skydragon Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Long story. Last Feburary-March, my 2.5 year relationship ended. She was a cheater and I knew about it during the relationship. I was trying to change her to make her become a better person. She had a drinking/smoking problem along with a bad family back ground and even being raped. There were many reasons why I stood with her knowing she did what she done. I tried to see the good in her despite her actions. I had an insecurity issue. Felt as if losing her would leave me with absolutely nothing but myself. Throughout the years i tried to forgive her but no matter what it was always in the back of my head. It stressed me out, I lost who I was as a person. I became depressed and even lost a few pounds. There were back and forth moments where things were good and bad and I always tried to hold onto the good. A few weeks before our vacation in end of January she told me cheated on me again. I was broken and that was my final straw with her. We still went on vacation and throughout it I had no emotional attachment to her. We got home and tried to repair it but ended up going on a break. I went NC for 2 days with her. I took the time to evaluate everything in my life and realized what has been going on. Did I love her. Of course spending 2.5 years with someone that I accomplished many milestones with...its hard not to love someone for that. We met up again on the 3rd day. She was telling me how horrible she felt and how miserable it has been without me. She never thought this would happen and now shes scared. She said she has hopes of getting back together after the break. Well... I told her straight up, I don't want to get back together and I can't trust you There was a long discussion and I don't remember most of it. It was never a violent break up. I never cursed or got aggressive with her. I didn't have the heart. I left her house and ever since the 3rd day I went complete NC. I deleted all the picture on social media. She eventually deleted me. She would post memes and quotes all over social media relating to me and people would tell me. I simply told them I have no interest in what she posts. I never blocked her on SM but she would and still is blocking and unblocking me. I maintained NC 100% and did not give her bread crumbs. I worked on myself and took time to do what I wanted to do. Started the gym again and finally reached my goal weight of 150-155lbs of muscle. I was 141lb no muscle with her. I guess that was the start of my success story...but here's what happens next I gained my confidence in myself and I was ready to get back out on the playing field. There is this girl at my job that I started talking to in late March. We went out a few times and immediately there was a connection. We had the same interest and hobbies. She knew I just got out of a relationship and was cautious. I understood but we still went out on dates. We made it official in August and ever since I started talking to her everyone has been saying how Happy I look. The best part is I feel happy. I don't have anymore stress. I trust my gf. Yes it was a little hard at first because of the previous one but I told myself "this is a new person and you will ruin it if you bring the past into her". My family and friends love her. I love her. I actually have feelings for her that I never had with anyone in the past before. I can picture myself marrying her. The better part is...she reciprocates her feelings to me and I feel they are legit. I don't have to worry and I am truly happy with what I have going right now. If I didn't go NC I would have been caught in the same rut and probably still have been with the ex. She now has a BF which was someone she cheated on me for and when I found out....there was no "knots" in my stomach or anything. Absolutely no emotional ties and I just shrugged my shoulders. Never once have I broken NC. I know this is not the type of success story that dumpees want to hear. But if you're in a relationship with a cheater or a relationship that is on and off. IMO it's best to end it. And when you do it, go NC right away and don't look back and work on yourself. Following the NC was the best thing I ever did in order to get ahead in life. There will always be someone better out there for you. Forgot to mention I'm 25 years old with a bachelors degree and I work as a RN in one of the top hospitals in my state. 2
Woon Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 To be honest, the first few months after my BU, these werent the kind of success stories i wanted to see. But now, 6 months later, they totally are. Ive also gained 14lbs while staying at a low bodyfat, made huge financial strides and have recently started casually dating. Its been a tough process, but ive come out on top i feel. Rarely think of my ex-fiance these days, no more knots in my stomache, no anxiety, nothing. Congrats to you and all that have made it through this difficult journey. If nothing else, it has made us better, stronger, more rounded. 4
Author skydragon Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 Thanks for the reply Woon. There's always hope with NC. I know the severity and difficulty will vary from person to person but it is truly the only way to heal and move forward. It's amazing the physical changes the body can go through during such a situation. Continue with the healthy habits and I wish you the very best on the playing field. Stay positive...someone will come your way. 2
Woon Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Same to you skydragon. Rejection is the best form of motivation eh? I have met someone, we get along incredibly well, but its uncanny how much she and my ex are alike. So much so, that i dont know if i should take it any further. 3
kxpxsc3 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Loved this post! I recently went 100% no contact after the harsh realization that my ex was not coming back (but had been throwing me breadcrumbs..). It has been hard and I've been wondering if and how I will ever have feelings for anyone else, or simply just NOT have them for him. Your post really gave me some hope so thanks for sharing 3
Author skydragon Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 Loved this post! I recently went 100% no contact after the harsh realization that my ex was not coming back (but had been throwing me breadcrumbs..). It has been hard and I've been wondering if and how I will ever have feelings for anyone else, or simply just NOT have them for him. Your post really gave me some hope so thanks for sharing Glad I was able to help! There so many people out there. My current gf works with me and I always said to myself I would never date a coworker and sure enough everything fell perfectly in place. The less you look for one...that's when it happens. I wish you the very best!
Author skydragon Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 Honestly, if she's like your ex...You shouldn't take it any further. Some girls can be the same just like some guys. Even though she may be a different person there's still that possibility. When someone says during a BU "you're never going to find someone like me again" your reply should be "that's the point" Find someone that's better.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Hey I really loved reading your story. I wish I could be where you are now, but I have been stuck for this past year. My ex dumped me for another girl and I keep hearing that they will get married soon. How I do move on? I cry uncontrollably at times because I cannot control my thoughts and feelings. How I do get better knowing that he won't come back for me? 1
mightycpa Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 ExPat says to tell yourself that THEY WILL GET MARRIED AND THEY WILL BE HAPPY TOGETHER. Embrace it. Make yourself believe it, and you'll soon rid yourself of your false hope. From my experience, that's exactly what it takes. You've got to assume the worst, and that is the road to recovery. 3
Author skydragon Posted November 21, 2015 Author Posted November 21, 2015 How I do move on? I cry uncontrollably at times because I cannot control my thoughts and feelings. How I do get better knowing that he won't come back for me? Hey thanks for the reply and glad you liked it! You can and will be in my position one day. As someone said...she will get married. You have to accept what you lost. Look on the bright side...what ever stress she caused you when she was with you...is no longer yours. She's someone else's problem Try to occupy you time. I started the gym again after mine and I kept on going to the point where that was my main focus. Eventually thoughts about the gym took over thoughts about the ex. You have all this free time now. Enjoy it. Go out clubbing. If your in that age frame...not for the girls but for the music. Enjoy yourself and be happy by yourself. If you look around you won't find it. It will fall into its place when the time is right. 1
Protec Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 I am also in NC now little bit over a month now. I've been starting to go to the gym again, i gained weight when i was in RS. I am trying to get even better shape this time. Also i think i need to give up on the OLD sites. They just make me feel lonely and unwanted. I found my ex-gf from there. I am trying to do complete 180 with my life. It takes time for sure, but i am trying to: -Call more to my friends and keep contact -Cut off alcohol, sweets and snacks. Also need to cut off soda drinks (cola etc.) -Play less videogames, work out more. I should try to go out more, to nightclubs etc. I have never enjoyed those places. Which is weird because i listen fast paced electronic musid One of the main reasons is it costs a lot. A night out easily costs 100 euros. I can't really afford that. I drink 4 beers, it's already 30-40 euros. entrance fee 10 euros, and you buy some food, 10 euros, maybe offer a drink for someone etc...take taxi home. It's 100e. Can't do it. I still miss my ex. She was a fine woman and it will be HARD to find someone better. As she was near perfect... And i am not kidding. That's why i am having so hard time getting over her...
xpaperxcutx Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Hey thanks for the reply and glad you liked it! You can and will be in my position one day. As someone said...she will get married. You have to accept what you lost. Look on the bright side...what ever stress she caused you when she was with you...is no longer yours. She's someone else's problem Try to occupy you time. I started the gym again after mine and I kept on going to the point where that was my main focus. Eventually thoughts about the gym took over thoughts about the ex. You have all this free time now. Enjoy it. Go out clubbing. If your in that age frame...not for the girls but for the music. Enjoy yourself and be happy by yourself. If you look around you won't find it. It will fall into its place when the time is right. Hey Skydragon, thanks for the reply. I'm a girl by the way. I think that's my issue, I haven't gone back to the gym and taken care of my needs. I always wanted to go but something is holding me back. Maybe because my ex was a personal trainer and I've became adverse to exercises because it will make me think about him. So far, I gained almost 15-20 lbs since the break up and every time I wanted to start a diet, I immediately quit afterwards. I also don't like to go clubbing. My friends all wanted to drag me to bars and lounges and I just have no desire to party like that anymore. I spent my 26th birthday having dinner with friends and even after that I found staying up late tedious. What is wrong with me? I feel like I'm suffering horrible depression where I constantly repeat to myself I'm not good enough.
Author skydragon Posted November 21, 2015 Author Posted November 21, 2015 I am trying to do complete 180 with my life. It takes time for sure, but i am trying to: -Call more to my friends and keep contact -Cut off alcohol, sweets and snacks. Also need to cut off soda drinks (cola etc.) -Play less videogames, work out more. I should try to go out more, to nightclubs etc. I have never enjoyed those places. Which is weird because i listen fast paced electronic musid One of the main reasons is it costs a lot. A night out easily costs 100 euros. I can't really afford that. I drink 4 beers, it's already 30-40 euros. entrance fee 10 euros, and you buy some food, 10 euros, maybe offer a drink for someone etc...take taxi home. It's 100e. Can't do it. I used to be the same way with clubs but I just go for the music. I never want to talk to or dance with any girls while I'm there. IMO i feel as if they are all fake in a club. Dolled up, drunk and overly out going. Also saves me the trouble of buying someone else a drink. I keep a 2 drink maximum...they are a little more in the New York. Keep doing what your doing. You're on the right track and just be patient. The more busy you are the less you'll think of your ex and when that happens....a better girl will be right in front of you.
Amelie1980 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 But what do you do when the rest of your life goes down the toilet too. I got dumped one week and lost my job the next. I lost everything.
Author skydragon Posted November 21, 2015 Author Posted November 21, 2015 But what do you do when the rest of your life goes down the toilet too. I got dumped one week and lost my job the next. I lost everything. You put all your focus into funding a new job. That's life. S*it is going to happen. The longer you dwell on it and mope around not doing anything...the worse it gets.
Protec Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 But what do you do when the rest of your life goes down the toilet too. I got dumped one week and lost my job the next. I lost everything. I've been there too. Twice. Once my ex left me day before i had my final day at work. She left and said "have fun last day at work". Yeah. Sure had. I really was so pissed about everything i did not even care. And my latest ex dumped me 2 weeks before my job ended... Just keep yourself as busy as you can... 1
Amelie1980 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 I've been there too. Twice. Once my ex left me day before i had my final day at work. She left and said "have fun last day at work". Yeah. Sure had. I really was so pissed about everything i did not even care. And my latest ex dumped me 2 weeks before my job ended... Just keep yourself as busy as you can... I'm dealing by staying in the house which is making me worse.
AT15 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Amelie, You are depressed. And that's ok. Be ok with where you are now. Acknowledge your pain. Give yourself the love that you DESERVE for dealing and coping with it. This is not easy. You need love. And that love is already in you. You just have acknowledge it and wrap yourself in it. Actually, that love within, is the only real love that you will ever have. I'm thinking the purpose of relationship is c&c to teach us where the real love is... And every relationship we are in Will fail until we make ourselves whole. 1
Amelie1980 Posted November 22, 2015 Posted November 22, 2015 Amelie, You are depressed. And that's ok. Be ok with where you are now. Acknowledge your pain. Give yourself the love that you DESERVE for dealing and coping with it. This is not easy. You need love. And that love is already in you. You just have acknowledge it and wrap yourself in it. Actually, that love within, is the only real love that you will ever have. I'm thinking the purpose of relationship is c&c to teach us where the real love is... And every relationship we are in Will fail until we make ourselves whole. I cant be ok with where I am now. My family, especially my brother, are making my life a living hell for being depressed. I get told I am pathetic, lazy, useless and they are all such experts on how to live my life. They expect that I should just be able to deal with this as if nothing happened and I am being made to feel bad for grieving the loss of my old lifestyle. Nothing about my life is recognizeable.
Author skydragon Posted December 23, 2015 Author Posted December 23, 2015 I cant be ok with where I am now. My family, especially my brother, are making my life a living hell for being depressed. I get told I am pathetic, lazy, useless and they are all such experts on how to live my life. They expect that I should just be able to deal with this as if nothing happened and I am being made to feel bad for grieving the loss of my old lifestyle. Nothing about my life is recognizeable. It seems as if your family is not being supportive. Your best action is to occupy your time and keep a little distance from the family. Enough to avoid the topic. Hope things have gotten better.
Heartbrokenguy80 Posted December 24, 2015 Posted December 24, 2015 Although I don't have the mood to go out with my friends, I tried to do it. Staying at home will make you feel worse. Although you might not be having fun when you are out but I think it's better than staying at home
Author skydragon Posted December 24, 2015 Author Posted December 24, 2015 Although I don't have the mood to go out with my friends, I tried to do it. Staying at home will make you feel worse. Although you might not be having fun when you are out but I think it's better than staying at home Absolutely. When you stay at home, time slows down mentally. When that happens it takes longer to heal. When you go out, time speeds up and so does the healing process.
Recommended Posts