pulling away already? so lost

[Wanderlust2386]

I see your point. I take issue with the fact that when things change they vanish, no reason, no explanation, no closure. Some cop-out examples…I’m confused, I need space, or I don’t know where my head is at, or they just go cold. After they just finished telling me the night before how much they like me and want to be with me.

I realise they don’t want to hurt a person’s feelings but you’re actually doing more harm than good by not being honest and providing closure. This makes it more difficult to move on.

 

This is my issue, is closure. I'm 30 years old, I don't want to play games. I know some women are into this but it's a waste of time to me. I'm not going to pretend I don't like someone and just act like a child and ignore them for a few days just to "see" if they come crawling back and act normal. Just tell me how you feel straight up and if you aren't interested in me, quit saying you are just to hold onto me in some form. I've been told to just leave her alone, not text - etc, but the other part of me just wants to be like "what the hell is wrong?". It's by far one of the most frustrating things I've been through dating and I've dated a lot. It's like I don't want to wait and see if she comes around, I want to move on if she has no intentions of doing so or if she isn't into me.

[Oregon_Dude]

We pretend that dating and relationships are complicated. In reality, they are incredibly simple.

 

If someone is in contact with you, loving and sweet... they're into you.

 

If they're distant, cold, emotionless.. they're not into you, and/or talking to someone else, and/or confused and have issues.

 

In the case of the latter, you let them go entirely. Do not contact them ever again.

[lil hoodlum]

I see your point. I take issue with the fact that when things change they vanish, no reason, no explanation, no closure. Some cop-out examples…I’m confused, I need space, or I don’t know where my head is at, or they just go cold. After they just finished telling me the night before how much they like me and want to be with me.

I realise they don’t want to hurt a person’s feelings but you’re actually doing more harm than good by not being honest and providing closure. This makes it more difficult to move on.

 

 

When someone tells you that they are "confused", that is your cue to walk away. What they are "confused" about is their feelings for you and someone else.

 

 

"I'm confused" = someone else is in the picture.

[Redhead14]

A. Do not take advice from any woman on this site.. They all want to act like all women, collectively, are logical, act without emotion, and know what they want.. This is not true..

 

B. Women are like cats.. They come and go.. They want a challenge.. They are emotional..

 

C. What you do is basically back off, ignore her.. She is already testing you. Do not EVER ask why she isn't texting as much etc.. She will think you are a needy wimp..

 

It's hard, but it works everytime... I told one girl I was seeing someone else.. Another girl I ignored her text for the entire weekend.. Then again, all of a sudden, they are no longer in their confusion..

 

I'm glad you've conveyed your attitude toward women on this site who take the time to give their insight, experience, views/opinions, etc. This way I can skip over your threads and posts. Less reading.

[SoThatHappened]

I've been there, OP.

 

I've tried to figure it out in a girl who I dated for 7 months and was over the top in love, then cheated and ended things within 18 hours of professing that over the top love.

 

I've also been on dates with women and talked for a couple weeks when everything was absolutely perfect. Then, just got ghosted.

 

I've learned that trying to figure out why someone can flip a switch like that is like p!ssing in the wind. It's just pointless.

 

It likely has absolutely nothing to do with you. Highly likely.

 

I've never done it, and don't know a single guy who has ever done it, but have experienced it a handful of times in 15 or so years.

 

One had a foot out the door (knew she was moving), another I have no idea, and another was too fresh out of a divorce and felt uncomfortable moving forward. Each case had nothing to do with me.

 

I'll bet, in your case, it doesn't have much to do with you.

 

Keep moving forward. I know the pull to just say, "Eff this! Explain why you did this so I can move on." If you take that route, let us know how it turns out. I've never done it. Just went dark and left to wonder.

 

Warning: You may likely be left to wonder either way.

[Wanderlust2386]

I've been there, OP.

 

I've tried to figure it out in a girl who I dated for 7 months and was over the top in love, then cheated and ended things within 18 hours of professing that over the top love.

 

I've also been on dates with women and talked for a couple weeks when everything was absolutely perfect. Then, just got ghosted.

 

I've learned that trying to figure out why someone can flip a switch like that is like p!ssing in the wind. It's just pointless.

 

It likely has absolutely nothing to do with you. Highly likely.

 

I've never done it, and don't know a single guy who has ever done it, but have experienced it a handful of times in 15 or so years.

 

One had a foot out the door (knew she was moving), another I have no idea, and another was too fresh out of a divorce and felt uncomfortable moving forward. Each case had nothing to do with me.

 

I'll bet, in your case, it doesn't have much to do with you.

 

Keep moving forward. I know the pull to just say, "Eff this! Explain why you did this so I can move on." If you take that route, let us know how it turns out. I've never done it. Just went dark and left to wonder.

 

Warning: You may likely be left to wonder either way.

Thank you. I know it likely has nothing to do with me directly, but you can't help thinking you did something wrong. Anyway I basically told her today that we need to meet up and talk about this in person otherwise I'm going to peace out basically and she said she can tomorrow. We'll see. Bet you she cancels. If that's the case, I'm over it. Giving it one last shot to see what's really going on because It is SO hard to tell over text. But I can tell if someone isn't into me and she's acting completely different and more distant everyday. I'm honestly scared to even text her anything - it took all the courage I had to send that one. And nobody you're dating should make you feel that way. We'll see.