Robratory Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I recently got a free OKCupid account. I'm a guy seeking a woman, and I've noticed stuff like this in a whole bunch of female profiles. My self-summary I love camping, am adventurous and have a broad social circle. Summer festivals that include music and community are high on my list and bring me joy. What I’m doing with my life I'm living life to the fullest. I travel, read, go to a lot of concerts, go to spiritual retreats. I’m really good at I'm good at bringing out the best in others and in making fun happen with friends. The first things people usually notice about me I'm warm and friendly, easy to talk to and love bold colors. I know a lot of people, can't go anywhere without running into someone I know. I spend a lot of time thinking about My students, friends, community projects I am a part of, the summer, my next adventure On a typical Friday night I am at a dinner with friends, at some cultural event like first Fridays, listening to music somewhere... I admit honestly (here, not in my profile, of course) that I don't have a broad social circle. I don't go to lots of concerts, dinners with friends, cultural events, etc. If I did, why would I be on OKCupid? This leads me to think of three possibilities: They really do have such full lives, but they are so picky that nobody in real life makes the cut.They're not seeking relationships but just for the male attention in a relatively safe environment.They're lying, and the truth is that they spend their weekends binge-watching Netflix, just like the rest of us do. I'm leaning towards #1, especially since the photos often show the woman actually engaging in all the activities she's claiming. What do you think it is, and please add possibilities if you can think of any.
Oregon_Dude Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Most of them are on there for ego validation, i.e. to receive messages from men in order to affirm they are desirable. Some actually go on dates. Those that do are typically serial daters for whom no one will ever be good enough. Let me guess - they're good at parallel parking? Love to laugh? You should message them if you can keep up with them? Pretty much every chick profile is the same. Good luck; it's a meaningless world out there. 1
SwordofFlame Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Also add "world traveler" to the list of things that they describe themselves as. I'll also add that I've never gone on a dates with women that have these types of profiles.
contel3 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I´m one of those women. I´m usually not lying but let´s say....exagerating. I really like snowboarding. I snowboard at most 7 days a year. I like running. I go for a run maybe once a week. I like the theater. I go maybe twice a year. I will list all those activities on my profile and look like an interesting person, but it´s only a small percentage of my free time. I won´t say this on my profile though. So it will automatically sound a lot more impressive than it actually is. The rest of the time I am indeed watching netflix. 2
contel3 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 oh and something to add. I do use those sites to meet someone. And I do go on dates. Even met one boyfriend on there =)
losangelena Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 This leads me to think of three possibilities: They really do have such full lives, but they are so picky that nobody in real life makes the cut.They're not seeking relationships but just for the male attention in a relatively safe environment.They're lying, and the truth is that they spend their weekends binge-watching Netflix, just like the rest of us do. I'm leaning towards #1, especially since the photos often show the woman actually engaging in all the activities she's claiming. What do you think it is, and please add possibilities if you can think of any. Well ... as an actual woman who has actual female friends, I'd be inclined to believe they do have full lives, but of course it's going to get run through an online "interest" filter. Pretty much every advice article written about what to include in an OLD profile says to convey yourself as a positive, optimistic person with a lot going on; that you're not going to get a lot of interest if you sound outwardly cynical, bitter, weird, neurotic or misanthropic. Is that true? I don't know, but I would read every profile with a grain of salt if I were you. Imagine they all had an Instagram filter laid over them. Of course everyone spend at least some of their time chilling in their sweat pants—everyone needs down time. Are you going to include it in your profile? No. It's like including "oxygen" in the "six things I can't live without" section, like no sh*t, a**hole. So yeah, I vote true but heightened for effect. As far as being picky goes, I speak from experience that just because you have a wide social circle doesn't mean you're going to meet someone you want to date. It doesn't have anything to do with pickiness. Maybe all your friends are married or all your guy friends are gay. I don't think OLD is a bastion for the desperate, it's a widening of that very social circle. Again, the people you see on OLD are the exact same ones who are going to your neighborhood bar or drum circle or music festival. It's just another method of meeting people. Maybe I hang with the wrong kind of women, but I don't know anyone who does OLD just for cheap validation from men. I don't know where that notion originated, but I find it off-putting, as if a woman wouldn't have anything better to do with her time than troll the internet for a meaningless ego-stroke. There are plenty of genuine women seeking genuine connections. Apropos of nothing, I find the kind of profiles you're describing to be shallow and irritating, and if I were a guy I would be put off. So maybe keep looking and message the ones who don't follow this mold. 5
SwordofFlame Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I tend to do better with women that don't have as much stuff in their profile. I don't put a lot in mine as well. I guess the type of person that OP describes is fun and interesting and wants someone who's the same. Objectively speaking, I'm not THAT fun and interesting myself. I guess that's why I do better with women that are like me.
Author Robratory Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 I´m one of those women. I´m usually not lying but let´s say....exagerating. I really like snowboarding. I snowboard at most 7 days a year. I like running. I go for a run maybe once a week. I like the theater. I go maybe twice a year. I will list all those activities on my profile and look like an interesting person, but it´s only a small percentage of my free time. I won´t say this on my profile though. So it will automatically sound a lot more impressive than it actually is. The rest of the time I am indeed watching netflix. Oh, thank you for your comment! Would you consider that framing yourself that way makes you less attractive? I don't mean that men will be disappointed upon discovering that you're not up for daily 5k runs with them. Rather, I mean that guys who also run once a week will read your profile and disqualify themselves because they imagine you to be an intense runner. Well, on the other hand, I've heard that women get enough attention not to have to worry about cutting the clamor down to a low roar.
losangelena Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I tend to do better with women that don't have as much stuff in their profile. I don't put a lot in mine as well. I guess the type of person that OP describes is fun and interesting and wants someone who's the same. Objectively speaking, I'm not THAT fun and interesting myself. I guess that's why I do better with women that are like me. This reminds me of another point, and that's that these women have probably described themselves this way because they're looking for men who are similarly active, sociable and outgoing. As SoF mentioned, he goes for women who seem to have a similar energy level and it works for him. Again, it's not as if these women are this active all the time, but if a woman describes herself to be "living life to the fullest. I travel, read, go to a lot of concerts, go to spiritual retreats," and you're a guy whose idea of a fun Friday night is getting a pizza and zoning out with PS4, then it's probably not going to be a match.
Ic1 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 There certainly are many common statements in OLD profiles! But something I've found is the ones with different profiles using uncommon adjectives to describe themselves, or the ones using facts to describe the common attributes are the profiles that are more accurate about who actually wrote them. (Ex: Instead of "I'm a musician", "I'm learning to play the saxophone right now".) You'll probably notice trends on how they write their profile and who they are as you meet some of them.
loveweary11 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I just ran into the same thing today. Talking to a new girl I met online. Her profile mentioned snorkeling as one of her interests. So... I suggested I take her snorkeling. Asked if she had her own gear or if we needed to pick some up. She then said she's never been in her life... she's just interested in it! I guess people put down things they are interested in, not things they do, sometimes.
xcupid Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Doesn't matter if they have full lives or not. They're looking for dating or a relationship. Don't be intimidated by what they say. Instead contact them and get to know them.
insert_name Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I love the way women typically try to cover all bases with: "On a typical Friday night I am just as comfortable staying in in front of Netflix as I am going out for a drink with friends" Literally every profile on OKC has this. Its the sort of wishy washy, non-committal nonsense they would bin a man for. I really am now starting to get the whole female 'inner hamster' allegory that a lot of guys refer to. The hamster in strong in OLD that is for sure! 1
Author Robratory Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 Pretty much every advice article written about what to include in an OLD profile says to convey yourself as a positive, optimistic person with a lot going on; that you're not going to get a lot of interest if you sound outwardly cynical, bitter, weird, neurotic or misanthropic. Is that true? Sounds reasonable. It only makes sense. Accentuate the positive. Maybe I have a lower threshold of where we cross from accenting into just plain exaggerating. I have that same problem on my resume. Maybe I hang with the wrong kind of women, but I don't know anyone who does OLD just for cheap validation from men. I don't know where that notion originated, but I find it off-putting, as if a woman wouldn't have anything better to do with her time than troll the internet for a meaningless ego-stroke. There are plenty of genuine women seeking genuine connections. You're right. That was a cynical notion I included. I won't go there again, and for the record, I do believe most of us seek real connection. I think what happens, though, is that fear makes us set unreasonable standards. We let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Because of that, I kind of don't agree with "full social life but no prospects." Sure, if you're a pediatric nurse, all you'll see at work are parents and children, so slim pickings there. But if you're going out with friends, attending concerts, sporting events, art gallery show, spiritual retreats, etc., how can you avoid running into prospects? These are public events where people self-segregate according to what they like. Someone at an art gallery is bound to have an interest in art and probably isn't into monster trucks, so now all you have to figure out is if you can countenance kissing them. I think too many people, not just women, get stuck at that point. Even though we theoretically have many more mating possibilities than ever before, we seem to approach the situation as a one-shot deal. We fear making the wrong choice, which is kind of silly, since we can always choose again. This was a recurrent theme in Seinfeld, with the main characters repeatedly rejecting dating possibilities based on the most frivolous and ridiculous of objections.
Ic1 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 I love the way women typically try to cover all bases with: "On a typical Friday night I am just as comfortable staying in in front of Netflix as I am going out for a drink with friends" Literally every profile on OKC has this. Yes, I always found this funny too. One thing I liked about OkCupid was their match %s, because with those questions if you had a broader range of what answers you'd accept, less match % was rewarded for someone giving an answer you'd accept.
Author Robratory Posted November 21, 2015 Author Posted November 21, 2015 Again, it's not as if these women are this active all the time, but if a woman describes herself to be "living life to the fullest. I travel, read, go to a lot of concerts, go to spiritual retreats," and you're a guy whose idea of a fun Friday night is getting a pizza and zoning out with PS4, then it's probably not going to be a match. Yes, but "I travel" could refer to that trip to Baja back in 2005, and meanwhile, the guy who grabs a pizza Friday nights doesn't happen to mention that he goes mountain climbing twice times a year. Of course, it would still be a poor match, but not for the apparent reasons.
chphan Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 The best one is looking for someone who is real or the real deal. lol
Author Robratory Posted November 21, 2015 Author Posted November 21, 2015 Doesn't matter if they have full lives or not. They're looking for dating or a relationship. Don't be intimidated by what they say. Instead contact them and get to know them. Yes, that's really the only thing one can do. Even though I'm not about to mass mail out form leaders, which I've heard some guys do, I know it's still a numbers game.
Under The Radar Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 I just ran into the same thing today. Talking to a new girl I met online. Her profile mentioned snorkeling as one of her interests. So... I suggested I take her snorkeling. Asked if she had her own gear or if we needed to pick some up. She then said she's never been in her life... she's just interested in it! I guess people put down things they are interested in, not things they do, sometimes. This is made me laugh out loud Thanks for that 3
thecrucible Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Cut them some slack. Everyone is given the advice to be upbeat in their profile. We all have to put our best foot forward and there is a lot of pressure to sound interesting on the internet. For instance I do say I like hiking and camping (hey I can see mountains from my window!) and I say that I like traveling (have been to 15 countries so far). Maybe that makes me generic in reality because I don't go hiking or camping nearly as often as I like and I haven't been abroad for over a year. I just work the 9-5, come home, read and watch netflix, wake up again for the daily grind and do the odd fun thing on a weekend like most people. If I was totally honest, I'd sound so boring! Hey maybe I am boring? Point is you have to attract someone so you've got to sell yourself. It's obligatory. 1
thecrucible Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 The best one is looking for someone who is real or the real deal. lol I hate reading "looking for my partner in crime". 3
Author Robratory Posted November 21, 2015 Author Posted November 21, 2015 I say that I like traveling (have been to 15 countries so far). Maybe that makes me generic in reality because I don't go hiking or camping nearly as often as I like and I haven't been abroad for over a year. Generic? On the contrary. Having been to 15 countries puts you in a tiny minority, and it doesn't matter how long ago you last were abroad. Only 46% of Americans even hold a passport. How many have been to even three countries? Unless you count those whirlwind tours that drag you through eight European countries in five days, not many. I just work the 9-5, come home, read and watch netflix, wake up again for the daily grind and do the odd fun thing on a weekend like most people. If I was totally honest, I'd sound so boring! Hey maybe I am boring? Point is you have to attract someone so you've got to sell yourself. It's obligatory. Yes, I know what you mean, but I think there's a point at which you make yourself so attractive that you reduce the number of "qualified candidates" (for want of a better term). Then again, women don't seem to have the problem of attracting too little attention!
Ruby Slippers Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 You should branch out. My OLD profile never talked about any of that generic crap. It was more philosophical, about big-picture things that matter. I like smart boys who think for themselves. "I love to travel!" Who doesn't? 1
loveweary11 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 My trouble with this topic is this: I'm a doer, not a talker. When I read a profile, I take it at face value. The travel thing keeps tripping me up because I travel full time and have been to most states as well as most western countries/islands. I keep getting to know girls who say they travel, or dreanpm of traveling, then when it comnes down to it, no... they don't. They are stuck in one place for life due to school or a dead end job or whatever. It's been very frustrating. I have all these deep talks about travel, they're totally on board, then they try to get me to stay in their town instead of going traveling. It is starting to irk me how so many people aren't who they pretend to be.
hippychick3 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 I tend to do better with women that don't have as much stuff in their profile. I don't put a lot in mine as well. I guess the type of person that OP describes is fun and interesting and wants someone who's the same. Objectively speaking, I'm not THAT fun and interesting myself. I guess that's why I do better with women that are like me. When I was online dating, I had the bare minimum in my profile. Somehow many guys found this appealing and a bit "mysterious". It was often a first date conversation how little I had compared to other women. I actually am a very private person and didn't want my whole life story out there for strange men to see. I prefer to open up to people one on one once I meet them. I was even uncomfortable having my pictures up..but figured that was kinda necessary for online dating to work.
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