Iceshowers Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 I broke up (I guess it's a break-up eventhough it wasn't an official relationship) with the guy I dated for 3 months after I found out he was multi-dating and picked the other chick. That doesn't sound like an issue, unless you add the fact that we made it exclusive and he told me he wasn't dating others. The issue I'm going through is that while I know he's an ass for stringing me along and I wouldn't date him if he ever asked for another go, I can't keep him out of my head! He was handsome, we had many common interests, he was a gentleman, our conversations were always great and we would talk for 4-6hrs when we went on dates, we always joked around and had the same kind of humor, our intimate times were awesome and it was amazing when we made out. I feel like I'm holding on to the good things of that relationship, and not him himself. But anyways, I have been going to OLD sites and I was so picky on the guys that would talk to me because I think I have been trying to compare them to this guy I dated (like how the conversation flowed, and if he got my humor like the guy I dated, and if he was this and that). I am now talking to this guy, that while is nothing like the guy I dated, we have good and fun conversations, and he's very interested in me. The problem is, I am not excited at all to meet him, and he's asked me out and I haven't given him an answer. I'm not trying to string this guy along either, as he's the only one I continued talking to. How should I proceed? Should I just not date at all for now because I'm not really ready or give it a try? Or am I not excited to go on a date with this guy because deep down I know we won't click?
Redfisher Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Not sure anybody but yourself can answer that? Dig deep down and you will find the answer. Wish you luck.
Ic1 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Should I just not date at all for now because I'm not really ready or give it a try? Correct. You're not over the previous guy, and you won't be able to have a real chance at making a real relationship with your current mindset.
Lois_Griffin Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 (edited) Three months of dating someone is hardly such a lifetime commitment that you need to 'heal' for 6 months afterwards. You've obviously built this last liar into something he's not. So he was a good conversationalist. He was also a cheating liar who lied to your face every time you saw him. So you shared the same type of humor and interests. He was also a cheating liar who lied to your face every time you saw him. So you had good chemistry and passion. He was also a cheating liar who lied to your face every time you saw him. So he was handsome and most other guys don't compare physically. Big deal. He was also a cheating liar who lied to your face every time you saw him. See, this is what I don't get. Someone KNOWINGLY was screwing you over, day in and day out, knowing full well he was setting you up to be hurt and disappointed. And he did it ANYWAY. His own personal, selfish agenda was clearly more of a priority for him than having care, concern, compassion and respect for YOU. And instead of seeing how LITTLE he really regarded you and how LITTLE he really respected you, you instead romanticize him and think about how fantastic he was and how no other guy compares to him. If I live to be 1,000, I'll STILL never understand why ANY woman would continue to pine over some lying opportunist who disrespected her in every single way he possibly could. I swear, I just don't get it. Edited November 18, 2015 by Lois_Griffin 10
Toodaloo Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Ice. That wasn't him. That was a projection he put out so that you would sleep with him... The guy you were dating wasn't real! Go and find a real one and just remember that real guys have faults. They don't need to be put on a pedal stool because the great ones are fantastic even if they do fart and make mistakes.
truth_seeker Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 OP you fell for a con-artist. Clear your head before you start getting involved with someone else. 1
truth_seeker Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Three months of dating someone is hardly such a lifetime commitment that you need to 'heal' for 6 months afterwards. You've obviously built this last liar into something he's not. So he was a good conversationalist. He was also a cheating liar who lied to your face every time you saw him. So you shared the same type of humor and interests. He was also a cheating liar who lied to your face every time you saw him. So you had good chemistry and passion. He was also a cheating liar who lied to your face every time you saw him. So he was handsome and most other guys don't compare physically. Big deal. He was also a cheating liar who lied to your face every time you saw him. See, this is what I don't get. Someone KNOWINGLY was screwing you over, day in and day out, knowing full well he was setting you up to be hurt and disappointed. And he did it ANYWAY. His own personal, selfish agenda was clearly more of a priority for him than having care, concern, compassion and respect for YOU. And instead of seeing how LITTLE he really regarded you and how LITTLE he really respected you, you instead romanticize him and think about how fantastic he was and how no other guy compares to him. If I live to be 1,000, I'll STILL never understand why ANY woman would continue to pine over some lying opportunist who disrespected her in every single way he possibly could. I swear, I just don't get it. ANSWER: women like OP want that prince-charming they've been dreaming about all their lives. Con-men know this. They find a sucker who eats and gobbles up their bullsh-t, sleep with them then disappear. There will always be women lost in a fantasy world.
lilmissjava Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Don't fault future prospects on being individuals based on what happened with the last guy. You aren't missing a whole lot if you now know how the guy kept you as an option deceitfully. I would be glad knowing I deserve a whole lot better than what he gave me and not waste any more valuable thought on this guy. Be someone's priority, and that could be any one of the guys that contact you in the future. 1
Author Iceshowers Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 Three months of dating someone is hardly such a lifetime commitment that you need to 'heal' for 6 months afterwards. You've obviously built this last liar into something he's not. So he was a good conversationalist. He was also a cheating liar who lied to your face every time you saw him. So you shared the same type of humor and interests. He was also a cheating liar who lied to your face every time you saw him. So you had good chemistry and passion. He was also a cheating liar who lied to your face every time you saw him. So he was handsome and most other guys don't compare physically. Big deal. He was also a cheating liar who lied to your face every time you saw him. See, this is what I don't get. Someone KNOWINGLY was screwing you over, day in and day out, knowing full well he was setting you up to be hurt and disappointed. And he did it ANYWAY. His own personal, selfish agenda was clearly more of a priority for him than having care, concern, compassion and respect for YOU. And instead of seeing how LITTLE he really regarded you and how LITTLE he really respected you, you instead romanticize him and think about how fantastic he was and how no other guy compares to him. If I live to be 1,000, I'll STILL never understand why ANY woman would continue to pine over some lying opportunist who disrespected her in every single way he possibly could. I swear, I just don't get it. I get what you're saying, and this one date-gone-wrong doesn't mean I'm constantly falling for suckers, because I don't. I know exactly why I liked him alot, since I had to find my own closure and realized it then. But until that point that I found out what he had done, all the in-between chemistry was something I enjoyed and "hope" to find in other partners (even if it was fake on his end), which is what I'm essentially holding on to. Not him, not that he faked it, but the hope I can find that type of chemistry with someone else. The fact that I haven't with any other guy yet, most likely means that we just don't have the chemistry it takes for me to hook on. And it's only been 2 weeks since the dude and I parted ways, and I went on OLD like the day after. I don't know if I didn't give myself enough time for "me time". Ice. That wasn't him. That was a projection he put out so that you would sleep with him... The guy you were dating wasn't real! Go and find a real one and just remember that real guys have faults. They don't need to be put on a pedal stool because the great ones are fantastic even if they do fart and make mistakes. You are correct. I didn't put him on a pedestal or didn't say he didn't have flaws though, cuz he definitely did. But to add to it all, the guy I'm talking to now it's a bit too needy. Not sure if that's putting me off too lol
lilmissjava Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 But to add to it all, the guy I'm talking to now it's a bit too needy. Not sure if that's putting me off too lol It is perfectly fine to screen through things like that. If it is not what you are comfortable with, move along. Not everyone is going to turn out to be the ideal. No one is perfect, but there is that one guy that is perfect for YOU.
Maggie4 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 How do you know the good times were his contribution and not yours? He was handsome - beauty is in the eye of the beholder. we had many common interests - you still have those same interests. he was a gentleman - umm ... obviously, NOT. our conversations were always great and we would talk for 4-6hrs when we went on dates, we always joked around and had the same kind of humor, our intimate times were awesome and it was amazing when we made out. - We know at least 50% of that was all you. Iceshowers-in-love made it what it was. So why wouldn't you be able to find another guy to take his place? But do give it some time. In break ups, it takes a while for it to set in. You haven't reached the anger phase. Just wait.
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