sark-4 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 I have started dating a man a month ago. He is sweet and we get along well. He is taking me on s short trip and am meeting his sister for the first time. He had made it know in the beginning that he never wanted kids and never had dated anyone with kids. However he has recently been open to dating woman with children. I have two older children 16&17 and he has known this. He told me that the thought of meeting them is making him nervous and that he is not sure how he will react to it. He said it's difficult for him because he has never been with someone who had children. I am a little concerned because we are getting closer and I fear that when the time comes to meet them he will freak out and decide he doesn't want to go forward with anything. I kinda feel that I need to be guarded now. How would someone else handle this situation??
Redfisher Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Well we all know kids come first always....That being said you need to tell him to make a solid choice. If kids are a deal breaker he needs to walk and be nice about it. You could also just date him casually until the kids move out and then move forward.
hippychick3 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 (edited) At this stage, I would not worry about that unless you were to want more kids. You are still in the early stages getting to know each other. He's willing to date you knowing you have kids so at this point, I would focus on the two of you when you're together and your children when you're not. I say this from my own experience of dating someone who is much younger than me who was not sure he wanted kids either. I think the fact that I had 3 kids of my own was a negative for him in the beginning, but since I kept my life with my kids and life dating very separate it wasn't a concern. I wasn't (and still am not) looking for a stepfather for them. They have a dad already. It was over a year of dating before I felt comfortable introducing him to my children. By this point, we were very much in love and he was very attached to me. My children would not be a deterrent to our relationship now. At 2 plus years later, he now participates in more activities with me and my children. He buys them presents for their bdays and sends them occasional gifts. They are a part of our daily conversations and future talks at this stage. It's difficult for a man who does not have children of his own to understand that dynamic. It's foreign to him. As long as he acknowledges your children, knows that they are your priority, and accepts that, I wouldn't worry about his stance. Edited November 19, 2015 by hippychick3 1
Author sark-4 Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 I dont want anymore kids so I know we are on agreement with that. I think he feels I have expectations but I have explained that I am not looking for anyone to be my kids father they have one already. I don't plan on introducing them for a while. I was just worried that I would involve myself more and then he would freak out. But I will take your guys advice and take it easy and keep my mothering separate. I have to this point and its been okay.
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