anonymousbear00101100 Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 A little over two weeks ago, my 2 year relationship which had been long distance for about four months ended. She, of course, was my first love and the only person I ever envisioned spending my life with. I had kind of been wasting my life away in college, doing nothing but talking to her. That left me quite depressed and needy, and we ended up arguing a ton (I should add this was our 4th breakup). I tried talking to her at first, but since it was long distance we could not meet up to speak, and trying to communicate over text and phone just made us argue more, and it got to the point where I just felt exhausted. So I went no contact two days after the break up. Throughout the week, I made a conscious effort to work on myself. I worked out everyday, I started learning a new language, I even started trying to make new friends and socialize. I honestly felt like I was in a really good place. But one day I realized that the only reason I was trying to work on myself was to try and impress my ex when I came back for Thanksgiving break. Now I don't honestly know why I did it, but I messaged her after exactly a week, telling her I was making changes and that I wanted to talk about our relationship now that things had cooled off. She said we should wait to do it in person and I agreed. So today, a little over two weeks after the breakup, we both came home from college and met up. I was feeling really good about myself, and I didn't know if I wanted her back, but I knew I at least felt the need to talk to her in person. So we met up, and talked for two hours. And what started as me just trying to see how she was turned into me trying to say anything for her to come back to me. We talked and cried for a long time. She basically told me she wanted to be alone for 3 months until the 2nd quarter ended, and I basically pleaded for her to just let us talk out problems the way we should have done originally. She didn't seem extremely confident in her decision and that really gnaws at me. She kept hemming and hawing before saying she didn't want to get back together, and I feel like a part of her definitely wanted to give me a chance, and that made me try even harder to get her to stay. This relationship, logically, is so bad for me. All of my family and friends say we shouldn't be together. She says we shouldn't be together. I even often agree that we shouldn't be together. But she's such a great person and I love her personality and I feel as if I'm losing the biggest part of my life. I realized that the past two weeks I was only holding onto hope that she would take me back, and now I know it will never happen. I'll never get to talk to her again. Why does this hurt so bad, even though I know it should be the right thing to do?
mightycpa Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 No sincere and lasting change can occur in two weeks. One of the things you might want to consider changing is your weakness. Women don't like that, not one bit, and every time you break down, you're slapping a sign on your back that screams "I AM WEAK-KNEED". Here's what you do: you text her these exact words, and don't contact her again for six months, at least: I've been thinking about what you said. You're absolutely right. At least two months, probably more. I'll contact you when I'm ready. See how there's no apology, no explanations? No charge.
Author anonymousbear00101100 Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 I had been so strong for so long and I just got weak all of a sudden. Now I suddenly feel strong again, just a bit embarrassed as well.
SandraTempleton Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 Have you ever seen the show How I Met Your Mother? If not I highly recommend you watch the last episode of season 1 and the first episode of season 2. To paraphrase, the long term couple in the show Marshall and Lily break up. She leaves him to find out who she is. And he is miserable that summer. To the point he drives his best friend nuts. His best friend named Ted finally yells at him that he's pathetic, that by wallowing and pleading he will never have a shot in hell with a girl like Lily. So what did we learn from this? 1. Break ups tend to hurt like hell especially if you are blindsided 2. By begging and pleading with someone you will never be appealing to them again. That's the best way to assure you never get a 2nd shot.
Qboro90 Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 She doesn't want to date you anymore. You need to come to terms with that and stop holding onto the pipe dream that she might not be fully sure what she wants and you can convince her she's making the wrong decision. She's just trying to be nice and not throw it in your face that it's over because you are hounding her about it. One sure fire way to ensure she doesn't get back together with you is to beg, plead, and cry in front of her. Girls want to date someone they respect and who they are turned on by. You breaking down saying she's your whole world and you can't lose her and to please try and make it work is just going to confirm her decision and make you look weak in her mind. The It's a long distance relationship. It's doomed anyways. Plus you're in college. This was bound to happen. The fact that she's your first love is why you're crippled by the sadness right now. It's called first love for a reason. There's always a 2nd. How could you possibly get back together with her and then have her leave once thanksgiving is over. You're not gonna see one another, she's just going to end up hooking up with someone else and then you'll feel betrayed and cheated on when in fact she tried to tell you she wanted to split. Don't force her to just pretend and playcate you in order to get you to stop. I doubt she even would, but you need to respect her decision. Working out and socializing for a week is nothing. Nothing has changed yet. It's almost comical for you to tell her you're making changes and should be given another shot. She's probably chuckling thinking "wtf? We broke up two weeks ago, did you gain 50lhs of muscle and a new group of friends in 10 days?!" So ease up on the "I've made changes routine" You can say that in a year. Until then, don't do it. What's more important is why you rely so much on this girl who you even realize isn't the best option. When your friends and family think she's not right for you and don't want you together... They're usually right. You're just too blind to see the truth so trust that the ones closest to you can and they want what's best for you. You're in love with the idea of what your gf and relationship could be and how it was when you first met. Unfortunately that's not what it is anymore and it's just a fantasy projection that you're holding onto. If you're in college and this hung up and reliant on a long distance tumultuous relationship and girl to be happy then you've failed to progress and develop your own self worth and confidence. You need to be excited that you're single and in college instead of begging for a girl who you never get to see, who argues with you a lot, whose friends and family don't like , and who isn't sleeping with you. Let her go.
Chi townD Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 Dude, really?!?! It's only been two weeks? You couldn't have made an CONSISTANT changes in your life. She wouldn't believe it. Hell, I don't even know you and I don't believe it. It is WAY too soon! You felt like you were making those changes to impress your Ex. Hell, that's what I did in my own relationship. But, I was doing it to prove my Ex wrong about me. And if that's what I needed to do to stay motivated, then so be it. But, a funny thing happened. Out of nowhere, it stopped being about proving my Ex wrong, and it started to be about me. I mean, why was I making these changes to myself if the person I wanted to show was never going to benefit from it? So, it's started to be about me. And I started to like where I was going in life and someone else was going to benefit from the new me. Someone that was going to appreciate the new me. Dude, keep making positive changes in your life. But, start doing it for you!
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