So Darn Angry Today....

[LostInNC]

I have found my self being so darn angry today. I am mad at everything, everybody and anyone who is within breathing distance. For those who don't know my back story basically I came home 2 and a half weeks ago and he was gone. After 7 and a half years just poof vanished. Changed his number, quit his job and move 1200 miles in one darn day. No arguments, fights, money issues nothing nada zip just gone.

 

So today after weeks of wallowing in self pity it has turned to self hate. I am so mad myself for anything I can think of. Why wasn't I a better girlfriend, why did I not cook dinner more often, why did I not just like one weekend a month with him... now I have none!

 

I am so mad at myself for wanting more time from him. I was greedy and selfish and now I have nothing. I am mad because maybe I missed something, maybe I said something, maybe I did something?

 

And I am mad at others for asking...Did you sleep last night? Did you eat today? Are you taking vitamins? Uh hello I am 46 years old if I am not sleeping right now I have a pretty darn good reason. If I don't feel like eating anything other than a sandwich today then that is my business. I have about 20 pounds too much on me so one darn day is not going to make a difference. I am not going to waste away to nothing. If it were only that easy. I want to tell people to quit asking me such stupid questions and leave me alone.

 

So I am angry. Angry because my best friend is gone. Angry because when he left he took my dreams of our future together and my plans for us when we got old and wrinkled together, he took gardening, riding around looking at the scenery, trips to get coffee, holding my hand, rubbing my neck and having my back when I did not feel well.

 

I am mad as heck because he left me holding a crushed heart while he skipped out on us, our life together and our future and drove off into the wind with out so much as an argument or fight for us. He gave up on us and it flips me off to no end today because I still don't know what happened.

 

And I am mad at some of my family. One said a year ago that she hopes he would leave because then I would be like everyone else, and that I would fall off my high horse when he left. Well bingo! He left and I am crushed and broken and through their condolences I know they are smirking and gloating. Because not I have nothing but family with him out of the picture.

 

And another knew that he was grumbling but never told me. They didn't want to cause problems. So if he mentioned to your husband that he was thinking about leaving and your husband told told you why in the heck did you not tell me???? Wait is it because now I am at my lowest?

 

So today is his birthday. So happy flipping birthday. Yes I am mad.

 

But thank you letting me have some words of unrest and yes I am making an appointment with a therapist tomorrow. I can't be this angry forever.

 

Thank you LS Community!

[marky00]

Hey,

 

I hear you and feel for you. Just so u know where I am at, 9 mths ago I was told by my overseas gf as I arrived in her country with my family that it was over as she met another guy (she had visited me and my family just 6 weeks earlier). The relationship went for 9.5 years.

 

So anyway, i went through all the terrible sleep and eating issues. I would say that maybe by about 2 months post break-up was when sleep and eating started getting better and more normal. You dont have to eat if u dont want to , I totally agree. Right now everything is about you so just do what I have done last 9 months and tell everyone to F off (not literally) if they dont agree with the way you are handling things. Basically rite now and for quite a while you have every right to be selfish and look after the most important thing right now, i.e. you

 

You know what but, in some ways the way he left may have done you a favour. Ill explain why later.

 

When people leave like that its 1 of 2 reasons.

 

1. He knew if he stuck around and talked out, he may have been tempted to re-think his decision. No dumper enjoys a breakup and a lot have stayed in relationships a lot longer than they may have cared to, as a means to avoid the pain of the breakup.

 

2. Because he would have felt very guilty for leaving, it was just simply to much of an emotional burden on him to witness the fall-out. Nobody wants to commit a crime or do something hurtful and sit around later and watch the suffering that results.

 

However, like i said above, it might not look like it now but long-term he might have done you a favour. Heres why:

 

"Once a dumper makes their decision, anything you say thereafer just drives them further away and releases some of their guilt".

 

Everyone on here told me to not break NC. I held it for like 40 days or so and then cracked an made contact like maybe 4 times over last 7 months. And believe me that contact got me nowhere (even though I was as level-headed as possible, i.e. no begging or pleading etc). If i had my time again I would have gone NC all the way.

 

Like you I somehow wanted to know that the person I invested so much of myself into still cared. But please do not concern yourself with that now. Believe me, one day in the future (with or without contact with him), you will get your answers. You can't chase for the answers, you just have to let them come to you.

 

Right now its hard to know what he is feeling and I said that shuldnt be your concern now. Its possible he is feeling some relief right now if he was sitting on this for a while but believe me in time as the relief passes, he will be forced to confront head-on what he has done and he will question his self-worth as well. And when your not around to help him pick up the pieces (because your in NC), he is forced to deal with the reality of the situation on his own.

 

Right now, please just look after yourself. The people in here are great and will give you great advise. You will get through this, I assure you.

[mtnbiker3000]

It is all part of the process... Lean into it and take all it has to offer. Soon enough you'll be onto another emotion. Then back. It's really quite a roller coaster... Hang in there. It will end. That I promise you!!!!

[LonelyGAL86]

Hi LostInNC,

 

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through and can relate to you on many levels. I was also in a 7.5 year relationship (we lived together for 6.5 years) and he broke up with me back in March. That morning started off like a normal day - when he left for work he said "I love you…. Have a nice day." As he left work, he called like he always did saying he was leaving and will be home soon and said his usual "I love you." When he came home, there was no fight. He took a nap and when he woke up (to this day it still feels like a bad dream) he walked over to a painting he made for me when we first started dating, looked at it and was mumbling things like how it's been a very long time…. And screamed at the top of his lungs "I'm DONE!!!!" And then yelled "I'm NOT going back like I did in June! It's OVER!" Back in June 2014, he broke up with me when I had a gum graft surgery and I woke up crying due to the awful pain - he thought I was over-reacting and said he couldn't take it any longer. He is the type of person who believes people who cry are "weak" and/or "drama filled"… He wound up apologizing after a few days and begged for forgiveness and although hesitant at first, his actions proved he was sincere and so called wanted us to work out. Or so I thought… Looking back, like the old saying about cheaters "Once a cheater….always a cheater." Same usually goes for break-ups where everything will eventually crash down/happen again.

 

I knew it was finally over but yet again, felt completely blindsided when just a month prior on Valentine's Day everything seemed to be like all the years prior. He gave me 3 nice cards and one ironically was about how his world is beautiful because I was in it and all this BS….

 

When he broke up with me, I showed him the cards and asked "Why did he even bother if he knew in his heart/mind he had already checked out." He laughed in my face and said everything in the end was "All part of a routine!" From the roses, nice cards, phone calls, hugs and kisses….. He repeated over and over again how it was just part of the routine.

 

He is 44, I am 35 years old and his cold hearted, evil behavior was NOT the guy I once knew! He was acting like a child and things went from bad to much worse the following few months. Our names were both on the apartment lease that we once shared and he tried to kick me out. I told him, since he wanted out, he needed to go and after fighting for weeks on end (during that time - I left out of state to be with my family) he found a place and moved out in June.

 

Like you - I was beyond hurt, barely eating, had so many un-answered questions and then blamed myself. He was also once my best friend and 7.5 years - gone just like that. The day he moved out, all I got was his evil laughter and the same damn lines about how everything was part of the routine when I knew, deep down inside there is obviously way more to the picture than just that.

 

Exactly what you mentioned above - I also thought and questioned myself why wasn't I a better girlfriend and maybe I should have done more…. cooked dinner more often than going out, etc… Everything you can think of, I questioned and blamed myself for months on end, always questioning and wondering why? Or the what "ifs"…

 

As Marky mentioned above "Once a dumper makes their decision, anything you say thereafer just drives them further away and releases some of their guilt".

 

When he moved out, I blocked him on social media and went into NC. A few weeks went by and then he sent me a few nasty emails and during that time, I tried to remain strong but wanted to defend myself since I knew I did nothing wrong! He was very angry and didn't like I was ignoring him when NC is to heal and move on.

 

He wound up sending me an email the day before my birthday finally apologizing for his nasty behavior (approx 8 months for a lame apology to boost his own ego) and said he wanted to remain friends and not give me false hope (HE REALLY loves himself and his self inflated ego these days) and to take me out to dinner for my birthday. I replied saying "Thank you" and the next day promised myself to go back into NC - since this was just hurting me more and rather than going forward, I was taking two steps back.

 

Since that day and promise to myself - I have remained in NC and recently heard from a friend of mine, the truth behind the b/u. He's been telling everyone how he LOVES his freedom, he was "locked up for 7.5 years and can finally breathe the crisp air again", how he ENJOYS HANGING OUT with his MARRIED lady friends and the one thing I did suspect and was right in the end - he's going through a mid-life crisis. He told this friend of mine (he wasn't aware this girl he speaks to talks to me) in a bragging way that every 10 years, he's known to get bored easily and to keep him on his toes - he gets rid of the relationship, looks for a new job and moves to a different city. My friend even backed me up and said "I'm sorry…. You wouldn't have been with someone for 7.5 years if you truly didn't care!" He laughed it off and said he has no regrets, he is loving the single life again and feels he has a pulse again cause all these girls want to hang out with him and bragged that he is "hubby approved" and is allowed to hang out with these married ladies alone as long as it's not "after dark." He said he felt drained, lost himself in the process and wanted to hang out with his old buddies again.

 

He lives a complete 180 today and I know nothing I would have done (if different back then) was going to change his mind. I finally stopped blaming myself and questioning why. The quiet, sweet kind I once knew is now a cocky a-hole who is in love with himself and several mutual friends all noticed this change right when the b/u happened and I personally think he suffers from bipolar disorder and/or Narcissistic personality disorder. He craves attention on social media and months ago when I blocked him, a friend mentioned he was posting jabs and nasty dedication songs about me and I find his childish behavior very sad and disturbing.

 

I've mentioned to friends, I don't want to hear anything about him or care to know what he is posting.

 

I'm sorry to ramble on and on about my situation but as others stated and I'm finally starting to see the light again - it will get better! PLEASE *DO NOT* blame yourself!!!

 

As Marky said above "Right now its hard to know what he is feeling and I said that shuldnt be your concern now. Its possible he is feeling some relief right now if he was sitting on this for a while but believe me in time as the relief passes, he will be forced to confront head-on what he has done and he will question his self-worth as well. And when your not around to help him pick up the pieces (because your in NC), he is forced to deal with the reality of the situation on his own." <---- I couldn't agree more!

 

I believe in karma and as we all know - What goes around comes around.

 

Stay strong and know we're here to listen and that you're not alone!