Do women prefer a guy that makes a move?

November 17, 2015

If you go on a few dates with a guy, do you prefer that he makes a move on you to show interest, rather than a guy that chooses to wait, and verbally expresses his interest? Even if you arent ready to cross that line and make it physical, and you tell him you arent ready, do you prefer that the attempt was made?

I think a lot of women use this as a tool to judge if a guy is interested, and they also think it shows he has confidence. However, it doesnt really prove that he is interested in anything long term. He may just want sex. But I'm guessing more women would rather take a chance with a guy that tries to make a move, than with the guy that takes it slow, thinking he is being the good guy that doesnt just want sex.

November 17, 2015

I do. I have posted many times that DH had not kissed me or even tried to kiss me on our 1st two dates. I came to the 3rd date vowing that we were going to kiss or I was dumping him. I was willing to make the move if he gave me an opening but I was very annoyed that he hadn't even tried to kiss me good night / good bye (2nd date was a lunch).

I have always viewed a new man's words with extreme suspicion. People can say anything. Actions were the only truths for me in the beginning until I have a foundation so I knew I could trust somebody's word.

November 17, 2015

Yes, I prefer it. I used to be the instigator and found myself getting burned.

November 17, 2015

A move like a kiss, yes. A move for early sex....no.

A delicious balance of passion and restraint.

November 17, 2015

A move like a kiss, yes. A move for early sex....no.

A delicious balance of passion and restraint.

Exactly...

Making a move does not imply you have to have sex and/or sex is implied. You don't even have to do heavy making out/petting.

But if you don't do/say something to that person (male or female) to let them know there's romantic interest, they're gonna friendzone you.

To the OP, what do you consider is "making a move"?

I mean at the end of a date if a guy doesn't kiss me (even a small peck on the cheek), I'm assuming he has no romantic interest.

If you're the type who wants to take it slow and get to know someone even before kissing them, then maybe you should let them know that's how you roll upfront cuz some people, if they don't see you demonstrsting romantic interest may simply move on instead of ask you out of embarassment and/or fear of rejection.

November 17, 2015

Exactly...

Making a move does not imply you have to have sex and/or sex is implied. You don't even have to do heavy making out/petting.

But if you don't do/say something to that person (male or female) to let them know there's romantic interest, they're gonna friendzone you.

To the OP, what do you consider is "making a move"?

I mean at the end of a date if a guy doesn't kiss me (even a small peck on the cheek), I'm assuming he has no romantic interest.

If you're the type who wants to take it slow and get to know someone even before kissing them, then maybe you should let them know that's how you roll upfront cuz some people, if they don't see you demonstrsting romantic interest may simply move on instead of ask you out of embarassment and/or fear of rejection.

With my experience, women nowadays always use the line "getting to know you first". I dont know where this buffer zone came from but according to all the women I've met recently they dont count the first meeting as a "date". I think if they feel that if they decide they arent interested, then they can label it as never going on a date with him, it was just coffee. Women love to "categorize" men and situations for their own pet-peeves.

As far as making a move I was thinking anything more than just a peck at the end of the date. Even if its a 10 sec kiss. That would obviously be a step beyond just a cordial peck on the lips or cheek. Even putting your hands on her back, or a little squeeze of her arm or shoulder while you kiss.

But even if the guy tried to get more physical, and the woman declined, stating she wants to take it slow, that I would assume is still better in most cases than not doing anything.

But my point is that women use these advancements to judge a guys interest, but just because he's making moves doesnt mean he wants anything more than sex. So how reliable is it, compared to a guy that just gives you a peck, but keeps asking you out?

Women in general are always vocal about not wanting a guy that just wants sex. They always say that they want to take things slow, and get to know the guy. So if a guy actually listens to that, and does what women say, he gets kicked to the curb because he looks like he's not interested or has no confidence. Now I know exactly what they women on here are going to say, they will reply and say "I'm a woman and I've never said that"....but that doesnt mean other women havent said it. I have experienced from women all over. But once again, what they say they want during a conversation, and what they want when they are having a moment with a guy they like are two different things.

November 18, 2015

Early romantic engagement is powerfully shaped by subconscious or at least uncontrollable mental needs. Once you're having sex the floodgates are opened but before then there is usually a distinct hesitant stage. Women in particular, need to see that you want them physically. They need to see it, not be told it. It's not something their intellectual conscious brain can assure them about. They can be the ones pushing to get physical, they can send saucy texts, they can even corner you on the sofa, but you have to be the one to make a physical move. It just has to be you. 1 second after you kiss them they'll probably be devouring your tonsils and fumbling at your trousers, they were just waiting for it, but it won't happen without that kiss. You'll literally be able to finish the evening and walk out the door and not get physical and **** up your chances, at least that night, maybe with her for good, regardless of how hot for you she was, if you don't make that gesture. So many women simply can't take the mantle of that responsibility on themselves, it's a mental block.

November 18, 2015

Women in particular, need to see that you want them physically. They need to see it, not be told it.

Then why do so many women say "I want to get to know you first"....or the new line "We need to be friends first"....I dont get it.

November 18, 2015

Then why do so many women say "I want to get to know you first"....or the new line "We need to be friends first"....I dont get it.

You can show them you are attracted without actually pushing for sex. Show desire, show passion, but refrain from pushing for sex. It's about building sexual tension as much as showing her that you're attracted. It can build for a while. Delicious!

November 18, 2015

You can show them you are attracted without actually pushing for sex. Show desire, show passion, but refrain from pushing for sex. It's about building sexual tension as much as showing her that you're attracted. It can build for a while. Delicious!

I'd like to hear examples from women on how guys can show desire and passion on the first few dates.

November 18, 2015

Then why do so many women say "I want to get to know you first"....or the new line "We need to be friends first"....I dont get it.

Those lines can be used to friendzone someone or not...depends on the person and their intentions.

Like a woman who doesn't have no romantic interest in you, but wants to keep you around to feed her ego...Yes, she'd probably pull the whole "let's just be friends" story.

But, then, there are people (men or women) who want to get to know you without the "sex goggles". Cuz, some people rush into sex and all the sex does is create a false sense of intimacy cuz they never really took the time to know each other.

I believe shet, like most of us responding to your thread, are trying to tell you that it's ok with taking it slow, BUT, if you aren't doing certain things that show romantic interest (i.e. hugs, touches, kisses), the woman is going to think you only want to be friends.

ALSO, they ways you show romantic interest don't have to equate sex and/or lead to sex...So, if you put your arm around a chick and she's all "oh, I just wanna be friends and/or get to know you" so soon, then either she's really not into you and/or has hang ups about sex...cuz, if a guy hugs me, puts his arm around me and/or gives me a light kiss, how in the world does that mean he wants to plow me?

I believe most women know when a certain touch, kiss, even hug is out of line...AND, if we're into a guy, we're gonna be looking forward to a kiss, hug, etc. If we're NOT into you, everything you do is gonna come off as offensive.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I wonder if you have been out with some women who weren't interested in you, and instead of simply coming out and saying it, just kept on rebuffing actions you may have done - which are completely normal (i.e. trying to ask them out, touch, hug, kiss) and now you're thinking it's better to hold off on being touchy/feely?

If that is the case, I get ya...I used to be more bold in my approaches to men, and after being rebuffed a few times, I'm a bit more cautious in how I approach men and don't go over the top like I used to.

November 18, 2015

Yes I do (or did) when I was single.

I do like to be the decider about taking it all the way..because guys are always ready.....so if I'm ready I know he will be.

November 18, 2015

I'd like to hear examples from women on how guys can show desire and passion on the first few dates.

Let's say 2nd/3rd date:

Noticing and verbally admiring something she did to look/smell attractive for the date.

Focused attention on her, with traditional courting behaviors (holding doors, hand on the small of her back to guide her through crowds, paying, etc).

A sensual kiss, paired with a look that says you hate to part leaving it at that.

November 18, 2015

I'd like to hear examples from women on how guys can show desire and passion on the first few dates.

After feeling she's into you in general... first date

#1 Get into her personal space. Sit closely, talk closely, lean in.

#2 Attend to her needs.. get up to get the drinks, make sure she is comfortable

#3 Allow your eyes to see what's hot about her, but not in a pervy way. Check her out.

#4 Build a connection mentally

#5 Touch her. Like... guide her to things, around obstacles, let your arm touch hers too much, stand so close, you touch, etc,

#6 If risque subjects come up, carefully compliment her looks in relation to it (could take an entire thread)

#7 If not hooking up on first date, you'll know if she wants you by the end of it. As you are walking her wherever, to make sure she's getting home safe, make heavy eye contact. Deep, penetrating eye contact. Hold it. Look at her lips too, She'll just basically beg you to kiss her at this point and go for it. ***NOTE: this usually happens way, way earlier in the evening anyway. The goodnight kiss is often a follow up to some intense PDA you both had earlier using the same sort if teasing I'm describing here. You want to tease her all evening, actually.... Keeping your eyes roaming in a very seductive way.

Date #2,#3, etc....Later dates, if you did all of the above well, she'll be begging to hook up and will give huge, clear signals about it. Unmistakable stuff.

November 18, 2015

I'd like to hear examples from women on how guys can show desire and passion on the first few dates.

Be cordial & genteel: open doors, help her on with her coat (& don't forget to untuck her hair which gives you an excuse to touch her hair) hold out chairs etc. As she walks through the door ahead of you, lightly place your hand at the small of her back. Remove it a few seconds after she clears the threshold.

Be attentive. Look deeply into her eyes when she's talking & actually listen. Ask follow up Qs that show you were paying attention.

Hold her hand when you walk or tuck her arm through yours.

Brush a strand of hair, real or imagined, from her cheek.

Do go for a goodnight kiss. Notice I said kiss not a rousing game of tonsil hockey.

Take her dancing & hold her close.

Go on a date that involves candlelight or firelight . . .it can be a picnic if the expensive restaurant isn't your style.

Flirt with her.

Compliment her. Sincerely not just saying crap to get over on her. Be genuine.

Show some vulnerability. By that I mean admit you are scared of spiders or got chocked up when the dog died at the end of Marley & Me. Do not overshare every unpleasant thing or childhood trauma you ever had.

November 19, 2015

Be cordial & genteel: open doors, help her on with her coat (& don't forget to untuck her hair which gives you an excuse to touch her hair) hold out chairs etc. As she walks through the door ahead of you, lightly place your hand at the small of her back. Remove it a few seconds after she clears the threshold.

Be attentive. Look deeply into her eyes when she's talking & actually listen. Ask follow up Qs that show you were paying attention.

Hold her hand when you walk or tuck her arm through yours.

Brush a strand of hair, real or imagined, from her cheek.

Do go for a goodnight kiss. Notice I said kiss not a rousing game of tonsil hockey.

Take her dancing & hold her close.

Go on a date that involves candlelight or firelight . . .it can be a picnic if the expensive restaurant isn't your style.

Flirt with her.

Compliment her. Sincerely not just saying crap to get over on her. Be genuine.

Show some vulnerability. By that I mean admit you are scared of spiders or got chocked up when the dog died at the end of Marley & Me. Do not overshare every unpleasant thing or childhood trauma you ever had.

After feeling she's into you in general... first date

#1 Get into her personal space. Sit closely, talk closely, lean in.

#2 Attend to her needs.. get up to get the drinks, make sure she is comfortable

#3 Allow your eyes to see what's hot about her, but not in a pervy way. Check her out.

#4 Build a connection mentally

#5 Touch her. Like... guide her to things, around obstacles, let your arm touch hers too much, stand so close, you touch, etc,

#6 If risque subjects come up, carefully compliment her looks in relation to it (could take an entire thread)

#7 If not hooking up on first date, you'll know if she wants you by the end of it. As you are walking her wherever, to make sure she's getting home safe, make heavy eye contact. Deep, penetrating eye contact. Hold it. Look at her lips too, She'll just basically beg you to kiss her at this point and go for it. ***NOTE: this usually happens way, way earlier in the evening anyway. The goodnight kiss is often a follow up to some intense PDA you both had earlier using the same sort if teasing I'm describing here. You want to tease her all evening, actually.... Keeping your eyes roaming in a very seductive way.

Date #2,#3, etc....Later dates, if you did all of the above well, she'll be begging to hook up and will give huge, clear signals about it. Unmistakable stuff.

I always open doors, but as far as the rest of that stuff....I can say that I've never done 90% with women on a date, and they still either had long term relationships with me, and one married me.

No disrespect to the people that posted it, but I am calling BS on the "process". If a woman likes a guy 9 times out of 10 she will like him whether or not he does most of those listed items. Do we really think MOST men in our society do half of those things...and they still get dates and get married.

November 20, 2015

I always open doors, but as far as the rest of that stuff....I can say that I've never done 90% with women on a date, and they still either had long term relationships with me, and one married me.

Then what's the point of this thread if you've dated and are married to a woman who doesn't expect a man to do the things d0nnivan and others suggested?

So, if there are women out there who like men like you, have LDRs and even marry them, then why are you asking about women who prefer a man to make a move on them? I mean if the way you go about dating (not making a move) landed you LDRs and your current wife, then outstanding!!! Don't change who you are. Hey, there's a lid for every garbage can out there in this world.

Oh, that was a rethorical question cuz I already got an answer for ya....Women like the one you're married to and/or had the LDR with that didn't like touching, affection, etc from you while dating? I'm sure that they either don't know any better and/or want a "roommate" instead of a lover. "Great sex to them is them lying down and letting some guy "mount" them. They probably don't even keep up with their appearance once they nab you cuz intimacy, sex, and connecting with their man is not a priority for any reason. They might even be victims of some sort of abuse.

I remember watching Dexter when he first started dating that blonde chick and she and him got along cuz she didn't want sex, kissing, etc cuz she came out of an abusive marriage.

So, women who don't like/care to be touched and/or made a move on during dating more than likely have issues; and if you were really content with the women you had LDRs with and are married to (who accepted you "as is") this thread wouldn't have been started and there are more women like your wife and whom you had LDRs with out there for you to pick from. Good luck!!!

***Gloria25 drops mic and exits stage****

Edited November 20, 2015 by Gloria25

November 20, 2015

With my experience, women nowadays always use the line "getting to know you first".

why do you call it a line? Lots of girls actually DO want to get to know a guy first.

I dont know where this buffer zone came from but according to all the women I've met recently they dont count the first meeting as a "date".

The first time you meet someone is NOT a date!! It's a meeting.

I think if they feel that if they decide they arent interested, then they can label it as never going on a date with him, it was just coffee. Women love to "categorize" men and situations for their own pet-peeves.

I don't quite get any of that. It WAS "just coffee." Not being interested in a guy is not categorizing him or because of a "pet peeve" for heaven's sake!!!

Women in general are always vocal about not wanting a guy that just wants sex. They always say that they want to take things slow, and get to know the guy. So if a guy actually listens to that, and does what women say, he gets kicked to the curb because he looks like he's not interested or has no confidence. Now I know exactly what they women on here are going to say, they will reply and say "I'm a woman and I've never said that"....but that doesnt mean other women havent said it. I have experienced from women all over. But once again, what they say they want during a conversation, and what they want when they are having a moment with a guy they like are two different things.

You don't listen to what women say evidently. Yes we like a guy to show his interest by "making a move" like a kiss. A KISS. If he just wants to have sex we will find out soon enough hopefully because we will GET TO KNOW HIM FIRST like you complained about in the beginning of this post.

If you make a move you are risking rejection, because the girl might not be interested in you. This is not because she is having "pet peeves" or "categorizing," it just is what it is. But if you never make that move you will never find out.

November 20, 2015

Yup because men are expected to be "Doers"

November 20, 2015

Asking for sex is annoying if it's done too soon. I also hate when guys beat around the bush, like asking to go to his place and watch a movie. if you want sex, don't pretend like you want to watch Super Troopers.

I consider asking for sex meaningless, as many men have very low standards for sexual partners. IMO if a man really, likes a girl, he wouldn't want her to think he was only after one thing.

I'm fine with guys escalating in a slower way.

November 20, 2015

Yup because men are expected to be "Doers"

Women tend to be attracted to doers, yes. It's kind of an important quality in a mate.

November 20, 2015

Yup because men are expected to be "Doers"

I expect my woman to be a "doer" too. Anyone who isn't gets put in the sex-only pile.

November 20, 2015

I agree with most of the things Donnovain said and a few others about making romantic interest clear.

I personally don't think a guy trying to kiss me or other physical things means he's interested in ME at all. Lots of times, it's the reverse. The guys who go slower are the ones who are interested in ME, and the others are there for something else... is my observation.

I'm not a fan of kissing on a first date, or even the first few dates, and would prefer the man not try. Other, genuine displays of affection, along with actions and words that line up regarding other things in life. This would be for guys I met doing OLD. In cases where the guy tried to kiss me on the first or second date, they were pushing for sex ASAP and only claimed to be looking for a relationship... which was total BS.

For a guy I met IRL or through some other structure where I had a chance to get to know him better informally before a date? I might be ok with a kiss earlier. I believe Donnovain met her now H in some other social event/structure... not doing OLD.

IRL, you can't underestimate the 'price of admission' and how that affects the pace of a developing relationship. There are certain events or people or social circles where it is a given that a) you are not a criminal b) you have some reasonable social skills. For instance, if I met a man through my former employer, it would be a given he didn't have a substance abuse issue or a criminal record... they screen heavily for that.

... so, to summarize... when doing OLD, I prefer the man NOT make a move. He is a stranger that I know through no other context.

IRL, if I know him through some other context, I might be more open to it...

November 21, 2015

Well, if he hasn't tried to kiss me by the 3rd date I'd think there was a problem. But I prefer guys who don't aggressively pursue intercourse early on.

November 21, 2015

Then why do so many women say "I want to get to know you first"....or the new line "We need to be friends first"....I dont get it.

It means what it says. I want to get to know a man and see whether I even like him as a person, respect him, am on the same page as him etc, before I'll even consider having sex with him. It's not hard to understand. If women simply had sex with every reasonably attractive man who tried it on with them most women would end up having 500+ sexual partners over the course of their lifetime.

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