lui9795 Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 Hi All, I'm new to this forum as well as dating itself. I've been out of a fairly intense relationship around four months and felt as though my confidence and desire had built up sufficiently in order to try something new. I've very recently met a lovely girl on Plenty of Fish. We've met up three times now and not only was I astounded by her genuine beauty, but also by her incredible personality. She's well travelled, so extremely worldly, wise and genuinely inspiring. I know this to be a rare thing. We've had a great time on all of our dates so far and it has become apparent that we could pretty much do anything (or nothing!) and still have fun. I think this speaks volumes about our connection. But...I have a problem. I'm Mr Pressure. Mr Ready to Go Now. I need to take action before I scare this beautiful girl off. I need to slow down. This lovely girl is starting to demonstrate a few signs of wanting to take things slowly. I know in reality I have absolutely no issue with this and I'm mature and genuine enough to recognise that good things come to those who wait. I'd just like to reassure her a little that I'm prepared to take this journey slowly too. I want her after all. Any advice on what actions to take to support this would be genuinely appreciated. I know as a human being I should know this. I could just do with a hand. Jack x
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 Let her set the pace. Call her & date her but don't smother her. Ask how she feels about things periodically. 2
Author lui9795 Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 Thanks for your reply! I'm trying to ease off a little in terms of text messages and I think allowing her to set when we see each other and what we do might help. Do you agree? I totally recognise that this is me. I've known her just over a week and I'm dropping hints about the future and asking when I'll see her next. I need to stop. Thanks for the advice.
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 easing off a little is probably good. But I'm someone who likes less contact then most in the beginning. I was never interested in daily contact with a new man. 1
Author lui9795 Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 It's a funny concept to me. I would (wrongly) expect it to suggest that I'm not that bothered! Basically I need to adapt to someone who is clearly a little more experienced and wants to take things slower. I know this is the right way to go.
Glitters Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 If you can have fun doing nothing , I would hold on to that ! Not everyone gets that. That said , slower the better. Feelings develop slowly but deeply. Emotional bonding becomes stronger, trust develops. If you are fast , the hormones play a huge part initially but the relationship fails as fast. Slow can be boring but fruitful. But not that slow that it doesn't develop! A fine balance is needed. 1
WhirlwindGuy Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 Thanks for your reply! I'm trying to ease off a little in terms of text messages and I think allowing her to set when we see each other and what we do might help. Do you agree? I totally recognise that this is me. I've known her just over a week and I'm dropping hints about the future and asking when I'll see her next. I need to stop. Thanks for the advice. Read my thread and be careful! I wish you the best. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/558000-what-does-mean
Author lui9795 Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 Thank you. Cool reply which confirms what I'm thinking. Now I just need to do it. I'm usually quite direct and would message or have a conversation basically saying it as it is. "I'm like this, I'm aware of it and I'm doing my best to take it slow too!". Any suggestions? Actions louder than words?
ExpatInItaly Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 Hi All, I'm new to this forum as well as dating itself. I've been out of a fairly intense relationship around four months and felt as though my confidence and desire had built up sufficiently in order to try something new. I've very recently met a lovely girl on Plenty of Fish. We've met up three times now and not only was I astounded by her genuine beauty, but also by her incredible personality. She's well travelled, so extremely worldly, wise and genuinely inspiring. I know this to be a rare thing. We've had a great time on all of our dates so far and it has become apparent that we could pretty much do anything (or nothing!) and still have fun. I think this speaks volumes about our connection. But...I have a problem. I'm Mr Pressure. Mr Ready to Go Now. I need to take action before I scare this beautiful girl off. I need to slow down. This lovely girl is starting to demonstrate a few signs of wanting to take things slowly. I know in reality I have absolutely no issue with this and I'm mature and genuine enough to recognise that good things come to those who wait. I'd just like to reassure her a little that I'm prepared to take this journey slowly too. I want her after all. Any advice on what actions to take to support this would be genuinely appreciated. I know as a human being I should know this. I could just do with a hand. Jack x What signs are you seeing? It would be helpful if you gave a few examples so we could make some specific suggestions for you!
Robratory Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 I'm usually quite direct and would message or have a conversation basically saying it as it is. "I'm like this, I'm aware of it and I'm doing my best to take it slow too!". Any suggestions? Actions louder than words? I would suggest you say nothing. If you knew a girl for a week, and she said something like that to you, you might think it was a little weird for her to be so open. And while we guys don't mind weird because we're more focused on getting sex, girls are more focused on staying safe, so weird can creep them out. You've been out with her three times in a week? Wow. That's a bit more than just moving too fast. Like someone else said, you may be smothering her. So instead of saying more, just say less. Don't text her every day. Once you arrange your next date, just let her be.
RedRobin Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 ^^ I agree with the above. Once you set your date, let her be. Maybe call or text the day before to confirm. If there is something random you come across during the week that you think she would like, save it for the date. Make sure to mention it when you get together. You don't need to dump it on her daily. Save something for when you are together.
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