itsallamystery Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 So here it is. I have evolved out of the type of guy I was in high school & college (que whatever cliches come to mind) in terms of getting with women mainly for sex. I'll be 30 in 2 weeks and it just doesn't have the same allure it once did. However... I'm 6 months out of a 7 year relationship and have only dated 2 women. I've had zero sex in 6 months and it is starting to take its toll on me. Ironically, I friendzoned one and then got friendzoned by the other (read the other threads for more on that). Though we usually dont know why things didnt work out on dates we can make assumptions. My assumption is I treated the girl that friendzoned me like a girlfriend before well...actually being my girlfriend. I'd like to avoid that from now on. I checked my linkedin yesterday and saw that a cute girl who I had class with years ago requested me. Started talking with her. Got her number. Asked her for drinks this Saturday night. (Since I'm busy on Friday) She agreed but said she works early sunday morning so it'd have to be early enough on saturday. if not we could pick another night. Honestly, I'd like to be in a situation that I'm more likely to get physical and I feel like an earlier almost day-time date wouldnt likely amount to more than kissing and some groping. So is it poor form to reschedule for next Friday where we can go out during the night?
lilmissjava Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Why does it have to be at night? Afternoon siestas are nice. 2
mrldii Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 What makes you think that because someone you knew in HS has reached out to you and because you're hornier than sh*t that she's going to be *giving it up* on the first 'date', regardless of the hour of the day or night? Evolved quite a bit since HS, have ya? 17
Buddhist Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I've evolved out of getting with women mainly for sex. However... I'd like to be in a situation that I'm more likely to get physical and I feel like an earlier almost day-time date wouldnt likely amount to more than kissing and some groping. Yeah I'm kind of questioning the first statement in light of the second one. So your sole reason to meet this woman is to have sex on the first date? Well not sure I like your chances of that but sure if it happens more likely in the evening. Go for Friday night.
Riptide91 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 A brutally honest answer: Take her out on Saturday and have a good time, get a little physical maybe and enjoy her company. Then next Friday ask her out again and maybe, if you play your cards right and she's into you it will progress to what you're looking for. A brutally honest opinion: I don't believe you've grown up at all and you seem like all my friends (college kids, low to mid 20's) who are just looking for a piece to score with every weekend. Yes, I did read where you just got out of a relationship, but I can't say your wanting to go out and get laid seems like a good plan to better your life and/or sex life in general. You're 30, find a nice girl, court her, date her, treat her right and you'll have all the sex you can get. 6
mystikmind2005 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I like the attitude of the main character in the movie Phenomenon. The woman asks him if he is expecting to get lucky and his reply is "not expecting, hoping" Your attitude is stuck on 'expecting' which women hate, so you can 'expect' to continue getting less sex. 3
Samhain Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 It's poor form to not want to go out any time other than a time that will suit your getting laid plans. Seriously? "romance is dead" really is true. Does it even occur to you that the women you date don't want to have sex yet? What are you, 16? 1
Author itsallamystery Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 What makes you think that because someone you knew in HS has reached out to you and because you're hornier than sh*t that she's going to be *giving it up* on the first 'date', regardless of the hour of the day or night? Evolved quite a bit since HS, have ya? Jesus I'm glad I dont live in north cali. First, I met this girl in College. Second if you'd like to be selective in what you read, read the fact that I got out of a 7 year relationship. In the sahara dessert of droughts for 6 months, so please pardon my honesty about wanting to have sex. Regardless of what I am asking here, I never treat a women like s h i t and believe it or not, respect her. What I was asking her was a better game plan to get laid. because yeah, its not the absolute worst thing in the world to want.
Author itsallamystery Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 Yeah I'm kind of questioning the first statement in light of the second one. So your sole reason to meet this woman is to have sex on the first date? Well not sure I like your chances of that but sure if it happens more likely in the evening. Go for Friday night. where in my statement is the word "sole"? I would like to hang out with her and see what she's been up to. The question was simply asking about increasing the odds of me getting some action...which I'm slowly learning by reading this thread is a mortal sin.
Author itsallamystery Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 I like the attitude of the main character in the movie Phenomenon. The woman asks him if he is expecting to get lucky and his reply is "not expecting, hoping" Your attitude is stuck on 'expecting' which women hate, so you can 'expect' to continue getting less sex. just like the other guy who placed the word "sole" conveniently in the thread to suit his argument...when or what did I say i expect? I was simply asking about odds I getting something I would like.
Author itsallamystery Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 It's poor form to not want to go out any time other than a time that will suit your getting laid plans. Seriously? "romance is dead" really is true. Does it even occur to you that the women you date don't want to have sex yet? What are you, 16? Romance is in a coma for me right now. It was a terrible and terribly long draw out breakup after what I think is a decent amount of time. I pose this question especially after making a stupid comment about me being 16: If romance is not what one party seeks, would it not be more grownup to NOT woo her with the facade of romance? I personally prefer honesty. Say what you mean and mean what you say. So if my goal is for something more physical why is it bad to not misrepresent myself?
Samhain Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 just like the other guy who placed the word "sole" conveniently in the thread to suit his argument...when or what did I say i expect? I was simply asking about odds I getting something I would like. Honestly, I'd like to be in a situation that I'm more likely to get physical and I feel like an earlier almost day-time date wouldnt likely amount to more than kissing and some groping. Pretty much insinuates your sole reason for wanting to date this chick at a certain time/night is to get laid, doesn't matter that you never said the word. When you are put off going on a date at a certain time because it lowers your chances of getting laid you do have a sole reason. And if you wanted to get to know this chick with no expectations, you wouldn't be whining to start with. 3
Samhain Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Romance is in a coma for me right now. It was a terrible and terribly long draw out breakup after what I think is a decent amount of time. I pose this question especially after making a stupid comment about me being 16: If romance is not what one party seeks, would it not be more grownup to NOT woo her with the facade of romance? I personally prefer honesty. Say what you mean and mean what you say. So if my goal is for something more physical why is it bad to not misrepresent myself? If that was true then you would make it known from the get go "I only want sex, nothing else". You're entertaining the motion of dates in the hopes to get sex, that's not honesty. 2
Buddhist Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 The question was simply asking about increasing the odds of me getting some action...which I'm slowly learning by reading this thread is a mortal sin. Yeah and I answered it. It's only a mortal sin because you pretended to be all mature n stuff upfront. If you'd dispensed with the I'm a real grown up now, talk no-one would have cared. 2
road Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Jesus I'm glad I dont live in north cali. First, I met this girl in College. Second if you'd like to be selective in what you read, read the fact that I got out of a 7 year relationship. In the sahara dessert of droughts for 6 months, so please pardon my honesty about wanting to have sex. Regardless of what I am asking here, I never treat a women like s h i t and believe it or not, respect her. What I was asking her was a better game plan to get laid. because yeah, its not the absolute worst thing in the world to want. You have not grown up. Just growing older is never the same. The Goal is not sex. The Goal is a relationship. 2
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 (edited) Brutally honest answer: you are thinking with the wrong head & you are still the sex driven hormonal guy (jerk?) you were in HS & college. Wanting sex is fine. Trying to manipulate a situation so you get sex with the least amount of effort screams like you are using this woman. The sex isn't the sin; using the other person (increasing your odds) is the problem She probably remembers you as a player -- perhaps a sexy one -- but not somebody she's really willing to risk her heart / body on which is why she wants the early date. Go out with her on Saturday. Don't expect to get laid. If you like her & you two seem to click ask her out again the next Friday (the later date / time) when you seem to be more confident that you can manipulate her into bed. Edited November 20, 2015 by d0nnivain 4
Versacehottie Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Isn't it ironic that you are worried about the poor form of rescheduling a date, when the primary purpose of the reschedule is to get laid (something which his date is not privy to)? I think you going in with the premise of getting laid when she probably thinks she is going on a date with a guy who might have potential as a guy to DATE/BF, is in poorer form than any reschedule, just saying. 3
mrldii Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Jesus I'm glad I dont live in north cali. First, I met this girl in College. Second if you'd like to be selective in what you read, read the fact that I got out of a 7 year relationship. In the sahara dessert of droughts for 6 months, so please pardon my honesty about wanting to have sex. Regardless of what I am asking here, I never treat a women like s h i t and believe it or not, respect her. What I was asking her was a better game plan to get laid. because yeah, its not the absolute worst thing in the world to want. People from all over this planet have responded to your brutally honest post similar to my reply, so unless you're planning on leaving us soon, you might want to take note. None of us know the woman in question, so no one could possibly tell you what will work best to get you into her pants. It's probably best that you simply be brutally honest and ask her directly: "Which day/date/time gives me the best odds of getting laid by you?" and then listen to her response. Keep in mind though, many experts on the subject have determined that "women don't even know what they want", so you may - or may not - be able to take her at her word. Best of luck with your best-laid plans, OP... 2
StBreton Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 People from all over this planet have responded to your brutally honest post similar to my reply, so unless you're planning on leaving us soon, you might want to take note. None of us know the woman in question, so no one could possibly tell you what will work best to get you into her pants. It's probably best that you simply be brutally honest and ask her directly: "Which day/date/time gives me the best odds of getting laid by you?" and then listen to her response. Keep in mind though, many experts on the subject have determined that "women don't even know what they want", so you may - or may not - be able to take her at her word. Best of luck with your best-laid plans, OP... Mrldii ... you are classic:) OP ... seriously? You can't see the forest for the trees! You can't see the woman for your carnal desire ... not cool. You give guys a bad name ... especially that you live in denial of it all. 2
VeveCakes Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 You should just get on Tinder and go to a bar on Sat night...buy some drinks...that should do the trick for ya.
Author itsallamystery Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 Pretty much insinuates your sole reason for wanting to date this chick at a certain time/night is to get laid, doesn't matter that you never said the word. When you are put off going on a date at a certain time because it lowers your chances of getting laid you do have a sole reason. And if you wanted to get to know this chick with no expectations, you wouldn't be whining to start with. This is a board of strangers...why would I insinuate anything? I'd flat out say it. The very purpose of these boards is to not have to worry about masking questions or "insinuating". Therefore, I'd caution you to think in that frame, because if it was my "sole" purpose...I would say that verbatim. Yeah and I answered it. It's only a mortal sin because you pretended to be all mature n stuff upfront. If you'd dispensed with the I'm a real grown up now, talk no-one would have cared. Pretended to be mature to who? Certainly not the woman I'm talking to as I've only asked her out for drinks. Nothing more was said. Certainly not this audience as I only made a few statements about my past versus my present. And maybe I should've clarified a bit more. Mature in the sense that overall in the past 10 or so years I have only dated women I found interesting. I'll admit this may be a digression in how I usually operate. Brutally honest answer: you are thinking with the wrong head & you are still the sex driven hormonal guy (jerk?) you were in HS & college. Wanting sex is fine. Trying to manipulate a situation so you get sex with the least amount of effort screams like you are using this woman. The sex isn't the sin; using the other person (increasing your odds) is the problem She probably remembers you as a player -- perhaps a sexy one -- but not somebody she's really willing to risk her heart / body on which is why she wants the early date. Go out with her on Saturday. Don't expect to get laid. If you like her & you two seem to click ask her out again the next Friday (the later date / time) when you seem to be more confident that you can manipulate her into bed. I agree with most of this. I do feel manipulation may be a bit strong though. I'm not lying or telling her things to gain anything. We're talking about time of day for a date. We had class years ago, never hit on her nor gave her any reason to believe I was a "player"....because I'm not at all. Isn't it ironic that you are worried about the poor form of rescheduling a date, when the primary purpose of the reschedule is to get laid (something which his date is not privy to)? I think you going in with the premise of getting laid when she probably thinks she is going on a date with a guy who might have potential as a guy to DATE/BF, is in poorer form than any reschedule, just saying. Okay I have no qualms about this statement. Complaints are made when men disguise their true intentions (i.e. pretending they want a relationship for the sake of sex) but chastised when they are honest. So I suppose the assumption is a guy is an a s s hole if he seeks something physical without a long term commitment, regardless of how it is posed? I mean, I'll be the first to admit having come out of a 7 year relationship I wouldnt say I'm very polished at "dating". Never the less though, it is certainly a learning process. Overall in this, and other relationships, I was never called selfish. In fact, I've typically been told I was a "really good guy (by an ex about 1 week ago) though I'm sure most on this thread would not agree now. However, some of the generalizations made in this short thread are laughable. The use of words like "insinuate" and "sole reason" are typically used to take things out of context. I enjoyed reading how I "give guys a bad name" from a single statement that most did not agree with. It's not because it isnt what I want to hear, but the fact that a lot of judgement was passed based on less than a few sentences. Truly, I reserve guillotine style statements only when I know more about the person. Again though, I may be wrong for thinking like that. Overall I think, in the utmost humble of opinions that there have been a lot of men historically who use deceit and manipulation in order to get sex. But I think it spans a bit further than trying for a later time of day when making a date. Then again...I might just be in denial. Overall though, all of this information is useful. Thank you all.
Ic1 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Get over it OP! you're intentions aren't in any interest of the girl. Just in the interest of your hormones. Actions speak louder than words, and as long as you don't lie about your actions, your planned actions say it no matter what way you word it.
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 So I suppose the assumption is a guy is an a s s hole if he seeks something physical without a long term commitment, regardless of how it is posed? . Sex without commitment is fine. The problem is when a guy wants sex without commitment but falsely gives women the impression that commitment is an option. I'm objecting to misleading somebody. I did not say you are misleading her but when your motivation is driven primarily by you getting your carnal desires satisfied without a lot of thought about what a partner may want and your desire to schedule the date to maximize the chances that it will result in sex it takes on a "using" vibe because one warm body is just as good as another warm body (within reason) Somebody suggested you check out Tinder. I think that is a good idea for you. 1
Qboro90 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 You have not grown up. Just growing older is never the same. The Goal is not sex. The Goal is a relationship. You seem to be getting aggravated with not getting the answer of "yea reschedule for Friday night so it's easier to get laid if things are going good". It's been 6 months. Not 6 years. If you want the truth and actual best plan for getting laid and actually continuing to get laid then it would be to take the opportunity she gave you in her schedule and make the most of it in hopes that it develops and progresses. Let's say you take her out for an early dinner Saturday and it goes well and you impress her... Who's to say she doesn't hit you up Sunday night or sometime during the week and say she wants to see you again ASAP? Then you're in the drivers seat and know that it's something mutual instead of a one night con job. And even if you rescheduled for Friday night. Who's to say that this girl would even sleep with you on the first date even if things went incredible. If I'm a guy who only dates girls that I see potential futures with then one thing I wouldn't want is for her to give it up on the first night I met her. Any girl I went out with and that happened, it always made me perhaps even subconsciously think a little less of them and never ended in a relationship. So if you're just horny as hell, call an escort Friday and take the LinkedIn girl out on Saturday with a clear head. 1
bluefeather Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I have evolved out of the type of guy I was in high school & college (que whatever cliches come to mind) in terms of getting with women mainly for sex. Did you actually... have success? Because for asking a question like that, it doesn't seem like it. So here's my "brutally honest" answer: Yeah, it's poor form. But people can and do have sex when the sun is out. Also, an early date can turn into a late night stay any time. It doesn't matter if she works the next day... 1
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