mystikmind2005 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 This is what really bothers me. He is not over things. How he treats/thinks of her during the divorce shows you a lot about how he might treat you down the line. It's pretty rare people divorce because they have a stand up ex they get along with but it's a red flag if they are saying bad things about the ex while dating others. Either they aren't over the relationship and/or you're seeing a dark side that will come out at some point during the relationship. The being separated can mean a ton of different things. My advice is to ask lots of questions to determine how finished things really are if you want to proceed. IMO marital status and having things in common is totally different. This is very good advice,,, as a separated guy myself, i am 'observing' my own emotional condition as i go along and see where i need to do more work. But what i discovered is that the process is never completely over, it is ongoing, but what you are looking for is that healthy emotional balance.... i don't think he is there yet?
mrs rubble Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Well technically in New Zealand it's like 2 years legally you have to remain separated before pouring out money for a divorce. So, I don't know how I'd feel about that. He said to me the other day his strength is experience and mine will lie somewhere else but that he will need my strength when the time comes just as i need his to find and feel love again or perhaps even for the first time Aha! He's a Kiwi? I'm also a separated New Zealander and so is my fiancé. Separation is legal here, you have to wait 2 years until you can finalise it as divorce. The separation of property and parenting arrangements are done at separation, many people don't file the final divorce for years as they have no need to. I've been separated legally for nearly 10 years and engaged to my fiancé for 3 years- he's been separated but not divorced for nearly 20years!! The divorce paper is very simple all it takes is for either of the parties to lodge it with the court and a $200 fee. I think a lot of us begrudge spending that last $200 as we've usually spent thousands on the separation papers!! Hope this helps to explain things down under. 1
mrs rubble Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Think I might buy myself a divorce for Christmas now that I'm thinking about it. Lol!
kendahke Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 . He said to me the other day his strength is experience and mine will lie somewhere else but that he will need my strength when the time comes just as i need his to find and feel love again or perhaps even for the first time Wow, his manipulation game is strong! Talk about some tasty bait. He knows exactly what to say to get you to bite on that hook. He needs to find his own strength within himself and that comes from being by himself and processing out this divorce. He's not done with the process if he's not at a stage of indifference towards his wife... and until a divorce decree is executed or she dies, she's his wife.
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 Wow, his manipulation game is strong! Talk about some tasty bait. He knows exactly what to say to get you to bite on that hook. He needs to find his own strength within himself and that comes from being by himself and processing out this divorce. He's not done with the process if he's not at a stage of indifference towards his wife... and until a divorce decree is executed or she dies, she's his wife. Thanks for every bodies advice. I agree with this. You know when you have an inkling when someone is trying to bait you, and you ignore your senses because " hey not everyone is there to cause you pain? and everyone gets tired of being lonely?" that's exactly how I felt. But anyway, he decided he didn't want to continue seeing me just like that. Decided my " inexperience" was a problem. I didn't point it out, I was honest, and he decided to make it an issue. I am wondering if "experience" and " inexperience" is just a facade. There are things in life that I couldn't really do if I had a partner. Travelling by myself around Europe and Asia, being independent, but for some, that seems to be of little to no value if you haven't been in a serious relationship for five years or more. And he decided to point it out. I actually think it's obvious that he was the sort of guy that "needed to fix" his issues with a woman by his side. A lot of men ( and woman) on sites kind of based their perception of happiness with having someone there. You're right, I have no idea if his ' experience is his strength" it seems more to me like baggage. And I don't even know what he meant by " you will have strength that I need and I'll need it when the time comes, just like you will need mine to show you how to find love and feel love again". What the hell did he mean by that? Anyway, it's over now. Thank goodness. And thanks for everyone's comments and support. And yes, I am looking for an emotionally balanced man. If someone has too many emotional issues they haven't laid to rest, makes trusting them that much harder.
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