Sunshine2016 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Hello, would really appreciate your comments on my situation please, head for reading. I met a guy in march 2015 and we went on a few dates but things never quite kicked off (he kinda fell off the radar/stopped pursuing me). In August 2015, he returned like nothing had happened and explained that he had lost his brother and was really busy with a project he's been trying to complete, hence his disappearance. We started talking again. Admittedly, he told me that he wasn't in the ''space'' for a relationship primarily because he was investing all his time in work-related projects which have been dragging for a while, but later mentioned that he was open to a relationship which developed organically/naturally. He's also reiterated that he prefers to get physically intimate first before committing because the physical aspect is just as important as the emotional aspect. It's crazy because after hearing all this, I put my guard up and vowed not to fall for him. I also made it clear that I wasn't a casual guy (he knows this anyway) and I preferred the comforts of a relationship. But I did fall for him, unfortunately due to his persistence. Initially, I probably turned him down like 8 times (ie his requests for us to meet) which spurred him on even further. I had just come out of a relationship at the time as well so wasn't even keen on starting something new. I really can't believe that I'm going through what I predict but hope isn't another heartbreak/ breakup. We started spending time together, I started falling for him, we got physically intimate and then finally had sex and now he seems to have changed. We haven't seen all week and I've asked him to meet up twice but to no avail. The first time I asked him to meet up and also asked him why he was being evasive (not returning my missed call and acting really strange etc) said he ''unfortunately already had plans''. I also told him during the conversation to simply communicate and to simply let me know if he no longer wanted us to spend time together and to stop seeing each other as his behaviour (evasiveness, being avoidant etc was confusing me. His response was something along the lines '' hey, I'm not being evasive. just haven't been with my phone all day/been in and out of sleep'' so I let it slide. Second time, we were chatting and I mentioned (in a non confrontational way) that he seemed distant and asked him what the matter was? Hexplained that it was just work as he's been working on a massive deadline for an imminent transaction. He also said there was no issue with me, it was just work. So I tried to be sympathetic and raised a jovial and friendly conversation in order to cheer him up. But today I asked when next we'd be hanging out as I missed his dry wit and sarcasm and he said he'd be busy tonight and would also be travelling out of state tomorrow for a wedding to return on sunday night. I'm beginning to feel like he simply doesn't want to see me anymore, but at the same I don't want to be too pushy because he claims to be dealing with this big and imminent transaction and when I asked him point blankedly if he wanted us to stop seeing each other as his evasiveness indicated, he denied he was being evasive. He also said the issue wasn't me rather work, which is what confuses me. If he no longer wants to be with me, why not just admit it especially as I asked him directly? Or could it be the case that's he genuinely busy? I feel really disappointed and sad about everything and would really appreciate some feedback from you guys with regards to his behaviour and the right course of action I should take. Thanks so much for reading.
regine_phalange Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I won't tell you what to do, but the whole "work" thing is definitely an excuse. He's a big competent boy, he can make time to see a woman if he wants. I mean, I used to have this boyfriend who worked 8 hours in the morning, then attended a 3 hour master's class, and in the evening he was working on another project he had going on or studying. Still, he managed to see me every day, for at least a couple of hours. In weekends it was even more. And shall I add that HE WASNT REALLY THAT INTO ME!
PegNosePete Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 If he's like this now, how do you think he'll be when you've been together for a month, 6 months, 2 years, 5 years? Do you think he will change? (The answer is no, he won't change, this will carry on happening. If he's telling the truth, you're signing up for a life of coming 2nd to his work!) So whether he's being honest or making an excuse, makes no difference. NEXT!
Lois_Griffin Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Hello, would really appreciate your comments on my situation please, head for reading. I met a guy in march 2015 and we went on a few dates but things never quite kicked off (he kinda fell off the radar/stopped pursuing me). In August 2015, he returned like nothing had happened and explained that he had lost his brother and was really busy with a project he's been trying to complete, hence his disappearance. We started talking again. Admittedly, he told me that he wasn't in the ''space'' for a relationship primarily because he was investing all his time in work-related projects which have been dragging for a while, but later mentioned that he was open to a relationship which developed organically/naturally. What a crock. When people suddenly fade on you, they do it purposefully. If these cowards can't even take 5 minutes out of their oh so busy lives to let you know that they can't continue seeing you for whatever reason, then they're not WORTH a second chance. Sounds as though he had another option at the time and took it - someone else who WOULD have sex with him right away, so he dumped you like a hot rock. He's also reiterated that he prefers to get physically intimate first before committing because the physical aspect is just as important as the emotional aspect. This type of a*ssholery makes me laugh. He would have been blocked the second he told me that. What a loser. We started spending time together, I started falling for him, we got physically intimate and then finally had sex and now he seems to have changed. Are you REALLY surprised by this? I saw what a jackoff he was the moment you told us about his need to have sex first before anything else. Come on, this isn't rocket science. I'm beginning to feel like he simply doesn't want to see me anymore, but at the same I don't want to be too pushy because he claims to be dealing with this big and imminent transaction and when I asked him point blankedly if he wanted us to stop seeing each other as his evasiveness indicated, he denied he was being evasive. He also said the issue wasn't me rather work, which is what confuses me. If he no longer wants to be with me, why not just admit it especially as I asked him directly? Or could it be the case that's he genuinely busy? You're only beginning to see this? It was apparent from the START. I'm not sure why you're unable to see that you were used for sex and now he's trying to do a slow fade, but you keep hounding him and wanting to spend time with him - and he keeps giving you bullsh*t excuses. This crap happens every single day. LEARN from it. The next time some assmunch tells you that sex is more important than growing a relationship or emotions and you KNOW it's clearly not in line with what YOU'RE seeking, do the smart thing and shut him down and move on. Keep your pride and dignity, don't throw it away for some user. Don't be surprised if you choose to move on and stop contacting him - and you never hear from him again. 2
Glitters Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 It aren't that tough to crack ! Anyone , men or women , who are interested , act interested. Finding 5 minutes is not difficult ! People go out of the way to keep lines open( not including the shy people here ! The max you can get from them initially is a shy smile or averting eyes ) and show their interest.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 He said he's not in a place to be in a relationship. His actions fully support that assertion. Just cut this one loose and you will have energy to find someone who is excited to spend time with you. This guy isn't. 1
LivingDeadGrl Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I agree he is just not that into you most likely. I think the whole work thing in the beginning was him setting it up so he had some excuse to fall back on in case it didn't work the way he wanted it to. It takes 20 seconds to send a text saying "Hey, hope you're having a good day" or anything else for that matter. He doesn't want to tell you straight out because you're on the back burner. There is probably someone else, hence why he won't hang out with you. I am going through almost the same thing right now. Move on, the lack of communication is not worth your stress and anxiety. He's a loser, next.
CalvinM Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Trust from the past two and a half months of chasing I've dealt with to know that if your gut tells you something is wrong, it is. End it.
Amalyn Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 This guy doesn't want to have a relationship. His actions show that along with him even mentioning it (he isn't in the "space" for a relationship). It sounds to me like this guy is stringing you along for when it's convenient for him and if I were you, I would not invest anymore time in this guy. I don't see this guy ever fully committing to a relationship and the work excuse is lame. It goes without saying... If a guy is truly into you, he will make time for you. Let this one go.
xcupid Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 You're getting too many excuses here. He's not interested in or invested in a relationship with you. Time to move on.
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