When into a relationship to make more serious commitments?

[Eighty_nine]

When do you think is a decent length of time before leaping into marriage and/or raising children with a new partner?

 

Of course, the romantic idea is that when you 'know' you know, and no length of time is necessary. But when trying to be rational and cautious about long-term commitments, at what point do you feel comfortable moving forward?

 

To me living together is not as serious of a commitment.

 

But for marriage or children... what do you think? Is a year and a half of dating enough to know you're making a smart choice?

[Michelle ma Belle]

It's absolutely ridiculous to think you can put a number on it. It really depends on the people in the relationship. I've known people who dated for decades, married and divorced in record time and then others who dated for only 8 months and are still happily married with kids 22 years later.

[Eighty_nine]

It's absolutely ridiculous to think you can put a number on it. It really depends on the people in the relationship. I've known people who dated for decades, married and divorced in record time and then others who dated for only 8 months and are still happily married with kids 22 years later.

 

I don't think it's ridiculous. I think in general, it takes time to get to know people very well. And for me, I'd like to know someone very well before making this kind of commitment. I'm just interested in opinions on how long that takes.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I don't think it's ridiculous. I think in general, it takes time to get to know people very well. And for me, I'd like to know someone very well before making this kind of commitment. I'm just interested in opinions on how long that takes.

 

How long it takes for you may not necessarily be right for another. And who is to say how long YOU need is the "right" way?

 

That is what is ridiculous. Asking to quantify something like this is impossible because there are no guarantees of anything no matter how long or short your relationship. There are a million variables that play into deciding when the timing is right for marriage and especially having children. When it's right for you and your partner, it's right. Whenever that is.

[Miss Peach]

I'll bite...

 

I believe most people are on their best behaviors early on so what you see at the beginning is best behavior, the honeymoon period, etc. IMO I think it takes at least 6 months before most people are comfortable enough to start showing their real selves. Because of this I would be hesitant making that level of commitment before a year as I want to know what I'm getting into.

[d0nnivain]

I think it's very rare that you can know before at least a year. You may be able to say No earlier but not yes. Dream about yes, hope for a future, plan for one, sure but to make it a reality, I think you need to go through all the seasons.

 

the more life experience you have, the shorter the time frame can be. The younger & more naive you are, the longer you should wait.

[GunslingerRoland]

It depends on a lot of different factors. Personally I think living together is a pretty huge commitment in it's own right. Especially if one or both people are owners of the place.

 

 

Typically though, assuming you're both done school and living in the same area already. Somewhere in the 1-3 year range to get engaged. And engagement should actually come with a plan to get married at a certain time. Otherwise it's just pretending to take a commitment step.

[casey.lives]

living together is not a serious commitment. It is just the convenience of sharing bills and no travel. If you want to get married, GET MARRIED!

[sambolini]

living together is not a serious commitment. It is just the convenience of sharing bills and no travel. If you want to get married, GET MARRIED!

 

Respectfully, I completely disagree. When you have children, living together is a very serious commitment. Especially since common law basically says you are married, even if you aren't.

 

Living with someone is a huge step that I don't take lightly. I divorced four years ago, and I haven't lived with another woman since. It's too big of a step to take, especially with my daughter in the picture.

 

Can I trust the other person to stay gainfully employed?

Can I trust the other person around my child?

Can I trust the other person to pay their share of the bills?

Can I trust the other person to not burn my house down?

 

Most people don't meet all these criteria.