Metty Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I have to start off saying that I am very very confused. I have been dating a guy for a half year but taking it slow while he was moving fast. It may seem as if he was more in it than I was but during the first two weeks I found out he'd been flirting with someone else. I let it go as he continued wanting to see me, he put in a lot of work so yeah. By that time I had met his friends too. We had some great times and I feel like we never knew where the two of us stood so it was a bit intense at times. We would go out for dinner and stuff like that. I think I ruined it when I didn't contact him as much as I should've but thing is that, by now I had slept with him and he kept coming back for more although I turned him down. We started talking even less but he would show up sooner or later in some way like he did not let go completely while I feel like any guy would have. One day I got tired and told him we can't hook up like that because I have feelings. Assuming he just wants to hook up I told him I better leave. A week later he text me saying he had no idea that I liked him because I didn't seem bothered earlier on? Since he never told me how he felt I guessed it was time to move on. He began to show off a hell lot, tried to make me jealous acting single. He's even seeing someone else but I've caught him staring at me and he recently checked up on me trying to bring a conversation. He says he has a girl while flirting with others and acting single. I'm sorry but I'm just really confused and hurt and jealous! This is what happened and my heart is kind of broken.
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 He probably enjoys companionship & has a tough time being alone so he moved on quickly. That part has little to do with you, although it may also embody the adage that the fastest way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else. As for the mixed signals & confused feelings, even though it's risky you need to make your own position in a relationship clear. If you liked him, giving him mixed signals contributed to the demise of the relationship. If you liked him why weren't you calling him more? Were you playing hard to get? Once you started sleeping together why did you turn him down? Also, moving to sex before things were clearer wasn't the best idea You also said that you told him that you didn't like "hooking up". That is valid. If you wanted something more but he was treating you casually, I can see why you wanted it to end. But again, for your next relationship, clarify where you stand before getting intimate. Your logic also escapes me. You told him you liked him. He told you he was surprised by that because from his perspective you were not acting as though you liked him. Based on the fact that he never told you how he felt, you broke up with him. I think the better response would have been to ask him how he felt & then for the two of you to work together but that communication was absent in your relationship & is what caused the break up. Since he's still staring at you & showing off for you, I suppose he may still like you but it depends on what you want. To fix this will require more open communication then you both have demonstrated an ability to have in the past.
Author Metty Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 He probably enjoys companionship & has a tough time being alone so he moved on quickly. That part has little to do with you, although it may also embody the adage that the fastest way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else. As for the mixed signals & confused feelings, even though it's risky you need to make your own position in a relationship clear. If you liked him, giving him mixed signals contributed to the demise of the relationship. If you liked him why weren't you calling him more? Were you playing hard to get? Once you started sleeping together why did you turn him down? Also, moving to sex before things were clearer wasn't the best idea You also said that you told him that you didn't like "hooking up". That is valid. If you wanted something more but he was treating you casually, I can see why you wanted it to end. But again, for your next relationship, clarify where you stand before getting intimate. Your logic also escapes me. You told him you liked him. He told you he was surprised by that because from his perspective you were not acting as though you liked him. Based on the fact that he never told you how he felt, you broke up with him. I think the better response would have been to ask him how he felt & then for the two of you to work together but that communication was absent in your relationship & is what caused the break up. Since he's still staring at you & showing off for you, I suppose he may still like you but it depends on what you want. To fix this will require more open communication then you both have demonstrated an ability to have in the past. I did play hard got get and I was moving things slowly. He was moving so fast, I was okay with not talking for a few days for example.. Sleeping with him is something I regret and I was turning him down when he kept wanting to sleep with me more that's what I meant. I don't think it's a good idea to be sleeping with someone you're not in a relationship with. I want him back and I want to clear things out but I don't know how or what to do in that case. I mean he knows that I like him by now although he was surprised but he is seeing someone else as well and I don't want to ruin that.. But I kind of want to because of selfish reasons, I'm in love with the guy. I'm not the type of person who gives up easily.
cadams0315 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I have to start off saying that I am very very confused. I have been dating a guy for a half year but taking it slow while he was moving fast. It may seem as if he was more in it than I was but during the first two weeks I found out he'd been flirting with someone else. I let it go as he continued wanting to see me, he put in a lot of work so yeah. By that time I had met his friends too. We had some great times and I feel like we never knew where the two of us stood so it was a bit intense at times. We would go out for dinner and stuff like that. I think I ruined it when I didn't contact him as much as I should've but thing is that, by now I had slept with him and he kept coming back for more although I turned him down. We started talking even less but he would show up sooner or later in some way like he did not let go completely while I feel like any guy would have. One day I got tired and told him we can't hook up like that because I have feelings. Assuming he just wants to hook up I told him I better leave. A week later he text me saying he had no idea that I liked him because I didn't seem bothered earlier on? Since he never told me how he felt I guessed it was time to move on. He began to show off a hell lot, tried to make me jealous acting single. He's even seeing someone else but I've caught him staring at me and he recently checked up on me trying to bring a conversation. He says he has a girl while flirting with others and acting single. I'm sorry but I'm just really confused and hurt and jealous! This is what happened and my heart is kind of broken. I realize your heart is broken and you're hurt. I am hurting with you as I know what a broken heart feels like. I am going through this myself. However, you said he was more into it then you were and if he was flirting with others while he was seeing you, this is a red flag that shouldn't be ignored. Perhaps, he wasn't into you like you thought he was or he could just have a flirtatious personality. The other thing is, if he didn't think you were really into him and the relationship, he may have been doing this to get you to step up your game. Which I think is hurtful and childish. If it is the latter, you don't want to be with someone who purposely hurts you to get his way. If you felt as though you didn't know where you stood, this alone can create confusion and insecurity. Which both are not good feelings at all. It sounds like he really doesn't want a serious relationship with you. He is ok with casual though and he may want a "friends with benefits" relationship with you. You were smart in ending this when you assumed he wanted to just "hook" up. If he truly is seeing someone else, I know this can be painful but there's nothing you can do about it. The law of attraction is "we want what we can't have'. I would go NC on him, cut your losses, ahd move on. He isn't worth it.
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I did play hard got get and I was moving things slowly. He was moving so fast, I was okay with not talking for a few days for example.. Sleeping with him is something I regret and I was turning him down when he kept wanting to sleep with me more that's what I meant. I don't think it's a good idea to be sleeping with someone you're not in a relationship with. I want him back and I want to clear things out but I don't know how or what to do in that case. I mean he knows that I like him by now although he was surprised but he is seeing someone else as well and I don't want to ruin that.. But I kind of want to because of selfish reasons, I'm in love with the guy. I'm not the type of person who gives up easily. Playing hard to get is a dangerous game that often results in what happened here. Being hard to get is another ball game. Do you understand that by rejecting him when he asked for sex, you hurt his feelings? I agree with you that it's not a brilliant idea to sleep with somebody you are not in a relationship with but why didn't you press for a relationship & exclusivity before sex? Had you done that you might not be in this mess. At this point since you claim that you won't give up, next time you get his attention you can ask "What are we doing?" Then tell him you think the both of you went about this all wrong. Point blank tell him that you would be open to an exclusive monogamous relationship with him & ask him what he wants. Yes, that is a risk for you but the answer propels you forward. If he agrees, it's all good. If he says he liked the status quo, sex without commitment, then you know he wasn't the guy for you & you can move on. If he says he doesn't trust you because you were so unclear & all over the place before you dumped him, well then you have some convincing to do.
Author Metty Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 Playing hard to get is a dangerous game that often results in what happened here. Being hard to get is another ball game. Do you understand that by rejecting him when he asked for sex, you hurt his feelings? I agree with you that it's not a brilliant idea to sleep with somebody you are not in a relationship with but why didn't you press for a relationship & exclusivity before sex? Had you done that you might not be in this mess. At this point since you claim that you won't give up, next time you get his attention you can ask "What are we doing?" Then tell him you think the both of you went about this all wrong. Point blank tell him that you would be open to an exclusive monogamous relationship with him & ask him what he wants. Yes, that is a risk for you but the answer propels you forward. If he agrees, it's all good. If he says he liked the status quo, sex without commitment, then you know he wasn't the guy for you & you can move on. If he says he doesn't trust you because you were so unclear & all over the place before you dumped him, well then you have some convincing to do. The possibility that he got hurt when I rejected sleeping with him as kind of surprising though, had no idea it meant anything. I tried going with the flow and just see where this is going, if I fall in love or what to expect. He wanted to start seeing me. Well then I end up getting strong feelings for him and yeah.. I'm gonna follow your advice although it's super scary. Not sure if he will text me again but hopefully, I was thinking about doing it myself but I don't want to be clingy. He knows by now that I like him, if he believe me.
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