why are men so available and eager?

[katiegrl]

Other Oregon guy,

 

basically it all boils down to this cliche:

 

women want what they can't have.

 

As opposed to men, who are grateful for what they get.

 

If you are the type of guy who is responsive and available, you are forced to change your style. I don't typically f*ck around with games, but I am going to have to. If you can't beat em, join em. And I'm gonna have to pretend to be an a**hole until this sh*t dating scene turns me into one, which it is clearly doing.

 

Fake being a pr*ck until you really are one.

 

I don't think that is true.

 

What I do think is true is:

 

Some women want what they can't have.

 

Some men want what they can't have.

 

Women do not have the market cornered on that one!

 

And for the record, I have NEVER wanted what I can't have. Never ever... not even when I was in my teens!

Edited November 20, 2015 by katiegrl

[Oregon_Dude]

Yeah but Katie, you're one of the good ones. Naturally, you're taken

 

Most single women are perpetually picky and unhappy. I've been rejected by women after great dates. For absolutely no reason I can fathom. And trust me, I don't espouse these kinds of theories on dates :/

[oregon0011]

Other Oregon guy,

 

basically it all boils down to this cliche:

 

women want what they can't have.

 

As opposed to men, who are grateful for what they get.

 

If you are the type of guy who is responsive and available, you are forced to change your style. I don't typically f*ck around with games, but I am going to have to. If you can't beat em, join em. And I'm gonna have to pretend to be an a**hole until this sh*t dating scene turns me into one, which it is clearly doing.

 

Fake being a pr*ck until you really are one.

 

My problem arises when I am into the girl, and it's unsustainable for me to simply act like that forever..I am always thinking "this one will be different... Listen to what she says.. How she acts.. What she does.. So selfless" Then it is the same.. They lose interest.

 

I was seeing one girl for a few months and fell into the trap of giving her too much attention.. She started flaking.. I told her I was seeing someone else and couldn't see her anymore.. (total lie).. Wow, she was at my house the next night and wouldn't leave for 3 days..

[Oregon_Dude]

I told her I was seeing someone else and couldn't see her anymore.. (total lie).. Wow, she was at my house the next night and wouldn't leave for 3 days..

Great. I guess we just have to keep f*cking with women's heads in order to maintain their interest.

 

This is what the dating world is coming to. God forbid we should be genuine or honest. Nope, hide those feelings, men, deep down. Lie, manipulate. This is how to get women in the modern dating age.

[oregon0011]

Great. I guess we just have to keep f*cking with women's heads in order to maintain their interest.

 

This is what the dating world is coming to. God forbid we should be genuine or honest. Nope, hide those feelings, men, deep down. Lie, manipulate. This is how to get women in the modern dating age.

 

Of course, being normal and honest means you are a desperate,creepy, potential stalker with no life, beta male.. You must be a total loser for having interest in a certain woman, returning her call, or showing up for a date.. That's seemingly how women separate the high value and low value males..

[xxoo]

Great. I guess we just have to keep f*cking with women's heads in order to maintain their interest.

 

This is what the dating world is coming to. God forbid we should be genuine or honest. Nope, hide those feelings, men, deep down. Lie, manipulate. This is how to get women in the modern dating age.

 

Why would you want to maintain the interest of a woman like that?

 

Like attracts like. Have you considered that the more balanced women aren't attracted to you?

[Oregon_Dude]

Have you considered that the more balanced women aren't attracted to you?

No way dude. Every living creature is insanely attracted to me.

[xxoo]

No way dude. Every living creature is insanely attracted to me.

 

I like your confidence.

 

So why are you attracted to the unbalanced ones?

[Oregon_Dude]

I like your confidence.

 

So why are you attracted to the unbalanced ones?

That's a good question. Let me explore it with my therapist. I'll get back to you.

[oregon0011]

Why would you want to maintain the interest of a woman like that?

 

Like attracts like. Have you considered that the more balanced women aren't attracted to you?

 

Or maybe there is truth to what they say "Single, sexy, or sane, but you can only have 2"

 

The only problem with being aloof is that it makes them do so much to be with you, that sooner or later you cave.. And then you illustrate, once again, how low value you are for liking them.

[Heatherknows]

Great. I guess we just have to keep f*cking with women's heads in order to maintain their interest.

 

This is what the dating world is coming to. God forbid we should be genuine or honest. Nope, hide those feelings, men, deep down. Lie, manipulate. This is how to get women in the modern dating age.

 

That's so depressing.

[xxoo]

Or maybe there is truth to what they say "Single, sexy, or sane, but you can only have 2"

 

The only problem with being aloof is that it makes them do so much to be with you, that sooner or later you cave.. And then you illustrate, once again, how low value you are for liking them.

 

All the sexy and sane partnered women were single once.

 

Identifying a good potential partner is challenging for both women and men. Attracting a good potential partner is another challenge. Being attracted to a good potential partner is yet another hurdle for some.

[mrldii]

...Identifying a good potential partner is challenging for both women and men. Attracting a good potential partner is another challenge. Being attracted to a good potential partner is yet another hurdle for some.

 

 

Yup, yup.

 

This thread started on shaky ground when it decreed that "[all] men are so available and eager". No they're not...just the ones OP is attracting/attracted to/choosing to interact with.

 

It's deteriorated into a whole bunch of "[all] women do ______/all women want _____".

 

 

Nah, not all women/all men. Just all the women/all the men the people with problems with [all] women/[all] men are having. There IS a common denominator in all of it,

 

 

and that common denominator is NOT [all] the [other]women/[all] the [other] men.

[Odinani]

The fact is there are men out there who are too available, have few options and so are over-eager and to some women that is simply not sexy. Sexual attraction is not something you can force. If a woman is turned off by needy, too-eager guys, it is what it is. That's a big part of why those guys are so over eager in the first place...because so many women are turned off by them and as a direct result these guys become desperate and even more needy and eager.

 

This mentality also seems to extend throughout dating.

 

Let's say the woman is having lots of sex with the guy. So he wants to see her more. Oh, he is then beta. Or if he makes plans and keeps them, he is then beta.

 

I think many people have had a dysfunctional childhood, so they only recognize love when it hurts. Or when the dude dumps on them. Then they are all turned on.

[Odinani]

OP, you clearly fancy yourself very attractive, better than the men you're receiving attention from, and resent them for their interest. Your attitude, simply put, sucks. Any smart man is going to intuit your snobbishness and be turned off. Dare I say, the problem here is not them, it's you. You strike me as arrogant.

 

Maybe just go for the male model types that you think you deserve. The mortal men are not good enough for you, and god forbid they indicate any interest in you. Keep chasing the bad boys who treat you like sh*t; those ones will better serve your personality and desire to chase.

 

I've no interest in male models, not sure where you plucked that random suggestion from. These overly eager guys have been quite good looking. Just too available and too desperate. And yes, I am attractive.

[Odinani]

I'd hate these texts, but as you can see other women actually like them. So it is a subjective thing, objectively sexy/not sexy.

 

Forget the labels. Do you find him attractive? If so, proceed. If not, stop. You're looking for a good match for you. I think I have the same preferences you do, but our preferences are not the rule of what is and isn't attractive.

 

I've no idea because I've not yet met him in person. He looks attractive in his profile pics and initially he seemed intelligent and interesting. I had agreed to go for dinner with him next week, but that was before these daily cringeworthy texts and I'm considering cancelling the date now.

[Ic1]

Only responding to the thread title. (Haven't read whole loooooong thread.)

 

Men are usually more eager and available because the dating game usually plays in the woman's favor. Men chase women because usually the woman plays the card of 'think you deserve me? Prove it...'

[Odinani]

Yes, exactly. All this daily "how's your day" and "you at work?" stuff from a complete stranger you've not even met yet is crazy. You should be looking forward to a guy's texts rather than dreading receiving yet another one and feeling exhausted by them. When he sent the 7 (or was it 8?) texts in quick succession (with no texts from me in between) it just made me feel a bit tired and the question "what's wrong with this guy?" crept into my mind.

 

There's a huge gap between what you have above and sending lovey-dovey emoji filled "how's your day?" text before the first date.

 

Mechanical<-------------------chill------------------------------>Forced intimacy

 

I'll take chill, please.

[Odinani]

I've seen this general trend happening a lot lately with young women. Even happened to me. A woman is interested and when you continue communication (even with them mostly initiating). Then they either want to label you as too eager or say they aren't ready for a relationship (with you), or avoid "the talk" until the person they wanted comes around etc. Then when you back ALL the way off and things don't work out with others, they want to reach out as if they suddenly miss you. The guys that don't really give a crap about them they flock to though and if given another chance go right back with those guys...certainly a strange occurrence.

 

I never reach out to a guy after I've nexted him

[oregon0011]

The fact is there are men out there who are too available, have few options and so are over-eager and to some women that is simply not sexy. Sexual attraction is not something you can force. If a woman is turned off by needy, too-eager guys, it is what it is. That's a big part of why those guys are so over eager in the first place...because so many women are turned off by them and as a direct result these guys become desperate and even more needy and eager.

 

This is just really simplistic thinking in my opinion.

 

What do you mean "have few options". Obviously you won't find rock stars, pro athletes, and rappers messaging you on POF.

 

Many guys have a life, and don't spend it trying to game dozens of women. Some guys style is just to take it one at a time and they give you their full attention. Logically that shouldn't be a turn off, but apparently it is to you if the guy is banging 10 different women a week.

 

Or do you have some fantasy that you will online date, and some guy has dozens of women chasing him, yet he fends them off just to message you?

[Odinani]

Yes.

 

Essentially, women don't want men who want them. Because many of them are hugely insecure, women assume (albeit subconsciously) that if a man likes them, there must be something wrong with that man. Also, if a man shows them a decent amount of attention, responds in a reasonable amount of time, isn't shady, is a good communicator... he must not have many options. He must be desperate. Because why else would he be so.. polite? Normal? Because he's a f*cking troll who can't do better than her.

 

Conversely, if a man is elusive, incommunicative, shady, he is "mysterious", he is unattainable, and therefore a challenge. A puzzle that must be solved! And someone who is clearly "better" than her, because why else wouldn't he be giving this hot woman the time of day, immediately, when she deserves it? He's clearly got lots of options, and she needs to "win" him. He becomes the prize, not her.

 

A lot of dating nowadays is based on the Groucho Marxian principle that people do not want to date someone who would want to date them. We must always be searching for someone "better" than ourselves. Take the OP, for example.. instead of being flattered by her suitors' attention, she's disgusted by it. Because there is no chase here; she has already won. But give her an average-looking a**hole who doesn't return her texts, and her interest is piqued, in the most predictable manner possible.

 

This piece of fiction that you've attributed to me is entirely from your own imagination. I've said nothing at all to suggest I would like average-looking "a**holes" or men who do not return my texts. It seems you are dragging your own personal baggage into this thread and oddly trying to attribute it to me. Please try to own your own stuff.

[Odinani]

I've experienced this. Although sometimes I think I prefer it than the cat and mouse chase of the unavailable man. The guy that has several woman he's seeing and will schedule you in when it's convenient for him. Some men are very taken and eager or lonely or maybe rusty when it comes to dating and relationships and have no idea how to play it cool anymore so they go for it all like a smoking gun, no holds bar.

 

Yes and while a man being lonely or rusty is not a crime, it's also not attractive to me. And that is not a crime, either.

[katiegrl]

Yes, exactly. All this daily "how's your day" and "you at work?" stuff from a complete stranger you've not even met yet is crazy. You should be looking forward to a guy's texts rather than dreading receiving yet another one and feeling exhausted by them. When he sent the 7 (or was it 8?) texts in quick succession (with no texts from me in between) it just made me feel a bit tired and the question "what's wrong with this guy?" crept into my mind.

 

Odinani, I have given you hard times previously, but I have to say I agree with ALL of the above (quite a few of your posts on this thread actually)... and admire how you are handling the responses here....

 

Yes, the way this guy is behaving with all the texting, etc. IS quite cringe-worthy - and if the shoe were on the other foot, I am sure many guys would feel the same.

 

He doesn't sound right in the head -- just tell him you are not interested and then block him if you have to.

 

In fact, you should have told him (and then blocked him) after the 2nd or 3rd text... his behavior is obsessive and he has not even met you yet!

 

He could be love-bombing or just a weirdo!

 

Block delete!

[Odinani]

My problem arises when I am into the girl, and it's unsustainable for me to simply act like that forever..I am always thinking "this one will be different... Listen to what she says.. How she acts.. What she does.. So selfless" Then it is the same.. They lose interest.

 

I was seeing one girl for a few months and fell into the trap of giving her too much attention.. She started flaking.. I told her I was seeing someone else and couldn't see her anymore.. (total lie).. Wow, she was at my house the next night and wouldn't leave for 3 days..

 

Well done. You attracted a stalker.

[oregon0011]

Odinani, I have given you hard times previously, but I have to say I agree with ALL of the above (quite a few of your posts on this thread actually)... and admire how you are handling the responses here....

 

Yes, the way this guy is behaving with all the texting, etc. IS quite cringe-worthy - and if the shoe were on the other foot, I am sure many guys would feel the same.

 

He doesn't sound right in the head -- just tell him you are not interested and then block him if you have to.

 

In fact, you should have told him (and then blocked him) after the 2nd or 3rd text... his behavior is obsessive and he has not even met you yet!

 

He could be love-bombing or just a weirdo!

 

Block delete!

 

I mean people used to talk on the phone. How many texts would that equal? 1000? Obviously if explaining something it might be more than a few words. Not sure what makes him automatically a love bombing weirdo? Wasn't he explaining what he cooks?