Amelie1980 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Did what we are supposed to do which is accept the BU and go NC right away? What did all of us do? Try to stay in touch, tell them we missed them and wanted them back? How long did we do it for before we gave up?
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Last time I was the dumper, it was NC all the way. I was so angry at him. The time before that I was ending a very long relationship, so I downplayed contact but since he was the one who was hurt, I let him vent. Last time I was the dumpee, 1st time I begged pleaded & did it all wrong. We got back together after a few months but it was wrong. The relationship was already broken. When we split a few weeks later for real I knew I couldn't go from daily contact to nothing so we came up with the bizarre diminishing contact. I was allowed to call him & talk about anything other then the relationship for 5 minutes, then 3, then 2. Eventually I stopped wanting to talk to him but I appreciated the fact that he wasn't harsh with me. 1
K2z Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Bit of both. Some pleading at the start, period of NC, responded too quickly to a breadcrumb, sent a letter saying marry me and we'll do X-Y-Z. Her wedding pix to another guy went up on FB this week, just 5 months after she broke it off. Now there simply is no option but NC and I am in howling emotional pain. 3
Author Amelie1980 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 In my last two break ups.... The first one I did everything you are not supposed to which is plead and apologize. But there was a reason for that. He made it look like it was my fault. We had a silly fight which I started, nothing major and he took that opportunity to blame me for the whole break up and say he didn't love me any more because of what I did. I begged and apologized as I thought it was my fault and I could fix it becuase who breaks up over a silly argument when there is nothing else wrong. HE came back months later and I busted him for cheating... he was cheating and used the minor argument as a reason to leave and blame me. If I had known he was cheating, no begging or tears, a$$ out the door. Break up two, I didnt beg, plead or ask him to change his mind. I asked him why he led me on and told him what I thought of him. But my comment telling what I thought of him were constructive, not vicious. Still sad about it.
itisdanielle Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Most recent BU, I was the dumpee. He ended it and I said okay if that's what you want, and left. A week later I phoned him with a few questions about the BU. NC since then and it's been about 6 weeks-ish.. not really sure. It helps me stay NC by thinking that if I text him, I imagine he is with the girl he cheated with, and I wouldn't want to give either of them the satisfaction of showing I care. 3
Author Amelie1980 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 It helps me stay NC by thinking that if I text him, I imagine he is with the girl he cheated with, and I wouldn't want to give either of them the satisfaction of showing I care. This too. Even though I still hurt, NC is really for me keeping my dignity. Even though I am not over it, by staying NC it looks like I am over it and dont care. 1
Iceshowers Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Break up two, I didnt beg, plead or ask him to change his mind. I asked him why he led me on and told him what I thought of him. But my comment telling what I thought of him were constructive, not vicious. Still sad about it. This is totally me with my last break up. I found out what happened, but he lead me on thinking we had a chance and he played it very well; as I was starting to develop feelings for him. When I found out what he was doing, I didn't curse him out or scream, I just told him what I knew and how I felt, and that he saved me from future failure pretty much. But I think about the whole thing still and sometimes I feel a bit down on how it all went down and how he lead me on (it's only been like 2-3 weeks since the BU). He has gone NC on me for almost 2 weeks, but I last messaged him last Saturday and haven't since, just 'cuz I realized how pathetic I was becoming. 1
Author Amelie1980 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 This is totally me with my last break up. I found out what happened, but he lead me on thinking we had a chance and he played it very well; as I was starting to develop feelings for him. When I found out what he was doing, I didn't curse him out or scream, I just told him what I knew and how I felt, and that he saved me from future failure pretty much. But I think about the whole thing still and sometimes I feel a bit down on how it all went down and how he lead me on (it's only been like 2-3 weeks since the BU). He has gone NC on me for almost 2 weeks, but I last messaged him last Saturday and haven't since, just 'cuz I realized how pathetic I was becoming. I would ask if we dated the same guy but I dont live anywhere near Florida. Mine was also very good at leading me to think there would be more coming and that we had a chance of at least seeing more of each other. He started acting as if he really cared, saying lovely things. He MUST have known I was reading into it and catching feelings. My behavior would have told him I was. Then he waited until he got someone else and cruelly ended it. He was the last one to text me asking me for my new address to mail my things back. I never replied. He can have it.
Iceshowers Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I would ask if we dated the same guy but I dont live anywhere near Florida. Mine was also very good at leading me to think there would be more coming and that we had a chance of at least seeing more of each other. He started acting as if he really cared, saying lovely things. He MUST have known I was reading into it and catching feelings. My behavior would have told him I was. Then he waited until he got someone else and cruelly ended it. He was the last one to text me asking me for my new address to mail my things back. I never replied. He can have it. OMFG, our guys must be like twins lol He did kinda the same exact thing. We went out and on our 2nd week of going out, we made it exclusive but not official (I told him I don't become sexual with more than 1 guy at one time or with someone who's having sex with multiple people, unless we are exclusive. And that I don't multi-date. He agreed and told me he's the same). So all this time I thought things were perfect. He treated me well, always insisting on paying for dates, we talked for 6hrs+ every time we got together, we laughed soooo much, etc etc. Then on the last night we spent the night together, next day he doesn't respond to my messages. I found it weird. Next day he says his phone broke. A whole week went by with no contact. That whole week I sent him atleast 1 message per day to see what's up. Then on the last day, I told him **** it and that he should've just told me he didn't want to continue dating. A few days later he sends me a long text saying he just got his phone and that he's not ok with me panting him as a monster (all I said was that he should've told me he was dating others and not lead me on). What I found out the week he went MIA ("phone broken") was that he made it official on FB with some other chick. But throughout all those months, he lead me on thinking I'm the only one (he even told me I was) and he knew that I liked him. 1
Author Amelie1980 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 (edited) OMFG, our guys must be like twins lol He did kinda the same exact thing. We went out and on our 2nd week of going out, we made it exclusive but not official (I told him I don't become sexual with more than 1 guy at one time or with someone who's having sex with multiple people, unless we are exclusive. And that I don't multi-date. He agreed and told me he's the same). So all this time I thought things were perfect. He treated me well, always insisting on paying for dates, we talked for 6hrs+ every time we got together, we laughed soooo much, etc etc. Then on the last night we spent the night together, next day he doesn't respond to my messages. I found it weird. Next day he says his phone broke. A whole week went by with no contact. That whole week I sent him atleast 1 message per day to see what's up. Then on the last day, I told him **** it and that he should've just told me he didn't want to continue dating. A few days later he sends me a long text saying he just got his phone and that he's not ok with me panting him as a monster (all I said was that he should've told me he was dating others and not lead me on). What I found out the week he went MIA ("phone broken") was that he made it official on FB with some other chick. But throughout all those months, he lead me on thinking I'm the only one (he even told me I was) and he knew that I liked him. Mine never specifically told me I was the only one but he implied he was. He told me he was single, kept saying he was so busy and stressed and work, always explained to me what he was doing when I never asked. Now I realize it was lies and excuses. We laughed and talked for hours, had lovely dinners an great sex when I saw him. I am sure he did like me as a person. But he shouldnt have led me on. Mine was dating others too I found out. he ghosted me and then when i asked he said he met someone and he cant mess around anymore. He knew I liked I asked him why he did it and he said hes sorry for making me feel that way. Utter pig. Edited November 22, 2015 by Amelie1980 1
Iceshowers Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Mine never specifically told me I was the only one but he implied he was. He told me he was single, kept saying he was so busy and stressed and work, always explained to me what he was doing when I never asked. Now I realize it was lies and excuses. We laughed and talked for hours, had lovely dinners an great sex when I saw him. I am sure he did like me as a person. But he shouldnt have led me on. Mine was dating others too I found out. he ghosted me and then when i asked he said he met someone and he cant mess around anymore. He knew I liked I asked him why he did it and he said hes sorry for making me feel that way. Utter pig. Atleast yours acknowledged it! Mine still didn't when he texted me and I told him I knew about the other chick. I thought he ghosted me the week his "phone broke" but for all I know, that was probably the only truth he told lol 1
Author Amelie1980 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 Atleast yours acknowledged it! Mine still didn't when he texted me and I told him I knew about the other chick. I thought he ghosted me the week his "phone broke" but for all I know, that was probably the only truth he told lol There is that. I still hope he will come back.
Iceshowers Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 There is that. I still hope he will come back. I have mixed feelings about mine. I love the way we connected (if how he acted and said was really true), but I can't forget what he did. Makes me question his morals/values. BUT I found out today he's no longer with the chick lol. And they just made it official like 2-3 weeks ago. I won't reach out to him, but I kinda have a feeling he will eventually.
mrldii Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 ...Even though I still hurt, NC is really for me keeping my dignity. Even though I am not over it, by staying NC it looks like I am over it and dont care. This ^^^ Oh, I've had my clutching-the-pillow, sobbing uncontrollably into it, while chewing all four of its corners, but I'll be Goddammed if anyone - ESpecially *him* - is gonna see it/hear it/know about it. Nooooooowaaaaaay. 3
Author Amelie1980 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Posted November 22, 2015 I have mixed feelings about mine. I love the way we connected (if how he acted and said was really true), but I can't forget what he did. Makes me question his morals/values. BUT I found out today he's no longer with the chick lol. And they just made it official like 2-3 weeks ago. I won't reach out to him, but I kinda have a feeling he will eventually. I have no idea if mine is still with his new one or not. There is nothing on facebook. I dont know. I am sure he liked me as a person.
Iceshowers Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 This ^^^ Oh, I've had my clutching-the-pillow, sobbing uncontrollably into it, while chewing all four of its corners, but I'll be Goddammed if anyone - ESpecially *him* - is gonna see it/hear it/know about it. Nooooooowaaaaaay. Same, after I realized how pathetic I was for sending him a message a couple of days after he went NC, I stopped and just wrote my heart out on a couple of word documents on my computer. I wrote them as if it was meant for him, but of course, he won't ever read those letters and see my pain and struggle. On my last letter, I promised myself I'm done and I haven't written one since (that was also last week when I sent him one last text). 1
Dylon Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Even though I still hurt, NC is really for me keeping my dignity. . It depends. If we hold the mentality that ego prevents us from apologizing or admitting to mistakes, or prevent us from reaching out and fixing our problems, then it's viewed differently. We both had strong ego but the care/love made us break our egotistic attitude often. Sure call it lose of dignity but when it works, it's not losing dignity. It's a tough call. There's always two side to look at it. But of course one doesn't initiate NC unless he/she knows it's hopeless and it's a must. I had an A and it took almost a year to end so broke many NC.
K2z Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 My guilt is overwhelming. Internally, in my "chest," I visualized us married and having a life. But in my "head" there were all kinds of critical reservations. I asked myself many times, is this an angel that's been sent to me? (She was a surprise while I was licking my wounds from another breakup.) But I sat and hesitated for three years. I passed up two chances to go meet her parents, which would have meant we were engaged. Now she is married (five months after the split!!) to another guy, and the pain is so excruciating I cannot move. If I had the money I'd have a therapist at my side for 12 hours a day. I call my Mom twice a day and we spend nearly an hour on the phone at each go. She's been so good about trying to make me feel better.
TheLoveBelow92 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Did what we are supposed to do which is accept the BU and go NC right away? What did all of us do? Try to stay in touch, tell them we missed them and wanted them back? How long did we do it for before we gave up? Yup, human nature I guess. stayed in contact for 3 months after getting dumped only about 6 or 7 weeks no contact now, not much has changed since, I just accepted it weather i wanted to or not. I cant change anything thats done or change how she feels so all i can do is keep moving and hoping time will sort the rest, relationships are hard work and just fight for someone who will fight just as much as you. 1
TunaCat Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 Did what we are supposed to do which is accept the BU and go NC right away? What did all of us do? Try to stay in touch, tell them we missed them and wanted them back? How long did we do it for before we gave up? I went NC immediately. He reached out 3+ times in the next 3 weeks. I did not read or even open his messages. I was hurting so much and every time I thought of him I either wanted to cry or scream. The only thing I said when he first dumped me was "okay" I may have also said "you aren't holding me back" because he said that "he thought he was holding me back" It's been 8 months since the breakup. I have not reached out to him and he has not reached out to me since he went FB official with a mutual acquaintance of ours.
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