cantthinkofone Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 Hi guys, Just looking for some advice, So I've seen a few girls recently. One who I really like. Met up with her about 3 times. Now it's been quite casual so far but last night I took her out for a meal, I must of given off some vibes as she txt me this message the day after our 3rd meet up. " I've been thinking about some things you mentioned last night and I felt a bit awkward to say at the time but I'd rather be honest as I don't want you to think I'm the kind of girl to string guys along. To be honest, I thought we were just hanging out but I know we get on well. I just want to see how things go from being friends for now...I hope I haven't over thought what you said...?" She's told me she is shy but I'm just wondering whether this is her way of saying she's not attracted to me and I should basically cut my losses, or whether I should give her some time and just continue being friends with her and 'see where it goes' which I'm happy to do, plenty more fish in the sea and such...
Wewon Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 I would take it as a rejection. If you want to continue to hang out, then treat her like any of your male friends meaning all rules of courtship are out the widow.
Male Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 How did you meet her? How did you ask her out? It is pretty obvious that she should have known from the start that you werent just "hanging out" with her?
thefooloftheyear Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 She's not into you, but is lonely or likes the attention, so she'll hang around for a while until she gets a better deal.. If you like playing that role, great, but I wouldn't do it... TFY
Author cantthinkofone Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 Cheers guys, I met her on a dating app, that she apparently didn't realize was a dating app and thought it was an app to meet people in her area. The first two times we met, she was showing me around the area because I was knew to the place. We had a few meals and such, so the third time we met I basically said I'd show her and take her to a place she hasn't been to before. I know she's never had a bf before, so I dunno whether she wants to get to know me more as a friend before anything intimate happens, or as you guys have said keeping me there till something better comes along while she's lonely. Like I say I've kept my options open with the other two girls, so it's not really a big deal!
salparadise Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 She's saying, I like being pursued, free meals and entertainment, etc., but I want to keep my options open in case a real hot one happens by.... so if you're agreeable, in the meantime you can have the pleasure of my company in exchange for treating me like a girlfriend as long as you don't expect me to treat you like a boyfriend. Pfffft. 2
Author cantthinkofone Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 I'm just gonna leave her to it, if she's interested in seeing me again, she'll make the effort. In the meantime I'm looking elsewhere! Thanks for the harsh but true opinions haha! P.S I never paid for everything, she wanted to pay straight down the middle. No free meals here! 2
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 Some people, especially young girls mis-use the word friend in this context all the time. Ask to meet her again but something low key. Tell her you need clarification on what she means by "being friends for now". If what she describes sounds like she is friendzoning you say thanks for the offer but no thanks, I'm looking for someone to date to determine if we can build a relationship together. If it's anything else, point out that the concept of dating defined as such is the getting to know you period. Think of it more as courting. Explain that you would be seeking affection (hand holding, putting your arm around her, hugs, maybe a few kisses) but you certainly aren't pushing for sex. If sex is on your agenda in the short term (next 90 days), move on. She isn't on that page. You two aren't' even reading the same book
loveweary11 Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 (edited) P.S I never paid for everything, she wanted to pay straight down the middle. No free meals here! Major clue here. First couple dates, if the girl doesn't accept free stuff, she's usually not seeing you as more than a friend.... and is being a decent person abou it. Edited November 23, 2015 by loveweary11 2
thefooloftheyear Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 Major clue here. First couple dates, if the girl doesn't accept free stuff, she's usually not seeing you as more than a friend.... and is being a decent peraon abou it. True...and more like "I don't want to "owe" him anything"... TFY
Male Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 True...and more like "I don't want to "owe" him anything"... TFY I cant even put into words how much I HATE how majority of women use that as a BS assumption and blanket all men with it. Pretty soon they wont let guys open doors for them, because they think they owe him a blowjob in the parking lot.
Author cantthinkofone Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 When I first met my ex of a few years on the first few dates, she refused for me to pay for everything and even far into the relationship she still acted the same...so I wouldn't say that it's a major clue! Everyone's different 1
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 When I first met my ex of a few years on the first few dates, she refused for me to pay for everything and even far into the relationship she still acted the same...so I wouldn't say that it's a major clue! Being that she claims she was on some site to meet new friends and didn't know she was on a dating site, besides questioning her intellect & credibility, yes her refusal to let you treat her, sends a pretty strong message that she does not want to date you.
Author cantthinkofone Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 Wasn't a dating site, she's pretty naive and maybe a bit daft for not knowing! Anyway got the info I needed I'll leave you 'experts' alone...
dispatch3d Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 I'd just invite her to my friend outings. Maybe one of my friends and her will hookup....
RedRobin Posted November 24, 2015 Posted November 24, 2015 True...and more like "I don't want to "owe" him anything"... TFY Major clue here. First couple dates, if the girl doesn't accept free stuff, she's usually not seeing you as more than a friend.... and is being a decent person abou it. Not true. I always offer to pay my share when I am getting to know a guy. Because I think it is only fair. That, and I actually do have sympathy for guys. I think female entitlement sucks just as much as male entitlement and think the world would be a better place without it... women expecting to have their way paid. I hate it that inexperienced, uncommunicative, and, frankly... Spineless women can't just come out and say they aren't interested in a man romantically. As for the OP, I would ask her what her definition of friends is... If it means going slow without being pressured to jump in the sack...seeing other people maybe.. Or if it is just... Let's hang out when we are bored with nothing else to do... Kind of thing. Ask her in person, not on the phone, and fir crissakes, not with a text. If she wavers even a little in what I said above, then you have your answer.
Recommended Posts