mustangsally Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 I posted a similar post in another forum on here but I think its more appropriate here anyway. I will try to make this as short as possible...but i really don't know how short I can make it! My ex is younger than I am, but I won't say how old we are because that seems to ALWAYS be a factor in these situations on boards. And I don't really believe it. My ex and I were first loves. He told me he loved me very quickly in the relationship and acted as though we were going to get married, blah blah blah. I loved him very much. Until one day he decided he couldn't do this anymore. He had tears in his eyes, etc. and said he couldn't do it, but he earnestly loved me and wanted to remain my friend. There were no real reasons as to why. he sent me an e-mail with an explanation, but it seemed to be only things projected onto him by his mother. We had a talk and decided to get back together. Then he decided a couple days later he couldn't handle it. We were long distance, so I went back to school and he'd call me up periodically and we'd talk for a long time. He told all of our mutual friends he was miserable without me and he loved me and missed me and yadda yadda. About a month after the break up, he tells our friend he misses me and is having a difficult time. So I call him up and am like "WHAT?" and he says the break up put him into therapy, his grades were slipping and he'd been very depressed but he'd moved on apparently (he was already seeing someone else). But he wanted to be my best friend. So angrily, I sent him this letter telling him I was pissed off that he would just find someone else so quickly after telling me how much he loved me. I was kind of mean about it. A month later, I sent him an apology letter to which he replied with a "thanks". I told him I was unsure if we would ever be friends, but I would see. I stopped talking to him completely for two months. During those two months, he gained a LOT of weight, started leaving up away messages that were like "Wah wah I want to die.", etc. He would sometimes leave up away messages to his "girlfriend" (I put it in quotes because I have seen pictures of them together, but they are never touching, if they are even standing next to each other....its very bizarre and fishy...almost like it was made up to piss me off), but they would go away curiously after I went away and were never up there when I had an away message. And she was usually not even there when the messages were put up to her. During this last month, he came to my house to return a really mundane object. I never thanked him for it and just ignored him. I had told him I didn't want to be his friend! Then he tried to talk to my friends online and they kind of blew him off. I have been seeing someone else for a bit. Its definately not as serious as old guy, but i'm having fun, whatever. This guy is older, so I definately need that. I found out very recently that ex is coming to my school. My school is TEENY TINY and absolutely impossible to avoid people. We are both in the same major and will be participating in some of the same extracurricular activities on campus, so it is important that we have some kind of repoire with each other. We don't need to be best of friends hanging out everyday, but it helps all parties involved if we are civil! So i caught him online and asked if we could talk sometime and thanked him for bringing back that ridiculous item. He ignored my question of talking and said I was welcome for the object and shut me out. So I sent him an e-mail saying "look, we've both moved on, we've both been ridiculously immature, we really need to just tough it up and be friends or at least FRIENDLY". And I get no response. NOTHING. Actually what I get in response is him putting his new girlfriend's initials in his profile, which he is quite aware I know exists. WHAT THE HECK? People are like "Oh just ignore him." But he's caused me SO MUCH pain and school had really been the only way to get away from him and his drama. It was a haven and now he has to follow me to my school but then tries to avoid me? I mean I could ignore him, but that's going to take more effort than its worth. What do you guys think? I am seeing someone new. i don't know if I am over old guy completely, but it seems if he were over me he wouldn't feel the need to play these ridiculous games and would be able to talk to me like a normal person! and yeah...its probably safe to say i'm not over this guy...but i AM trying. HARD....as can be seen with a new relationship, etc. I also can't help but feel like if his new girlfriend read the e-mail, she's taking at me trying to get up on her man or something. It DEFINATELY was not flirtatious and did not show any signs of me wanting him back, just a move to be civil. I kind of want to e-mail him again and be like "i don't know if you got the first e-mail or have had time to respond, but if you have read the e-mail and you or your girlfriend have reservations about you talking to me I understand. However, this is not some sneaky way to get you back. I have moved on and have a boyfriend now. This is just a move to establish a repoire with each other...otherwise these next two years are going to be really difficult considering we are probably going to have classes together and be in several outside activities together."
haywood Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 the mature way to go about this is to not contact him via anything. if you see him on campus, just say hi. he'll know you're being friendly. let be up to him to act immaturely. you're with a new guy. concentrate on you two. does this new guy know that you're not over the previous guy? think about what he's going through too. just imagine yourself in his shoes. i say no contacting your previous guy is your best bet. and if he contacts you then fine. just keep it cool. good luck
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