jerrygordon3 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 SO, if you've seen my posts before, you know that this has been a wild ride. My ex most likely has a personality disorder. She is a good person, however is selfish sometimes, can be extremely crazy, and in general has shown me a lot of red flags. We broke up in September: She dates someone for two months whom she claims she really began to care about. He was from what it seems a bit of a party animal. Me: I have been quite the player in the past, but I am very good to this girl. I do have issues too, which are that I can be high strung and controlling. I have insecurities which are of my own doing, although, after her breaking up with me for someone else, have been sort of magnified. We got back together on the 27th of october, and everything has been pretty good. A couple big fights, and we have argued a lot because I have been very insecure instead of just I guess letting the good times roll. However, I'm emotionally invested so of course I have my issues not just smiling my way through the relationship. She is as of two days ago OFFICIALLY PREGNANT. I know when her period is, and I KNOW when she was ovulating, and we are both pretty ****ing certain it is the other guys kid. like 80 percent. ( I can explain more, but just take my word for it). She is loyal to me, and I have no doubts, but she is sort of confused and hurt about things with this guy. says she cared about him, but is mad at herself for associating with those kinds of people when we were broken up, and now won't tell him she is pregnant because it will just cause problems ( she works with the guy) she just feels like she needs to get an abortion and put the whole thing in the past. Where am I for this?: I wanted a life with this girl, and she with me. I was sort of happy when she found out she was pregnant ( even though my friends think I'm ****ing retarded). Then I realized that the timelines set up NOT in my favor. She is with me, and has actually always been very faithful and loyal to me, besides when **** got bad and she left me. Things for the record were very bad and I was about to leave her for months just never did- I digress. I've decided to stick around. I have this sense of entitlement like she should be kissing my ass for staying with her through all of this. She has the mentality that she is burdened and hurt that she has to kill a baby that she would totally love, and says that Im being selfish for just thinking about who the father is, and wanting her to think like me. Even earlier today I was hurt that she said that even if she did keep it, she didn't think he ( the other guy) would want to be with her, but that he would want to be involved with the kid. i took this as her saying she would leave me for a chance to be with someone else. IDK i just keep getting hurt over this situation. I want all those things, and I give her my loyalty, and I want all of her, but the one thing I wanted ( kids and marriage with this girl) HE and HER are now probably creating this CHILD inside of her and I am hurt that I can't walk around smiling and proud that the love of my life and I are having a kid together. All of my friends tell me to run and look for an exit plan. I guess I'm just venting: Should I just take it as it is, and realize she is going through her own mistakes and stay with her and move forward after the abortion? Am I right for feeling like she should be kissing my ass? Am I a total moron for continuing to stay with this girl? Or am I just being a whiny bitch and should stop thinking like a high school girl and let her deal with her own **** and just relax and be there for her.
gaius Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 You should probably step back and let her make the choice about the abortion on her own, with no pressure from you either way. Because if she ends up aborting this kid for you when she really didn't want to she's gonna hate you on some level. After she makes that choice you can decide whether or not you can live with whatever direction she picked. But if you do decide to stay with her you better lose the whole thing where she should be so grateful to be dating you. Either genuinely forgive her and move on or don't bother getting back together at all. 2
xUnknown Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Okay, I'm sure I'm going to get crap for saying this...but i'm entitled to my opinion. She has to tell the guy its his child. Regardless of if he wants to know, of if she thinks it'll cause issues, that doesn't matter. He has a RIGHT to know. If she won't tell him, and it were me in your situation - I'd leave her, tell the guy she's pregnant and considering abortion, and never look back. Whether she decides to have an abortion or not is out of your control...but the guy should know. They need to discuss this with each other...not you. As for you, you've got to get past this girl. Your insecurities are keeping you with her. I've been there. Move on from her, work on fixing your insecurities and making yourself a better person. Your friends are right...you need to end it with her. You can't fix the problems she has in her life (as you mentioned, personality disorder)...she has to...just like she can't fix your insecurities.
Buddhist Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Or am I just being a whiny bitch and should stop thinking like a high school girl and let her deal with her own **** and just relax and be there for her. This option. Her pregnancy is nothing to do with you. Let her deal with it and then back to square one. Personally I have no idea why anyone gets back with an ex. It's not as if the relationships is actually going to be different than before.
mystikmind2005 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Well, it's just like dating a single mom isn't it? Except in this case the child is slightly younger than normal and you get an opportunity to easily bond with this child - it can be allot harder for guys dating women with older children to bond with those kids.
kendahke Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 I wouldn't bother with someone that messy. She needs to go handle her life. 1
Author jerrygordon3 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 I somehow find myself feeling so loyal to this person. it's something people have commented on. I would absolutely prefer she gets an abortion, and she has said over and over again that she wants an abortion. So we are making an appointment at planned parenthood. I'm glad we aren't married. That would complicate things, however, as long as **** stays low drama and i can focus on my own kid and my career, then things might just work out.
joseb Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 (edited) I somehow find myself feeling so loyal to this person. it's something people have commented on. I would say you are unhealthily co-dependent. If you have not already, start working on this. Edited November 19, 2015 by joseb 2
Author jerrygordon3 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 thats final. it is not my responsibility, financially, morally, legally. It is also not my place to tell her or ask her to get an abortion. I called a clinic already, and a paternity place.... she hasn't made a single phone call yet... this is sort of concerning. she's not really taking an adult action here. She should probably be making a few more phone calls. i understand that she is confused and **** but, idk. I told her I called planned parenthood, and she said I COULD make an appointment if I wanted to. I sort of told her she needed to do that on her own or we could do it together. I'm sort of at a loss of words.
joseb Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 thats final. it is not my responsibility, financially, morally, legally. It is also not my place to tell her or ask her to get an abortion. I called a clinic already, and a paternity place.... she hasn't made a single phone call yet... this is sort of concerning. she's not really taking an adult action here. She should probably be making a few more phone calls. i understand that she is confused and **** but, idk. I told her I called planned parenthood, and she said I COULD make an appointment if I wanted to. I sort of told her she needed to do that on her own or we could do it together. I'm sort of at a loss of words. Consider yourself lucky. Take this as a sign, and get out now.
Ic1 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 thats final. it is not my responsibility, financially, morally, legally. It is also not my place to tell her or ask her to get an abortion. I called a clinic already, and a paternity place.... she hasn't made a single phone call yet... this is sort of concerning. she's not really taking an adult action here. She should probably be making a few more phone calls. i understand that she is confused and **** but, idk. I told her I called planned parenthood, and she said I COULD make an appointment if I wanted to. I sort of told her she needed to do that on her own or we could do it together. I'm sort of at a loss of words. I'd bet a good amount of $$$ that the 80% chance of a father is not someone who can support the child, or her being mother. She's with you now not for you, but your assets. She's using you to do all the work, because she can't even make an appointment and asking you to do it? Don't share this load with her (or let her put it all on your shoulders), and RUN!!!
Author jerrygordon3 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 when i told her I made an appointment for the pill she said no way, she already looked at places for the surgery and she wants to go next week. she says she will set the appointment up on her own. I told her I would help her pay for it because she just got hours cut at work. She asked me why I was offering to do all this. She doesn't know why i am with her or helping her. she's never asked me for money, and when I offered she was really surprised. still, I agree with you guys. I told her I love her but I can't afford to jeapardize my future or my finances for her mistake and she understands. dude its just a ****ty ****ing situation. I know we broke up for a reason but she messed up and I just don't want to get dragged down into the mix. all I can do is sit back and relax and see if she makes the right decision on her own.
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