What does this mean?

November 19, 2015

Sounds like she was overwhelmed with everything even though you had the best of intentions. I'd suggest going no contact. If she comes back to you that's fine, but I wouldn't contact her again. She's not in the same frame of mind that you are about what's happened for whatever reason. You're not in a relationship with her. Try and move on. Good luck.

November 19, 2015

So in your opinion, as a woman, is this something a woman eventually returns from and continues a relationship, or is this thing dead in the water?

I just feel like it would be such a shame...she told me how long she has been dating, how many ****ty dates she has been on, how bad she had been treated at previous times that she did feel like it may go further than dating, and how she was just tired by it all. She seemed so grateful to have finally met a potential partner.

Do you think there is any shot this resolves? I'm feeling pretty dejected by it all at this point.

And I agree, I guess there is nothing she could really say to make it better except, hey I had some time to decompress and I would like to continue to see you, albeit maybe at a slower pace and let things develop over time. That is probably asking too much, but I guess I still hope it may happen.

Well, I don't know because I have never asked a man to pull back like that. The times where things have not been well-paced have tended to not work out, no. But if you think about it, most dating doesn't work out in the end. That's the nature of the beast.

However, no I don't think there is any "shot" you can use to resolve things. You will know in time. I think you need to do what she's asked and pull back. She says she'll be upfront with you, so you have no choice but to take her at her word. Give her some time, dude. What else have you got going on in your life? Focus on those things for a while and try not to ruminate on what's happened. It's totally normal to feel dejected, but to me it sounds like you're grasping for something to try and mitigate your dejection. As unpleasant as it is, try and sit with that emotion for a while; the key to feeling better about things is to go through the negative emotion, not around it.

November 19, 2015

This is exactly what I thought. We went from practically saying I love you late Friday night to her completely ignoring me Saturday. No explanation whatsoever.

While yes, it may not have been my place to drive over and check on her, the fact is it was completely out of the ordinary for her, and it did worry me. I gave her at least 3 opportunities to just let me know if she was ok so I could leave her alone, and she never did. The last thing I sent her was "Hey I am really kind of worried about you, it is not like you to not at least say Hi at somepoint throughout the day. I am considering driving over to make sure you are OK. If you are, please let me know so I can leave you alone and get back to work." She never said a thing, she says she never looked at her phone all day. I find that hard to believe based on the past two weeks, but maybe so...

Either way, I still really don't understand what is going on. We went from her telling me she absolutely adores me, thinks im cute, I am the best guy she has ever met, crazy with me in bed, wanting me over to watch movies, etc., to complete silence... I really hope, even if she doesn't want to see me anymore, she at least can give me an explanation and some closure.

I think something was triggered Friday night while she was out with friends. Maybe she met someone else and realized your level of commitment was too much, she had a conversation with a friend that made her rethink the pace of you two or something rekindled with someone else. A lot of possibilities.

Edited November 19, 2015 by myothernic2

November 19, 2015

That makes sense I guess. She did feel compelled to call me Friday when she got home though.

I guess only time will tell. I'm usually a patient guy, this has me all messed up though.

November 19, 2015

Our last two texts to each other were me saying

"I will give you the space you need, but if you decide along the way that this isn't going to work out for you, I would appreciate it if you let me know...Im truly sorry, I never intended it to be like this"

her replying

"I know you didn't. I'm sorry too. I'm just taking a step back, but I will be upfront with you."

Space, blah blah blah. She's not really into you, and/or has issues, neither of which puts you in a good position here.

Personally I'd peace the f*ck out and get with someone who actually wants to be with you. I dealt with your exact situation months back and decided not to be her on-call emotional tampon. Women like this will only drive you nuts and make you hate yourself.

"It's not you. It's her."

BTW. Her "not looking at her phone all day" is a straight-up lie. People, and women especially, live on their phones. If she wanted to contact you, she would have. Meaning that you are not a priority in her life, and you've likely driven her away further with your incessant and compulsive chasing and "worrying".

Forget her. She's not a quality partner.

Edited November 19, 2015 by Oregon_Dude

November 19, 2015

Space, blah blah blah. She's not really into you, and/or has issues, neither of which puts you in a good position here.

Personally I'd peace the f*ck out and get with someone who actually wants to be with you. I dealt with your exact situation months back and decided not to be her on-call emotional tampon. Women like this will only drive you nuts and make you hate yourself.

"It's not you. It's her."

BTW. Her "not looking at her phone all day" is a straight-up lie. People, and women especially, live on their phones. If she wanted to contact you, she would have. Meaning that you are not a priority in her life, and you've likely driven her away further with your incessant and compulsive chasing and "worrying".

Forget her. She's not a quality partner.

I'm working on this attitude. I told myself when I started dating in general, that I wasn't going to get wrapped up in anyone too soon. I went through a divorce about a year and a half ago, and I didn't want to go through that kind of crap again. Of course, that all went out the window with this one for some reason.

Kicking myself for that...

November 19, 2015

Of course, that all went out the window with this one for some reason.

Kicking myself for that...

Some women are so f*cking hot and seductive, you can't help yourself.

In which case a man must triple his efforts not to fall for her.

Typically the hotter = the more options = the more emotionally cruel.

Dating 101 - do not fall for the crazy girl.

A rule I have broken at least three times.

November 19, 2015

I am strongly considering packing up and heading to Las Vegas for a couple of days to just get my mind off of things. Reset maybe? Debating whether that could be another disaster waiting to happen...lol

November 19, 2015

Vegas is never The Answer.

November 19, 2015

This is actually a good way to see if you're compatible. You are both weeding out people who won't work out in the long run.

Here's a story to pass the times.. Years ago I met a guy online and everything was great. One day I went out with my sister and left my phone at home because we were gonna be active and I had no pockets in which to put my phone. I came home to find 10+ increasingly negative messages. I explained, he did not believe I didn't have my phone, and he did not believe I was with my sister and not some guy. When he did not believe me, he was basically calling me a liar and a cheat. I don't know what kind of women he is used to, and I refuse to be with someone who questions my integrity. I understood then, that we were from different worlds, and we met only because of the internet. So I stopped seeing him.

You will react to the situation according to how you are in relationships. In the end it will all be for the best. By the way, it's possible she was sore at you for not being available for the weekend, and then when you had the little window of opportunity to meet on Saturday, she didn't want to appear too eager, didn't want to jump at the chance to see you when you offered last minute. Who knows.

November 19, 2015

I don't think you were crazy for wanting to check on someone who all of a sudden flipped a switch and started ignoring you. I would have only tried one text, then a call, then a last text just saying you were worried and if she needs anything to get ahold of you.

I would have then gone silent, like you have, and I would start working on moving on. You dropped a bit of loot on her, and flowers for me are over the top until you celebrating something like a birthday, anniversary or have made an official statement of commitment to each other.

As it currently sits for you right now, I'd just start dating other people. I would assume she's not going to get ahold of you and I'd move on. Even if she got ahold of me, I'd probably tell her that I've moved on and end it anyway at this point. I'm not going to let someone have mixed feelings toward me (questioning if I'm worth love! wtf, have some self respect!). However, I'd still let her sweat a little. I'd probably tell her that I'm not available if she asked me to meet. I'd probably let her initiate asking to meet and otherwise give her simple, short and distanced answers over text/phone until she plays her cards. Just who I am.

November 21, 2015

For gods sake. If I were that woman I would be kicking myself for being so pathetic. You are such a sweet and considerate guy. If I were her I would have felt so special to have someone feel they need to check on me like you did. She is a fast mover coming on to you so dont feel guilt that you sped things up too much. Maybe she is a complicated person who may not be who you hoped for. Or maybe she knows an endless list of kind, generous and endearing guys

November 21, 2015

For gods sake. If I were that woman I would be kicking myself for being so pathetic. You are such a sweet and considerate guy. If I were her I would have felt so special to have someone feel they need to check on me like you did. She is a fast mover coming on to you so dont feel guilt that you sped things up too much. Maybe she is a complicated person who may not be who you hoped for. Or maybe she knows an endless list of kind, generous and endearing guys

November 23, 2015

Well I finally got my closure last night.

She apparently had a previous love interest come back into her life on that last Thursday we spent together. She told me at first that she thought she wanted to ignore it and move on with me, but that her feelings for this other guy were too strong and she couldn't. She said all of the feelings she had for me were real, and she never lied to me...she just never told me that she had a brake up not to long ago that she was still not over.

She apologized for stringing me on for the week, told me how great I was, etc...but she is going with the other guy.

The guy that left her for someone else, then came crying back...

Oh well, it sucks obviously, but what can I do. I kick myself for getting so emotionally invested in her so quickly. That is completely on me. I really wish I didn't care. This hurts way more than it should.

November 23, 2015

Thank you Malinda. I really appreciate the complement.

I mentioned to her that I guess this is how bitter and cynical people are born. There are so many of them in the dating world, I try not to be one of them, but I can see how **** like this makes it hard.

November 23, 2015

Thank you Malinda. I really appreciate the complement.

I mentioned to her that I guess this is how bitter and cynical people are born. There are so many of them in the dating world, I try not to be one of them, but I can see how **** like this makes it hard.

Sorry to hear that, I knew SOMETHING had to have happened besides you "over whelming her with checking up on her" that was so exaggerated, at least you can stop beating yourself up over that. You do seem like a nice a guy and some woman is going to embrace that, don't give up hope, most of us can relate to something like this some time in our life.

November 23, 2015

Horror! Oh! So in hindsight, when you told her you were going to her house to check on her, she asked "where are you?" because she was afraid you'd knock on her door, and her other guy who was probably at her house at that moment, would find out about you. I bet she didn't tell him she has been having incredible sex with you the past week. This is shocking! horrible!

Once again, I say try meeting people in real life as much as possible. Online there are just too many broken hearts looking for a quick fix. Where else can you type a few things at home and get instant attention from the opposite sex? That's why so many people jump online immediately after a break up.

You're a good guy. You deserve someone WAY better than her.

November 23, 2015

Horror! Oh! So in hindsight, when you told her you were going to her house to check on her, she asked "where are you?" because she was afraid you'd knock on her door, and her other guy who was probably at her house at that moment, would find out about you. I bet she didn't tell him she has been having incredible sex with you the past week. This is shocking! horrible!

Once again, I say try meeting people in real life as much as possible. Online there are just too many broken hearts looking for a quick fix. Where else can you type a few things at home and get instant attention from the opposite sex? That's why so many people jump online immediately after a break up.

You're a good guy. You deserve someone WAY better than her.

Thank you Maggie, and yes, I think you are exactly right. I also don't think she really believed it was going too fast. I think she made that up for an excuse, then let me sit in it for a week while she made up her mind. She told me in her explanation that she thought if she ignored it, it would just go away and work itself out. So that is what she was trying to do last week.

Thank you to everyone really. I am going to try my hardest at not carrying this over into the next girl I happen to meet...

November 23, 2015

I'm such a sap...but this song just put me in tears for a while...felt good, and bad at the same time. Good break up song, that.

Good God, I need to get over this crap. I never knew I would be this attached to someone so quickly......

November 23, 2015

I just had something very similar happen, the ending of your story is interesting, I wonder if the same was true in my situation.

We met online a few months ago, we went on a few nice dates - nothing too crazy and she started loving me. She'd text me often, she'd hold my hand, she's say she wants to take things slow but would ask me to hangout every day. I was super giving, let her stay at my place for a week, would massage her, cook her dinner, bring her to winery's. She kept saying she was worried about encroaching on my space and I told her she was fine, and asked if I was encroaching on hers. She said no.

Each time things were really good, she'd pull away and get mad about some random thing I said in the past. She did this 3-4 times, I never felt secure in the relationship because as soon as I invested trust she yanked it away. I brought up her distance and she reassured me everything was fine and it was just her texting style.

A few days later she brought this issue up again even though I thought we had resolved it, I asked why she brought it up again and if she was concerned we wouldn't work out, she reassured me that she was not saying that and we had the best sex yet. The next day she said she'd love to see me before I leave and gave me a gift.

During my trip she went from warm, loving and sexual to cold, mean and full of hate. I came back and she was mean, bringing up all sorts of little things I said. I asked if she wanted to end things, she said no. She kept talking, I said the message she's giving me is that she doesn't like me at all. We broke up, then she asked me to have sex and has texted me a few times saying sorry it didn't work out.

Apparently you and I both cared too much and they went with it, even initiatived it, and then ran. Maybe my girl met some new guy when I was on vacation too, I did see she went on her OLD profile the day she got all mad at me, but she hadn't before that.

November 23, 2015

I'm sorry to hear that dude, Life is a struggle.

November 23, 2015

One other thing to add - I think the whole "omg what am I doing?" moment happened to her too.

She was sabotaging herself, she would continually ask to hangout with me. She'd come over at 8 and stay until 2 AM even though she had to work the next day at 6, she ended up being late for work and getting in trouble. She'd also spend all week with me rather than doing work she needed to get done and then be super stressed having to cram it in, this wasn't me pulling her, this was her jumping in my direction. I could have told her to lay off and do her work, but I was happy she wanted to see me. As far as I'm concerned most of her issues were self-imposed - which she did mention at the end "I have some issues I need to work through and don't think I'm ready to combine my life with someone else right now."

Could have just been BS tho. She also told me it was dumb to trust her (or anyone) after only a few months.

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