pcs13 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 He asked me today "What are we doing? Are we seeing each other? We just kinda ignore it. All my friends refer to us as girlfriend and boyfriend" I was caught off guard because I never thought he would ask me this. I didn't know what to say and just told him I didn't really think about it (which is a lie but I have no idea why I said that) and asked what he thinks. He said he doesn't know. Later I texted him asking if he wants to define our relationship. He said no, he just doesn't know where we are going sometimes and would like to talk about it in person. If he doesn't want to define the relationship, why did he ask?
MidwestUSA Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 He wanted you to define it, so he could agree. Or not. Is this the SAME guy? Why do you enjoy playing games? Why didn't you just tell him what you expect? 2
Empyrea Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I think he was saying that, no, he doesn't need to label it or change his status on Facebook, but yes, he would like to discuss what your and his expectations are. Sounds reasonable to me!
smackie9 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Just be honest with him....that's all he is really looking for.
Author pcs13 Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 He wanted you to define it, so he could agree. Or not. Is this the SAME guy? Why do you enjoy playing games? Why didn't you just tell him what you expect? Like I said, I was caught off guard. I didn't expect him to say so because a month ago I told him we don't need a relationship and he said OK. I haven't made up my mind since then. I want to call him my bf and I don't. What I don't understand is, since we already agreed that we would just go with the flow, and we don't need to have a relationship right now, why does he feel the need to ask that question if what we are having is pretty great now?
Robratory Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 What I don't understand is, since we already agreed that we would just go with the flow, and we don't need to have a relationship right now, why does he feel the need to ask that question if what we are having is pretty great now? But why did you agree to just go with the flow? In what other context do we agree to that? Imagine if your boss said, "Well, you don't really work here, but we'll go with the flow and see what happens?" You'd be like WTF? I think it's better to have a defined relationship so that everyone knows what is expected of them. 1
Author pcs13 Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 But why did you agree to just go with the flow? In what other context do we agree to that? Imagine if your boss said, "Well, you don't really work here, but we'll go with the flow and see what happens?" You'd be like WTF? I think it's better to have a defined relationship so that everyone knows what is expected of them. In your example it might be that the boss gives me the job after seeing how hard I have tried to get hired. I suggested us going with the flow because we hadn't felt a connection back then. Without the pressure of trying to make it work, we'd felt more relaxed and then got closer. He starts to open up with me. Now he wants to know where we are going but said he doesn't want to define our relationship. I don't understand that. Could it be that he is shy away? I was shy too so I couldn't answer him straight away. I'm pretty happy with what we have now but wonder if it could be better once he calls me his gf?
Empyrea Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 I don't think you should go the bf/gf route just yet, if you're not quite sure. That kind of thing puts a whole lot of expectations on everyone and unless you're absolutely feeling it, it can ruin everything. Just give him a little bit of something. Boys can be quite clueless. He might be feeling a little insecure, because he can't read you well and isn't sure if you see any potential in this turning into something more conventional. Tell him you're not seeing anyone else, you're hopeful and want to see where this thing will go, but don't want to put a label on it just yet. 1
Redhead14 Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 He asked me today "What are we doing? Are we seeing each other? We just kinda ignore it. All my friends refer to us as girlfriend and boyfriend" I was caught off guard because I never thought he would ask me this. I didn't know what to say and just told him I didn't really think about it (which is a lie but I have no idea why I said that) and asked what he thinks. He said he doesn't know. Later I texted him asking if he wants to define our relationship. He said no, he just doesn't know where we are going sometimes and would like to talk about it in person. If he doesn't want to define the relationship, why did he ask? would like to talk about it in person. -- Why are you trying to be in his head? He is going to give the opportunity to talk with him about all this. Don't try to anticipate his motives or thoughts/feelings. Talk to him!!! Let him say what he has to say, you respond with your honest thoughts and feelings and deal with it openly with real information and insight from him directly. Mental gymnastics serve no purpose. Did you two ever have a conversation early in your dating scenario about what you each were looking for in general out of your dating journeys? Did he ever tell you he was dating for the purpose of having a relationship for himself? We just kinda ignore it. -- It doesn't sound like you did. You may simply be at the point where you are going to find out. But, I will take a guess -- he is sensing that you are more invested in him than he is in you and probably wants to put the brakes on that. Evidence, below: "What are we doing? Are we seeing each other? He said he doesn't know Later I texted him asking if he wants to define our relationship. He said no,
Author pcs13 Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 (edited) would like to talk about it in person. -- Why are you trying to be in his head? He is going to give the opportunity to talk with him about all this. Don't try to anticipate his motives or thoughts/feelings. Talk to him!!! Let him say what he has to say, you respond with your honest thoughts and feelings and deal with it openly with real information and insight from him directly. Mental gymnastics serve no purpose. Did you two ever have a conversation early in your dating scenario about what you each were looking for in general out of your dating journeys? Did he ever tell you he was dating for the purpose of having a relationship for himself? We just kinda ignore it. -- It doesn't sound like you did. You may simply be at the point where you are going to find out. But, I will take a guess -- he is sensing that you are more invested in him than he is in you and probably wants to put the brakes on that. Evidence, below: "What are we doing? Are we seeing each other? He said he doesn't know Later I texted him asking if he wants to define our relationship. He said no, We did talk about a month ago and we both weren't sure about each other but things have changed quite a bit after that. I don't act like his gf at all. I told him i don't need a relationship right now and he agreed, said I could meet other people but he won't. I'm happy with what we have now, we behave like bf/gf just without the labels. I don't push him or invest anything more than he does, in fact I let him know that since we're not official I'm allowed to date others. He is not seeing anyone though but still on Tinder, and that's ok with me. So if he doesn't want anything serious he didn't have to pull that question. Then said he doesn't want to define it when I asked. I guess he is just shy but I'm not sure. I feel like the fact that he is still on Tinder makes me feel unsure about us, so I'm hesitant to commit. He does know I'm still using Tinder and OKC as well. Yes I want to talk but I won't see him until this weekend and I want to prepare for every situation that might happen. Edited November 23, 2015 by pcs13
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