why are men so available and eager?

[smackie9]

No. Those are the guys that are too eager to get into a relationship without even taking the time to get to know you....desperation is a turn off. I figured out that one of them really wanted to fill in the void left behind from his ex GF.

 

I had guys constantly ask me out, one did it for two years.....I didn't miss out in anything. I have a husband (for 25 years), I'm happy.

[oregon0011]

This mentality also seems to extend throughout dating.

 

Let's say the woman is having lots of sex with the guy. So he wants to see her more. Oh, he is then beta. Or if he makes plans and keeps them, he is then beta.

 

I think many people have had a dysfunctional childhood, so they only recognize love when it hurts. Or when the dude dumps on them. Then they are all turned on.

[LoveRefreshed]

No. Those are the guys that are too eager to get into a relationship without even taking the time to get to know you....desperation is a turn off. I figured out that one of them really wanted to fill in the void left behind from his ex GF.

 

I had guys constantly ask me out, one did it for two years.....I didn't miss out in anything. I have a husband (for 25 years), I'm happy.

 

Yes, there's a difference between desperation and romantic behavior. A difference between desperation and being keen on getting to know someone.

 

Being excited to message someone and being a little warm doesn't make a man desperate, lonely, or unable to attract women.

[joseb]

OP, you seem preoccupied with finding a guy that is attractive to other women. I think I remember another thread of yours about that. Try to focus on what's attractive to you, and forget about his availability or stupid labels that don't really fit men.

 

Now, that being said, I agree with you on the frequency of the texts and on the overuse of emojes. It makes me cringe to be honest. I have a friend who does this. He's not young so that's not an excuse.

But he also sleeps with lots of women, so claims it "works" for him.

[regine_phalange]

You probably don't fancy these men enough in order to receive their interest gladly.

 

I don't like games. If I really think that someone's interesting and fun I'll be delighted to receive their attention. I also give attention back, you know, I prefer that the attraction is based on something that actually exists and not on something hollow like aloofness or "playing hard to get". I want to be liked for ME and I want to like someone for THEM.

 

That said, I like attention but I'm really into the humour, playful and flirty attention instead of heart emoticons and generic texts. I like interesting guys, can't help it. And it shows me if we can have a "friendship" beyond the attraction.

[Oregon_Dude]

OP, you clearly fancy yourself very attractive, better than the men you're receiving attention from, and resent them for their interest. Your attitude, simply put, sucks. Any smart man is going to intuit your snobbishness and be turned off. Dare I say, the problem here is not them, it's you. You strike me as arrogant.

 

Maybe just go for the male model types that you think you deserve. The mortal men are not good enough for you, and god forbid they indicate any interest in you. Keep chasing the bad boys who treat you like sh*t; those ones will better serve your personality and desire to chase.

[joseb]

 

That said, I like attention but I'm really into the humour, playful and flirty attention instead of heart emoticons and generic texts. I like interesting guys, can't help it. And it shows me if we can have a "friendship" beyond the attraction.

 

Totally agree. I'm not a big texter. I hate "good morning" "how is your day" boring texts, even if I'm in a relationship, never mind from someone I've just met (or not even met!)

But if someone sends me witty playful or flirty texts i admit I get sucked in and actually enjoy it. It becomes fun.

Generic boring texts are a mood killer. They make responding feel like an obligation rather than something you wanted do.

[ShyLove]

All of my online dates keep in contact daily sometimes with multiple texts and I think it's very sweet. I don't think it's desperate at all (well not always) I do say I'm good at reading people since I work in the psychology field so I feel that they are being genuine. But I had a guy who sent multiple texts before After one saw and he was the best most attentive boyfriend I have ever had. He moved Nothing wrong with being excited. Just don't respond to them if you don't want to text them.

 

I also for get the attraction for a person that sends one word answers and basically being anti social. To him you are shiny and new and he's excited. What's wrong with that?

[xxoo]

I'd hate these texts, but as you can see other women actually like them. So it is a subjective thing, objectively sexy/not sexy.

 

Forget the labels. Do you find him attractive? If so, proceed. If not, stop. You're looking for a good match for you. I think I have the same preferences you do, but our preferences are not the rule of what is and isn't attractive.

[insert_name]

It all sounds so mechanical

 

Alpha male: what food do you like hurr?

 

Passive female: 1. Italian 2. Indian 3. Outer Mongolian

 

Alpha male: I know this great Vietnamese place on xxx street. Meet me at x time and x place

 

Mind you, when our robot overlords enslave humanity in 2150 I guess this is what dating will look like, so maybe OP os just waaaay ahead of the game.

[ShyLove]

[quote=ShyLove;6652666

 

I also for get the attraction for a person that sends one word answers and basically being anti social. To him you are shiny and new and he's excited. What's wrong with that?

 

I meant to write I DONT get the attraction for guys (or girls) who give one word answers and act aloof. To me THATS a turnoff.

[insert_name]

Totally agree. I'm not a big texter. I hate "good morning" "how is your day" boring texts, even if I'm in a relationship, never mind from someone I've just met (or not even met!)

But if someone sends me witty playful or flirty texts i admit I get sucked in and actually enjoy it. It becomes fun.

Generic boring texts are a mood killer. They make responding feel like an obligation rather than something you wanted do.

 

Exactly, texting is as fun as you make it. I have chatted some ridiculous **** via text and had a great time because the girl has given as good as she has got and has been on my wavelength. Conveying no character or personality via text is a portent of things to come.

[xxoo]

It all sounds so mechanical

 

Alpha male: what food do you like hurr?

 

Passive female: 1. Italian 2. Indian 3. Outer Mongolian

 

Alpha male: I know this great Vietnamese place on xxx street. Meet me at x time and x place

 

Mind you, when our robot overlords enslave humanity in 2150 I guess this is what dating will look like, so maybe OP os just waaaay ahead of the game.

 

There's a huge gap between what you have above and sending lovey-dovey emoji filled "how's your day?" text before the first date.

 

Mechanical<-------------------chill------------------------------>Forced intimacy

 

I'll take chill, please.

[LostOnes05]

I've seen this general trend happening a lot lately with young women. Even happened to me. A woman is interested and when you continue communication (even with them mostly initiating). Then they either want to label you as too eager or say they aren't ready for a relationship (with you), or avoid "the talk" until the person they wanted comes around etc. Then when you back ALL the way off and things don't work out with others, they want to reach out as if they suddenly miss you. The guys that don't really give a crap about them they flock to though and if given another chance go right back with those guys...certainly a strange occurrence.

[insert_name]

There's a huge gap between what you have above and sending lovey-dovey emoji filled "how's your day?" text before the first date.

 

Mechanical<-------------------chill------------------------------>Forced intimacy

 

I'll take chill, please.

 

What I posted was derived from how OP described the conversation from both sides. Short and to the point with no real character displayed.

 

But then I think that OP isn't really the conversational type and her idea of a good time is matey clubbing her over the head and dragging her off to his cave...

[Oregon_Dude]

A woman is interested and when you continue communication (even with them mostly initiating). Then they either want to label you as too eager or say they aren't ready for a relationship (with you), or avoid "the talk" until the person they wanted comes around etc. Then when you back ALL the way off and things don't work out with others, they want to reach out as if they suddenly miss you. The guys that don't really give a crap about them they flock to though and if given another chance go right back with those guys...certainly a strange occurrence.

Yes.

 

Essentially, women don't want men who want them. Because many of them are hugely insecure, women assume (albeit subconsciously) that if a man likes them, there must be something wrong with that man. Also, if a man shows them a decent amount of attention, responds in a reasonable amount of time, isn't shady, is a good communicator... he must not have many options. He must be desperate. Because why else would he be so.. polite? Normal? Because he's a f*cking troll who can't do better than her.

 

Conversely, if a man is elusive, incommunicative, shady, he is "mysterious", he is unattainable, and therefore a challenge. A puzzle that must be solved! And someone who is clearly "better" than her, because why else wouldn't he be giving this hot woman the time of day, immediately, when she deserves it? He's clearly got lots of options, and she needs to "win" him. He becomes the prize, not her.

 

A lot of dating nowadays is based on the Groucho Marxian principle that people do not want to date someone who would want to date them. We must always be searching for someone "better" than ourselves. Take the OP, for example.. instead of being flattered by her suitors' attention, she's disgusted by it. Because there is no chase here; she has already won. But give her an average-looking a**hole who doesn't return her texts, and her interest is piqued, in the most predictable manner possible.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I've experienced this. Although sometimes I think I prefer it than the cat and mouse chase of the unavailable man. The guy that has several woman he's seeing and will schedule you in when it's convenient for him. Some men are very taken and eager or lonely or maybe rusty when it comes to dating and relationships and have no idea how to play it cool anymore so they go for it all like a smoking gun, no holds bar.

[introverted1]

I think guys can be romantic but unsure of when it's time. I think we hear stories of it and it makes us think that is what women want.

 

My friends Grandma told us how her Husband came four days a week, wearing the same suit with a boquet of flowers just to ask her on a date. Everytime Grandma said no. Then after something like 11 months, she said yes.

 

Said she's never regretted a day after she said yes. Those beta men...

 

I'm dating a guy who, in a different era, could have been this guy. He's decidedly not an alpha -- willing to go at my pace, consistent in words and actions, fully present when he's with me... :love:

[oregon0011]

I've seen this general trend happening a lot lately with young women. Even happened to me. A woman is interested and when you continue communication (even with them mostly initiating). Then they either want to label you as too eager or say they aren't ready for a relationship (with you), or avoid "the talk" until the person they wanted comes around etc. Then when you back ALL the way off and things don't work out with others, they want to reach out as if they suddenly miss you. The guys that don't really give a crap about them they flock to though and if given another chance go right back with those guys...certainly a strange occurrence.

 

Exactly.

 

Often times they want you to fall for them. They will be very sexual. Loving. Caring. And then when they are becoming a part of your life they then "aren't ready to date".

[insert_name]

Yes.

 

Essentially, women don't want men who want them. Because many of them are hugely insecure, women assume (albeit subconsciously) that if a man likes them, there must be something wrong with that man. Also, if a man shows them a decent amount of attention, responds in a reasonable amount of time, isn't shady, is a good communicator... he must not have many options. He must be desperate. Because why else would he be so.. polite? Normal? Because he's a f*cking troll who can't do better than her.

 

Conversely, if a man is elusive, incommunicative, shady, he is "mysterious", he is unattainable, and therefore a challenge. A puzzle that must be solved! And someone who is clearly "better" than her, because why else wouldn't he be giving this hot woman the time of day, immediately, when she deserves it? He's clearly got lots of options, and she needs to "win" him. He becomes the prize, not her.

 

A lot of dating nowadays is based on the Groucho Marxian principle that people do not want to date someone who would want to date them. We must always be searching for someone "better" than ourselves. Take the OP, for example.. instead of being flattered by her suitors' attention, she's disgusted by it. Because there is no chase here; she has already won. But give her an average-looking a**hole who doesn't return her texts, and her interest is piqued, in the most predictable manner possible.

 

Nailed it.

[katiegrl]

Probably because you're soooo gorgeous.

 

Bingo! THAT is what she's been wanting to hear from the get go!

 

Can close the thread now... LOL

 

(Just kidding guys)

[katiegrl]

Totally agree. I'm not a big texter. I hate "good morning" "how is your day" boring texts, even if I'm in a relationship, never mind from someone I've just met (or not even met!)

But if someone sends me witty playful or flirty texts i admit I get sucked in and actually enjoy it. It becomes fun.

Generic boring texts are a mood killer. They make responding feel like an obligation rather than something you wanted do.

 

Completely agree with this^^!

 

I use this word a lot but those boring, generic "good morning" texts are so contrived.

It's like he (or she) is going through the motions of what they think they should say (or do).

 

It's better to be spontaneous and if you feel like sending a witty, playful text, send that.

 

Be real, genuine...so much better than sending contrived texts because you think that's what you're supposed to do because women like it.

[oregon0011]

What I find humorous in these "help forums" is that when this topic arises in another manner, women swear up and down that they WANT a good guy who has not slept with many women..

 

But oregondude nailed it.. The problem is that men are only naturallly aloof with women they DO NOT like..

 

And we all probably dated girls like this... The girl you blew off, but no matter who she is dating you could always get her back.. Often times it just seems we are the ones dating a girl who was blown off by another guy they can't get over.

[Oregon_Dude]

Other Oregon guy,

 

basically it all boils down to this cliche:

 

women want what they can't have.

 

As opposed to men, who are grateful for what they get.

 

If you are the type of guy who is responsive and available, you are forced to change your style. I don't typically f*ck around with games, but I am going to have to. If you can't beat em, join em. And I'm gonna have to pretend to be an a**hole until this sh*t dating scene turns me into one, which it is clearly doing.

 

Fake being a pr*ck until you really are one.

[GemmaUK]

Yes.

 

Essentially, women don't want men who want them. Because many of them are hugely insecure, women assume (albeit subconsciously) that if a man likes them, there must be something wrong with that man. Also, if a man shows them a decent amount of attention, responds in a reasonable amount of time, isn't shady, is a good communicator... he must not have many options. He must be desperate. Because why else would he be so.. polite? Normal? Because he's a f*cking troll who can't do better than her.

 

Conversely, if a man is elusive, incommunicative, shady, he is "mysterious", he is unattainable, and therefore a challenge. A puzzle that must be solved! And someone who is clearly "better" than her, because why else wouldn't he be giving this hot woman the time of day, immediately, when she deserves it? He's clearly got lots of options, and she needs to "win" him. He becomes the prize, not her.

 

A lot of dating nowadays is based on the Groucho Marxian principle that people do not want to date someone who would want to date them. We must always be searching for someone "better" than ourselves. Take the OP, for example.. instead of being flattered by her suitors' attention, she's disgusted by it. Because there is no chase here; she has already won. But give her an average-looking a**hole who doesn't return her texts, and her interest is piqued, in the most predictable manner possible.

 

 

Yep, OP is the A-typical going from this and her other thread today.

The aloof guy is the one she is considering asking out and these ones are 'soppy schoolgirls' to use the OP's words.

 

I just find it weird that you don't just stop these kind of conversations if you don't like them OP or at least set boundaries?

Why is that?