shewolf_27 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 (edited) I've been with my bf for about a year now. Initially, every thing was perf, no probs , no arguments. Basically the perfect r-ship. Met him while I was working but now I'm back @ uni. I still see him every 2 weeks or 3 weeks @ most. However since I've started school things have started to go south. I dreamt twice that he cheated on me. And at the time I thought nothing of it because well, they're dreams and they mean nothing. Also I'm a bit insecure, and since I've started school I've had some episodes of depression, not feeling good enough, thinking hes going to leave me for someone prettier, smarter, got their life sorted out whatever. But things got really bad when we started following each other on Instagram. I saw some the raunchy half naked pics of this particular female he kept on liking and immediately red flags went up. I never brought it to his attention but seeing this just amped up my insecurities by like 100%. I started to have trust issues, and question things. So much so that I had a moment of weakness and checked his phone. Checked his IG DMs and found he was talking to a bunch of random girls. While I found nothing too incriminating, it was still unsettling non the less. But one thing that really struck me was the fact that he called a female PRINCESS. He's never called me that, ever. And it made me pretty darn sad. Matter of fact I can't recall him ever calling me beautiful. Next thing I checked was his gallery. Found a myriad of nudes! I went as far to check the date they were received and most of the ones I saw were fr 2013, and only Lord knows if he had gotten any since we stated dating cuz I didn't check em all. But I was so confused as to why he would still have all those photos on his phone ??. I point blank told him I was having trust issues and he said there's no one else but...I just have so many doubts now. But despite this I am still so much in love with him. I told him this a couple weeks ago. He didn't respond right away but when he did he said love you too. Told him once again after the first time and again he said love you too. Not I but just love you too. I need help. What is your evaluation of the situation. Am I looking into things too much? What should I do??? Edited November 20, 2015 by shewolf_27
PaperCrane Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 The most effective thing you can do is communicate with him. Tell him what you did and why. Work on enforcing proper boundaries for the relationship. But truth be told; if I was dating a girl whom was following and talking to a bunch of dudes on instagram and saying sweet things to them, I'd walk. You seem to have an anxious attachment style. I'd look that up and read about it. 1
Ic1 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 You're at a university that keeps you from seeing him often, you're beginning to doubt his trustworthiness, and you feel he's less attracted to you? Walk. It doesn't matter whether you have hard evidence, but it does matter than you're not in a situation you can see him as much, and that you're at a point of your life where living matters more than a relationship. 2
Buddhist Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I've been with my bf for about a year now. Initially, every thing was perf, no probs , no arguments. Basically the perfect r-ship. What is your evaluation of the situation. Am I looking into things too much? What should I do??? My evaluation of the situation is this.... - You're both extremely young, the chances of this being a forever relationship are so close to zero it's not funny. Relax and realise that yes you two will most likely break up at some point and in about a year or so you won't actually care. - A relationship with no arguments and all lovey dovey, isn't the perfect relationship actually. It's one in which both partners are lying to each other because well real relationships have friction. It's normal, natural and that's just how human interaction goes. The argument isn't a problem if you have the skills to negotiate it. This idea of yours that as soon as things aren't 100% smooth means things are ending won't help you in life. It will instead create anxiety because every relationship will follow this pattern without exceptions. - He's a young guy, he's got hormones it's really not a surprise to find nudes of females on his phone. Young women often expect they are going to be the everything for their man. It's just not the case. Don't go snooping if you don't want to be faced with reality. He's got a high libido and just looking at you naked isn't enough to satisfy curiosity. That's normal too, as is fantasising about women with bigger breasts, smaller breasts, different body shapes, hotter than you etc. Don't tell me you've never once seen a really hot guy and haven't gone their in your head because your bf is the only person you ever feel a rush for. I'll know you're lying. This is people, this is hormones, this is lust. - He's probably calling you a princess because you're getting fragile with your self worth and hypersensitive. Even if you don't vocalise it, people can sense it. It's a relationship killer. The other aspect is that young people just get bored. It's an unrealistic expectation that some super young guy is going to meet a woman early on and forsake all other interests from that point on. Relationships are work, they aren't novelty and most young people, men and women just don't have the sticking power for that in their early twenties. They get dissatisfied and they move onto greener pastures believing that will fix everything. This is a perennial problem, it's a normal thing and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it if it's happening to your guy. -Your job is to get a handle on your own insecurities, not by expecting him to be different, but by facing your own fears. If this relationship is ending, that's just what's going to happen. Realise you won't die, you will get over it and eventually find a better bf than your current one. It will suck in the short term but in the long term you'll be glad of it. This is life. You being all anxious and snooping in his phone and his instagram account is just going to fuel your insecurities and cause the end to come sooner than otherwise. If you have reason to believe he is cheating, end it, as soon as possible. Have a cry, drink some alcohol and find someone else. Those are my thoughts. 1
Author shewolf_27 Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 My evaluation of the situation is this.... - You're both extremely young, the chances of this being a forever relationship are so close to zero it's not funny. Relax and realise that yes you two will most likely break up at some point and in about a year or so you won't actually care. Thank you for your thoughts Buddhist. I probably should have mentioned this important detail but he's actually my senior by 12 yrs. I'm 22.
Author shewolf_27 Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 My evaluation of the situation is this.... - You're both extremely young, the chances of this being a forever relationship are so close to zero it's not funny. Relax and realise that yes you two will most likely break up at some point and in about a year or so you won't actually care. - A relationship with no arguments and all lovey dovey, isn't the perfect relationship actually. It's one in which both partners are lying to each other because well real relationships have friction. It's normal, natural and that's just how human interaction goes. The argument isn't a problem if you have the skills to negotiate it. This idea of yours that as soon as things aren't 100% smooth means things are ending won't help you in life. It will instead create anxiety because every relationship will follow this pattern without exceptions. - He's a young guy, he's got hormones it's really not a surprise to find nudes of females on his phone. Young women often expect they are going to be the everything for their man. It's just not the case. Don't go snooping if you don't want to be faced with reality. He's got a high libido and just looking at you naked isn't enough to satisfy curiosity. That's normal too, as is fantasising about women with bigger breasts, smaller breasts, different body shapes, hotter than you etc. Don't tell me you've never once seen a really hot guy and haven't gone their in your head because your bf is the only person you ever feel a rush for. I'll know you're lying. This is people, this is hormones, this is lust. - He's probably calling you a princess because you're getting fragile with your self worth and hypersensitive. Even if you don't vocalise it, people can sense it. It's a relationship killer. The other aspect is that young people just get bored. It's an unrealistic expectation that some super young guy is going to meet a woman early on and forsake all other interests from that point on. Relationships are work, they aren't novelty and most young people, men and women just don't have the sticking power for that in their early twenties. They get dissatisfied and they move onto greener pastures believing that will fix everything. This is a perennial problem, it's a normal thing and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it if it's happening to your guy. -Your job is to get a handle on your own insecurities, not by expecting him to be different, but by facing your own fears. If this relationship is ending, that's just what's going to happen. Realise you won't die, you will get over it and eventually find a better bf than your current one. It will suck in the short term but in the long term you'll be glad of it. This is life. You being all anxious and snooping in his phone and his instagram account is just going to fuel your insecurities and cause the end to come sooner than otherwise. If you have reason to believe he is cheating, end it, as soon as possible. Have a cry, drink some alcohol and find someone else. Those are my thoughts. My evaluation of the situation is this.... - You're both extremely young, the chances of this being a forever relationship are so close to zero it's not funny. Relax and realise that yes you two will most likely break up at some point and in about a year or so you won't actually care. Thank you for your thoughts Buddhist. I probably should have mentioned this important detail but he's actually my senior by 12 yrs. I'm 22.
Ic1 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 he's actually my senior by 12 yrs. I'm 22. As well as he has nudes of other girls!!! Along with all the other details, this last one screams RUN to me.
Maggie4 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Doesn't sound like he's waiting for you to graduate so you can live happily ever after. You should be checking out some college guys. He's the one who should be worried. All he can do is look at nude girls online, you can meet real boys!
lilmissjava Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 You are far too young to be so invested in this relationship, especially when he is 12 years older than you are. Uni should be a fun social experience so make it one.
Robratory Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 The most effective thing you can do is communicate with him. It's amazing how often that is the best advice possible.
Buddhist Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 (edited) Thank you for your thoughts Buddhist. I probably should have mentioned this important detail but he's actually my senior by 12 yrs. I'm 22. In which case he is acting like someone 12yrs his junior, I wouldn't be investing myself there. He's obviously dating someone in your age group to avoid growing up himself. Most men by the age of 34 or so have matured somewhat are able to be in longterm relationships, even perhaps preferring them over dating. He's acting like a 22yr old guy. Not a good sign. Edited November 20, 2015 by Buddhist
malinda Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 (edited) If youre anything like me I would be so hurt if my bf was calling girls with cute titles to someone he knows but if its random girls sounds like hes just a bit of a flirt and likes attention himself which is also not okay because its disrespecting you. If I were you I'd Just tell him to get a grip because he' way past puberty. Hes probably a typical guy as far as those pics are concerned. I wouldnt worry too much if they are random people but if he is talking to someone he knows that would make me give him the ultimatum. Edited November 21, 2015 by malinda
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