thecrucible Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Because it'd personally make me feel like a cum dumpster. Why should the guy have the benefits of a relationship without actually making any effort to be in one? It would make me feel disgusting to be honest. Each to their own though. 4
Odinani Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 because i don't screw my friends. ^^^^^ this!
Odinani Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Because it'd personally make me feel like a cum dumpster. Why should the guy have the benefits of a relationship without actually making any effort to be in one? It would make me feel disgusting to be honest. Each to their own though. that's how I feel too. Just, no. Yuck.
smackie9 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 With me it's all or nothing. If it's nothing, I don't waste my time. 5
Charlie Harper Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I have tried, but after a couple of weeks a pattern emerges: They want to see you more They call you more. The conversations after sex are long. They want to do other stuff other than sex They begin saying things like " I really like you", "we get along so well" , " I missed you" and the deal breaker " I love you".... then its no longer a FWB situation, and you are going to hurt somebody... So thanks but no thanks....
kendahke Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 There's wisdom in that, especially when talking about true friends. What's going to happen when you meet the love of your life and they find out that your core group of friends include people you've screwed? Can get tricky. Not impossible to overcome, but tricky. But I think when people mean FWB, they don't typically mean that kind of friend. Maybe more of a peripheral friend, not someone you expect to have in your wedding party. I don't screw anyone for whom I do not have romantic feelings. I don't act on or cultivate sexual feelings for friends or acquaintances. I'm far too old for that level of messiness. 2
kendahke Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Oh, it didn't come across that way to me. He just remarked that he found the woman in question very attractive. It was not about your friends. No, it was. Read the title of that reply: "maybe your friends are ugly"
blueskyday Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Because, if I want to sleep with them it's due to the fact that I like them and would want to be in a relationship with them. I don't **** my friends, male or female. That's why they are friends and not lovers. I need to like a guy in order to sleep with him. And if I like him, then I will want to spend time with him outside the bedroom. I really don't understand the mentality of Friends with benefits or casual hookups. I need to feel something romantic. Otherwise, I have a perfectly good vibrator. Men are more than d*cks, you know. 2
RazzberryGirl Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 I have tried, but after a couple of weeks a pattern emerges: They want to see you more They call you more. The conversations after sex are long. They want to do other stuff other than sex They begin saying things like " I really like you", "we get along so well" , " I missed you" and the deal breaker " I love you".... then its no longer a FWB situation, and you are going to hurt somebody... So thanks but no thanks.... Thank you for this specific male insight. It really opened my eyes. However, how is it even possible for YOU to not start to like a girl alot more after having sex on a regular basis? Are men like this just robots with no feelings or heart? It's almost like the women in a FWB situation tend to want to grow closer & want to spend more time, whereas the men start to grow further apart from the woman as more time passes & they want them less and less. It's a no-win situation really.
guest569 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Because in the end (and in the midst of it), I feel so used and more alone than before. This is it for me. I definitely feel more alone after it ends (and let's face it, how many would last? When either party meets their match or finds lots of other people to shag?)
Fuerza Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Thank you for this specific male insight. It really opened my eyes. However, how is it even possible for YOU to not start to like a girl alot more after having sex on a regular basis? Are men like this just robots with no feelings or heart? It's almost like the women in a FWB situation tend to want to grow closer & want to spend more time, whereas the men start to grow further apart from the woman as more time passes & they want them less and less. It's a no-win situation really. For some reason men find it easier to separate sex and having feelings towards someone. What they will do is not let you meet his friends or family, ask superficial questions, keep the contact at minimum, treat you like one of his "dudes" etc. 1
Els Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 If I like his personality (and I don't regularly hang out one-on-one with people whose personality I don't like) and am sexually attracted to him, why wouldn't we date? The only two reasons I can think of is that it would be inappropriate to date (one or both not single) or he doesn't want to date, both of which pretty much preclude a FWB anyway. Aside from that, higher risk of STDs, and the kind of sex I enjoy requires a lot of trust and vulnerability. Pretty much just a lose-lose all around to be FWB vs a couple in my books. 4
Rejected Rosebud Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Oh, it didn't come across that way to me. He just remarked that he found the woman in question very attractive. It was not about your friends. Look above that post where it says "maybe your friends are ugly."
Redhead14 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Assume 1) You have a friend of the opposite gender, and there is mutual degree of attraction. don't want to date but are fine with a FWB arrangement. you like each other as friends, its already easy to spend time with them, no need to settle, you can do your own thing and see each other when convenient Why wouldn't a FWB situation work for you? Because I want/wanted a real, long-term, committed relationship for myself and I wouldn't settle for something that doesn't meet all of my wants and needs and has no chance of fulfilling my goal or something that eventually would make me feel unfulfilled emotionally or run the risk of becoming emotionally attached while knowing the guy isn't going to change his mind and decide he wants more with me. but are fine with a FWB arrangement -- A significant number of women will tell themselves they would be fine with an FWB arrangement because they really like a guy who doesn't want a dating scenario with her and lies to herself and eventually is disappointed, hurt and confused because when she let's her feelings be known and he can't return them, the arrangement ends. In addition, she usually says the guy used her, when in fact, he was pretty upfront with her about everything and she chose to ignore.
Buddhist Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 It seems like pretty much the only people wanting this are men. Big surprise.....I want free sex and give nothing in return. Yep a common enough entitlement attitude. Why anyone would agree to be some guys free of charge prostitute, I have no idea. 1
Woggle Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 It seems like pretty much the only people wanting this are men. Big surprise.....I want free sex and give nothing in return. Yep a common enough entitlement attitude. Why anyone would agree to be some guys free of charge prostitute, I have no idea. They might not say it but a lot of women want casual sex and FWB situations as well. Not judging them but at the end of the day the only real differences between men and women are the obvious physical ones. 2
Buddhist Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 They might not say it but a lot of women want casual sex and FWB situations as well. Not judging them but at the end of the day the only real differences between men and women are the obvious physical ones. Meh! I don't know of a single female who engages in this and doesn't regret it. To my mind it's just another symptom of the gotta have it all now for no effort on my part, syndrome. The greater need that people are typically trying to fill with this is the need for intimacy. But just masturbating with a person you really have no affection for, doesn't fulfill that need either. Each to their own I suppose. 1
RedRobin Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Among the other comments I liked here... I am more pragmatic. Spending time with a FWB takes me away from other, more productive activities... Like finding someone who actually cares about me. A FWB is just a dressed up term for eff buddy. Frankly, I would rather have lots of ONS than an eff buddy... If I were into casual sex. Mostly, because a ONS would be on my terms. An eff buddy would require some negotiation and time. There is no way around it. If I am going to treat a guy like a walking dildo, or be treated disposable myself, then might as well, like, actually dispose of him afterward. I don't need the drama. Not to mention that I find sex without an emotional connection to be boring. At least with a ONS, you have the novelty of a new person. Not so with a FWB. It's like all the bad parts of a relationship (sex with someone you don't care about), and none of the good stuff. But I can see why lots of guys go for it... Especially if they can't get ONS so easily. It's the regular sex (which for them could be no hum or great... But it's better than nothing) without any of the investment or the things that make being in a relationship great. I could list a million reasons why I find guys who have FWB distasteful, but tops on that list is that they get habituated to laziness. Why would I want to knock myself out for a guy who prefers MCdonalds over a fine meal? Who would rather eat fast food than learn how to cook? That's my analogy for eff buddies.
xxoo Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Meh! I don't know of a single female who engages in this and doesn't regret it. I know a few. All were recently single moms wanted some personal time and release without the hassles or attachment of a relationship, as they were super focused on their kids at that point in life. No desire at all to introduce a new man into the kids' lives. But wanting some companionship and sexual comfort from a trusted acquaintance. All moved past that phase in time.
Shining One Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 It seems like pretty much the only people wanting this are men.Straight men get into FWB arrangements with women. Thus, at least some women want these arrangements.Big surprise.....I want free sex and give nothing in return. Yep a common enough entitlement attitude.How does a FWB arrangement indicate entitlement? Both partners are giving and receiving the exact same thing.Why anyone would agree to be some guys free of charge prostitute, I have no idea.This mindset only makes sense if you view sex as a commodity to be traded.Meh! I don't know of a single female who engages in this and doesn't regret it.I know a few. As xxoo indicated, most are recently divorced and not looking for a relationship, but they still want to have sex. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 It seems like pretty much the only people wanting this are men. Big surprise.....I want free sex and give nothing in return. Yep a common enough entitlement attitude. Why anyone would agree to be some guys free of charge prostitute, I have no idea. I don't think that's how it is. In a FWB arrangement, both people are supposed to be in it for themselves and agree on the parameters. BOTH getting the enjoyable free sex! There is nothing bad about that. I just could not do it. If one of the people "catches feelings " and evidently it's often the woman that doesn't mean that the other person did anything selfish or "used" anybody. 3
SwordofFlame Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 It seems like pretty much the only people wanting this are men. Big surprise.....I want free sex and give nothing in return. Yep a common enough entitlement attitude. Why anyone would agree to be some guys free of charge prostitute, I have no idea. So the women in FWB relationships don't enjoy the sex? I thought the whole point of FWB relationships was both parties enjoy the sex. 3
Buddhist Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 So the women in FWB relationships don't enjoy the sex? I thought the whole point of FWB relationships was both parties enjoy the sex. Knowing that the guy is using me as a fleshlight? No. Not enjoyable at all. 2
RedRobin Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 So the women in FWB relationships don't enjoy the sex? I thought the whole point of FWB relationships was both parties enjoy the sex. In my experience and observation, lots of guys claiming to want a relationship often try to segue women into a casual situation... And will only come clean with their true intentions when pressed... And often, not even then. They will try to keep it casual as long as possible with lots of vagueness and wishy washiness. I have never personally met a man who suggested one of these arrangements in a straightforward and honest manner... Which is why I am very suspect of any men claiming he had a FWB that was consented to by the woman. It is much more likely that at least one person thought they were building something... Then only afterwards, does the offending FWB wanting person decide to drop the bomb that they don't view them as 'relationship material'. It has never happened to me, but I have seen it plenty from my male colleagues and on here. Heck, I have seen men who had full on relationships with a woman claim to have just a FWB in order to avoid the cheater label. The few men who told me they had FWB, I am like... Right. Then find out after the fact that the woman thought they were dating and BF/GF. it's guys trying to come off as a stud... While trashing a woman who likely dumped him. I honestly can't think of one guy who had a FWB that I respect. I think both people enjoy the sex. I am capable of enjoying just the sex... But again, I don't see any value in spending even one bit of emotional energy on THAT guy. I would rather have a fresh face and new penis every week that I could just hit click on the text or call reject... No doubt about the casual in that context... Which is entirely possible , but not my thing. 1
Robratory Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 So the women in FWB relationships don't enjoy the sex? I thought the whole point of FWB relationships was both parties enjoy the sex. It's impossible to say. Some might, and some might acquiesce out of loneliness or poor self-esteem. The general consensus seems to be, however, that most women aren't keen on the idea, and even most men hold it more as a fantasy than as something they'd enjoy in reality.
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