Kitchen Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I met this woman through work. My job requires me to rotate to different sites every couple of months. I met her at my last site when there were only 2 weeks left for me. She really seemed like my type: sarcastic and playful, good sense of humor. It seemed to me she kept making excuses to talk to me at work. Unfortunately it was near the end for me at that location, so I ended up asking her out without really getting to know her that well. I thought it was now or never. We went out the week after. I thought the date went well. Ever since then, she hasn't answered about 2-3 calls total, and doesn't reply to texts for like 3 days. When she does reply, it's substantial and writes me a paragraph: "sorry, things got busy at work because of yada yada yada; how was your thing that you told me about?" Afterwards I reply to her and she doesn't write back for another 3 days. This has happened twice so far. It seems obvious to me that she's not interested, which is fine, I've accepted it. But why does she keep replying? She knows she is never going to see me again, so she doesn't have to play nice or feel pressured to respond to my messages or anything. Why not just ignore me like all other women have who haven't been interested in me, esp because she is never going to see me again! Is she trying to get me to chase her? Is she responding out of guilt? Playing hard to get? Boredom? Could she just be confused? And it's not like I've been hammering her with texts and calls, I've been pretty cool and calm on my end. I don't see any reason why she couldn't have just stopped the conversation. I was on my way to forgetting about her until I got yet another message 3 days later. I'm talking to two other women, who are both great and beautiful girls. But I just felt such an amazing connection with this girl. It's been 2.5 years since my last relationship and I haven't felt something so strong since then, and yet it's almost guaranteed not to work .
Lansing Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 She is probably trying to be "polite" at this stage and figuring that eventually you will get a hint what the slow responses mean. I would stop contacting her unless she starts putting in effort to reach out to you. What is the point if you won't be seeing her again anyway?
xcupid Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Why do you care? She's not interested, you've accepted that, you're talking to other women. Drop the contact with her and move on.
Empyrea Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 (edited) Maybe she's not much of a texter. You said she always answers thoroughly with a long paragraph, she takes time to reply and thinks her answers through. That's not your typical texter whose dialogue normally goes something like - Hi - what's up - not much, you? - just making a sandwich, here's a pic - oh, that looks nice. You could try to match her style? Take a couple days to respond, but write longer replies. Like a real correspondence. Or you know, just ask her out and stop with the texting which is kind of teenager territory anyway. Edit: I realize now you might have meant that her replies AREN'T substantial.. still, this might be her way of hinting that she doesn't like texting. There was a girl on LS who had the same problem (didn't like texting), so she really spread out her for him to get the hint. Edited November 20, 2015 by Empyrea
Author Kitchen Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 Maybe she's not much of a texter. You said she always answers thoroughly with a long paragraph, she takes time to reply and thinks her answers through. That's not your typical texter whose dialogue normally goes something like - Hi - what's up - not much, you? - just making a sandwich, here's a pic - oh, that looks nice. You could try to match her style? Take a couple days to respond, but write longer replies. Like a real correspondence. Or you know, just ask her out and stop with the texting which is kind of teenager territory anyway. Edit: I realize now you might have meant that her replies AREN'T substantial.. still, this might be her way of hinting that she doesn't like texting. There was a girl on LS who had the same problem (didn't like texting), so she really spread out her for him to get the hint. No I did mean what I said, that her replies ARE substantial. Doesn't seem like she likes calling for that matter either. I really don't know what's going on. I suppose I'll forget about her and see what happens if anything
Author Kitchen Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 She is probably trying to be "polite" at this stage and figuring that eventually you will get a hint what the slow responses mean. I would stop contacting her unless she starts putting in effort to reach out to you. What is the point if you won't be seeing her again anyway? That's the thing, I am not contacting her. She replies to me super late but her text usually includes a question, which I answer and then add in my own question. I stopped initiating my own convo. I only respond when she responds. But I don't get why she feels the need to be polite. I would think that someone trying to be polite would respond quicker and with one word answers. Here, she replies days later with a paragraph. Doesn't seem natural for someone being polite. And I meant that I won't be seeing her anyway at work - therefore she has no reason to be fake nice or polite, from her perspective it makes no sense. But maybe I'm wrong.
Maggie4 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Are you very long distance now? A guy did that to me, but as soon as I told him when I'll be visiting him, he started writing several times a day and planning things to do together. Before that, he probably figured we'll never see each other again so what's the point of writing? Don't need a penpal.
mystikmind2005 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Long replies are definitely not consistent with a blow off, that much i do know. The rest is a mystery? may as well hope for the best, what do you have to lose?
SoftViolin Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 She is probably trying to be "polite" at this stage and figuring that eventually you will get a hint what the slow responses mean. I agree with that. And I agree with you OP that she is no interested - for whatever reason, but she doesn't want to be the bad guy and stop replying, hoping you'd get the hint. At this point, even if she wanted to stop it, you are not asking her out again or making advances over text (seems like your texts are more conversational?), so telling you out of the blue that she is not interested would be pretty strange. Why don't you ask her point blank if she is interested in going out with you again, pursuing something, etc.? She will be forced to answer a direct question. That way you can stop wondering.
PegNosePete Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Boredom? That would be my guess. I'd forget about her, and concentrate on people who are interested and prioritize you.
Wewon Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 It seems obvious to me that she's not interested, which is fine, I've accepted it. But why does she keep replying? She knows she is never going to see me again, so she doesn't have to play nice or feel pressured to respond to my messages or anything. Why not just ignore me like all other women have who haven't been interested in me, esp because she is never going to see me again! Is she trying to get me to chase her? Is she responding out of guilt? Playing hard to get? Boredom? Could she just be confused? And it's not like I've been hammering her with texts and calls, I've been pretty cool and calm on my end. I don't see any reason why she couldn't have just stopped the conversation. I was on my way to forgetting about her until I got yet another message 3 days later. Who knows? Why do women need so many followers on Instagram? Why do so many women have hundreds of facebook friends whom they've never met? Why post pictures and try to collect likes? She most likely is doing the same thing with other guys where there is no practical chance of connection. Some women like to collect validation from others. Sounds like you don't want to go down road, so I would just be polite and stop texting.
Lois_Griffin Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 It seems obvious to me that she's not interested, which is fine, I've accepted it. But why does she keep replying? She knows she is never going to see me again, so she doesn't have to play nice or feel pressured to respond to my messages or anything. Why not just ignore me like all other women have who haven't been interested in me, esp because she is never going to see me again! Is she trying to get me to chase her? Is she responding out of guilt? Playing hard to get? Boredom? Could she just be confused? I didn't realize she works 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Well she MUST work continually with no break, right? Her excuse for not replying for 3 DAYS straight is that work got busy. She must be working 24/7 or she would have replied after work or while she was eating dinner or sitting on the couch later watching TV, or before she climbed into bed for the night or the next morning while having her coffee or during her lunch break at work the next day or..... See where I'm going? The work excuse is lame and unacceptable. Young people live their entire social lives through their cell phones so it's HIGHLY doubtful she didn't have it in her hands for 3 days because she was oh so busy 'working.' She's showing you that you're so far down on her priority list that it's basically a courtesy chore for her just to reply to you. I'd be willing to bet if you stopped texting her, you'd probably never hear from her again. Sounds like a great idea.
Author Kitchen Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 Thanks everyone for your responses. I decided to give it one last shot with a hail mary: I suggested going to a specific place at a specific time to an event her and I had both talked about once before. She said no as she is working that day without suggesting an alternative. I haven't responded since, and have no plans on messaging her in the future. It's a shame, I really really felt she was attracted to me - and I was def attracted to her, most I have been into any woman in 2 years.
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