Jay13094 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 long story short I was hooking up with my coworker (not professional setting, & we're both in our early 20s). He knows that i like him, and I've been trying to hang out w/ him for about 3 months and once i just stopped trying he actually ended up asking me to hang out. Our date went really well and we ended w/ a kiss. He's not much of a phone or social media person and I am so its frustrating trying to talk to him. Although he made effort in texting every once in a while. I did not want to sleep w/ him early on but that failed cz two weeks later it happened. I was aware that he wasn't ready to be in or want a relationship at the moment but for me to not take that as a "hit n run" is what he told me 2 weeks before i slept with him. We were supposed to hang out the next day but he didn't reach out at all and when i did he said he was busy and sorry for flaking b/c he didn't mean to (bs). I see him at work two days later and things were really good he gave me a kiss and it was just good. I told myself i wasn't going to reach out to him unless he does because i tried SO HARD and did SO MUCH so i felt like I should step off and have him chase me. But i wanted to see him so i just asked a work related question first before easing into "well lets hang" but he shortly stopped responding so I didn't ask. A week goes by and he has said absolutely nothing to me so of course i'm just fed up and frustrated that he's not even trying to see me or talk to me. So i decided to just be his coworker since its not too deep. I go into work and he automatically knew something was wrong. he asked me literally maybe 10+ times if i was ok and whats wrong and seems like somethings bothering me. I was passive aggressive and said it was ok mainly cz my pride got in the way, and also i don't want to talk to him about it at work.. that would just make my shift uncomfortable. But by no means was i ignoring or being cold. i was having friendly conversations and talking to him but this time i just wasn't flirting or being touchy w him like i usually am. He leaves work, and says for me to cheer up cz "somethings definitely wrong with you" and I'm just like wow does he not even know its about him. He then texted me saying for me to get back home safely and i just said thanks (he will text me that often after we work together) Im just frustrated b/c like i want to be honest w/ him but i realize whenever I'm 100% honest w/ people it never works in my favor. I also do not see the point in even talking to him about it b/c he's clearly showing me through his actions he talks to me when its convenient for him. and the he fact he hasn't reached out at all to reschedule or anything. Its just frustrating cz he knows i like him and isn't doing much about it. I just get so confused and frustrated at work when he acts like that around me and idk what to do or how to act now.
PegNosePete Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 I was aware that he wasn't ready to be in or want a relationship at the moment Well, you knew this from the start. He told you he didn't want a relationship but now you're upset that he doesn't want a relationship? he asked me literally maybe 10+ times if i was ok and whats wrong and seems like somethings bothering me. Just tell him that you have feelings for him so if he still doesn't want a relationship then you have to end... whatever it is that you do have, and go back to simply work colleagues. 1
stillafool Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 This guy isn't pushing you to date or a relationship. He does seem lukewarm towards you. I don't see a problem with you asking him where you stand with him but from his actions he has kind of friend zoned you. 1
Glitters Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Why did you not listen to him when he said that he isn't ready for a relationship? This is what happens when you choose to ignore when he verbalized it straight up. I might be old fashioned but I guess it's better if you let the guy chase. You hav set yourself up for nothing. You are trying to make something out of nothing 3
smackie9 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Everyone is spot on. You can't expect him to want you just because you do. I get you want to go after what you want but ya he already told you that wasn't going to happen so you just wasted your time and energy for nothing.
stillafool Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 The reason to give up on him is because he is well aware how you feel about him (from your previous threads) yet he has never really pursued you. If a guy wants you he will be happy to chase and this guy is showing none of that. Start dating other guys outside of your work and move on from this guy because he's clearly not interested.
Author Jay13094 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 Well, you knew this from the start. He told you he didn't want a relationship but now you're upset that he doesn't want a relationship? Just tell him that you have feelings for him so if he still doesn't want a relationship then you have to end... whatever it is that you do have, and go back to simply work colleagues. Yes, I did know from the start. But he also told me that he wasn't just looking to hook up, therefore expected him to at the very least want to hang sometime outside of work. He already knows I have feelings from him, I'm acting the way I am because I'm trying to act around him as just a co-worker (AND TRYING TO MOVE ON) and he kept asking me whats wrong b/c i wasn't flirting and acting how i usually do around him. Yesterday was the first time I actually tried holding my ground. I'm beating around the bush w/ even having the talk of "why I'm upset" because as you said, i knew from the get-go and his actions already outside of work tell me what is it. But then when we are together in person, he acts like that, and that he wonders why I'm being a certain way which just confuses me
Author Jay13094 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 This guy isn't pushing you to date or a relationship. He does seem lukewarm towards you. I don't see a problem with you asking him where you stand with him but from his actions he has kind of friend zoned you. outside of work he has friend-zoned me.. in the sense he doesn't ask to hang out. But at work he'll be really touchy, and like kiss me and just like act like he really likes me. But yes, he is very hot and cold w/ me so i don't know what he wants from me.
Glitters Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 outside of work he has friend-zoned me.. in the sense he doesn't ask to hang out. But at work he'll be really touchy, and like kiss me and just like act like he really likes me. But yes, he is very hot and cold w/ me so idon't know what he wants from me. You guys kiss at work ?
Author Jay13094 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 Why did you not listen to him when he said that he isn't ready for a relationship? This is what happens when you choose to ignore when he verbalized it straight up. I might be old fashioned but I guess it's better if you let the guy chase. You hav set yourself up for nothing. You are trying to make something out of nothing and i have realized that.. and i was always skeptical from the beginning but his actions whenever we're together is really good and always wants my attention. Yes, he told me he wasn't ready, but he also told for me to not just think he wants a hook up which lead me to believe he would at least want to see/talk to me a little outside of work. I know i basically wasted my time, which is why I'm just trying to move on and was acting stand-offish yesterday. But he makes it confusing for me when he keeps trying to act like he cares or texts me and like he just seems like a really nice guy but i should stop giving people benefit of doubt
stillafool Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 outside of work he has friend-zoned me.. in the sense he doesn't ask to hang out. But at work he'll be really touchy, and like kiss me and just like act like he really likes me. But yes, he is very hot and cold w/ me so i don't know what he wants from me. Does he kiss you on the lips at work? If so, don't let him. Let him know you aren't looking for a hook up but a relationship. Have you had sex with him?
Author Jay13094 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 You guys kiss at work ? this was a one time situation, but we were in the break room and it was just us two, and it was dead. We were talking, and he was holding my hand or like my thighs and then he gave me a kiss. I basically in a sense dance around how he acts with me at work- since outside of work of course thats different but he makes it pretty obvious to everyone that we talk. Some other coworkers came in making a joke saying that they would leave if he paid them like $20 haha and he's just saying wow they're cockblocking and they know they are! so I was even surprised he wasn't keeping it down-low between us. We get off the same time, so we would sometimes hang out after work but we went out on one real date.
Author Jay13094 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 (edited) Does he kiss you on the lips at work? If so, don't let him. Let him know you aren't looking for a hook up but a relationship. Have you had sex with him? he just kissed me on the lips at work once, and he was being really flirty. I did tell him that if all he wants from me is a hook up to let me know so i stop wasting my time. That is when he responded with "idk _____ I'm not ready or want a relationship at the moment, but don't take that as I'm just trying to hit and run". I slept w/ him 2 weeks after that conversation. Believe me, I had immediate regret and it felt more crappy when i DIDNT hear from him the next day. edit:: he kissed me the last time we worked, a week went by with him saying nothing and the first time i saw him at work was yesterday and that's when I was being different and not flirting with him or touching him at all. I was trying my best to just make it seem like I just want him as a co-worker because he isn't doing anything to show me otherwise. I'm not going to entertain him only at work if he isn't going to try to see me outside. I made it clear that if that all he wanted to stop wasting my time but he kept hanging me by a thread which is why i'm now writing about it Edited November 18, 2015 by Jay13094 more detail
Author Jay13094 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 Everyone is spot on. You can't expect him to want you just because you do. I get you want to go after what you want but ya he already told you that wasn't going to happen so you just wasted your time and energy for nothing. No, I was in the processing of giving up and talking to other guys. He just happened to ask me out on a date when I was going through that process. He knows i like him, I also told him that if he didn't ask me to hang out that I would of been done with him. It was pretty honest in the beginning, and said that if he just wants a hook up to let me know so i don't waste my time. His responds was "idk ____ I'm not ready or want a relationship at the moment but don't take that as I'm just trying to hit and run" which THEN lead me to become a bit confused, and his hot and cold behavior got exhausting which is why i friend-zoned him a bit yesterday and it didn't seem to settle well with him cz he just kept asking me if i was ok
Glitters Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 You are all over the place ! You probably don't realize but you are throwing yourself on him. Before it becomes awkward to work together , break away.
Author Jay13094 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 You are all over the place ! You probably don't realize but you are throwing yourself on him. Before it becomes awkward to work together , break away. I made it pretty obviously that was i was throwing myself at him when i was genuinely interested and wanted to pursue him. And yes, the breaking away part was what i was doing yesterday. The whole point of my post is that he is being hot and cold and i don't know how to act around him. I want to be honest, but then I have the feeling of theres no point in being honest when i knew from the get-go he didn't want a relationship.
Ic1 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 i realize whenever I'm 100% honest w/ people it never works in my favor. This says a lot about your common intentions. You're goals in dating often aren't in the best interest of the other.
LuckyLady13 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 He's just playing you, Jay. He thinks you're great entertainment at work. And you fall for it when he wants to kiss you suddenly or lead you on in any way that gives you a hint he wants something with you. He just wants to be entertained! He asked you what's wrong just to feign concern to re-hook you and get your attention back. He's not just totally not boyfriend material but he's very immature and plays little mind games. Drop him like a disease, ignore his little "what's wrong" garbage and find yourself a better looking guy who is interested in a relationship, not work entertainment. 1
stillafool Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 I agree that he uses you for work entertainment. You boost his ego on a daily basis and he uses that ego boost to get other girls. You told him you were only interested in a relationship, he told you he was not; yet you had sex with him anyway. Since this isn't a "serious" job as you put it in another thread you should find another job so you can get over this guy. He's playing you. 1
GemmaUK Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Jay your thread title is very much not the issue here. The issue is that you're addicted to him and you didn't listen to him properly. Him: Not ready for a relationship. Him: Not just a one off hook up. Translation: Won't date you or treat you nicely ever but if he can get sex he will but not just once, he would rather it was a when he wants to thing. Use the same ploys getting him out of your head as you do when you choose not to eat pizza every day. Actually though..pizza is more worthy of your attention. This guy isn't. Delete his number, be polite and civil but get a new crush. Now. 1
Author Jay13094 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 Jay your thread title is very much not the issue here. The issue is that you're addicted to him and you didn't listen to him properly. Him: Not ready for a relationship. Him: Not just a one off hook up. Translation: Won't date you or treat you nicely ever but if he can get sex he will but not just once, he would rather it was a when he wants to thing. Use the same ploys getting him out of your head as you do when you choose not to eat pizza every day. Actually though..pizza is more worthy of your attention. This guy isn't. Delete his number, be polite and civil but get a new crush. Now. yeah, i think i just trust people too easily because he genuinely seemed like a nice guy, but i should be more guarded next time. but HAHA pizza statement made me laugh, love it. thank you, helped a lot 1
Recommended Posts