why are men so available and eager?

November 21, 2015

Well you called him a player..Huge player that was juggling women..

Player: A male who is skilled at manipulating ("playing") others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex.

Like I said, wrong choice of words perhaps (that is not how I was defining player)... but nevertheless, that still does not justify your attempting to shame me for it.

It seems like you are projecting your own feelings about why you are unable to sustain a RL.... onto the women here, which I think is unfair and wrong.

November 21, 2015

These Betas need to understand that going on rants against women, trying to shame them and claiming women are only into players is just making them even more unattractive to women.

I have always been outspoken on gender issues and it never hurt me with dating.

November 21, 2015

Lol.. No, I was pointing how she was proud of dating a player... A difference between men and women.. Men are not proud of dating women who were with many men.. it would be a secret.

Once again, this carries over from other threads, where every single female states players are a huge turn off, when it suits their argument to say men and women are so much alike..

No you were pointing out how YOU thought I was proud.... which is an opinion not a fact.

The FACT is (which I have stated many times throughout this thread) is that I was not proud of that... I wasn't anything.... it was irrelevant to me.. and still is.

November 21, 2015

Lol.. No, I was pointing how she was proud of dating a player... A difference between men and women.. Men are not proud of dating women who were with many men.. it would be a secret.

Once again, this carries over from other threads, where every single female states players are a huge turn off, when it suits their argument to say men and women are so much alike..

OP is single; she has not stated "players are a huge turn off". Are you insinuating OP is not a female?

I am single; I have not stated "players are huge turn off" (mostly because I don't believe in - and therefore don't use - labels). Are you insinuating that I am not a female?

Are you starting to see the problem with broad generalizations, especially when attempting to generalize that all broads do the same *bad* things, *all the time*?

As to the first part of your post, since I actually know the four men with whom I had LTRs, I'll stick with the fact that they were neither proud nor shamed by how many or how few men I had or had not been with prior to meeting them. They were also well aware that while first dating them, I was dating others, just as they were.

Since I know all of that to be true (since I was there, and I did do that), *forgive* me if I don't accept your spin on what my past relationships really felt about being with me.

Failed Shaming Attempt #2. Got any more up your sleeve?

November 21, 2015

OP is single; she has not stated "players are a huge turn off". Are you insinuating OP is not a female?

hmmm.
I think I understand now why women go home with me on the first date after I tell them women have gone home with me on the first date.

OP, why do you like this? It's sarcasm implying you're easy to manipulate!

Really? You expect me to explain to you why I 'like' what I like?

LMAO

November 21, 2015

To answer your question OP, they probably just wanna smash

November 21, 2015

Everything is skewed if you're OLD in my opinion.

November 21, 2015

Can we use this in the other threads where women claim to hate players? hahah

There are PLENTY of us who don't give the time of day to players and certainly DON'T have sex on the first date with guys like that. I avoid that type like the plague.

November 21, 2015

The fact is there are men out there who are too available, have few options and so are over-eager and to some women that is simply not sexy. Sexual attraction is not something you can force. If a woman is turned off by needy, too-eager guys, it is what it is. That's a big part of why those guys are so over eager in the first place...because so many women are turned off by them and as a direct result these guys become desperate and even more needy and eager.

I don't understand the problem. If someone is annoying to you don't respond to their emails. Or say...I'm sorry I've met someone. If having a bunch of men being into you is such a problem then your freaking lucky or delusional.

November 21, 2015

I don't understand the problem. If someone is annoying to you don't respond to their emails. Or say...I'm sorry I've met someone. If having a bunch of men being into you is such a problem then your freaking lucky or delusional.

They don't like her as a person. They never met her. Most likely she has sexually suggestive photos so guys message. Then she complains about the type or frequency of messages.

November 21, 2015

Haven't read everything in this topic but I'll say this, I wish I hadn't come across as too eager when I was dating this girl recently. I feel like I should of went NC longer than I had in-between dates before inquiring to set up another one to give the sense that my whole life doesn't revolve around her and I have other things going on with the aim of creating mystery about me and maybe creating some form of desire for her wanting to see me more as a result of that.

I was the one always initiating dates and when we did go on a date i'd always end up going back to her place and hanging out/sleeping over there with her for 2-3 days in a row, just spending full days together chilling out before eventually going back home and then 2-3 days later inquiring to meet up again in the future. I feel like that most likely made me come across as clingy and far too available.

In addition to this, on Halloween I asked her if she had any plans and she said she was going out with friends, I pretended like I wasn't sure if I had any plans on the day when she asked, in order to try and tempt her to invite me over (as I would of liked to have met some of her friends for the first time) but she didn't invite like I had planned. Did the same for bonfire night with the same shoddy result and so I probably came across as clingy and not having many people in my life apart from her and again, too available.

Turns out she probably got turned off by me being too available and clingy, as we haven't met in almost a month now.

This was my first time dating a woman mind you, lasted 1 month before it ended without any explanation from her side, she claimed she was still interested and would get in touch but in the end after 1 month of dating would constantly make excuses and her actions told a different story to what she had said, even despite me explicitly telling her straight up that I would prefer it if someone were to tell me they're not interested than give false hope when in reality they're not interested.

Lessons learned I guess. Having said all of that I only texted her really when I wanted to set up dates and never texted her for anything much else really, I've went 1 week on multiple occasions without texting her so..

Edited November 21, 2015 by Xiomn

November 21, 2015

I don't understand the problem. If someone is annoying to you don't respond to their emails. Or say...I'm sorry I've met someone. If having a bunch of men being into you is such a problem then your freaking lucky or delusional.

Agree. Seems like a lot of energy is going into kicking these "beta" guys when they are down. The OP made her point that she wants "alpha" guys and her measuring stick is that they can attract more than one woman at once. Fine -- granted, that will filter out a significant number of decent guys -- but, fine.

There's no need to go any further. OP, do you feel your value or self-worth is taking a hit when guys you deem as "beta" are showing an interest in you? Otherwise, I don't see why you can't shrug it off and just focus on the elite "alpha" types that you really want.

As you why struggling guys are so eager? Well, windows of opportunity are few, timing always seems to work against us, and we're always told that we fail because of lack of assertiveness. We're going to tend to be more relationship-oriented because that's how we're going to find companionship and sex, not through multiple ONS/FWB situations. Yes, we're going to be more open to explore how are an individual dating opportunity will go, but that doesn't mean that we have no interest in the woman for who she is. Like everybody else, struggling guys are just trying to navigate the dating world the best they can with the (limited) tools they have.

November 21, 2015

At the end of the day if his eagerness is turning you off just next him. You are not into him so move on. Pretty easy.

November 21, 2015

Yeah, the players are playing a game .. In that case football..

In the other case the game is women..

THe women are playing, too

November 21, 2015

My older brother who I would consider an classic alpha male said one of the things that always helped was always having a FWB/bootycall on demand since HS. He never came across "needy and available" when approaching or trying to talk to women because he knew whether he got turned down he was getting laid that night regardless. This drastically helped his confidence,swagger, and made him more bold.

I believe there is elements of truth to that. IME Women can tell by the way a man carries himself whether he is getting any or not, it's almost like they can smell the other women on you. Guys who get tons of girls are never gonna come across as eager because they have so many options

November 21, 2015

I thought he had calmed down. But no, a couple hours ago he texted that emoji that is a woman's red lips. I didn't reply.

Now he's texted "my dear, how are you?"

I think this is ridiculous and it explains why he is single. I'm cancelling the date. All attraction I felt for him initially has now completely disappeared because of these texts.

November 21, 2015

I thought he had calmed down. But no, a couple hours ago he texted that emoji that is a woman's red lips. I didn't reply.

Now he's texted "my dear, how are you?"

I think this is ridiculous and it explains why he is single. I'm cancelling the date. All attraction I felt for him initially has now completely disappeared because of these texts.

Wow, apparently my initial gut feeling that he was "off" was correct!

Emoji of a woman's red lips? Ick!

Yes, please cancel this date immediately, and then block.

He just doesn't seem right in the head.....

Next.

November 21, 2015

I thought he had calmed down. But no, a couple hours ago he texted that emoji that is a woman's red lips. I didn't reply.

Now he's texted "my dear, how are you?"

I think this is ridiculous and it explains why he is single. I'm cancelling the date. All attraction I felt for him initially has now completely disappeared because of these texts.

I say tell him you're no longer interested in meeting up, and as a bonus (if you're nice enough, which hopefully you are, it's not like there's anything to fear since you're telling him over text and not in person) tell him why (so he can learn from his mistakes, and the confusement of being left wondering why is a killer than being straight up told what the problem is. Then proceed to block/delete his number so he can't contact you further.

November 21, 2015

There are guys who throw in the occasional smiley or winky emoji. Then there are guys who tack 3 to 4 heart emjois or blushing face emojis onto pretty much every message. The latter is a soppy idiot and is acting like a schoolgirl.

Odinani ... the few guys who have done this to me I found to lack emotional control/they were emotional train wrecks/emotionally unstable and needy ... it's the equivalent of "love bombing" via text ... it's a red flag for me now but I didn't know at the beginning of dating. With experience I've learned to correlate the over-exuberant texting as you mention with poor emotional control. This isn't to say that guys can't or shouldn't show some excitement ... that's great and as you point out there's an acceptable amount of emojis that feels "ok" and then the "love bombing" type.

During my divorce last year, I was seeing a counselor and told her about a guy that was really coming on strong with the love bombing (I didn't mention the excessive text emojis because it was all so new for me and I just thought that's what people do these days). My counselor (and my sister) both warned me about people who exhibit this behavior as they are "needy." Anyway, I told this guy what my counselor said and he blew up and said "that counselor doesn't know me!"

Anyway ... a month in and you know what ... that counselor was exactly right. This guy was and is needy and emotionally a "loose cannon" as he gets very strong emotions then flips and is trigger happy/emotionally unstable. I had to learn the hard way but at the time things he said and all that lovey dovey emotion was really good for my self-esteem...but it comes with a big cost.

First time I ever experienced this behavior ... some threads on here kind of describe a lot of this guy's behaviors as BPD. He still contacts me to try to date me and sends me texts with LOTS of those emojis (hearts and everything)... I always think to myself "dude get a hold of yourself." I don't respond. I used to tell him he's "flippy" with his emotions and likes the whole roller coaster thing/emotionally unstable ... something I'm totally not into. He's in an activity group I belong to so I still see him on occasion so can't totally avoid him. It's too bad because he's really good looking and very athletic but no thank you on the crazy business.

My take on the guys who come on too strong like you describe ... they are emotionally unstable so tread with caution. I'm not sure about the whole alpha/beta analogy ... I more chalk it up to what I just stated.

November 21, 2015

I say tell him you're no longer interested in meeting up, and as a bonus (if you're nice enough, which hopefully you are, it's not like there's anything to fear since you're telling him over text and not in person) tell him why (so he can learn from his mistakes, and the confusement of being left wondering why is a killer than being straight up told what the problem is. Then proceed to block/delete his number so he can't contact you further.

Ordinani ... I don't advise telling this guy why you are cancelling ... read my above post about telling the guy about what the counselor said. Guys like this will likely flip on you emotionally and you'll pay the price with their vengeance. Just cancel and be done with it.

November 21, 2015

Wow, apparently my initial gut feeling that he was "off" was correct!

Emoji of a woman's red lips? Ick!

Yes, please cancel this date immediately, and then block.

He just doesn't seem right in the head.....

Next.

Do you know the emoji I'm referring to? It's the one where it looks like a woman's red lipstick print. He's sent another message now, because I've not replied I guess. The latest one says: "You're being even more mysterious now"

I'm messaging him right now to simply ask him to stop texting me.

November 21, 2015

Do you know the emoji I'm referring to? It's the one where it looks like a woman's red lipstick print. He's sent another message now, because I've not replied I guess. The latest one says: "You're being even more mysterious now"

I'm messaging him right now to simply ask him to stop texting me.

ASK him??!!! Tell him or just block him ... the latter is better.

The guy I referred to in my post sent me the "lips" thing too ... yuk just yuk.

November 21, 2015

Do you know the emoji I'm referring to? It's the one where it looks like a woman's red lipstick print. He's sent another message now, because I've not replied I guess. The latest one says: "You're being even more mysterious now"

I'm messaging him right now to simply ask him to stop texting me.

*Wants him to stop texting her*

*Doesn't block him and proceeds to leave a channel of communication open*

Logic?

November 21, 2015

I say tell him you're no longer interested in meeting up, and as a bonus (if you're nice enough, which hopefully you are, it's not like there's anything to fear since you're telling him over text and not in person) tell him why (so he can learn from his mistakes, and the confusement of being left wondering why is a killer than being straight up told what the problem is. Then proceed to block/delete his number so he can't contact you further.

I actually love this. I will ultimately have to block him I suspect. But I love the idea of being upfront and telling him in no uncertain terms that the problem is (since it seems he can't see it!)

November 21, 2015

Do you know the emoji I'm referring to? It's the one where it looks like a woman's red lipstick print. He's sent another message now, because I've not replied I guess. The latest one says: "You're being even more mysterious now"

I'm messaging him right now to simply ask him to stop texting me.

Yes I am familiar and think it's gross...

Please cancel now (don't tell him why, just you can't make it) then immediately block.

You don't owe him any explanation, you have never even met!

If you can't block, when the next text comes in, delete immediately, don't even read.

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why are men so available and eager?

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