london2015 Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 Hey Guys, I am now in the mindframe where I have lost the amount of days of NC (great position to be in I know!) after a tough initial couple of weeks since the ex decided to end things after our 6 month relationship. I did the whole chasing/begging for a couple of weeks post break-up but something suddenly clicked and I stopped just about two months ago... I have started new hobbies, focussed on friends/family as well as enjoyed the independence (I gave and felt like I had to support her alot more than she did for me)... I was in a relationship where from the very start her past interfered with our relationship. Exes wanting regular contact, pictures of her, updates in her life etc and although they were not of interest to her anymore she had 'warned' me at the start of seeing each other that she keeps in good contact with all of her exes and some have turned out to be really good friends.. I guess I was 'blinded by love' in the sense that I agreed this was OK but when it came inbetween us so often we would argue constantly and I guess we never recovered from those early thoughts of being in a relationship that was clearly failing.. I provided a lot of support and help to her personally and with work and upon reflection didnt receive the same back. I was also the one chasing after her even though it was her past that was ruining our relationship. I can't however seem to get the temptation of making contact with her out of my head the past couple of days.. any words of advice to remove these thoughts from my head would be greatly received!!
Author london2015 Posted November 17, 2015 Author Posted November 17, 2015 Anybody able to share advice?
sowhynot Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 Yes - but I'm pushed for time to write something lengthy right now ! If she keeps popping up in your mind, take a deep breath and force the thought out - it can be done. Otherwise it's the standard stuff - keep busy, work out, take up a new hobby. You won't notice the difference right away but you certainly will in a few weeks. And the icing on the cake is that any 'self improvement' such as a rippling torso and sculptured 6 pack will make you more desirable for when you feel like dating again. You've just gotta hang on in there - I know it's rough now but it will fade. There's lodsa posters on LC who have gradually faded away after numerous posts on how to cope - and that's because they've gradually come through it - and usually feel a lot better for it as well. Hang on in there - you'll be fine.
Confusioncreepsin Posted November 18, 2015 Posted November 18, 2015 So you want to be one of those EXs...the same that annoyed you during your relationship? Please don't. Do not contact her, she is not worth it really. You will be placed into orbit and will be a girlfriend rather than a boyfriend. My opinion is that, like me, you are working through the addiction part. This is a stage that like an alcoholic, you want to have one more drink. You think it will not hurt you since you can only see now in the short term. Long term you will feed your addiction and it will consume you. Work through the addiction and focus on how a communication would actually work out in your mind. It is never good, especially if you can empathize with her and see how needy and weak it would appear. Be strong, be the person she first fell in love with, be the guy that does something DIFFERENT for a change and just stay away with NO Contact. My opinion is that she is SOOOOo use to EXs contacting her, that you will buck the trend and become a curiosity later. She will wonder why you haven't come back and tried to be her girlfriend...screw that. Hell, she already told you that in the beginning, she keeps her trophies on a shelf. Think about that.
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