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why are men so available and eager?

Odinani

By Odinani
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Odinani Established Member

Odinani

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Thank you for your interesting reply! Another thing I didn't mention. In this guy's OLD profile he looked stylish and reasonably good looking in his pics. We moved on to Whatsapp and his Whatsapp profile pic has him in a crazy platinum blonde wig looking like a serial killer or something. At first I thought it was just meant to be a humorous pic. He looks literally unhinged in the photo and it's deeply unflattering. But I do find it odd that somebody his age (in his 40s) who possibly uses Whatsapp to message all kinds of people, would want to present himself in such a way.

 

Odinani ... the few guys who have done this to me I found to lack emotional control/they were emotional train wrecks/emotionally unstable and needy ... it's the equivalent of "love bombing" via text ... it's a red flag for me now but I didn't know at the beginning of dating. With experience I've learned to correlate the over-exuberant texting as you mention with poor emotional control. This isn't to say that guys can't or shouldn't show some excitement ... that's great and as you point out there's an acceptable amount of emojis that feels "ok" and then the "love bombing" type.

 

During my divorce last year, I was seeing a counselor and told her about a guy that was really coming on strong with the love bombing (I didn't mention the excessive text emojis because it was all so new for me and I just thought that's what people do these days). My counselor (and my sister) both warned me about people who exhibit this behavior as they are "needy." Anyway, I told this guy what my counselor said and he blew up and said "that counselor doesn't know me!"

 

Anyway ... a month in and you know what ... that counselor was exactly right. This guy was and is needy and emotionally a "loose cannon" as he gets very strong emotions then flips and is trigger happy/emotionally unstable. I had to learn the hard way but at the time things he said and all that lovey dovey emotion was really good for my self-esteem...but it comes with a big cost.

 

First time I ever experienced this behavior ... some threads on here kind of describe a lot of this guy's behaviors as BPD. He still contacts me to try to date me and sends me texts with LOTS of those emojis (hearts and everything)... I always think to myself "dude get a hold of yourself." I don't respond. I used to tell him he's "flippy" with his emotions and likes the whole roller coaster thing/emotionally unstable ... something I'm totally not into. He's in an activity group I belong to so I still see him on occasion so can't totally avoid him. It's too bad because he's really good looking and very athletic but no thank you on the crazy business.

 

My take on the guys who come on too strong like you describe ... they are emotionally unstable so tread with caution. I'm not sure about the whole alpha/beta analogy ... I more chalk it up to what I just stated.

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Odinani Established Member

Odinani

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The app gives me the option of simply blocking him. Re the date although we'd agreed a day we had not locked down a place or time, so I guess I don't even need to cancel exactly.

 

Yes I am familiar and think it's gross...

 

Please cancel now (don't tell him why, just you can't make it) then immediately block.

 

You don't owe him any explanation, you have never even met!

 

If you can't block, when the next text comes in, delete immediately, don't even read.

Xiomn Established Member

Xiomn

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Yes I am familiar and think it's gross...

 

Please cancel now (don't tell him why, just you can't make it) then immediately block.

 

You don't owe him any explanation, you have never even met!

 

If you can't block, when the next text comes in, delete immediately, don't even read.

 

She might not owe him an explanation per se but I think it's a decent thing to do so that person can learn from his mistakes and not repeat them in the future, at least then I would feel a little bit happier knowing I have learned something from this whole situation than sitting wondering why the hell she is obviously making up excuses and not bothering to tell me straight up. What's the problem anyway, it takes 2 seconds to just send a text telling him that you're no longer interested and what the problem was, proceed to block him so he can't backlash at you in any form.

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William Established Member

William

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After finding no less then seven people that seem to be unfamiliar with the policy while reviewing this thread, I urge everyone to read the reminders sent as well as the announcement regarding our site-wide-individual-group-berating-policy you will notice the terms "slut" and "player" listed prominently in the Discussion thread. Both terms have been used extensively in this thread (some but not all have been edited out) There are plenty of other, friendlier terms available so we are keeping an eye out for these terms. ~Thank you

Edited by William
StBreton Established Member

StBreton

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I actually love this. I will ultimately have to block him I suspect. But I love the idea of being upfront and telling him in no uncertain terms that the problem is (since it seems he can't see it!)

 

Under some circumstances I would tell someone what the issue was. In cases where someone is emotionally stunted/unstable ... I leave it be ... even if this guy "sees" his behavior, he might not be ready to hear the message ... his behavior is part of him and pervasive (that's what I have found) and from the looks of things, that is what you found with this guy with the pic of him wearing the crazy wig. At this point in my life, I'm not into "training" guys ... if they haven't figured it out yet, they probably won't and I'm wasting my time and energy.

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Grumpybutfun Established Member

Grumpybutfun

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Unfortunately, O, if you tell this guy YOUR reason for not wanting to be with him, it could make him stop doing something that another girl would enjoy. People are different, and where you want a more reserved, mature man...another woman might want one who is very prolific in posts and sends odd emojis.

Trying to confirm him to your standards when he isn't even your bf isn't really the correct thing to do. We tell people to be themselves...maybe he is. Maybe some other girl will enjoy him just as he is.

Best to just let him know you don't think you are interested in general, and not censure him for his style in relating.

Best,

Grumps

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Odinani Established Member

Odinani

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I decided to keep things civil and brief and simply messaged "We are not compatible but I wish you luck in meeting somebody. Take care and goodbye."

 

He responded with all sorts of emoji and stuff about me not giving him enough of a chance and asking "what did I do wrong?" So I've blocked him now.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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I decided to keep things civil and brief and simply messaged "We are not compatible but I wish you luck in meeting somebody. Take care and goodbye."

 

He responded with all sorts of emoji and stuff about me not giving him enough of a chance and asking "what did I do wrong?" So I've blocked him now.

 

O ....you did the right thing, but I am kinda feeling bad for the guy now.... I am such a sap!

 

I don't think he was a bad guy, just a bit clueless.. Or a lot clueless!

 

Would you consider texting and explain what turned you off, but telling him he is still a good guy?

 

Others will disagree, but I dunno I just feel bad for him now....I think he really liked you!

 

But then again, I am a sap, so maybe it's best you just block like I and others suggested earlier.

 

So glad I am not dating anymore!

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Odinani Established Member

Odinani

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I don't think he is a 'bad' person. But I don't want to give him encouragement to continue texting me. I'm 100% not into him now.

 

O ....you did the right thing, but I am kinda feeling bad for the guy now.... I am such a sap!

 

I don't think he was a bad guy, just a bit clueless.. Or a lot clueless!

 

Would you consider texting and explain what turned you off, but telling him he is still a good guy?

 

Others will disagree, but I dunno I just feel bad for him now....I think he really liked you!

 

But then again, I am a sap, so maybe it's best you just block like I and others suggested earlier.

 

So glad I am not dating anymore!

thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

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Others will disagree, but I dunno I just feel bad for him now....I think he really liked you!

 

I agree. I used to reject guys without offering explanation but I kind of get emotional about it now after having to reject a lovely guy earlier this year. I just felt really bad about it as he is a wonderful person (I just didn't think there was enough mutual attraction between us). If I rejected a guy now, I would try and reassure him he is a good guy and he did nothing wrong (without it sounding patronising).

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Odinani Established Member

Odinani

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I explained it to him.

 

His reply "this is a very weird "explanation""

 

I find it odd that at 40-something guy considers it non-problematic to send red lipstick emojis, dozens of unanswered texts and loads of heart emojis to a total stranger he's never met. Oh well.

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mrldii Established Member

mrldii

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I explained it to him.

 

His reply "this is a very weird "explanation""

 

I find it odd that at 40-something guy considers it non-problematic to send red lipstick emojis, dozens of unanswered texts and loads of heart emojis to a total stranger he's never met. Oh well.

 

And that's why I don't offer explanations or reasons or WTFever. When somebody doesn't *want* to understand, they're not going to.

 

This isn't a marriage dissolving, where explanations and reasons should be forthcoming...they haven't even met, yet.

 

Now, he's going to try to convince her the reason she's no longer interested in him isn't valid / she should give him another chance / he didn't realize he was coming on so strong, and will back off / blah, blah, blah.

 

 

A person can NOT talk another person into being attracted to them...it's either there, or it's not. And, sadly, at the very beginnings when *connections* are tenuous, once it's gone, it's gone.

 

 

At the beginning of this thread, I actually thought you were being a tad bit harsh on him, but didn't say anything 'cuz you're a big girl and it's your life, and you're allowed to be attracted to / turned off by any little fricken thing you wanna.

 

Now, I'm a little in awe of your powers of observation when first *meeting* someone...they're even better than mine! Good job weeding out someone who's completely incompatible - dating is supposed to be fun, for BOTH of the parties involved.

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Odinani Established Member

Odinani

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And that's why I don't offer explanations or reasons or WTFever. When somebody doesn't *want* to understand, they're not going to.

 

This isn't a marriage dissolving, where explanations and reasons should be forthcoming...they haven't even met, yet.

 

Now, he's going to try to convince her the reason she's no longer interested in him isn't valid / she should give him another chance / he didn't realize he was coming on so strong, and will back off / blah, blah, blah.

 

 

A person can NOT talk another person into being attracted to them...it's either there, or it's not. And, sadly, at the very beginnings when *connections* are tenuous, once it's gone, it's gone.

 

 

At the beginning of this thread, I actually thought you were being a tad bit harsh on him, but didn't say anything 'cuz you're a big girl and it's your life, and you're allowed to be attracted to / turned off by any little fricken thing you wanna.

 

Now, I'm a little in awe of your powers of observation when first *meeting* someone...they're even better than mine! Good job weeding out someone who's completely incompatible - dating is supposed to be fun, for BOTH of the parties involved.

 

You're right. This is absolutely ridiculous. I tried and now it's onto the next. He can go bombard some other chick with his silly texts:laugh:

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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I explained it to him.

 

His reply "this is a very weird "explanation""

 

I find it odd that at 40-something guy considers it non-problematic to send red lipstick emojis, dozens of unanswered texts and loads of heart emojis to a total stranger he's never met. Oh well.

 

Color me cynical, but if you're a lot younger, he was probably trying to get you in bed and thought the emojis would be "young".

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Odinani Established Member

Odinani

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Color me cynical, but if you're a lot younger, he was probably trying to get you in bed and thought the emojis would be "young".

 

Good luck to him!:D:D:D

ReadySettyGo Member

ReadySettyGo

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I explained it to him.

 

His reply "this is a very weird "explanation""

 

I find it odd that at 40-something guy considers it non-problematic to send red lipstick emojis, dozens of unanswered texts and loads of heart emojis to a total stranger he's never met. Oh well.

 

Not everyone can see the weirdness in their own behaviour, so I don't think it's surprising he responded the way he did.

For his sake, I'm glad that you gave him an explanation rather leaving him confused. Hopefully his disappointment will encourage him to reflect on his text etiquette in future.

Krieger Established Member

Krieger

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Simp

•A man that puts himself in a subservient/submissive position under women in hopes of winning them over, without the female bringing anything to the table.

 

•A man that puts too much value on a female for no reason .

 

•A man that prides himself with "Chivalry" in hopes of getting sexual gratification form women .

 

•A square with no game other than “Rolling out the Red-Carpet” for every female.

 

There are way to many SIMPS in this world.

joseb Established Member

joseb

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Color me cynical, but if you're a lot younger, he was probably trying to get you in bed and thought the emojis would be "young".

 

Yes, that's possible, I know a guy who uses all kinds of nonsense like "stickers" to woo younger women (often successfully)

 

In this case, I think it's just the way he is.

 

��

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thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

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Oh gosh I seriously hate reading people saying 'females' rather than 'women' and saying they want 'a quality female' like they are going to the butchers to order a piece of meat. It really puts me off if I see this in a dating profile.

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lino Established Member

lino

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Someone is drowning in a cup of water.

 

If you don't like the guy and/or how he texts you, just tell him you're not interested and move on. Is that a moon landing or something is it?

 

Me thinks somebody loves the attention and is intentionally dragging something out longer than needed.

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lino Established Member

lino

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Oh gosh I seriously hate reading people saying 'females' rather than 'women' and saying they want 'a quality female' like they are going to the butchers to order a piece of meat. It really puts me off if I see this in a dating profile.

 

I've never in my life heard the word female uttered in a butcher shop :confused:

 

 

Another drowning in a cup of water... There are much worse things to be called. If someone called me a 'male' I'd not bat an eye lid but I guess some grew up more cushioned and sheltered from the real world than others.

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thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

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I've never in my life heard the word female uttered in a butcher shop :confused:

 

 

Another drowning in a cup of water... There are much worse things to be called. If someone called me a 'male' I'd not bat an eye lid but I guess some grew up more cushioned and sheltered from the real world than others.

 

Except I won't describe men with the word 'male' unless it's a discussion of anatomy or something academic. I'm not overly politically correct like that :p Besides 'woman' is the correct term. Why is this such a hard word to use? Female is not species specific. The dude could be talking about a female cat, dog, louse etc by using the term 'female'. Woman is the correct term for an adult human with female anatomy.

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oregon0011 Established Member

oregon0011

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Except I won't describe men with the word 'male' unless it's a discussion of anatomy or something academic. I'm not overly politically correct like that :p Besides 'woman' is the correct term. Why is this such a hard word to use? Female is not species specific. The dude could be talking about a female cat, dog, louse etc by using the term 'female'. Woman is the correct term for an adult human with female anatomy.

 

I commonly see women describes themselves as a SWF, DWF for example. Single white female, divorced white female.

 

I never thought it meant they are a piece of meat, nor was I confused about their species.

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Odinani Established Member

Odinani

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Except I won't describe men with the word 'male' unless it's a discussion of anatomy or something academic. I'm not overly politically correct like that :pBesides 'woman' is the correct term. Why is this such a hard word to use? Female is not species specific. The dude could be talking about a female cat, dog, louse etc by using the term 'female'. Woman is the correct term for an adult human with female anatomy.

 

Thank you!

Heatherknows Established Member

Heatherknows

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Simp

•A man that puts himself in a subservient/submissive position under women in hopes of winning them over, without the female bringing anything to the table.

 

•A man that puts too much value on a female for no reason .

 

•A man that prides himself with "Chivalry" in hopes of getting sexual gratification form women .

 

•A square with no game other than “Rolling out the Red-Carpet” for every female.

 

There are way to many SIMPS in this world.

 

Sounds like excellent husband material to me. I have a single girlfriend who'd like to meet a nice man. Do these SIMP's have a website??

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