why are men so available and eager?

November 21, 2015

When I think of "beta" I'm talking about guys who are passive and who often communicate in a passive-aggressive way. The guy who believes he is Mr Nice Guy but is really seething with rage and resentment towards women because he gets overlooked so often. He sees himself as a victim rather than as in control of his own universe. He doesn't own his experiences but instead blames it on women/the universe/whatever. Beta man wrongly assumes women are only interested in bad boys, rich guys and guys who are model-gorgeous. "Alpha", to me, is the confident, assertive (not aggressive, assertive) guy. He's not necessarily rich or stunningly good looking.

100% agree with that. I don't like guys like that. I like men who tell it to me straight and don't think they need to tell me what I want to hear as that's insulting to my intelligence. Plus people who cling to the idea that they are "a nice guy" can actually end up doing the opposite. They will be so concerned about pleasing everyone that they do something wrong such as being dishonest to avoid the consequences of not being seen as perpetually 'nice' person. I like guys who are real and genuine and straightforward. You can be assertive but also kind and respectful.

November 21, 2015

Be honest though does it turn you on that a man who can get all those women choose you and that you were able to tame him?

Honestly? No, I never even gave it a thought. In fact, I did not even know what a huge player he was until much later on in our RL... after we had already fallen in love!

The only reason I felt (and feel) special is cause of the way he feels about me and the way he treats me. And vice versa.

Truth!

Edit: Also I did not "tame" him. WE clicked with each other, that's all.

November 21, 2015

I hate the terms alpha and beta. It puts people into boxes and denies the complexities of human beings.

November 21, 2015

100% agree with that. I don't like guys like that. I like men who tell it to me straight and don't think they need to tell me what I want to hear as that's insulting to my intelligence. Plus people who cling to the idea that they are "a nice guy" can actually end up doing the opposite. They will be so concerned about pleasing everyone that they do something wrong such as being dishonest to avoid the consequences of not being seen as perpetually 'nice' person. I like guys who are real and genuine and straightforward. You can be assertive but also kind and respectful.

. Weren't you just saying how you like guys, or used to like guys who are unavailable?

Is that real, and genuine, and straightforward? I mean do they tell you "Hey, basically I would never date you, but would have sex with you"

November 21, 2015

The reason I am single is because to me that is the most desirable thing to be. I love being single (but still dating at least a bit). I'm not the sort of person who feels more fulfilled in a couple than alone."

So that means,, in womanese, "if a relationship happens, it happens"?

I mean clearly she said she feels more fulfilled alone, and being single is more desirable...So, ummm, then why join dating sites? I mean one of these sissy,needy men might think she is actually looking for a relationship since she is on dating sites..

I am NOT going to go back through this thread and quote and bold every single post the OP has made throughout her thread.

But thank you for going back and grabbing that one quote from that one post of her multiple posts in this thread to illustrate what I was referring to when I said that you are "hung-up on" and "stuck-in-a-rut over", so that others will know I wasn't "making [that] up".

November 21, 2015

Stop walking on eggshells and trying to please unpleasable people. It is very liberating when you realize that you can't win because you stop wasting energy on trying.

I think a lot of women can feel like this too. Maybe you have been with 'unpleasable' women but we've had the same. I mean you get men that are addicted to the challenge as well. There are kind easygoing low-drama ladies that also get looked over.

November 21, 2015

Honestly? No, I never even gave it a thought. In fact, I did not even know what a huge player he was until much later on in our RL... after we had already fallen in love!

The only reason I felt (and feel) special is cause of the way he feels about me and the way he treats me. And vice versa.

Truth!

Edit: Also I did not "tame" him. WE clicked with each other, that's all.

You will never hear a guy say "Wow, i didn't know how promiscuous she was until we fell in love!!"

But once again, in other threads, we will all have to hear women say how men and women are all the same sexually..

Edited November 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

November 21, 2015

. Weren't you just saying how you like guys, or used to like guys who are unavailable?

Is that real, and genuine, and straightforward? I mean do they tell you "Hey, basically I would never date you, but would have sex with you"

No I was saying that I was more attracted to that in the past before I saw sense. I mean like when I was 18-20 kind of age. I'm not perfect and it's okay for me to say what I said and admit that my observations are based on my past failings.

November 21, 2015

I think a lot of women can feel like this too. Maybe you have been with 'unpleasable' women but we've had the same. I mean you get men that are addicted to the challenge as well. There are kind easygoing low-drama ladies that also get looked over.

I don't date men so I will take you at your word but from what my friends tell me and what I experienced when I was single a lot of women just never seem happy with what you do. If I paid them attention they asked for space and when I gave them space they complained I was ignoring them. After a while my mentality was I am what I am and if that is not what you want then move on. I prefer and honest and straightforward approach with no games when it comes to women.

November 21, 2015

You will never hear a guy say "Wow, i didn't know how promiscuous she was until we fell in love!!"

But once again, in other threads, we will all have to hear women say how men and women are all the same sexually..

Huh?????

I found out about his history (after we fell in love) as I met a couple of his very close friends who told me. Then I asked him and he admitted it.

Didn't bother me in the least, by then we were well into a committed RL, so it didn't matter. It would not have mattered even if we were NOT in a committed RL.

He was always "cool" to me straight from the get... whether he was a player or not.

It would not have mattered if he had not had a date in five years, and/or if every other woman before me rejected him... I STILL would have thought he was cool....because AGAIN, we clicked!

Edited November 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
edited quote ~T

November 21, 2015

Not all men are too available, eager, beta, etc.

Just keep looking and if those annoying betas keep appearing, then you know who the common denominator is.

November 21, 2015

You will never hear a guy say "Wow, i didn't know how promiscuous she was until we fell in love!!"

But once again, in other threads, we will all have to hear women say how men and women are all the same sexually..

To be fair, I've never heard a woman say, that about a man either.

Typically, how it goes is more along the lines of "We fell in love. We'd both been in enough relationships before meeting one another - and learned from those relationships - to know what is and is not what we were looking for."

As a matter of fact, the exact moment one of my guys realized he'd fallen in love with me was when he called me at 1:30A, from a bar (where he went 'with the boys' every Thursday night), wanting a booty call. I told him no, I wasn't available. I even laughed *at* him and said, "Awwww...you mean you couldn't find ANYone to go home with?!?"

He realized it was the first time he could have gone home with someone else, but he didn't want to...he wanted to come be with me.

That's the moment he *fell*. He never cheated on me a once, in the 5+ years we were together, either. HE knew he had what he wanted...he'd already figured it out, all on his own.

There's a lesson in there, somewhere...and it has nothing to do with "players", "sluts", "alphas", or "betas".

Edited November 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

November 21, 2015

That is exactly what happened with me (and my fiancé) as well.

He was a HUGE player when I met him! HUGE! Was juggling women like nobody's business.

But when we met, wowza, something clicked and from day one, we only had eyes for each other... and it was HIM who asked me (no TOLD me) on the first date (we had sex the first night we met!)... that he wanted to date me exclusively.... and see where it would lead.

The rest is history -- five plus years later and we're getting married next year.

Oh, I thought you wrote this... Seems like you were proud he was a player..

Once again, no guy would say "She was a huge slut when I met her.. HUGE! Was juggling men like nobody's business!":

November 21, 2015

Huh?????

Not sure how you surmised the bolded from what I wrote but whatevs.

I found out he was a huge player (after we fell in love) as I met a couple of his very close friends who told me. Then I asked him and he admitted it.

Didn't bother me in the least, by then we were well into a committed RL, so it didn't matter. It would not have mattered even if we were NOT in a committed RL.

He was always "cool" to me straight from the get... whether he was a player or not.

It would not have mattered if he had not had a date in five years, and/or if every other woman before me rejected him... I STILL would have thought he was cool....because AGAIN, we clicked!

True but for a lot of men if they found out their wives or girlfriends were the same way it would be an issue and some would even break up over that while it seems to not be an issue with you.

November 21, 2015

You will never hear a guy say "Wow, i didn't know how promiscuous she was until we fell in love!!"

But once again, in other threads, we will all have to hear women say how men and women are all the same sexually..

Wow you really need to stop judging oregon...

Why you so bitter anyway? Practically everything I have posted in this thread you have taken issue with...why?

You have managed to twist and turn what IS a very happy positive RL in my life, to something sorted that I should feel ashamed about.

So what if he had a history before I met him? I don't give a rat's ass.

Didn't make him "cool" didn't make him anything except a guy who was dating many women as he had not found the "right" one yet.

Edited November 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

November 21, 2015

True but for a lot of men if they found out their wives or girlfriends were the same way it would be an issue and some would even break up over that while it seems to not be an issue with you.

Why? Because he was dating many women as he had not found the "right" one yet?

Why should that bother me? Why should that bother you if the tables were turned?

That's what people do in order to find the right one...they date! Some people prefer multi-dating and some people (like me) prefer "one at a time."

Neither one is wrong...what is WRONG is misleading people, and as far as I know he wasn't doing that...so why should I care how many women he was dating before me?

I don't get the rationale there.

November 21, 2015

Wow you really need to stop judging oregon...

Why you so bitter anyway? Practically everything I have posted in this thread you have taken issue with...why?

You have managed to twist and turn what IS a very happy positive RL in my life, to something sorted that I should feel ashamed about.

So what if he was a "player" before I met him? I don't give a rat's ass.

Didn't make him "cool" didn't make him anything except a guy who was dating many women as he had not found the "right" one yet.

No.. just pointing out, by your wording, emphasis, and punctuation, it conveys you were proud you landed a "player".. So, I made an observation that this is another difference between men and women. A difference that women never admit in other threads..

He was a HUGE player when I met him! HUGE! Was juggling women like nobody's business.

November 21, 2015

...Once again, no guy would say "She was a huge slut when I met her.. HUGE! Was juggling men like nobody's business!":

According to what several of you men are saying, all four of the men I've been in long-term relationships with, could have said this about me.

IF they saw the world and the women in it the way some of you men do. They don't. So, they don't.

Oh, and each of those 4 men is in a happy and successful relationship, now, too.

Go figure.

November 21, 2015

I hate the terms alpha and beta. It puts people into boxes and denies the complexities of human beings.

I see your point. But beta males (and alphas) do exist. Plenty of women find men with "beta" traits a real turn-off. These guys are almost always the resentful ones who are forever complaining about how women reject them in favour of "bad boys"

November 21, 2015

It's only in the past few years that I started hearing the terms alpha and beta.

November 21, 2015

According to what several of you men are saying, all four of the men I've been in long-term relationships with, could have said this about me.

IF they saw the world and the women in it the way some of you men do. They don't. So, they don't.

Oh, and each of those 4 men is in a happy and successful relationship, now, too.

Go figure.

Um, they certainly wouldn't be bragging about that...

November 21, 2015

Um, they certainly wouldn't be bragging about that...

Why not?

If only!

November 21, 2015

No.. just pointing out, by your wording, emphasis, and punctuation, it conveys you were proud you landed a "player".. So, I made an observation that this is another difference between men and women. A difference that women never admit in other threads..

He was a HUGE player when I met him! HUGE! Was juggling women like nobody's business.

OMG wow ...you could NOT be more wrong about that... and it's not because of my punctuation... it's because of your own attitude toward women that causes you to feel that way.

The statement I made above was a FACT... it's not something I am proud of... again just a fact to make a point. That you didn't get obviously but what else is new.

In fact to contrary I have been stressing ad nauseum how it didn't matter to me in the least that he was "player" and I am sorry I even labeled him that way. He was a simply a man who was dating many women, as he had not found the one he wished to solely focus on.

But regardless...how the hell you interpret that as meaning I am "proud" is beyond me dude.

And I would appreciate your NOT lumping me in some category your have conjured up ... deeming me like "all" women who think "players" are cool, or who are "proud" for taming a player or whatever other silly notion you're playing out in your head.

Hardly!!

November 21, 2015

It's only in the past few years that I started hearing the terms alpha and beta.

it's a way for women who cannot sustain a relationship to shame men... So when they remain single due to their own character flaws, they are like "Aww... All these men are betas.. There are so few alphas.. Yeah thats why I am single" because of course they are perfect godly creations, and men must be to blame..

Or, they watch a lot of tv and rap videos, and live in a TV reality, in which they feel they deserve one of those fictional guys..

November 21, 2015

OMG wow ...you could NOT be more wrong about that... and it's not because of my punctuation... it's because of your own attitude toward women that causes you to feel that way.

The statement I made above was a FACT... it's not something I am proud of... again just a fact to make a point. That you didn't get obviously but what else is new.

In fact to contrary I have been stressing ad nauseum how it didn't matter to me in the least that he was "player" and I am sorry I even labeled him that way. He was a simply a man who was dating many women, as he had not found the one he wished to solely focus on.

But regardless...how the hell you interpret that as meaning I am "proud" is beyond me dude.

And I would appreciate your NOT lumping me in some category your have conjured up ... deeming me like "all" women who think "players" are cool, or who are "proud" for taming a player or whatever other silly notion you're playing out in your head.

Hardly!!

Well you chose those words, and kept clarifying HUGE for some reason.. You could have said "My bf was multi dating when he met me" But you kept saying he was a huge player, playing women like nobodies business..

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