FaithInTheDark Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 My boyfriend and I are in a loving relationship. Things have been going pretty awesome . I've known him for 5 years and been dating for 3.5months I was at his place and looked in his drawer for something and found a framed picture of his ex gf ... It weirded me out Is this strange to anyone else?
KatZee Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Same exact thing happened with my ex boyfriend. I found a framed photo of them together, and loose photos, and even a custom made photo book. I ignored it. I mean, everyone has a past, everyone has an ex and items from that period in their life. My ex was cheating on me with her. There was def unresolved feelings and his inability to toss these things when he claimed to have "loved me" should have been a red flag. Just my story.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 Yes everyone has a past. She lives in another state and think they broke up years ago but still can't help but feel a tad weird.
thecrucible Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I'd be slightly alarmed but I wouldn't know how to bring it up. I wouldn't ask him directly, just try to get to know more of his relationship history. I've never had boyfriends who kept stuff of exes. I always burn all photographs relating to ex when we break up 'cause I don't like looking at them.
Iceshowers Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I wouldn't trust a boyfriend who kept things/pictures of their ex(es). My longest relationship, an almost 6 yr relationship, when I first moved in with him, he had soooo much stuff from previous exes. At first I didn't know how to bring it up that it bothered me if these were from women he no longer cared about. It hurt me alot knowing I knew those things were around the house. Then, as our relationship progressed, I told him to get rid of it all. He said he was going to, and one day I saw the closet was cleaned out, only to find out later on he just moved it from his closet to the shed. Long story short, that fact he couldn't get rid of those belongings was one of the many reasons we broke up. I would understand if a boyfriend kept pictures of ex(es) where kids are involved so he can show his kids as they get older, but not pictures of exes he had no kids with or that he's been done with.
smackie9 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I still have a shoe box of old photos of BFs past, pieces of jewelry and crap.....Been with my husband for 25 years.....he never gave a rat's ass about it. They are just old memories, and there is no residual of how I felt about them back then. People need to realize everyone has a past. I find it a crime to expect a person to throw those things out because of their insecurity. I say stop looking in their stuff and respect their privacy. The only thing I would be concerned about is if they kept naked photos/video of their ex. 5
Amalyn Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Everyone does have a past. But I can assure you that I do not keep old photos of exes anywhere in my place. I would find this weird and it would probably raise a few red flags for me.
DeterminedHusbanb Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 It was on a drawer where he probably put it after breaking up, or when he started with you. I wouldn't think anything. Ask him! My mother-In-law kept a pic of my wife with her ex on the living room wall. I was said to be childish when I said something. 1
kendahke Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Why are you here asking us about it instead of asking him about it? If it's strange to you, then that's all you need to proceed on and ask him about it. If things have been going "pretty awesome", then you should have a line of communication such that you can ask him about why he's keeping a picture of his ex hidden in his dresser drawer. I think a lot would depend upon the state of the relationship at the 3.5 month mark; how did the two of you got together in the first place? Who chased whom? How long had he been broken up; who did the breaking up and why and was he resolved or was he looking for a distraction by getting with you to keep from doing the work to get to resolution? Did he know you were looking through his drawers? The fact of the matter is: people are free to keep whatever it is they want to keep in their own homes. That's their space, not yours. If you two had moved in together and you found this picture, that'd be a different dynamic altogether. Might be a good idea from now on to ask him to fetch whatever it was you were looking for if you don't want to run across things like that.
hippychick3 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I'm sure I have pictures of my ex-husband and maybe even ex-boyfriends from college/high school stored away in my closet somewhere. They mean absolutely nothing to me. There are no residual feelings for them whatsoever. I just happen to keep pictures of everyone forever. Now, if I had those pictures in my top drawer of my nightstand and I actually looked at them....that would be weird. So, I would only be concerned if he actually kept them in a drawer he uses regularly or he looks at the picture regularly.
Raena Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I dated a guy once who had a whole photo album of pics of him with his ex. It weirded me out too. I ended up dumping him and part of it was the pictures. It's not for the reason you'd think though. His ex looked just like me. I felt like he was trying to replace her with me and it just freaked me out. Seemed like he was hung up on her. I saw all this because I get why it bugs you. Maybe he isn't the right guy for you. I'd pay attention to all the other things happening in your relationship with him though, not just a picture in a drawer. It's just a picture. How is he treating you in the here and now? I've had other relationships where pics of exes came up and it didn't bother me. Everyone has a past. The fact that it's bothering you says something.
smackie9 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I bet he has totally forgotten about it ever being there. 1
Eighty_nine Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I have love letters and other very romantic memories in a box, stuff from various exes. I'd never get rid of that. And I am happily in love with my current boyfriend. I've always found it bizarre when people try to get rid of all traces of exes. I'm also friends with some of mine and know they've kept stuff from me. It's unlikely that it means anything. 1
ManyDissapoint Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Story time. Like many people I have a box where I keep old photos, letters etc. My ex girlfriend found the box as she liked going through my things. I told her she shouldn't look through it because she might see some things she wouldn't like. I reiterated that I don't have a problem per se but I don't see the point. She countered asking why I kept them. I said I don't feel comfortable tearing up or throwing pictures in the garbage, it just seems disrespectful and wrong. Note that I had not once gone through these items. They were out of sight out of mind for many many years. I told her if it's so important to her she can throw them away, and be 'that girlfriend'. Well she didn't like that. Later on when we were arguing a lot she brought it up again. Since to me it was 'crunch time' to see where this relationship was going I tossed away the photographs to show her that I was serious about the relationship. At this point she had already moved back to home country and supposedly waiting for me to come meet her. She was ostensibly happy that I had done so. A week later she broke up with me. I think I kind of hate my ex.
katiegrl Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 (edited) My boyfriend and I are in a loving relationship. Things have been going pretty awesome . I've known him for 5 years and been dating for 3.5months I was at his place and looked in his drawer for something and found a framed picture of his ex gf ... It weirded me out Is this strange to anyone else? Was she his first love? If so, that could be why. Many people never truly forget their first love, she/he will always hold a special place in their hearts. Does not mean he doesn't love you .... Also, some people are just more nostalgic than others, and find it difficult to toss things that remind them of a special time in their lives. Edited November 22, 2015 by katiegrl
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 You have known him for 5 years. So you must have known she existed. The picture was in a drawer, not on his bed side covered with kisses. He put her away. That is a good thing. Even if he only put her away because you were coming over, it's a big step toward ending her. Relax about it I've been married for 7 years. I have pictures of EXs in albums. They are part of my past. The times & places those pictures were taken were fun memories & I enjoyed them. Just because I remember past good times does not mean I don't love my husband or I want those guys back. I'm not staring at them daily or anything. 1
veggirl Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I guess it depends. Like was it buried in the bottom of a junk drawer? Or was it placed in his bed-stand drawer on the top of other things? I mean like is it obviously something he stuffed away ages ago or was it put away because you were coming over.
losangelena Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I still have photos of my ex put away and still on my phone. I also have the things he gave me—a nice watch for my birthday, a coffee press, a tablet. There's no way I'm getting rid of any of those things. Like others have said, exes are a part of your past, and there are still good memories attached. I would think it insecure of a future BF to expect me to toss all those things out.
FeelingFireworks Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 If it's a guy you trust & you have no reason to suspect emotional or actual infidelity, don't sweat something like that. After all, I have old pics of exes mostly as they are linked with certain key moments in my life. I'd never keep them in the view of a guy I'm seeing nor would I talk about said ex. These are purely mementos and are stored away. What I wouldn't stand for is if he showcased it. I went out with a guy once who actually pulled out his photo album with his ex, while at the same time bragging about her good looks, amazing personality and how he loved staying in touch with her. It was an obvious display of insecurity, jealousy and downright disrespect, as he'd falsely accused me of flirting in his presence (this is when I was simply pleasant to his friends & making conversation when he invited me to join them, but I guess he didn't like that?). Thank heavens I didn't sex this mess of a man and needless to say, I never called or visited him again....and he actually wonders why his ass is still single!!
Author FaithInTheDark Posted November 30, 2015 Author Posted November 30, 2015 He just moved into his place. I never brought It up , but last night I took the garbage out to the dumpster and saw the frame and picture in the garbage! And I also noticed he hung our picture up in his room 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 30, 2015 Posted November 30, 2015 My boyfriend and I are in a loving relationship. Things have been going pretty awesome . I've known him for 5 years and been dating for 3.5months I was at his place and looked in his drawer for something and found a framed picture of his ex gf ... It weirded me out Is this strange to anyone else? Would you prefer that he simply erase X years of his life from memory ? Is it even OK that he might retain a photo of his grandmother? If the photo was framed X years ago, should he take the photo out of the frame which likely fits it, and just leave it in a drawer unprotected? Where do you draw the lines in regard to such things?
Recommended Posts