CBA Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 I have gone on 7 dates over about two months with a great girl. We're both 22 and right out of top-tier colleges. We work in New York City. She lives in a tiny studio (family owns, she pays minimal rent) in Manhattan and I live at home with my parents in the suburbs. I know this might get me some mocking commentary so let me reassure you that I am employed and I live at home because I am choosing to save my money and have plenty to spend, instead of spending every dime on a less than ideal apartment. She understands and says she would do the same if her parents lived in commuting distance. Anyway, my parents do not know that I've been dating this girl. We have had mostly evening dates in the after work hours, and a couple daytime weekend dates. I've spent the night twice. Naturally, if I'm not home at my usual time, my parents will ask if I'm working late (which I do frequently) and ask when I think I'll be home. If I'm out on a date, I either lie and say I'm working or sort of lie and say I'm out with friends. For both weekend dates, I've said I'm going to work (again, believable since I do sometimes go to the office on weekends). The two times I've slept over, I just said I crashed at a friend's place. Bottom line is, I have been lying to my parents and I feel bad about it. Plus, when I finally do tell them about this girl, these lies may come back to haunt me. They'll know that I had been lying to them. I have good relationships with my parents, but I don't think they need to know that I'm dating someone, yet. That brings me to my next point. I think my sleepovers are going to become more regular. When we go out on a weeknight, once it hits 11 or 12, it makes more sense for me to crash with her then catch a late train home, and she always offers to let me stay. Our relationship looks like it is heading somewhere serious. I think I should tell my parents soon, but feel that that would be premature to tell them before we're "official" and calling each other BF/GF. Another consideration is that we met online (a Jewish dating app), but I don't know if I want my parents to know that. Whatever I tell my parents will need to be the exact same story that she tells her parents and that we tell everyone we know. We have both agreed that we might not want to share the real way we met, so I feel like that should be discussed at length before I tell my parents. What would you do in this situation?
mystikmind2005 Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 I could not really tell you which situation would be worse? Aliens probing my ass or parents probing my love life!!! ? Both situations are extremely uncomfortable, both situations make you feel exceedingly exposed and vulnerable, and both situations are an immense pain in the ass!!! lol
SwordofFlame Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 Stop being so self concious and just tell the truth. You two are adults. Correct?
Qboro90 Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 You're an adult, this isn't like telling your parents she's pregnant. They should be happy for you that you're dating someone and also a girl who's educated and independent to some degree at least. I'm guessing you come from a very religius background. Is she Jewish too? If so then why would your parents be upset you found someone and it's going well? Have you had sex with her yet? Do you parents expect you to marry someone through the religious setup or arranged? If not then just next time your having dinner with them say "oh I've been meaning to tell you guys... I met a girl, her name is ____, taken her out a couple times. It's not very serious yet but I think it could possibly be heading that way if things keep going well" Tell them what she does as far as work, where she went to school, her career plans etc. Could also say that you're going out with her again this week and want to know if things go well if they'd like to meet her or have her over for dinner... Make sure you ask the girl if she would be interested in that first or if she wouldn't feel comfortable yet before you tell your folks But definitely don't panic. This is good news, they should be happy for u
Author CBA Posted November 24, 2015 Author Posted November 24, 2015 You're right, it's not like telling them she's pregnant. I know they will be happy for me, but what I am worried about is 1) that once I tell them I'm dating someone BEFORE things are "official," it would be weird to have them asking questions about it, or asking to meet her, when really we aren't at the BF/GF stage yet. And 2) they'll wonder when I have had the time to date this girl, and know that I've lied at least a few times when I've said I'm working. I'm actually not that religious, and she is only slightly more religious than I am. Definitely no arranged marriage or anything. Most Jews are at least somewhat committed to marrying a Jew even if they aren't really religious. So the the dilemma is really between telling them now and not having to lie anymore (but having them know about it before we're official), versus the alternative of waiting until we're official and that being much more solid ground to stand on, but I'll have to keep lying about what I'm doing until them. Oh, and yes we've had sex. I'm seeing signs that she wants to be exclusive. She mentioned a big event (rich friend's birthday) she was invited to and said something like "this may be something you come with me for." Meaning she's ready for us to be a couple at big nights out?
No_Go Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 Have you introduced a woman to your parents before? I never did introduce anybody to my family, now I have no idea how to introduce my BF of 8-9 months ... and explain that I not only had time to date him, but also to move in with him... So my thinking is the earlier, the better. Maybe even tell them you're not official but you like her and you're heading to that direction. So they won't ask too many questions about the to-be-GF Regarding OLD, you can maybe avoid telling about it without too much lying telling that you met her online on a social site (like meetup, facebook or something like that)?
Recommended Posts