you have grown or changed, it won't work. If you jump right back where you left off, it won't work.

 

It CAN work, but it can't be strict NC. Strict NC is for dumpers who want to HELP their ex move on. But when trying to win a mate back, you have to use it correctly (basically making yourself unavailable to them often, but not completely ignoring them.).

 

When you first break up you think it's the end of the world. That you'll never find a love as good or comfortable again. Yet. If you get over them and find a new lover, you can and often do find a BETTER lover who is more compatible because you have different standards more finely honed (hopefully) by your previous experience. The problem is too many people keep picking at their scabs and getting infections of obsession.

 

If it's the wrong person, you're right. If neither of you have changed or learned anything, you're right. But it's not always that you're with the wrong person. The timing could be wrong. In my case, I didn't know how to handle love to that degree, didn't love myself and wasn't self-confident. I was the kind of man that drove women away with my "self-serving" attitude.

 

If I had done it correctly the first time, I know the outcome would have been different.

 

My mother always told me that you should never "get back together" with someone. The problems that led to your relationship's demise will re-surface, eventually, unless something really big changes. Which is rare, although it can (occasionally) occur.

 

What about in marriages. That's a covenant with God. If you have problems, you need to work through them with love and communication. There's always a reason why relationships don't work, but that doesn't mean they CAN'T work out. As I said, most of the time there's a correctable problem and it's figuring it out and implementing the changes in time that save a relationship.

 

I can recover in my Ex's eyes, it will just not be easy or in a short amount of time.

 

 

As long as they can inspire any kind of emotion in you, they still have a hold on you. Think about how you deserve something better, though. Getting over that initial hump is the hardest part.

 

Good luck.

 

I think every situation is unique. If there is some desire on both sides to work things out after a breakup and some time apart, I think it should be explored but only when the problems and issues have been worked out and corrected. Otherwise the same problems will exist.

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result each time.

Posted

say after I do NC for a month and he still does not try and get ahold of me? Do I call? Or give up? If I love him doI let him go? Or by then will my feelings change?

Posted

^ You WILL love again. Trust me. Even i know that i will, and im still cut up over my ex. We will all get over them in time and find someone else.. :) It is just a matter of time.

 

Good Luck to everyone! :)

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Posted

Yeah, this NC thing has me baffled. But Confused in the OC, you are very right about what you are saying. I can't find Universe's post :-( But anyway, problems can be fixed. The only reason mine broke up with me was because of my drinking. I have gotten help for it, and have become much more positive in my life. The ex even noticed it, has commented about it many of times.

 

If my ex calls, I won't call him back till the next day. Also, since I want him back I can't chose to ignore him either. Only time will tell what happens between us, but I know I can't force him into anything he doesn't want. It has to be solely his descion.

Posted
Originally posted by beth5201

will that "hump" ever go away. I do bel that the problems will re surface. I am not convinced that I will ever love again. He was it for me i think. If I continue NC and stick to it, is it only normal that my thoughts of him will fade and iwill not cry so much? as long as i stick with it?

 

I disagree with CIOC (as I often do) -- I did complete NC and got over my last year-long relationship in about 5 months. Although in retrospect I don't feel the care i had for my ex was really that great, at the time I thought I loved him. I realize now it was mutual co-dependency, but whatever. I couldn't have realized it without the separation and complete NC.

 

OTOH, with my exhusband we lingered in communication. It took over 2 years for me to get over him - and I had an entire other relationship during the time I was still hung up on him. So. You know.

 

And the marriage = covenant with God thing only works if you actually believe you are making a covenant with God. Rather than signing a legal document with the Courthouse. :smirk:

Posted

Well maybe I should know this, but I do not! I am actaully doing ok with NC! I am not hinking of him as much or crying or wondering about him. It has been 7 days of NC and it really is easier not trying to talk to him and email him and only getting ignored! This IS how this is supposed to work right? I am sure I will have ups and downs, but NC is helping and I thought I was hopeless. Thanks everyone! I hope that I stay on this track. And thanks for all the advice!

Posted
Originally posted by blind_otter

I disagree with CIOC (as I often do) -- I did complete NC and got over my last year-long relationship in about 5 months. Although in retrospect I don't feel the care i had for my ex was really that great, at the time I thought I loved him. I realize now it was mutual co-dependency, but whatever. I couldn't have realized it without the separation and complete NC.

 

It's ok. I don't take it personal :) As I've said numerous times, as long as you understand why you are implementing NC and you have no desire to get back with your Ex, go for it. It's the ONLY way to heal if you want a clean break.

 

OTOH, with my exhusband we lingered in communication. It took over 2 years for me to get over him - and I had an entire other relationship during the time I was still hung up on him. So. You know.

 

It's harder to make a clean break from a marriage than it is for a dating relationship. That's well documented.

 

And the marriage = covenant with God thing only works if you actually believe you are making a covenant with God. Rather than signing a legal document with the Courthouse. :smirk:

 

If you say "Till death do us part..." in a Christian ceremony, it's a covenant with God. If you get married by a JOTP and there's nothing religious to it, then you're really just signing a document and the marriage holds no religious value to you.

 

You know me by now. Till Death Do Us Part means a lot to me...and so does God.

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