nightowl73 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 My bf keeps his phone locked. I got the feeling something was wrong last week. He didn't say or do anything specific but I just had a gut feeling. I went with it and checked his phone records online. He's on my plan. I noticed a number that was new from his usual pattern of numbers. I looked it up and discovered it was a girl from his past. She initiated contact first. He followed suit. I felt so guilty and wanted to ask him if he was talking or seeing anyone else. He said no. I asked again then he mentioned her name. I told him that I looked due to my feeling....I've been cheated on in the past and both times had the feelings and they were right. He felt violated and was upset I looked at the records. But he said he understood why I did it. He says he still loves me but is unsure about our future. He said he was reconnecting with her as an old friend but texting her during the day and late at night sent up red flags. Should I stop beating myself up over this? He said he forgives me. But can I forgive myself? Has anyone had this happen and the relationship was better due to being honest?
Gloria25 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Nice, his reaction to your reaction to his suspicious behavior is to make you feel bad/guilty? BTW, putting the blame on the victim is a common tactic of people who are doing you dirty. 2
Author nightowl73 Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 His first response was chuckling....said how would he have time to see anyone with his busy work schedule. Later he did say he was sorry I felt the way I did. Gave me a hug.
mystikmind2005 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 His first response was chuckling....said how would he have time to see anyone with his busy work schedule. Later he did say he was sorry I felt the way I did. Gave me a hug. Gosh, that is exactly what my ex said!! She said that after i saw all the sexy lingerie on her Ebay feedback... the kind she never once wore in the 10 years we were together! In the last 3 years of marriage we had sex only twice, then because she ended it i became interested and started investigating and found that out and she used that exact line and expects me to believe she never cheated? (still does) hehehehe, funny.
purplesorrow Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 His first response was chuckling....said how would he have time to see anyone with his busy work schedule. Later he did say he was sorry I felt the way I did. Gave me a hug. I also heard the same from my ex. He was screwing her on his lunch break. He first and only reaction should have been no if he's not cheating. Has he actually said no or just using Jedi mind tricks like the above?
SpiralOut Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 His first response was chuckling....said how would he have time to see anyone with his busy work schedule. Later he did say he was sorry I felt the way I did. Gave me a hug. That's not a real apology. He needs to apologize for how he acted, not for how you feel. He's not denying anything either. He's just asking a rhetorical question and expecting it to keep you quiet. When a guy (or woman) wants to see someone, they make time for them. Having "a busy work schedule" won't stop them.
schiller Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 He says he still loves me but is unsure about our future. He said he was reconnecting with her as an old friend He's seriously considering dumping you so he can go out with his ex again. But you already know this, don't you?
Author nightowl73 Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 Thank you everyone for your honest responses. I'm dumping him . He lives with me so I need to get a plan together to get him out quickly and semi painlessly. 5
Friskyone4u Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 Good decision to dump him. His behavior was "classic" for someone up to no good. Simple fact. He should not be reconnecting with old girl friends and not telling you if you are living together in an exclusive relationship. Chances are if you knew the context of those messages and not just the numbers you would see where it is headed.
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