contel3 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 A few weeks ago I met this guy who seems really great on paper, but I don´t seem to be able to relax around him. He´s got a great job, is good-looking intelligent, curious and matches most of my "criteria". It´s really small things like he likes teasing me, seems very confident and is taking things too fast for me that make me feel uncomfortable. We kissed on the third date and by the way he kisses and acts I can tell he´s a "dating veteran" so to say....which makes me a bit wary. Now I got out of a very toxic relationship several months ago. I´m not sure if I´m freaking out over nothing because I´m scared to be hurt again or if it´s really my intuition kicking in saying we´re not compatible...I´m especially hesitant to call it off, as it´s only "small" stuff, nothing mayor. Any advice?
PaperCrane Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Your small stuff is actually positives. He's comfortable enough to play around with you, he's not afraid of what he wants, and he's a good kisser. Although it will depend on the answers to these questions: How long have you been dating? By going too fast, what do you mean? 1
Ic1 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Your small stuff is actually positives. He's comfortable enough to play around with you, he's not afraid of what he wants, and he's a good kisser. Although it will depend on the answers to these questions: How long have you been dating? By going too fast, what do you mean? Agreed. It's good signs. And only kissing on the third date doesn't seem fast at all to me. What parameters would you consider fast? I have a theory that you're simply not comfortable being in a relationship yet. Are you getting more uncomfortable and having more questions come to mind as it grows into a relationship?
smackie9 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 You are not emotionally ready if you think these things are negative. Keep your options open, date others, stay single so you don't get into a relationship for the wrong reasons.
Author contel3 Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 Although it will depend on the answers to these questions: How long have you been dating? By going too fast, what do you mean? We have been dating for two weeks. By going fast I mean that I barely know him and I don´t feel comfortable with hours of kissing, eye gazing and holding hands yet.
Amalyn Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Kissing on the third date is moving too fast? I don't think you are quite ready for a relationship. Have you tried explaining to him that you want to get to know him and take things slow? Good relationships have solid foundations of communication...
Author contel3 Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 Agreed. It's good signs. And only kissing on the third date doesn't seem fast at all to me. What parameters would you consider fast? I have a theory that you're simply not comfortable being in a relationship yet. Are you getting more uncomfortable and having more questions come to mind as it grows into a relationship? true those are actually good signs. Kissing in the first month is ok, but for sex thats too soon. I know I can´t separate sex and emotions so I prefer taking my time. I also have trouble with being romantic before knowing the person for more than one or two months. I did consider that too.... I do get a lot of anxiety and I worry the guy might turn out to be abusive.
Ic1 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 true those are actually good signs. Kissing in the first month is ok, but for sex thats too soon. I know I can´t separate sex and emotions so I prefer taking my time. I also have trouble with being romantic before knowing the person for more than one or two months. I did consider that too.... I do get a lot of anxiety and I worry the guy might turn out to be abusive. I completely understand your concerns of inevitable feelings for someone you feel in bed, and how you have to know someone before you are attracted/romantic to them. I'm actually the same of the latter. Talk to him and put the rules out. Tell him you want to know him more before getting to know him below the belt. (I'd tell him you're the one who will have to make the decision on when.) If he can't respect that in confirmation verbally, or makes any action to alter your decision on when... Then you have major negatives.
xcupid Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 His pace seems faster than the pace you're comfortable with. Establish your boundaries and see what he says. You'll find out soon enough whether he's worth spending more time with.
smackie9 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Just put yourself in the position of the person that is told "I think we need to slow down" .....I know that wouldn't sit right with me.
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