pulling away already? so lost

[Wanderlust2386]

So I met this girl online and we talked a whole entire week before we met, this was only four weeks ago. She texted me every morning to say "good morning, have a good day beautiful." etc.. and we talked every day all day until bedtime. Then we met and things went amazing, our first date lasted 7 hours and we made out etc, 2 days later we had another amazing date and really connected, but still made me wait for sex because she said she doesn't sleep with just anyone. At this point she was already mentioning things in our future, like meeting my parents or going to this festival that had already passed - NEXT YEAR together. She is very busy, so a week later we just met for coffee, in which she was holding my hand and giving me kisses - we are still talking every day at this point. This whole time while texting things progressed quickly into calling each other babe and saying I miss you etc... but it seemed very natural on both ends. Then a week ago we saw each other on sunday and monday night, had amazing conversation, ended up sleeping together on monday in which she consistently told me, I'm crazy about you, I like you a lot - and told me I was all hers without me even saying this to her first.

 

After this night everything has become so weird. She stopped using any emoticons in her texts, which is sad - but she used them A LOT, she doesn't update me on her day or say good morning or good night and she takes forever to respond. I don't expect this at all, but it is what I've become "used" to with her. I've had to text her first and she seems disinterested. Well I brought this up to her and asked her if she would tell me if she wanted me to back off and she said she no. She she didn't want to give me the impression that she was ready for a serious relationship because she has a lot of **** to figure out, but that she is interested in me and likes me and if i'm willing to just take things as they come then she is happy about that. She also said in the past people have said that she deceived them and she tries to be honest about her feelings, so for that reason she holds back.

 

I guess what I don't understand is why the sudden distance? I feel like it came out of nowhere. I'm not sure what to do with this information. Should I just step back and let her do all the leading? Does she think it got serious too fast? Its just I sort of feel like its making me sound like I was coming on too strong or something, and I totally wasn't. It was very mutual. And she still didn't really give me a reason for pulling away she just said that she was sorry she's been distant - but it's been going on 6 days now and she's acting really odd still. We didn't end up seeing each other this past weekend at all, nor has she said anything that's really indicative that she does like me. The only somewhat more than friends text I have gotten was "I miss your lips." I'm just lost on whether to hang in there or what. I'm so confused. I told her I was totally happy taking things as they come, as I'm not totally ready for a serious relationship yet either, but I don't see any type of relationship happening when the person I'm talking to seems totally uninterested aside from a few scraps. I'm not a needy a person by any means, but I'm wondering if shes telling me the truth or not - like if I should actually take a hint, even though she keeps saying she likes me. Her change in attitude has really got me bummed and it's driving me crazy.

Edited November 18, 2015 by Wanderlust2386

[Redfisher]

Well she moved fast and now she is fading....I think you should just give her room to think. If it is meant to be she open up. Good luck.

[AliOop]

I'm sorry to say, but get away from this girl.

 

 

How can she go from "I'm crazy about you and am all yours" to "I didn't want to give you the impression I'm ready for a relationship."

 

 

I don't know you, but I'll bet you deserve better than that! Remember, above all else, value yourself.

[Ic1]

Looks like it was a flash in the pan.

 

My impression from your summary is that she lost interest in you once she had you. Having this change happen right after the new level was reached says a bit about her wants, and that she's probably in her younger years of dating and doesn't really know what she wants out of a relationship.

 

What you don't have, or can't/shouldn't have is desireable to humans. So once they have/own something, it's more like "meh" instead of "Ooohh!" And many see a relationship as only 'their' boy/girlfriend. Not as someone they're with.

[Iceshowers]

Something sort of similar happened to me too, but we weren't all lovey dovey like you guys were. The guy was all in and constantly talking/texting me and saying things that sounded as if things were going very well. Then after a month in, he pulled back alot and stopped texting much and initiating texts and dates.

 

I would say that she either lost interest, the crazy rush from the start finally settled and she realized it's not what she wants at all, or she's seeing someone else.

[Wanderlust2386]

Just to clarify the situation, she is definitely not young in the dating scene. We are both 30. She was married for 8 years but left the relationship. She has been separated from him for three years but has not had any serious relationships since and is in fact, still married to him legally because she has not been able to afford a lawyer, but recently got one. She also has kids. I understand she has a lot going on and completely understand but again, the sudden pulling away has me confused because of how into me she was acting. Part of me wants to give her benefit of the doubt because it is a lot to handle. She told me last week during one of our dates that she doesn't believe she has deserved anyone and that is why she hasn't been in a relationship since. I'm just trying to gauge whether she is just afraid and things just moved too fast unexpectedly, or if I'm wasting my time.

[Wanderlust2386]

Something sort of similar happened to me too, but we weren't all lovey dovey like you guys were. The guy was all in and constantly talking/texting me and saying things that sounded as if things were going very well. Then after a month in, he pulled back alot and stopped texting much and initiating texts and dates.

 

I would say that she either lost interest, the crazy rush from the start finally settled and she realized it's not what she wants at all, or she's seeing someone else.

 

If you lost interest, why not tell me though? I straight up asked her if she did and she said she was very interested in me. She also deleted her online dating profile because she said nobody "compared" to me. So if anything maybe the rush wore off and she realized she really wasn't ready for all this, but man, if that's the case I wish she would have realized that before I slept with her because I usually only do that with people I trust and was led to believe that I could trust her.

[Ic1]

Just to clarify the situation, she is definitely not young in the dating scene. We are both 30. She was married for 8 years but left the relationship. She has been separated from him for three years but has not had any serious relationships since and is in fact, still married to him legally because she has not been able to afford a lawyer, but recently got one.

 

Being out of it for 8 years and just starting again, she's very inexperienced with dating.

[Wanderlust2386]

Being out of it for 8 years and just starting again, she's very inexperienced with dating.

 

I guess I didn't think about it that way. Yeah I don't think she knows what she wants, as she says she always has too many expectations and it never adds up, whatever that means. I guess I just thought she really liked me. Never experienced this before.

[WhirlwindGuy]

So I met this girl online and we talked a whole entire week before we met, this was only four weeks ago. She texted me every morning to say "good morning, have a good day beautiful." etc.. and we talked every day all day until bedtime. Then we met and things went amazing, our first date lasted 7 hours and we made out etc, 2 days later we had another amazing date and really connected, but still made me wait for sex because she said she doesn't sleep with just anyone. At this point she was already mentioning things in our future, like meeting my parents or going to this festival that had already passed - NEXT YEAR together. She is very busy, so a week later we just met for coffee, in which she was holding my hand and giving me kisses - we are still talking every day at this point. This whole time while texting things progressed quickly into calling each other babe and saying I miss you etc... but it seemed very natural on both ends. Then a week ago we saw each other on sunday and monday night, had amazing conversation, ended up sleeping together on monday in which she consistently told me, I'm crazy about you, I like you a lot - and told me I was all hers without me even saying this to her first.

 

After this night everything has become so weird. She stopped using any emoticons in her texts, which is sad - but she used them A LOT, she doesn't update me on her day or say good morning or good night and she takes forever to respond. I don't expect this at all, but it is what I've become "used" to with her. I've had to text her first and she seems disinterested. Well I brought this up to her and asked her if she would tell me if she wanted me to back off and she said she no. She she didn't want to give me the impression that she was ready for a serious relationship because she has a lot of **** to figure out, but that she is interested in me and likes me and if i'm willing to just take things as they come then she is happy about that. She also said in the past people have said that she deceived them and she tries to be honest about her feelings, so for that reason she holds back.

 

I guess what I don't understand is why the sudden distance? I feel like it came out of nowhere. I'm not sure what to do with this information. Should I just step back and let her do all the leading? Does she think it got serious too fast? Its just I sort of feel like its making me sound like I was coming on too strong or something, and I totally wasn't. It was very mutual. And she still didn't really give me a reason for pulling away she just said that she was sorry she's been distant - but it's been going on 6 days now and she's acting really odd still. We didn't end up seeing each other this past weekend at all, nor has she said anything that's really indicative that she does like me. The only somewhat more than friends text I have gotten was "I miss your lips." I'm just lost on whether to hang in there or what. I'm so confused. I told her I was totally happy taking things as they come, as I'm not totally ready for a serious relationship yet either, but I don't see any type of relationship happening when the person I'm talking to seems totally uninterested aside from a few scraps. I'm not a needy a person by any means, but I'm wondering if shes telling me the truth or not - like if I should actually take a hint, even though she keeps saying she likes me. Her change in attitude has really got me bummed and it's driving me crazy.

 

 

Sounds eerily similar to my situation. In my case the girl didn't just slowly pull away, she just completely cut it off with little to no explanation.

 

 

Im a mess over it, foolishly.

[Zippy2000]

If you lost interest, why not tell me though? I straight up asked her if she did and she said she was very interested in me. She also deleted her online dating profile because she said nobody "compared" to me. So if anything maybe the rush wore off and she realized she really wasn't ready for all this, but man, if that's the case I wish she would have realized that before I slept with her because I usually only do that with people I trust and was led to believe that I could trust her.

 

Women communicate differently and have different values from men. Women need:

 

Care,

Understanding.

respect,

validation,

reassurance

devotion

 

They wont necessarily communicate to youdirectly but indirectly. The fact she has withdrawn the night after you slept together MAY be the question for her. Maybe the sex wasnt to her expection. Its odd how thing went downhill from there.

[Wanderlust2386]

Women communicate differently and have different values from men. Women need:

 

Care,

Understanding.

respect,

validation,

reassurance

devotion

 

They wont necessarily communicate to youdirectly but indirectly. The fact she has withdrawn the night after you slept together MAY be the question for her. Maybe the sex wasnt to her expection. Its odd how thing went downhill from there.

 

I don't believe it was that only because the day after it she was telling me how amazing it was and during it was when she was telling me that I'm incredible and she loves the way I kiss her, etc. The day after she was fine, it was the day after that and since that's she's pulled away. Anyway that makes it more confusing. Maybe it was too much for her. She wants to talk about it in person. Also texted me briefly last night to say she was kind of in a funk and having some anxiety but she missed me. Just seemed a little flat. Don't really know how to proceed at those point. Maybe just give her space?

[Zippy2000]

I don't believe it was that only because the day after it she was telling me how amazing it was and during it was when she was telling me that I'm incredible and she loves the way I kiss her, etc. The day after she was fine, it was the day after that and since that's she's pulled away. Anyway that makes it more confusing. Maybe it was too much for her. She wants to talk about it in person. Also texted me briefly last night to say she was kind of in a funk and having some anxiety but she missed me. Just seemed a little flat. Don't really know how to proceed at those point. Maybe just give her space?

 

 

Its hard to say to give her space as I dont know her. Does she reply to your texts/phone calls straight away or does she delay?

 

I read earlier she stopped sending emoticons, and this is very similar to a girl I asked out but after a while she stopped putting "x" at the end of each text.

 

I asked her if her feelings had changed and she told me no. I have a lot of female friends and I work with lots of women in an office.

 

Changes in her actions show her feelinsg have changed. Sometimes its better to give them radio silence to gather their thoughs.

 

Remember women might tell you how "amazing" it was as they dont want to hurt your feelings.

 

If they can fake an orgasm she can sure tell lie.

 

Just saying

[Wanderlust2386]

Now she has said that she's sorry for being hard to read but that I intimidate her a bit. That I'm so honest and forgiving and that I'm amazing and she doesn't know if she's in a place where she believes she can deserve that. Is this a red flag? The old, you deserve better line? She said she's been overwhelmed lately and it comes across it her attitude but that doesn't mean she isn't excited about me. I'm just wondering whether to straight up ask her if her telling me that means she's not interested or if she really thinks she's not worth of these things.

[smackie9]

They usually flake because someone is pulling them the other way.....like an ex, an old flame, a crush on a co-worker, a better option, involved in a LDR, is married/has a BF, you are a rebound (flash in the pan like one posted mentioned), etc.

 

If it feels that good, no one ever wants to pull away, so I call bs things are going too fast. I know she will feed you a bunch of crap to passively blow you off, and it's unfair, so take it as a cue to move on.

[oregon0011]

They usually flake because someone is pulling them the other way.....like an ex, an old flame, a crush on a co-worker, a better option, involved in a LDR, is married/has a BF, you are a rebound (flash in the pan like one posted mentioned), etc.

 

If it feels that good, no one ever wants to pull away, so I call bs things are going too fast. I know she will feed you a bunch of crap to passively blow you off, and it's unfair, so take it as a cue to move on.

 

A. Do not take advice from any woman on this site.. They all want to act like all women, collectively, are logical, act without emotion, and know what they want.. This is not true..

 

B. Women are like cats.. They come and go.. They want a challenge.. They are emotional..

 

C. What you do is basically back off, ignore her.. She is already testing you. Do not EVER ask why she isn't texting as much etc.. She will think you are a needy wimp..

 

It's hard, but it works everytime... I told one girl I was seeing someone else.. Another girl I ignored her text for the entire weekend.. Then again, all of a sudden, they are no longer in their confusion..

[oregon0011]

Real life example..

 

6 weeks in girl loves me...great chemistry, laughing, sex, daily texts etc..

 

(At this point they seem to test you for whatever odd reason)

 

So, I mistakenly think women are logical humans.. I start to chase.. She pulls away.

 

She then sent some silly text on a Thursday night.. I ghosted her until Sunday..

 

Then I just replied with a joke..

 

Within 5 minutes she is telling me she will be better to me, and will become anything I want..

 

Now if I was texting her all weekend, asking why she changed etc etc, she would probably never be talking to me again.

 

This is how it is.. Play it right and you will get her.

[lilmissjava]

A. Do not take advice from any woman on this site.. They all want to act like all women, collectively, are logical, act without emotion, and know what they want.. This is not true..

 

B. Women are like cats.. They come and go.. They want a challenge.. They are emotional..

 

C. What you do is basically back off, ignore her.. She is already testing you. Do not EVER ask why she isn't texting as much etc.. She will think you are a needy wimp..

 

It's hard, but it works everytime... I told one girl I was seeing someone else.. Another girl I ignored her text for the entire weekend.. Then again, all of a sudden, they are no longer in their confusion..

 

 

That's right. Encourage the playing of games as opposed to objective and logical advice from women who would rightfully know what women think, feel and mean.

 

We are not cats.

[oregon0011]

That's right. Encourage the playing of games as opposed to objective and logical advice from women who would rightfully know what women think, feel and mean.

 

We are not cats.

 

That's how it is... And "falling in love" is sort of a dance and game..It's never straight forward.. Lives are about to change... And unfortunately, many women test and play games..

 

Are you saying no women test men? Come on..

 

Or you are saying in this case, what? She is just insane? She basically loved him then doesnt over night?

[slider1985]

I agree with your opinion (Smakie9). This is most likely a rebound situation. That said, I’ve been dating for two years and I’ve read up on many people’s experiences on this forum and I have to say that I’m losing hope in most women. I thought this was just happening to me until I came across this site.

 

I can’t believe the amount of guys who have been burned by women flaking and mind games. This happens because women have options and can afford to be flaky, go distant, suck the life out of guy and when they’re done they move on. No explanation, no closure, nothing! Cowards. The most easy common opinion/ explanation provided on this forum for women suddenly being distant with no closure is “take it as a cue to move on”. Great!!

 

I have truly learned during the dating period a women’s word mean nothing. It’s her actions that mean everything.

p.s I do realise that men are not so innocent either.

[oregon0011]

I agree with your opinion (Smakie9). This is most likely a rebound situation. That said, I’ve been dating for two years and I’ve read up on many people’s experiences on this forum and I have to say that I’m losing hope in most women. I thought this was just happening to me until I came across this site.

 

I can’t believe the amount of guys who have been burned by women flaking and mind games. This happens because women have options and can afford to be flaky, go distant, suck the life out of guy and when they’re done they move on. No explanation, no closure, nothing! Cowards. The most easy common opinion/ explanation provided on this forum for women suddenly being distant with no closure is “take it as a cue to move on”. Great!!

 

I have truly learned during the dating period a women’s word mean nothing. It’s her actions that mean everything.

p.s I do realise that men are not so innocent either.

 

No, actually women are pretty honest.. When they say things, they actually mean and feel that IN THAT MOMENT.

 

So, yes, they can say they love you, talk of the future, and they mean it.. BUT, that can change by tomorrow.. Tomorrow they feel different..

 

They will come back around,.. They always do.. Just need to let them come to you at a certain point..

[slider1985]

I see your point. I take issue with the fact that when things change they vanish, no reason, no explanation, no closure. Some cop-out examples…I’m confused, I need space, or I don’t know where my head is at, or they just go cold. After they just finished telling me the night before how much they like me and want to be with me.

I realise they don’t want to hurt a person’s feelings but you’re actually doing more harm than good by not being honest and providing closure. This makes it more difficult to move on.

[neolib]

"You know the trouble with you lot? You're all in love with the wrong people."

— Mrs. Patmore, Downton Abbey

Edited November 23, 2015 by neolib

[Wanderlust2386]

They usually flake because someone is pulling them the other way.....like an ex, an old flame, a crush on a co-worker, a better option, involved in a LDR, is married/has a BF, you are a rebound (flash in the pan like one posted mentioned), etc.

 

If it feels that good, no one ever wants to pull away, so I call bs things are going too fast. I know she will feed you a bunch of crap to passively blow you off, and it's unfair, so take it as a cue to move on.

Yeah we only went on 5 dates so it seems a little early to me to be getting scared or pulling away from anything if you're really into it. I never asked her to commit and was just having fun. I wish she'd stop giving me scraps and just tell me she doesn't want to do this anymore. Tells me she likes me and wants to cuddle with me one minute and then ignores me the next. But I think I got the hint now and I just feel dumb. I definition you don't want to be anyone's backup.

[Redhead14]

she has a lot of **** to figure out -- Let her figure it out. When someone tells me they want space, directly or indirectly, I become NASA. They can contact Houston when they figure out what their problem is.