Do you believe you can move on without ever fully getting over someone?

[inrepair]

I was thinking of this recently and I feel it's an interesting question. Do you think it's possible to move on and live a happy, healthy life without ever getting over someone? You often hear about "the one that got away" or someone never getting over their first true love and it does stir up kind of an interesting debate, in my opinion.

 

I, personally, would say the answer is yes. I think it's possible to move on and live a happy life while still thinking, "what if?" or never forgetting that first or most special person. I don't mean that you're still sulking or pining for that person. I just feel like everyone has that someone who will always be in the back of their mind and will always hold a special place in your heart.

 

The cynicism around these forums leads me to believe most will disagree with me and say that you can't move on if you still harboring any feelings for an ex, but I guess we'll see!

[Silver_star]

It depends on the ex.

I believe you can always hold a love in your heart for your ex. That love changes though. If its a desire to be with them again like you were back then you are living in a past fantasy, time changes things. I don't think it is healthy to pine away for someone and regret.

 

 

You can move on with your life, and find new love, but I believe with some special loves you will never forget them and always love them in a way. Love the way they made you feel, and remember the special connection and time you shared.

 

 

I think once I find someone new that is very special I will be happy things happened the way that they did with my ex to find said new person (because that is life and you can't change the past with "what if's) but I will think fondly of my ex and wish them well in their life.

[marky00]

The answer is ABSOLUTELY.

 

The girl from my last breakup will definately be that situation. I spend almost 10 years with someone and jumped on airplanes like 30 times or something. I'm just never going to forget here or those experiences. I will always have feelings for her but I hope to learn to live without her and handle those feelings.

 

A lot of people on here talking about MOVING ON. IMHO moving on isnt about forgetting sum1, its more about learning to live without that person. NO different to hurting your knee. Your knee will never be a 100 percent new knee but it will get better and u will learn to adapt to the fact its not 100 percent perfect (but over time you will start to believe your knee is as good as new).

 

I had lunch with an ex i hadnt seen for 10 years (the one prior to this recent breakup) We dated for like 18 months. I had lunch with her to see if it might give me some insight into the latest breakup. I kid you not, we started talking and bonding like it was 10 years ago. It was surreal. If she wasnt still with her bf, who knows where that would have lead.

 

If you have a meaningful relationship, especially a long one, u culd never just bump into that person like they are just a body on the street. Thats totally unrealistic.

 

Another ex of mine from like almost 20 years ago still social media stalks me and I never spoke to her since the breakup. Messages me on facebook saying how great those times were. I still maintain NC.

 

I think there are few guys who do in some ways totally move on, ie care factor zero but that wuldnt be the majority. Whereas females involved in meaningful relationships definately tend to look at past relationships with a fondness and recognise the fact that their past relationships make them who they are today.

 

All these folks in here who say they have MOVED ON, well.... i bet you if their ex walked in their door right now, they would immediately re-evaluate that. Especially if it was an LTR and both participants were 25 yrs plus when the relationship ended.

[Liono84]

I think some people do move on without fully getting over someone and some people move on and do indeed fully get over someone and never want them back. Obviously, there's too many variables that determine this behavior such as the personalities of the two people involved, type of relationship, tenure, age, other potential suitors, and hundreds of other external/internal factors.

 

 

A few thoughts, though. You really have to start valuing yourself more when you get over the initial grieving stage. You can say that, but you have to believe in it, too. The "one who got away" was never the one. Until you finally come to a point where you truly believe that, you will always have trouble with living in the past. Obviously, that's easier said than done, but time does help you with coming to that state of mind. I don't think it's realistic to believe that you will stop thinking about your ex especially when you were dumped and loved them. The goal shouldn't be to stop having thoughts about them, rather not allowing those thoughts to effect your mood and way of life. By this, I mean not allowing yourself to sit there and dwell. - The key to this is to try to be as busy as you can, and that's why self-improvement is advocated here on the boards.

 

Another thing, at least for me, is that your should also be in the frame of mind to find someone else, someone better in due time. Until you meet and start a relationship with someone else, you will always find yourself thinking about your most recent ex. It's not to say you should look for a rebound and jump right in, but rather to put more thought/energy/focus on trying to find the next person. And that's why you have to be active as hard as it may be. For me, personally, although I do believe I can live my life without someone else in it, I don't think that will make me happy. I may be content, but not happy. I know when the time comes and I find her, I will finally get over my most recent ex 100%. Don't allow yourself to be cynical and fearful for the next one. It sucks, because we were hurt, badly, butt allow your heart to be open and love even though you know it has a double-edged sword. Nothing great comes without great risk, and the risk is experiencing another heartbreak. Don't live your life thinking about your ex and woulda/coulda's. If you were dumped, and you truly loved this person and did everything right, then it's on them, not you. And there's a very high percentage that even IF they were to come back to you, it would ultimately not work out, yet again. A relationship that lasts usually NEVER involves a breakup at any stage.

Edited November 17, 2015 by Liono84

[Amelie1980]

I was thinking of this recently and I feel it's an interesting question. Do you think it's possible to move on and live a happy, healthy life without ever getting over someone? You often hear about "the one that got away" or someone never getting over their first true love and it does stir up kind of an interesting debate, in my opinion.

 

I, personally, would say the answer is yes. I think it's possible to move on and live a happy life while still thinking, "what if?" or never forgetting that first or most special person. I don't mean that you're still sulking or pining for that person. I just feel like everyone has that someone who will always be in the back of their mind and will always hold a special place in your heart.

 

The cynicism around these forums leads me to believe most will disagree with me and say that you can't move on if you still harboring any feelings for an ex, but I guess we'll see!

 

Yes. I have moved on in he sense that I know he is never coming back.

 

But am I over him. No. Never will be.

[mightycpa]

Definitely. I think what you stay attached to is someone that no longer exists, a memory. The longer it's been since you knew that person, the less that person is probably like what you're still not over.

 

We tend to forget that people change, they grow, sometimes better, sometimes worse, sometimes both, and that everybody at any point in time is a work in process.

 

That girl that you loved 20 years ago? Unless she lived her life in suspended animation, she is no doubt a different person now, and it is quite valid to wonder if you would still love her today if you got to know her.

[Liono84]

Definitely. I think what you stay attached to is someone that no longer exists, a memory. The longer it's been since you knew that person, the less that person is probably like what you're still not over.

 

We tend to forget that people change, they grow, sometimes better, sometimes worse, sometimes both, and that everybody at any point in time is a work in process.

 

That girl that you loved 20 years ago? Unless she lived her life in suspended animation, she is no doubt a different person now, and it is quite valid to wonder if you would still love her today if you got to know her.

 

Very well said, sir! This is true on so many levels and if I apply this train of thought, it becomes easier for me to move on.

I think when a breakup happens, we tend to only remember the good times. I sometimes have to actually force myself, yes force myself to remember how things were during the last month prior to my ex dumping me. She was a complete different person and the signs of the end were all over the place. - With the passing of time and no contact from her, I can only imagine that she prob thinks very little of me. Whatever the case, you're spot on. The person who we remember no longer exists. It is indeed just a memory.

[craw]

Nice to read the replies on here. Gives me hope

[mtnbiker3000]

Here's the deal. The old you will/would probably never get over them or have a hard time moving on. But you aren't the old you. You can't be. It's impossible based on the events of the RS and BU. You are a new you having been through the experience. Everyone of us is a new us. And, the new you will move on. The new you will find someone else, or be happy without. The new you will survive and prosper. You have to, and you don't even have to do anything except let time, experience and wisdom do there things. It's human nature. You will be OK. You will be more than OK. In fact all of us who have been around here for a while (and there's a few) were all unsure of the same things you describe. But we made it and so will you!!!