Mark1970 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Hi, New to forum but really struggling so thought I'd see what you guys have to say.... I'll try and keep this short.... Girlfriend of 4 years finished with me last week, she loves someone else and wants to be with him, apparently been seeing him behind my back for a couple of months. We did have some problems, mostly around her drinking which was causing problems with having her around my 10 year old Daughter on the weekends I have her, but we were working on that together...it was worth it as I Loved her so much...we were a great team, everyone used to tell us how great we were together, and we were! ...the guy she's in Love with is a friend of mine from the Pub we regularly drink in... I'm devastated, in despair, can't stop crying, imagining all sorts of things, can't eat, can't sleep...I miss her so much as I'm sure a lot of you on here understand... What makes things worse is that I can't go to my local Pub to get out of the house either....I tried that and she was in there with her new guy, sure some of the other guys tried to tell me to ignore it and it was my pub as much as hers but that is a lot easier said than done...it's a very small pub and I can hear all their conversation, making plans for the week etc., it was crushing and humiliating...what made it worse is that the guys supporting me have known the other guy longer so invariably ended up in a group with him and my ex leaving me at the end of the bar with the occasional pat on the back as they passed by... I've lost the love of my life, and I can't bear it...but I've also lost my social group where I could have gone to get out of the house, I don't have a wide network of friends and so I am forced to sit at home staring at the walls or go to a different pub and sit on my own obsessing over the exciting new life my ex is starting while I'm sitting here destroyed.... I know it's only been just over a week but if I did not have my Daughter I would struggle to find anything in my future... I am toying with the idea of going to the pub tonight as they have a band on and it will be busier and noisier but I know that if they're there I will just sit and stare until I can bear it no more and go home even more of a mess... I don't know what to do...I'm a mess... Mark PS: I'm 45...
Confusioncreepsin Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I am about the same age. Had a horrendous experience like yours about 4 weeks ago from today. First, know that we have suffered like you are right now. Personally, I would cut her out of my life completely. Let GO...she did! You have to protect yourself right now, and that includes your emotions and health. This **** can have the potential to wear you down and start to impact time with your child. BTW I have two as well, so trust me you will start to turn into a zombie if you keep subjecting yourself to seeing her, hearing her or hearing about her. Tell your friends, the ones you trust, to meet you at a new pub. Tell them you don't want to hear about what she is doing. Nothing. You should go no contact, and stay away for a least 3-4 weeks to get your mind back to a more stable place. Yes, it will hurt but try to remember that she made a decision and chose another over you. She was even doing this to you behind your back. Let that **** go. Yeah, people make mistakes but some are simply part of a greater trend. Sounds like she is not the one and you don't want to be with someone who can make a decision like that. So, go no contact and tell friends to meet at a new place. Hell, get them and you to go bar hopping and try new places out. Places that will not remind you of her. Stay out of her business, life and focus on yourself for a bit. If you find yourself craving the drama or just simply her, then that should be a indication that you may need to work on the unhealthy addiction you have of her. Listen to yourself and get out of being anywhere near her. We are here for you. 1
Author Mark1970 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing the same/similar experience...I feel for you. You are right in everything you say....I think I already knew that...I do crave her and at this point think it would almost be worth the pain just to see her face again, but I know that is wrong and unhealthy...she did treat me badly and unfairly...and chances are she would be in there with her new guy and my mind is already replaying every nuance of the way they were together when I saw them last week...the nights are the worst!! I feel sick, can't eat, can't sleep.... I've arranged with the Mother of my Daughter so that I can have her stay with me every weekend for a few weeks, that started this weekend and it's been a great help spending time and concentrating on my little Girl, but have to take her back this afternoon and dreading coming back to an empty house knowing my Ex is just down the road in the Pub with her new guy... I really, really hope Time moves quickly on and helps me get over this as at the moment I'm barely keeping it all together....
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Being in pain sucks. Losing both your girl & your social outlet is hard. However, you need to realize that she in essence chose booze over you. That's sad but it's a blessing that she is out of your life. Find a new pub but also expand your interests. Join a group. Think about something like the Elks, the Moose, the Lions, the Knights of Columbus. You can have the social aspects of the pub but still do good works in your community & have a place that is safe to take your daughter, while simultaneously teaching her strong values. 2
Author Mark1970 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 Thanks for your replies guys....everything you say is true, just wish I could turn my brain off for a while....this hurts bad.
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