hildagnome Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 I have recently started OLD and have met a guy who I seem to have clicked with. Here's the problem. I have feelings for a friend. I'm not crazy in love with him but I like him. I think that he either had feelings for me a while back, or at least he thought I could be a good option. But he has never made a move. We meet up have dinner, coffee, lots of alone one on one time and nothing romantic happens. I guess that either he is unsure about his attraction and doesn't know himself how he really feels, or he does have feelings for me and doesn't have the guts to have a move. Anyway after we met up last time, I decided it wasn't going to happen and I registered with a OLD site. I've met this guy now and I'm ok with moving on from my friend but part of me feels I should at least tell him how I feel incase he feels the same way. Once I get involved in a relationship there's no going back so I have this little window and wonder if I should take it? And tell my friend that I am on OLD and have kind of met someone and if he wants to make the move then this is his time because most probably it will be too late in a couple of months. I am really reserved and I just don't know how I'd do it though. I literally would not be able to get the words out, and it would be so weird to email him, right?
Redfisher Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 I suppose it may work..and they say all is fair in love and war, But will you be OK down the road knowing you kinda forced his hand?
lilmissjava Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 Do you not think you are jumping the gun on the guy you met online? Sure you may click, but that is not to say things will move forward into a relationship instantly. I think your expectations are too high with that. Don' worry about your friend. If he was interested, he would let you know somehow. Date the new guy and see how things go. No one can foretell what will happen in the future. 2
Zippy2000 Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 I wouldnt tell your friend. As you state in your post. He is a friend and nothing ever romantic happens. I d say see how it goes with OLD. Give it up to 6 months and see if the OLD relationship works. With OLD people are on their best behaviour. Give it time to develop. Your not obliged to tell your friend. By the sounds of it he has no idea you like him. Maybe there`s no feelings on his side to you. Date your other guy from OLD and see how it goes and after a while if your friend asks you were you went. Then tell him.
Buddhist Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 Well I'm kind of in the camp of nothing ventured nothing gained. There is no forcing in simply stating you have feelings for him and wondering if he's interested in that. Just be prepared to hear the words.....no, I'm not. If that's not going to utterly destroy you then fine give it a crack. I did this once with a friend and I just put it out there asking why we never got together because it seemed to me the potential was there. It didn't ruin the friendship and nor did it culminate in anything either. Just turned out to be a really chilled chat in which we both kind of agreed why it was a non-starter. No harm in that. But if you go to your grave wondering what if, then.....
thecrucible Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 Don't worry about the friend you like. If he wants to make a move, he has plenty of opportunity to do so. Like someone else said, you have made yourself available enough to him. If you push it yourself, he may respond positively but you don't know whether he will be really into you or not. It feels better for the guy to pursue you himself. I would focus on the OLD guy for now. Maybe you can make casual mention of your dates with OLD guy with the friend and see how he reacts?
Author hildagnome Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 It's not at all about forcing his hand. It's just that I've been thinking something may happen for a while now and I'm not willing to wait. It's not even about the specific OLD guy as such, it's more the idea of moving on. I just want to know if we have a shot or not before I start dating others. If we do, great. If we don't that's cool - case closed. I think I do need to say something just to check. Would email be a bit weird? Or best in person?
xUnknown Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Its not wrong for you to talk to and date another person. You're single and not exclusive. By all means, feel things out with this OLD person. See where things go. Perhaps at the same time, word will get to this guy and he'll make a move. Either way, don't worry about it. let things unfold. Have you thought about making a move on him. Go out to coffee with him then give him a kiss afterwords?
PaperCrane Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 If you're not willing to wait, then tell him or make a move yourself. He may be romantically shy around you. You may do something to him that keeps him from making a move when he normally would but in a good way. If you think your friend to be someone you'd enjoy a relationship with, let it be known. Go for a kiss or to hold hands, don't be coy just put it out there. You've already stated you're okay with something happening or not, but it seems you'd rather it happen than not. So...make it happen.
losangelena Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 You can tell him you're attracted to him or could see the two of you dating, but you don't have to phrase it in such a way as "your window of opportunity is closing." Just tell him how you feel and see what he says. Your admission may not change anything, but at least you can move forward with this other guy knowing you did what you could. 2
Maggie4 Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 If your friend is the one you want, then don't do OLD. You should be spending more time with your friend, flirt, communicate. Obviously you believe there is still a chance he might be interested. How can it move forward if you don't see each other more? You signed up for OLD after you were disappointed with that dinner with your friend. Maybe you needed male attention after rejection? It's very common for people to reach for OLD like reaching for a bandage. That's why the online dating pool is full of people who just got dumped. This online guy you clicked with, at first I thought you were asking if you should tell him you still have feelings for a friend.
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