BrokenNC817 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 My past two relationships have ended with my boyfriend, and most recently my now ex fiance leaving me for a guy. What are the odds this happens to me twice in a row? They were even in two different states... I know that I"m not the reason why, as boyfriend number 1 was abused by a man when he was younger so he always felt conflicted. My ex fiance has only been with the one man, but has been with him for the past 5 years on and off. He basically cheated on me with him, and cheated on his boyfriend with the other girls he's dated and me. But why can't I help but feel like its me? I hate myself so much. I just want to be happy. I teach, and I was forced to move down to another grade level that I didn't want. And I tried so hard to be ok with it. I tried to be positive, and I tried to make it work, but its just not. All I did was mope, because I wasn't happy at work, I came home and wasn't happy (to my fiance who also works at the same school as me), I couldn't make the right food (my fiance was diabetic and struggling with coping with it), I couldn't say the right things, and my fiance did nothing to try and make me feel better. All he did was push himself farther away from me (the boyfriend was away at boot camp so they couldn't talk at all but in letters, which seemed to trigger some type of depression, which runs on both sides of his family, and he himself had battled earlier in his life). He won't even look at me at work, he won't talk to me. He just seems to have completely erased me, and I hurt so bad. All I want is a man to share my life with, to love and love me back, to have a family with, and travel and just enjoy life and share experiences. I thought I had found that in my fiance, but now I feel like I have nothing.
Gloria25 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I recall a thread about someone in a similar situation who was considering entering a "Poly" situation in order to allow her "husband to be" to do his thing on the side. Maybe it's time to consider counseling? I mean, "something" is making you gravitate to similar men and willing to put up with a lot of mistreatment. Maybe an absent father? Maybe a not "attractive, smart, worthy" enough for a decent guy? You said that you "teach" so maybe you have a "rescue" attitude when it comes to people? But relationships aren't about "rescuing", "fixing", etc. You recognize that you deserve better, so time to figure out why/how you can put that plan into action and pick better guys. Good luck 1
Author BrokenNC817 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 Yeah... I read that post awhile ago too. Thing is, I never knew that this was how my boyfriend/ fiance were. It was something they told me later in the relationship, ya know, when you have those get to know you late night chats... I just feel so lost in life. Life seems to be going on around me, other friends getting engaged, having babies... all I want is that. I used to be happy and confident that when I was alone. But I just don't know how to switch from knowing I was going to be with someone the rest of my life, to that person not even wanting to be a sliver of my life now.
Gloria25 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Yeah... I read that post awhile ago too. Thing is, I never knew that this was how my boyfriend/ fiance were. It was something they told me later in the relationship, ya know, when you have those get to know you late night chats... I just feel so lost in life. Life seems to be going on around me, other friends getting engaged, having babies... all I want is that. I used to be happy and confident that when I was alone. But I just don't know how to switch from knowing I was going to be with someone the rest of my life, to that person not even wanting to be a sliver of my life now. Well, do you wanna be engaged, having babies just cuz everyone else is? Do you want to have it at any costs? I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna get married and/or have kids with just "anybody". My deceased sister was like that...every guy was "the one" she wanted to have kids with and lock down - didn't matter if the guy was a bum, had other kids, and/or didn't want to be married...she was gonna mold him into her husband and baby daddy. Not one of those situations ended well. Yes, marriage and kids are a lovely thing, but you just can't do it with anyone and it takes selecting, planning, etc.
Author BrokenNC817 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 No, I wouldn't say I want it at any cost. To me, my relationship was real, and genuine. And for him, he says it was just a lie. I want that life because it was always a dream of mine. Because I want to share my life with someone. Not just friends, a family of my own. But I won't just do it at any cost.
Odinani Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 My past two relationships have ended with my boyfriend, and most recently my now ex fiance leaving me for a guy. What are the odds this happens to me twice in a row? They were even in two different states... I know that I"m not the reason why, as boyfriend number 1 was abused by a man when he was younger so he always felt conflicted. My ex fiance has only been with the one man, but has been with him for the past 5 years on and off. He basically cheated on me with him, and cheated on his boyfriend with the other girls he's dated and me. But why can't I help but feel like its me? I hate myself so much. I just want to be happy. I teach, and I was forced to move down to another grade level that I didn't want. And I tried so hard to be ok with it. I tried to be positive, and I tried to make it work, but its just not. All I did was mope, because I wasn't happy at work, I came home and wasn't happy (to my fiance who also works at the same school as me), I couldn't make the right food (my fiance was diabetic and struggling with coping with it), I couldn't say the right things, and my fiance did nothing to try and make me feel better. All he did was push himself farther away from me (the boyfriend was away at boot camp so they couldn't talk at all but in letters, which seemed to trigger some type of depression, which runs on both sides of his family, and he himself had battled earlier in his life). He won't even look at me at work, he won't talk to me. He just seems to have completely erased me, and I hurt so bad. All I want is a man to share my life with, to love and love me back, to have a family with, and travel and just enjoy life and share experiences. I thought I had found that in my fiance, but now I feel like I have nothing. What does that have to do with your boyfriends leaving you for other men?
Author BrokenNC817 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 What does that have to do with your boyfriends leaving you for other men? to give context as to why I was also being mopey... I recognize that I wasn't exactly perfect towards the end either... 1
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