Terry8889 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Hi people, I made a thread like 2 or 3 months ago about my last relationship which lasted 2 years and a half with this 31 year old guy I met online. The first year we dated casually but the last year things were getting more serious. He wanted me to meet his parents and I said that I wanted to but I wanted to wait a little since I was on final exams and planning a trip out of the country, when I came back from the trip I waited for him to bring up the conversation again about meeting his parents but he never did and I didn't want to push him. I did give him hints but it just never happened. Despite that everything was going well or so I thought. A few weeks later, after we had our first "disagreement" he started to become a little cold, as time passed he would get upset with me for stupid things like looking at my phone while we spend time together, even though he never had a problem with it before or taking 10 extra minutes when we had to meet, even though it happened only once. Well in our last big "fight" he got extremely upset with me while having dinner at the mall, I went to another line to order food while he was busy ordering his stuff. He didn't hear me I was going to get other food and he didn't know where I was. To make things worse my line took a long time, when I go to his table he was angry, I didn't even eat and we left. He was very cold and dropped me off home that night after a discussion over the phone about what had happened, I never heard from him again even after 3 attempts from my part to talk to him. He just ignored my 2 texts and a last email. I thought I would never hear from him again and was trying to move on with my life even though I did miss him like crazy, but was also upset that he was such an a.s.shole about the whole thing. Anyways, last friday I got online on Gmail and he was online, he messaged me and I was surprised. I replied and we talked for 2 hours, he said he was sorry about what had happened but he was angry at that time and he was also upset about us communicating "differently". He was tired of doing the same things all the time, etc. I told him how I felt and at the end we talked about trying to work things out and correct the mistakes we made. We agreed to meet on Sunday and kept communicating from then on. On that Sunday we met, had lunch, chatted again about things, but it was me who was trying to get his words out like explain what had happen and figuring out what motivated him to come back. He said he saw other women in our time apart but couldn't find someone like me, and he realized he had made a mistake, when he saw me online on Friday he thought I was what he is looking for. I told him that if he wanted to be with me he had to do it for the right reasons. He agreed and said we would work things out this time and said sorry again for all what happened and the date ended up well hugging, holding hands like the old times. We kept in contact every day until yesterday, we talked as usual and he asked me what I was doing today Friday and I said I was free. He said ah ok. and I asked are you just asking or do you want us to meet? he said he was just asking, and said he didn't know what he was doing. For some reason I got upset because we used to meet all Fridays before our breakup, I sensed he didn't plan to see me any time soon. So I was confused about whether he wants to be with me or not. So I confronted him and he said sorry he is not thinking clear and that he is upset that his year is closing up with no successful relationship, and I was like wtf didn't we just got back together? and he took a while to respond and then said I want to be with you, and I said the why are you saying all these things? He was like idk I am just tired out. I was like after 2 years and a half I thought you should already know where things would be going and he said I get you. I asked: do I even mean something to you? and he was like you mean something to me. In my mind I was like wtf is going...I kept asking stuff because I was so confused. Then after a 2 hour conversation, he suggested to meet for a walk tomorrow (today Friday) at 6pm. So I was getting ready to go meet him when I get a text from him saying: I know you're gonna think I am **** but I got a call from my parents, their car broke down down the shore and I have to go get them. I was like what in the world? what is this idiot doing? I am not stupid so I texted back saying: hey if you don't want to see me you don't want to make excuses, this is ridiculous. We should stop seeing each other because you clearly have issues to solve and growing up to do. You're a 31 year old man and yet you're acting like a confused 16 y/o boy. I am going to miss you but I don't want to get hurt anymore. Good luck! and then he onlu responded with a "thank you". I am feeling terrible right now, I thought he came back because he really wanted to fix thing, start fresh and be together again but that was very douchy of him. Idk why the f* he came back just to act like an idiot again. I know part of it was my fault but how would I know he would be a jerk after saying he was sorry and wanted to work things out. Anyways, I just needed to let all this out. Any opinions, advice or comforting words are all welcomed, thanks for listening and taking the time to read the whole thing! I feel like trash right now :/
katiegrl Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Oh sweetie -- first off BIG VIRTUAL HUG! Please don't feel like "trash" -- this whole thing is HIS issue - clearly he is f.ucked up in the head. Sounds like he has major commitment/intimacy issues that are preventing him from moving forward with ANY woman in a healthy way. Guys like him feel pressured, boxed in, emotionally suffocated, so they fade out or ghost.... only to start missing the woman once she's gone and he has his freedom back. So they start to pursue her again... STILL not really knowing what they want which is totally unfair to the woman (in this case you). It's push/pull, up/down, back and forth, an emotional roller coaster all the way. You did the right thing! You gave him a second chance but now you know. He is messed up in the head... stay away from him, block, delete. Now go get some ice cream, sit back and watch old movies and try not to think about it. He is NOT worth it!! ((more hugs)) 1
Robratory Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 I think I know how you feel because something similar happened to me not long ago too. He did something wrong, and that's all there is too it. Have yourself a good cry, but try not to let it affect how you feel about yourself. If you want to take ownership of something, you could tell yourself you should have ended the drama right when it started, but don't give yourself a hard time. Just remember that for later. This whole business of throwing tantrums and sulking is just immature behavior. You should never feel like you're walking on eggshells. The moment you identify that kind of personality, remind yourself that you're not their shrink and get the hell out. 1
Author Terry8889 Posted November 21, 2015 Author Posted November 21, 2015 Paragraphs please! Sorry I was so upset when I wrote this, that I wasn't thinking about proper grammar or sentence structure. Anyways, thanks to the nice people who wrote to give me some comfort. I really appreciate it, I am still feeling like ish but I know it will get better with time.
Glitters Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 I didn't read the entire post but going by the title , NC can work in many ways. Sometimes it gives time to think things over or break up for good or makes you want to work on issues etc etc. The worst thing that happens is the person on receiving end of NC, sometimes learns to live without you , even if they love you, want to work it out etc.
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