stemgeek Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Asking this out of pure curiosity. If a guy starts liking a girl, but is too shy to quickly ask her out, how long would it reasonably take for a girl to catch on? Of course Everyone is different, some are obviously much better than others at reading social cues, but generally, what's the range of time that it can usually take? Also, what are the cues that a guy would give, consciously or subconsciously, that usually reveals interest to a girl?
mrldii Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I suppose there's a million and one ways a guy could show interest, rather than simply asking me out. I'll never know what those might be, however. I'm a Carpe Diem kinda gal. If a guy can't find the nerve/words/desire to speak up to me at the get-go, it's probably not gonna bode well for any possible future interactions between us. 3
Gloria25 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Problem is, a lot of the signs a shy person (guy or gal) and a person who isn't interested in are pretty similar. I mean, think about it... -Looking at someone and then looking away. A shy person simply may not want to be caught checking out the person. A non-interested person doesn't want the person to think they were actually "looking" at them in an interested/attracted way. -Avoiding them. Shy person scared to chat up the person - while a not interested person just wants to be as far away from you as they can. -Not speaking to them. Shy person is nervous, tongue tied, anxious. Not-interested person has no reason to want to speak to you cuz "hello" they're not interested. So, I think a guy is interested when he's constantly "around" you. You may be walking down the street and he's there. You may be walking your dog and out he comes. Now, if you're like classmates, neighbors it call could be coincidence but sometimes you just "know" when a guy is making an effort to be around you. Also, when you talk to him he fidgets, gets tongue tied, nervous. I also do that too when I'm around someone I'm attracted to. I also try to act cool like I'm really not into them (if that makes any sense). As for a timeframe? I don't know. I've been going on a year of dealing with a guy I'm sure is shy - but now since it's over a year and he can't even have a 2 min convo with me and has advanced in his relationship with another woman, I resolved that he wasn't really that interested in me at all. Now, within a week of talking to him I felt he was interested cuz one night I caught him staring at my place. But, like I said, one year later and nothing has progressed with us regardless of all the "staring" he did, gestures, etc. - so my radar was off. In other words, while what I "thought" were signs of interest and him being to shy to ask me out was in reality low/no real interest. So, like I said, the same things a shy person and a person who doesn't have interest do are so similar that sometimes its hard to figure out what's going on unless the person makes a clear act and/or statement (i.e. asking you out on a date, telling you how they feel - even if it's a simple crush, ego boost, flattery). 1
Male Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I also try to act cool like I'm really not into them (if that makes any sense). It does make sense and it doesnt. Thank you for being mature enough to at least admit that you do it. If a guy comes on here and says women do that he gets bashed from every direction and told that he needs to stop whining and get some confidence. It does make sense because most women like to sees the guys hand before they lay theirs down on the table. They want to be sure that the guy likes them. It doesnt make sense because withdrawing like that is risking a chance that the woman could send the wrong signal to the guy, he may take it as her not being interested(shocker), and then instead of blaming herself, she throughs the blame on him, stating "Oh he must not have really been interested anyways". News Flash....He was interested until you gave him a reason not to be. I truly believe many women ruin a lot of interactions with men due to their "run and hide" method such as Gloria25 stated. A lot of women want the guy to be direct, and confident with their approach, but at the same time the woman is supposed to be allowed to beat around the bush and be very nonchalant with her actions, but the guy is still supposed to keep showing that he likes her.
red.velvet Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 There are lots of ways a girl can notice that a shy guy is interested.. But some might be confused for niceness, and the other way round. Also, who has time for speculation and guessing games? Not me.. If I notice but the guy doesn't voice it, I move on because I start to think I might be wrong. 2
regine_phalange Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I can usually tell by the way he looks at me, whether he's nervous or awkward, when he finds reasons to talk to me or be around me. 1
Male Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Because at the very core women are used to getting attention from males, wether it evolves into friendship/sex/romance or into nothing. And its all the men to blame for giving women a pass on that. The idiot guys that keep chasing even when the woman gives mixed signals shows women that they dont have to be direct and the man will still keep giving her signs and pursue. If men would back off when women act wishy-washy about their interest, then it would teach women they need to stop. But of course that will never happen because most men are horn-dog driven brainless schmucks that blindly chase just because she has the p***y.
preraph Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Guys who are too scared to make a move are an instant turnoff to many if not most women. So I would venture to say MOST women know if you are crushing on them but too shy to function, and do not find that attractive. Women aren't idiots. Most of them know when a guy is focusing on them, and the older they are, they know if a guy is around at all, it's because they want sex or more. Your best hope is finding a woman who is very aggressive or gregarious in general and doesn't mind that you're fearful. But be careful what you wish for, because this isn't always a great mix. 1
sportygirl89 Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 Problem is, a lot of the signs a shy person (guy or gal) and a person who isn't interested in are pretty similar. I mean, think about it... -Looking at someone and then looking away. A shy person simply may not want to be caught checking out the person. A non-interested person doesn't want the person to think they were actually "looking" at them in an interested/attracted way. -Avoiding them. Shy person scared to chat up the person - while a not interested person just wants to be as far away from you as they can. -Not speaking to them. Shy person is nervous, tongue tied, anxious. Not-interested person has no reason to want to speak to you cuz "hello" they're not interested. So, I think a guy is interested when he's constantly "around" you. You may be walking down the street and he's there. You may be walking your dog and out he comes. Now, if you're like classmates, neighbors it call could be coincidence but sometimes you just "know" when a guy is making an effort to be around you. Also, when you talk to him he fidgets, gets tongue tied, nervous. I also do that too when I'm around someone I'm attracted to. I also try to act cool like I'm really not into them (if that makes any sense). As for a timeframe? I don't know. I've been going on a year of dealing with a guy I'm sure is shy - but now since it's over a year and he can't even have a 2 min convo with me and has advanced in his relationship with another woman, I resolved that he wasn't really that interested in me at all. Now, within a week of talking to him I felt he was interested cuz one night I caught him staring at my place. But, like I said, one year later and nothing has progressed with us regardless of all the "staring" he did, gestures, etc. - so my radar was off. In other words, while what I "thought" were signs of interest and him being to shy to ask me out was in reality low/no real interest. So, like I said, the same things a shy person and a person who doesn't have interest do are so similar that sometimes its hard to figure out what's going on unless the person makes a clear act and/or statement (i.e. asking you out on a date, telling you how they feel - even if it's a simple crush, ego boost, flattery). Looking at me then looking away is so true. Yet he claims he is busy with school. This guy isn't the type of guy to ask a girl out. ...he has shown more interest since my new hair cut . By the way this is a guy at church.
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