malinda Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I have been dating my boyfriend for a full year now I'm 30 and he is 46. And I feel like we are both sooo...BORED. Yet I dont know why. well our sex life is already meh. I get annoyed inside that he has stopped instigating sex and when we do it its for 2 minutes! All those jokes about 'one minute man'. well, hes that alright. I think he hates my body. He doesnt say it but he does tell me i need to lose weight. could that be the reason? because i want him to be passionate with me but hes not. Apart from sex, we get bored sitting in a room together. On our days off from work theres times we just sit on our phones and not talk to eachother for hours. He used to complement my looks before but now he says I should stop wearing so much makeup because I look like a clown. But he always points out other girls on tv that he think look great even if they are caked in makeup. All these things are accumulating. And I feel powerless inside and depressed. I think sometimes I was crazy in love when we met and now we are like old friends that are all too familiar with one another. I get afraid he will find a pretty sassy woman someday who has a great bod and I will be long gone. I just have helped him so much financially too. At his age most men own their own apartment or house but hes still renting and I sometimes even pay his share when hes hard up. Also he has a 10 year old daughter who I have spent so much time with on weekends. Now Im starting to think are we even going to last?
katiegrl Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I have been dating my boyfriend for a full year now I'm 30 and he is 46. And I feel like we are both sooo...BORED. Yet I dont know why. well our sex life is already meh. I get annoyed inside that he has stopped instigating sex and when we do it its for 2 minutes! All those jokes about 'one minute man'. well, hes that alright. I think he hates my body. He doesnt say it but he does tell me i need to lose weight. could that be the reason? because i want him to be passionate with me but hes not. Apart from sex, we get bored sitting in a room together. On our days off from work theres times we just sit on our phones and not talk to eachother for hours. He used to complement my looks before but now he says I should stop wearing so much makeup because I look like a clown. But he always points out other girls on tv that he think look great even if they are caked in makeup. All these things are accumulating. And I feel powerless inside and depressed. I think sometimes I was crazy in love when we met and now we are like old friends that are all too familiar with one another. I get afraid he will find a pretty sassy woman someday who has a great bod and I will be long gone. I just have helped him so much financially too. At his age most men own their own apartment or house but hes still renting and I sometimes even pay his share when hes hard up. Also he has a 10 year old daughter who I have spent so much time with on weekends. Now Im starting to think are we even going to last? Bolded -- so why don't YOU talk to him? Is there anything from preventing YOU from being that "sassy" woman you think he will meet later on? If you think it's boring, perhaps it's because you are boring. Become more interesting and chances are your RL will become more interesting. Take a class (even a yoga class!), do volunteer work, make new friends, get out more on your own doing things, exploring life! Alone AND together. Your relationship is only as exciting as YOU wish it to be.... If you are looking for the man to entertain you, wish you luck. That's the wrong way to think. It takes two people to make an exciting RL and two people to make it boring. Change has gotta start somewhere -- start making changes within YOURSELF and you will see change in your RL. JMO and good luck! 5
Ic1 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Have you shared this concern with him? I'm sure he's noticed this shift in attention between each other. Maybe you two need to try new things together. Ex: Never been to a wine tasting together? Do that instead of dinner and a movie! 1
Author malinda Posted November 21, 2015 Author Posted November 21, 2015 Have you shared this concern with him? I'm sure he's noticed this shift in attention between each other. Maybe you two need to try new things together. Ex: Never been to a wine tasting together? Do that instead of dinner and a movie! yes I think part of the problem is that we are both lonley. He doesnt have many friends and I dont have any friends. So we spend alot of time together. So keeping our relationship fresh is harder to achieve for us.
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Be the change you want to see in the world - even if it's just your world. If you don't like the way your life is going, change it. If you don't like supporting him - change it. If you have few friends - change it. Quit going on your damn phone so much and actually TALK to real people, in real situations. Join a class to hone your skills or develop a hobby. Everything you complain about is within your power, skill-set and ability to change. Your weight, your life-style, your social circle - and of course, your partner. Get with the programme and start creating a life you want, because right now, you are creating a future self that will look back on this as a memory. It's up to you whether it will be a good one, or not. 1
thecrucible Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 I think all posters are right to start enhancing your life with more activities. It will bring some spark back hopefully and crucially, it will give you something to talk about. For instance, I know some ladies who have taken up pole dancing for exercise. That's quite different, right? But there's lots of different things you could do. I'm like you. I don't have many close friends but I know a tonne of people through volunteering that I can spend time with. Having friends to talk to gives you people outside the relationship to talk to about your relationship. I find this helps me to know that if I'm experiencing a relationship difficulty, I can talk to a friend about it and lessen some of the angst before I'd approach my partner.
xxoo Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 A boring life + relationship = boring relationship Relationships don't make life exciting. They enhance whatever life you have. All this to say as kindly as possible: get a life 1
xcupid Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 What's stopping you from making the relationship exciting again?
Ruby Slippers Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 I just have helped him so much financially too. At his age most men own their own apartment or house but hes still renting and I sometimes even pay his share when hes hard up. This is a bad idea. I think it tends to create a parent-child dynamic. Not sexy.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 A boring life + relationship = boring relationship Relationships don't make life exciting. They enhance whatever life you have. All this to say as kindly as possible: get a life This is it right here. Healthy long term relationships aren't about the 1% of your life that is exciting they are about that 99% of life that is steady and not exciting. At your ages this is life in a relationship for most people. Here is a fact. Happily married people spend about 15 hours of non-sleeping time on each other per week. That is 15 hours of undivided attention. Two hours per day and some change. You could try to create that kind of time with eachother. Ease into it. Instead of looking at your phones cuddle up with eachother.
Qboro90 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Sorry to hear you're in a rut but it also sounds like your BF is a pretty rude and verbally careless/hurtful kind of guy. Have you gained weight or have your looks changed since you first met him? If that's the case then he may just be physically losing the attraction he once had for you. I've dated girls who after 6 months, year into it, they do like the cliche goes... Let themselves go a bit. Now your BF is going about this in the complete wrong way and no one should ever tell their partner they're fat or looks like a clown. It's all about how you word things. Next time he says something like that say, "you know, you've said things like that before. Do you realize how hurtful that is for me to hear?" "If he said "hey babe, there's a new gym or this class I wanna check out, wanna join me? Or "I think we should start going on walks together every night after dinner for excercise". That's an inclusive way to do that. Also "I think you have such a naturally beautiful face and features. Just feel like sometimes that gets hidden by the amount of makeup you put on" "I think you're gorgeous, I wanna see you... Not the caked up makeover version". Would that be a better way to discuss it with you or would that still make you feel bad? This is all probably a moot point because I think he's abusing the relationship. Don't pay for his rent anymore. Once you start doing that it's hard to stop. He'll make you feel guilty if he needs help and you turn him down. When actually he should be embarrassed that he ever had to ask once and even after you helped him, he paid you back immediately and did something to thank you that showed his appreciation. If you're getting none of that... Then you're dating a selfish person. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Color me confused because I just don't GET why everyone is encouraging you to stay with this verbally abusive a*sshole. Why are you wasting your time with some 46 year old guy who STILL doesn't have his sh*t together and needs YOU to occasionally pay his bills? Good God. He's completely SELFISH in bed because once he gets his (for a whole whopping 2 minutes), it's over. He couldn't care LESS about what you're getting out of it (which is obviously nothing). What a lazy, selfish jerk. Honestly, do you need a so-called 'man' in your life THIS badly that you'll settle for a loser who tells you you're overweight and look like a clown? I actually find that quite comical considering it's coming from a sexually incompetent and underemployed middle-aged man who sometimes has to rely on his fat, clownish girlfriend to keep him from being evicted from his apartment. Dump this waste of skin and find a man your own age you can actually build a future with. And make sure your new man can pay his OWN bills and doesn't rely on you to care of his kid every weekend. 1
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