How do YOU tell if a person is worth dating?

[Jtizzle]

Usually when i talk to a dude what tells me if he is worth dating or not is when we are on the phone i'll say: Ok, lets me and you get to kno one another better..how about this time tomorrow you have me a list of 20 questions you want to ask me to get to know me as a person, and ill do the same.

 

now me i already have my 20 questions prewritten. so when its question night i let them go first, and listen to what they ask, if they ask sexual stuff, i usually dont keep talking to them, if they ask simple stuff like whats your fav. color, show, movie,etc..i'll give him another shot at tha questions again...if he ask stuff like what was your childhood like, what are you afraid of, whats your biggest accomplishment,what kind of stuff makes u happy,etc..stuff like those questions will most definately have me like him more...

 

but thats usually how i see if i want to date sumone or not, and besides that, if he can tell jokes and we can laugh together is another way...

 

what do you do that tells u if a person is worth dating? or mayb i should ask how do u know/realize a person is worth dating?

[ReluctantRomeo]

Err, if you don't mind me saying so, your approach sounds pretty mechanical to me, JT. Not without its merits, but mechanical.

 

I'd try to have a normal conversation. Ask questions by all means, but don't make it so formal. See if he asks questions back. And if he listens. If overall you have fun conversation and "connect", follow it up. Since it sounds like you don't have a lot of experience, if you're in doubt and it's easy to meet up, do so. If only for the experience. A one hour coffee meeting would do.

 

As I get to know someone, I have a list of ideal traits and dealbreakers. For example, I like arty/creative girls. But I try to avoid high maintenance ones. Bear in mind though that, in real life, few people live up 100% to a list. It's just a tool.

 

Have fun! And be good

[Merin]

LOL I've found that when you have chemistry with someone.. physical attraction, the 2 of you can communicate well, you have a great time with them etc.. then of course you think damn you're amazing! AND it seems they are worth dating...

 

BUT really isn't it always at the END that you start to question REALLY question yourself and WTF you were thinking?

 

If I have all those great things going on in the start (attraction, communication, a good time, amazing sex) then no I don't wonder if that person is worth dating.. I'm to busy with those feelings of He's so amazing to question much more... LOL it's the end of the relationship that I think Oh WTF!

 

Maybe thats my problem?! I need to wonder more in the start of things... Son of a

[NTB]

why not just ask them for 21 questions??

 

this is just me here but if on the second time we were on the phone together you'd want me to come with these questions and i found out you were serious i most likely wouldn't be calling......i think getting to know someone should be done face to face and over time, on dates not squeezed into an Q & A session on the phone

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by Merin

BUT really isn't it always at the END that you start to question REALLY question yourself and WTF you were thinking?

 

Ready... fire... aim?

 

 

Maybe thats my problem?! I need to wonder more in the start of things... Son of a

 

Oooh I don't know, let me see

 

Well, it's cute. And a lot of girls do it, in my experience. But it leads to trouble later...

[FolderWife]

So what if the guy is like:

 

1. What's your favorite sexual position?

2. What's your favorite color?

3. What's your favorite childhood memory?

4. Do you prefer to be on top or bottom during sex?

5. What's your favorite number?

6. What are your dreams for the future?

7. How many sex partners have you had?

8. What color eyes do you have?

9. When you buy a house, do you want one story, or two?

10. Dog or cat?

11. Would you ever kiss a girl?

12. What would make you the happiest girl in the world?....

 

I mean...there's an even number of sex questions, innocent questions, and deep questions...so...what would you do with this guy?

 

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by Monday

I mean...there's an even number of sex questions, innocent questions, and deep questions...so...what would you do with this guy?

 

Hasn't anyone ever told you it's cruel to mock the afflicted, Mon? (have I just discovered your Jamaican roots there )

[FolderWife]

Mon

 

Seriosly, I think her technique is a little flawed

[JS17]

I'm completely with Merin. I am the exact same way. Communication, comfortability level, physical, mental and emotional compatability, and laughter.

 

I'm trying to learn what it is that I really need to know from someone from the start but damn, if i knew that when I started dating I probably could have saved myself a lot of trouble.

 

20 questions seems really unnatural for me but, hey, to each his/her own.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by Monday

Seriosly, I think her technique is a little flawed

 

Whatever makes you think this?

 

 

Originally posted by JS17

I'm trying to learn what it is that I really need to know from someone from the start but damn, if i knew that when I started dating I probably could have saved myself a lot of trouble.

 

I'd look at what broke up previous relationships and make sure you're not repeating the same mistakes.

[moimeme]

There are books out there with titles like '1000 questions you should ask before you marry'. Why not mail him one and, if he passes, then he gets to date you?

 

 

Seriously, though, if some guy is willing to undergo interrogation to be 'allowed' to date you, he must already be into you a fair bit. I'm hoping the next test isn't to crawl over broken glass, though...

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by moimeme

I'm hoping the next test isn't to crawl over broken glass, though...

 

 

Don't be ridiculous, toimeme. First he swims thru the alligator infested swamp. THEN he crawls over broken glass. Where is your sense of order?

 

The final step, of course, is when she rejects him for being weak and letting her run him around. A simple, yet rigorously effective, system. Many old maids have used this - or variants thereon - all their lives.

[darhma]

What an approach!!! Why dont you just have a prearranged marriage by someone in your family.

 

Sometimes what you like and what you think you want can be 2 different things. I have met many men that are what I want but are not what I like. Yes you need to use your head with affairs of the heart however I am more than willing to forsake some of the things I want for someone I trully like.

 

Besides half the fun of dating and falling for someone is getting to know someone...

[noname]

Originally posted by Jtizzle

 

now me i already have my 20 questions prewritten. so when its question night i let them go first, and listen to what they ask, if they ask sexual stuff, i usually dont keep talking to them, if they ask simple stuff like whats your fav. color, show, movie,etc..i'll give him another shot at tha questions again...if he ask stuff like what was your childhood like, what are you afraid of, whats your biggest accomplishment,what kind of stuff makes u happy,etc..stuff like those questions will most definately have me like him more...

 

20 questions off the bat can prove to be a real bad tactic. you may be fooling yourself. people are often ready for that and have rehearsed answers. plus there are a lot of good candidates that you may rule out that just don't interview all that great. your questions are probably better thrown in over a little time where you can actually listen and observe...

[crazy_grl]

I don't really like the idea of the 20 questions. It sounds too much like a homework assignment, and since I didn't do homework from high school all the way through college... (and I did very well in both in case anyone is thinking otherwise)

 

I've been on dates where it felt like someone was giving me their prepared questions, and it felt really uncomfortable and suspicious. I don't mind sharing with people, but only after I trust them. If they start asking really personal questions up front, they're probably not likely to get the answers from me.

[Jtizzle]

Originally posted by Monday

Mon

 

Seriosly, I think her technique is a little flawed

 

flawed to u yes, but perfect to me...ooooooooh excuse me that i dont think like u, and like to actually get to know folks and thats my way i weed out who i want to date..the questions does more than just getting to kno someone...cant knock what you DONT KNOW and HAVENT tried..as stated to each its own.. and thats my way of doing things..im sorry but the average convo and oooh i like u, doesnt do it for me anymore, and so far this FLAWED technique of mines, has worked for me..and as always folks never answer the question stated..*shakes head*

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by Jtizzle

flawed to u yes, but perfect to me...ooooooooh excuse me that i dont think like u, and like to actually get to know folks and thats my way i weed out who i want to date..the questions does more than just getting to kno someone...cant knock what you DONT KNOW and HAVENT tried..as stated to each its own.. and thats my way of doing things..im sorry but the average convo and oooh i like u, doesnt do it for me anymore, and so far this FLAWED technique of mines, has worked for me..

 

I'm curious why you see it necessary to make a formal request for a list of 20 questions. Couldn't you just ask your questions conversationally over the course of the date and encourage your date to ask you questions as well.

 

That's what I do. I ask people questions as I get to know them in the course of normal conversation. The questions are actually tailored to the individual and what they've talked about instead of a stock list of interview questions. I can't think of anyone I've met who enjoys interviews.

 

and as always folks never answer the question stated..*shakes head*

 

No, some people did answer your question. Look at the very first response. Your statement that people never answer the question stated is a broad generalization and an over-exaggeration. It really rubs me wrong when I see people doing that.

[darhma]

Jtizzle

 

Finding out things about a person before you get involved with someone is a very the smart thing to do. I think that it just the means you are using to accomplish that goal that people are questioning. There are many ways to accomplish a goal. There are none that are wrong or right. However, I think there are many people that would be put off by a questionaire.

 

Alot of times people say what they think you want to hear or see them selves in a different way than what they really are. Actions really say more than words and that takes time.

[darhma]

One other point...how do you determine if someone is WORTH dating is a very ambiguous question. What would make a person worth dating to me could be totally different for you. I recently read that the foundations to a relationship are being emotionally, physically and intellectually compatible with a person who has shared goals and you both are just as committed to each other. That is the pyramid of truth that unfortunately can not be ascertained in a series of questions. It just takes time.

[Jtizzle]

Originally posted by crazy_grl

 

 

I'm curious why you see it necessary to make a formal request for a list of 20 questions. Couldn't you just ask your questions conversationally over the course of the date and encourage your date to ask you questions as well.

 

That's what I do. I ask people questions as I get to know them in the course of normal conversation. The questions are actually tailored to the individual and what they've talked about instead of a stock list of interview questions. I can't think of anyone I've met who enjoys interviews.

 

Key point in what u stated..THATS WHAT I DO...thats you babydoll, not me..and to end your so called curiousity as to why i see it NECESSARY to make a formal request.. is so that they can think of the stuff they want to know ahead of time.. i hate wasting time with someone thats not worth it..and as i stated, this helps ME to do this..if it aint what your all about, why worry about wtf im doing that helps me decide on what i like in a man, and why i like them, and how i get to like him. dont knock what im doing cuz u dont see it fit..everyone doesnt think like u, wont act like u, so to bash at what im doin is out of line..i simply asked how do YOU as a person find a person worth YOUR time, not how what works for me is a flawed test at relationships..if i needed that to be said, then i would have posted:

 

how do i go about finding someone that is worth my time, or what am i doing wrong...

 

different strokes for different folks

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by Jtizzle

thats you babydoll, not me..

 

Please do use pet names to address me again. I find it impolite and offensive. I am not your babydoll, and in this case, you're obviously doing it to be belittling.

 

Key point in what u stated..THATS WHAT I DO...thats you babydoll, not me..and to end your so called curiousity as to why i see it NECESSARY to make a formal request.. is so that they can think of the stuff they want to know ahead of time.. i hate wasting time with someone thats not worth it..and as i stated, this helps ME to do this..

 

Okay. Great. You like to give people time to prepare. Thank you for answering my question. The rest of your response, however, was unneccessary.

 

if it aint what your all about, why worry about wtf im doing that helps me decide on what i like in a man, and why i like them, and how i get to like him. dont knock what im doing cuz u dont see it fit..everyone doesnt think like u, wont act like u, so to bash at what im doin is out of line..

 

Why are you getting so hostile? I'm sorry you feel that I was attacking you, but I simply asked you a question related to the topic you started.

 

Also, I'm not the one who said your approach was flawed. I realize that other people have different ways of approaching things. I was merely offering you a way to get your 20 questions out without potentially putting your date on the offensive.

 

i simply asked how do YOU as a person find a person worth YOUR time, not how what works for me is a flawed test at relationships..if i needed that to be said, then i would have posted:

 

how do i go about finding someone that is worth my time, or what am i doing wrong...

 

You opened up the discussion, therefore, you should be prepared for people to analyze your approach and use it as a basis to compare their own methods to. Don't assume everyone is jumping down your throat and trying to attack you just because they point out the differences in their viewpoint and why they don't use your approach.

 

If you'd like to point out the problems that you see with me asking someone imprompu questions over the course of a date, I'd be more than happy to hear your viewpoint. What do you feel is the negative side? How have your experiences led you to feel this is the wrong approach? The answers to the questions are all part of a discussion. Not everything is a personal attack on you.

 

In any case, you seem to be taking this whole thing too personally, so I've going to leave this discussion until you can handle things in a civilized manner.

[moimeme]

i hate wasting time with someone thats not worth it..

 

Well how can you tell unless you spend time with him? The thing is that the most accomplished liars are the ones you really don't want to spend time with, and I guarantee you that your 20 questions thing will not distinguish the liars from the honest guys. So how to find out someone is worth dating?

 

DATE HIM!

 

First he swims thru the alligator infested swamp. THEN he crawls over broken glass. Where is your sense of order?

 

LOL! Geeze - can you tell I'm out of practice with this stuff? Thanks for the heads-up

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by crazy_grl

No, some people did answer your question. Look at the very first response.

 

Thank you. At least someone noticed...

 

 

 

 

Originally posted by moimeme

LOL! Geeze - can you tell I'm out of practice with this stuff? Thanks for the heads-up

 

My pleasure. I'm getting in a fresh stock of alligators for your next date... how is wednesday for you?

[Devildog]

I tell you what, if I had a woman request a list of 20 questions for her while she had a premade list, she better have paper and pencil handy because the first 19 would be math word problems.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by Devildog

the first 19 would be math word problems.