garfield1982 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Hi all, I'm looking for advice on what to do with this one. I've been dating this guy for 6 weeks now and up until last Monday everything was fantastic. We had been out at the weekend and through a friend we discovered that we are falling for each other which we've still not properly spoken about. Anyway since that, on the Monday he was going out with a friend who he told me he knew from a previous ex. He also mentioned that his ex was quite jealous as they had some 'banter'. I never thought anything of it until the day he was out and I hardly heard from him, ie like 3 texts the whole day. I've since found out that the kissed but he doesn't know that I know this. Anyway, since then he hasn't been the same with me and he was very reluctant to make plans for tonight which he is putting down to the hours he is working this week. Anyway, he has had to cancel as he is feeling unwell but I've only seen him once in the last week now and while I'll see him tomorrow I feel it's me putting in all the effort. I've also noticed that his snapchat score has been cranking up considerably compared to the amount of pictures we send each other daily. I can't help thinking this other guy is trying to muscle in even though he knows we are together. I briefly dropped digs about how I felt about cheating, lying and morals last night which I think he took on board but not sure. He did say 'Well we know I have no morals' meaning him but it was said in a joking way?? I really am falling for him to the point where I already think I love him. What can I do about it?
Ic1 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 I really am falling for him to the point where I already think I love him. What can I do about it? Leave him. If he's already got his focus elsewhere after 6 weeks, it might not be this time. But he will cheat.
Author garfield1982 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 I have tried to speak to him about it but don't know how to bring up the fact that I know about the kiss. We have a good weekend planned next week with a couple of big nights out and already have the Sunday planned as just us going to cinema etc. I just hope that I can use that to my advantage and get him back to being how he was before he met up with this friend. I think I'm too deep in now to just end it and feel there is something there and know he does too. Even though he wouldn't make firm plans for tonight I think that was down to his work. I work shifts which makes it harder for us to do stuff at weekends too sometimes so we grab what nights we can. He hasn't committed to saying that we are exclusive yet so am I just being silly over the kiss? I for one when I'm seeing someone refuse to date anyone else.
Buddhist Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 (edited) I think I'm too deep in now to just end it and feel there is something there and know he does too. Even though he wouldn't make firm plans for tonight He hasn't committed to saying that we are exclusive yet so am I just being silly over the kiss? I for one when I'm seeing someone refuse to date anyone else. You're not being silly, this is your big heads up about where everything is going. Regardless of whether you think he is falling for you or not. At the very least you are mismatched because you prefer exclusivity and clearly he doesn't. The fact that he's gone out kissed another chick and is now stalling on making plans with you just aren't great indicators. If you stay because you are in too deep then that's your business. But this isn't suddenly going to become the committed exclusive relationship you think it is. I get it, you're attached and you want to win him. But I've seen this situation 100x over. It never ends well. It always ends with the committed one sticking it out and looking the other way, hoping against hope that one day he'll be committed too. Then we they finally come out of denial and admit to themselves it won't become what they hope, they feel betrayed and hurt and all manner of things and realise they wasted months/years of their life in a dead end situation. The simple truth is this. No-one is ever worth hanging onto when they are not offering you what you desire. Never, ever. Even though you can't see it, you will meet another one of him and feel exactly the same way and maybe you won't have to live this drama while you are at it. Wake up honey, if he was falling for you he wouldn't be out dating someone else and kissing her would he? Instead he'd be looking at how he could spend time with you. You're an option, not the main show. Edited November 19, 2015 by Buddhist
Author garfield1982 Posted November 21, 2015 Author Posted November 21, 2015 I definately feel like what your saying is kinda right in the sense that we've made plans for the next couple of days and we have a big night out next weekend where we plan to spend the whole of the next day together but other than that he seems very non-commital to make any plans. The thing we are going to we have had to get some nice outfits for and I'm starting to think that the only reason we are still together is for the fact that we have paid so much for them and he has even paid quite a bit for my ticket.... again am I just overthinking this as I don't see why he wouldn't just take someone else???? We were out the other night and he appeared to be back to how he was a couple of weeks ago but since that he's gone what I'd say is cold again in the sense that he's lost all the romance he had etc. I hate the fact now that I seem to have fallen big time for him and while I thought he was for me I don't think this is the case any more. I just find it hard to comprehend how someone can go from that so quickly and I actually hate the friend that seems to have caused these issues and if I ever meet them I know I won't be able to hold back my hatred and say something :lmao:. I just don't know what to do...... I really do care and even semi love him but I'm at the stage that I just don't think I can take the hot and coldness of it all now :lmao:. HELP!!!
Ic1 Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 I just don't know what to do...... I really do care and even semi love him but I'm at the stage that I just don't think I can take the hot and coldness of it all now :lmao:. HELP!!! I'll say it again: Leave him. You're in that phase where you simply don't want to comprehend/admit that he's not a good person because of your investment with him. But either do it now, or it'll just get harder and hurt more when it happens. (It will happen, I guarantee). 1
mrldii Posted November 21, 2015 Posted November 21, 2015 OP, you're not "confused" over what's happening; you know exactly what's happening, and you just don't like it. "Not liking it" and being "confused" are two completely different things. The fact that he has not TOLD you (i.e., made verbal utterances of words to convey a message), he has TOLD you he's on the way out: he kissed another (after he found out she was jealous of the two of you), he's wishy-washy/non-responsive regarding previous plans, and he really HAS told you he's a cheater. If you continue to pursue contact with him, you WANT your heart to be [further] broken and are actively setting yourself up to being [further] dumped. Best of luck to you...I hope you decide to stop the blood-letting sooner, rather than later.
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